Because There Weren't Enough of These
by SapphiraIce
Summary: After a year-long hiatus, BTWET is back with a brand new chapter. How will SapphiraIce manage her time to continue this Romance/CrappyHumor/Friendship/IDon'tEvenKnowAnymore story? Eight OC warning, the title is EXTREMELY sarcastic, slow plot warning, slow-moving attempt at realistic romance between psychopaths/sociopaths and eight relatively normal/not-so-well-adjusted females.
1. Shylah

**Hi. Please proceed. :3**

**I own nothing. Not even the clothes on my back. Or do I?**

* * *

_**Eight girls just appearing randomly in the world of Naruto is already pretty crack-y. Those eight girls landing in the laps (not literally) and beds (semi-literally…?) of the Akatsuki and living? Yeah, very much a crack story. Add in the fact that the Akatsuki have all turned into twenty-something humans (as opposed to, oh, I dunno, puppets), and this is clearly a romantic crack story. Oh, well. At least it should be somewhat interesting. And maybe a little bit realistic? No? Yeah, we're probably all screwed.**_

* * *

I sighed and turned over, praying my roommates wouldn't decide to be evil and wake me up before noon. Well, I was already awake, but I didn't want to be _up_ until I'd been in bed for so long that my side, back, or the side of my head was sore. Then I would get up and play video games until I got hungry and decided to scrounge up some cereal or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I put my hands out in front of my chest and pushed forward for a nice, refreshing stretch, but they didn't get very far. They ran into something… fleshy. At first I thought my sister or one of my roommates had mentally reverted back to a three-year-old (not a stretch for most of them), had a nightmare, and decided to crawl into bed with me (a stretch for almost all of them, I assure you), but even my flat-chested roommates had a _slight _bit of padding on their chests. Not to mention I was touching cloth, and said roommates were more apt to wear lighter coverings during sleep, if anything.

I cracked open an eye and gazed blearily at the clearly _male_ figure in front of me. I had to admit, he was kind of cute, in a shoujo anime kind of way. Maybe not quite _shoujo_, but pretty close. I groaned and rolled onto my back so that any morning breath I may have acquired wouldn't hit him right in the face when I spoke. "If my friends drugged me and convinced me to have sex with you, can you at least help me kill them when I find them?"

"I didn't have sex with you, but I'll help you kill them if you help me pay back Deidara for putting you in my bed." Wait, what?

I turned my head back to him and inspected him - I mean _really _inspected him. Down to the last detail, he looked almost exactly like Sasori. I say almost because - and, much to his annoyance, I made sure - there were no puppet joints on his neck, arms, or anywhere else. "Did they take me to an otaku convention or something? Cool cosplay outfit, by the way."

"Cosplay?" His voice was still void of emotion, but it wasn't convincing me that he was the real thing.

"You're cosplaying. Y'know, that thing you do when you dress up as a fictional character?" I looked around the room, a creeping sense of dread beginning to form in the pit of my stomach. This wasn't my room - this wasn't even a style of building normally made in America. So unless this was some kind of themed hotel room (it didn't feel like one), or someone had a house specifically built in this style, then…

"I'm not pretending to be anyone. I am Akasuna no Sasori." He was looking at me like I was stupid - understandable, if I was actually in a world where Sasori of the Red Sand was a name to be feared.

"Oh, right, sorry." _I'm in the bed of one of the Naruto-verse's most notorious criminals. _"Would it be insulting to your pride if I _don't_ freak out?"

"I'd rather you didn't." He got up, waiting impatiently for me to follow suit.

"I agree." I crawled out of the bed, trying not to pay attention to my low-cut pajama top and loose pajama shorts. I was suddenly feeling _incredibly_ embarrassed at my lack of modest sleeping clothes, although it probably could have been worse. "I'm Shylah, by the way. So, what are we doing?"

"We're going to find Deidara, exact my revenge for him putting you in my bed, and then we'll take you to Leader-sama." Sasori crawled into Hiruko and went into motion, walking out of the door faster than I would have thought possible (even if he is a ninja).

I followed after him, not really sure how I'd be helping him 'exact his revenge.' "Uh, I don't have chakra, Y'know?"

He neither stopped nor slowed down. "I noticed. At first I thought you just had extraordinarily low reserves, but it's fairly obvious that's not the case. You will have to explain why to Leader-sama when we meet him."

"I was just making sure you knew, 'cause I'm not sure how I'd help you with your revenge." Might as well get this out of the way now rather than later.

"Since you don't have chakra, Deidara won't be able to sense you. You simply have to sneak over to him." Sasori stopped in front of a door that I assumed led to Deidara's room.

"You expect me to sneak up on a ninja." It wasn't a question, and he didn't reply. "What do I do when I get over there?"

"You'll think of something," he muttered as he silently opened the door. "Don't keep me waiting."

I figured it would be about as beneficial to me to make him wait as it would be to make a lady wait on a first date. Actually, it would probably be worse to make him wait. Either way, I silently entered the room.

My pulse was racing as I sneaked my way across the floor. I had to pause a few times to steady my breathing and heart rate. I wasn't sure what exactly ninjas were trained to sense, so I was trying to maintain a normal presence - or as normal as one could be while attempting to sneak up on a ninja.

Finally, I reached the bed where Deidara was sleeping soundly. _What am I even supposed to do? Could I mess with his hand mouths or something?_ I gingerly lifted one hand (with its tongue lolling out) and set it over his mouth. The other hand I set over his groin. _I have no idea what I'm doing._

I slowly backed up before taking a running start and jumping. I landed harshly with my elbow in his stomach. Deidara yelped and jerked forward before yelping again and whimpering as I got off of him. I ran out of the room and jumped on Hiruko's back.

"Let's go!"

"Get off."

"Look, I'm not about to be caught and blown up for helping you, so could you at least please just get going? Don't we have to meet your Leader-sama?" I guess I managed to convince him because he took off down the halls. I could hear Deidara yelling death threats, even though I didn't think he knew who had woken him up, yet.

Sasori stopped in front of imposing double doors. "Get off now. Be respectful towards Leader-sama, and maybe he'll be merciful."

"I don't think Deidara is actually responsible for my being here."

"I already figured that out. If I thought he was, I wouldn't bother wasting Leader-sama's time with you. Don't lie, explain everything you know to the best of your ability, and you may be pardoned for infiltrating our base."

I nodded, feeling suddenly apprehensive. In an ideal situation, I wouldn't be worrying because there was no way anyone would kick me out or kill me. Unfortunately, there was no guarantee in this situation - once they learned that I had not only sneaked into Amegakure unaided, but the base as well, I was most likely doomed unless I could convince them that it wasn't worth it to kill me. Even if they decided _not_ to kill me, it was highly unlikely that they'd _keep_ me.

The doors seemed to open on their own, and we entered what looked to be a large meeting room with a central table and ten chairs. At the head of the table sat Pein (Leader-sama), with Konan directly to his right. When we had entered fully, I bowed low as they eyed me.

Pein turned to address Sasori. "Who is this?"

"She says her name is Shylah. I found her sleeping in our base, and she has no chakra." He tapped me with his tail, and I took that as the signal to straighten up.

Pein and Konan both inspected me, and I resisted the sudden urge to shudder. Finally, Pein spoke. "How did you get here?"

I met his gaze, doing my best to seem sincere. "I don't know."

"How do you not know?"

"The last thing I remember before waking up here is lying comfortably in my own bed in my homeland." I didn't want to even _try_ lying to them, but I wasn't sure if they'd believe my story, otherwise.

"Where is your homeland?"

I stared, trying to come up with a reasonable half-truth. "I can assure you that you've never heard of it. It's far away - far enough away that no one there knows that this place (wherever it is) actually exists." It was true. All I had to do was convince my body that I wasn't actually trying to deceive them.

"And what is this homeland called?" Pein didn't necessarily look like he believed me. He could probably tell that I was holding some things back, but he seemed satisfied with what I was willing to share. It probably would have been stranger, in this world, if I'd seemed totally up-front with my information.

I frowned, not sure if I should make something up or not. All three of them, however, seemed to sense that I was stalling, and gave me warning looks. "The United States of America," I blurted out, trying not to give them time to be displeased.

They remained silent, and I explained nervously, trying to put it in words that would make sense in this world. "It's basically like if a bunch of smaller nations, or states, got together and formed one big nation. It's almost ten million square kilometers, and-" I didn't know why I threw that in, but I did.

Pein raised a hand, stopping me. "Your homeland is ten million square kilometers." It wasn't a question, but I nodded anyway. "And their military strength?"

I paused, realizing that making my homeland seem like a threat might either persuade them to take me hostage or make me feel welcome. "Uh…" I raised my eyes to the ceiling, trying to remember the correct numbers. My eyes returned to Pein when I was satisfied I had accurate answers. "Approximately one million, three hundred thousand active forces, and around eight hundred thousand in reserve."

There was a stunned silence. With military power such as that, it was possible for my country to easily outnumber all of the ninja villages combined. I was suddenly worried that I'd made them seem like _too much_ of a threat. "But, like I said, we didn't even know anyone existed across the ocean."

After another slight pause, Pein broke the silence. "And why don't you have chakra?"

"Chakra?"

"You don't know what chakra is?"

"I've heard of it, but only as a theory. As far as I know, no one from my nation has it. It's likely that, since the theory for chakra _exists_, someone from your lands crossed to ours." I shrugged noncommittally, my mouth feeling dry and sore from talking so much. "I kind of assumed that everyone here had chakra, since it seems so different from my homeland. Lucky guess, huh?"

"How does your military make up for a lack of chakra?"

I frowned. "Well, no one really knows that we have to _make up_ for lacking something. I suppose with numbers and technology."

"What kind of technology?" Ah, the heart of the matter. How much of a threat would the U.S.A. be if they discovered them and decided to avenge the death of one of their own?

I stared at him for a while before my gaze wavered and I looked down. I glanced back up, looking sheepish. "I'd rather not say. I'm sorry if this comes across as rude, but I don't want to reveal such things about my country. I'm honored that you took the time out of your day to hear me out, but I'm not going to tell you anything that could give you a significant edge over it." I looked down at the ground before bowing low, as respectful as I could manage without falling over. "I am sorry."

Hiruko's tail tapped me after a few seconds, and I straightened. When I had righted myself, Pein spoke. "I see." He deliberated for a while before continuing. "You may stay here for the time being. In return for sleeping quarters and food, you must work on household chores. You will have to see Kakuzu for details. Sasori, you will escort her until you meet with Tobi - hand her over to his charge, as an assignment from me."

"Yes, Leader-sama." Sasori turned to leave, taking that as a dismissal. I bowed again before hurrying to catch up with him.

We walked through the halls, and I did my best to memorize directions and areas of importance. I was so focused I almost didn't hear what Sasori was telling me.

"The members of this organization are dangerous. I suggest you maintain your respectful attitude towards all of us."

I sighed. "I hate being obsequious. It makes me feel… obedient."

"Obedient is a good thing to be in a strange and foreign land. It will keep you from dying."

I glanced over at him. "I've been taken in by a criminal organization, haven't I?"

"You've been taken in by the leader of a country. He also just so happens to be the leader of the Akatsuki. That wasn't my point, however. My point was that, no matter what your homeland was like, I can almost guarantee you that this land is far more dangerous." A reasonable assumption, and not necessarily untrue.

"Fair enough. Are you in the Akatsuki?"

"Yes. Everyone you will come into contact with in this building will either be an organization member or associate. Kakuzu is a member, while Tobi is more of an applicant." We arrived in a kitchen area, where the rest of the Akatsuki members (sans Zetsu) were grabbing breakfast or tiredly sipping a cup of tea.

Most of them looked up at our arrival, and continued staring at me once they realized I was unfamiliar. Kakuzu looked over at me before his gaze fell to take in Hiruko. Kisame smirked at Deidara. "Looks like they found a new blonde to replace you with." Deidara simply continued to glare into his cup of tea.

Hiruko's head turned, addressing Kakuzu. "This is Shylah. She's going to be staying with us. Leader-sama requested your input for work."

Kakuzu inspected me. "What kind of work?"

"She has no chakra, so no missions." Those who _hadn't_ been focusing on me were suddenly inspecting me minutely. "She's probably just going to have to do housework."

Great. I have suddenly become their live-in maid. "I have experience cleaning. And cooking… sort of…" They didn't look encouraged by my hesitation.

The next time Kakuzu spoke, he was addressing me. "What are your wages?"

I shrugged. "I think the cleaning is supposed to cover living costs, and I could be persuaded to add in cooking a few meals throughout the week if simply cleaning seems like it's not enough." I paused briefly at a sudden thought I had. "If I have to clean up blood, body parts, or throw up, I demand monetary compensation. That stuff's terrible to clean." Don't ask how I know that.

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes. "How much?"

I ran the numbers through my mind, calculating and exchanging ryo for U.S. dollars. "Five hundred ryo for normal floors and walls, one thousand for carpets and ceilings." I did _not_ want to waste time getting a ladder just to clean up blood.

"Two hundred ryo, no meals."

"My original price, one meal every day. I can cook a sampling of a dish, everyone can taste it, and if it's acceptable, I'll cook seven meals a week."

"If your cooking is good."

There was silence, and then I spoke up again. "I'm not wearing my night clothes for the rest of my life."

We had another stare down. "Three meals a day for one month."

_ I hate cooking._ "Two meals a day for a month and a temporary reduction in pay for two weeks."

"Your pay will be one hundred ryo." _I don't hate cooking _that_ much._

"No increase in meals, three hundred fifty ryo."

"Two hundred ryo for two weeks, two meals a day for one month."

"Three hundred fifty ryo for three weeks and two meals a day for one month."

Kakuzu studied me for what felt like a long while. "Deal." I was probably mistaken, but I liked to think I heard a hint of approval in his voice.

"What about laundry?"

"If there's any to be washed, it will be in the laundry room. If not, don't bother searching for it. Wash the sheets once a month and make the bed after they're washed. Don't make the beds if you aren't washing the sheets - if they want to be slobs, don't encourage them to be lazy, as well."

"Okay."

"Finally," Sasori muttered irritably. Kakuzu handed me some ryo that I assumed was going to cover the costs of clothes, and I followed Sasori out of the room. We stopped outside of a closed door. "Tobi, Leader-sama has a mission for you."

I heard the sound of hurried footsteps shortly before the door was jerked open to reveal Tobi. "What does Leader-sama want Tobi to do?" He asked excitedly.

"This is Shylah, a guest of ours. You are to take charge of her, and accompany her while she goes to the village to get supplies for herself." With that, Sasori left to do his own puppet thing.

"Hai!" Tobi saluted Sasori's retreating form before turning to me. "It's nice to meet you, Shylah-chan!"

I smiled politely. "Nice to meet you, too, Tobi-san." Tobi rubbed the back of his head bashfully at the honorific. "Tobi-san, I was wondering if we could go to the village so that I can buy some proper clothes."

"Right away, Shylah-chan!" Tobi grabbed my hand, taking off down the hallway. We reached the front door in what felt like seconds, where Tobi allowed me to catch my breath.

I panicked a bit when I started to wheeze, but the symptoms slowly went away. "Uh, Tobi-san, now that I think about it, I'm not so sure I'm… decent…"

"Eh?"

I shifted uncomfortably, looking down at the ground. If it were _just_ Tobi, I might not have been so embarrassed. But knowing who he actually was, as opposed to a hyperactive, slightly clueless missing-nin who definitely _wouldn't_ notice any indecency, was reminding me that I was wearing short shorts and a flimsy pajama top. Modesty had been ingrained in me since I was a small child, and the values had carried over into my adult life.

"Tobi doesn't think Shylah-chan is indecent."

I glanced up, my face feeling hot even though it most likely looked normal. It's a condition, I swear. "I-I don't know, it's just… I mean…" My voice grew quieter with each second. I'd be darned if I was feeling shy because it was _Tobi_; if it was just some random stranger, I'd be acting the same way.

I jerked slightly when I felt something go around my neck, then relaxed when I realized it was just Tobi's scarf. "There. Now no one will ever think Shylah-chan is indecent!"

I glanced up at him, feeling oddly at-ease, even though the scarf wasn't really doing much. "Thank you, Tobi-san. That was very kind of you." As we started the trek to the village, I felt like he was smiling at me - even if it _was_ just his Tobi persona. I almost didn't mind that I wasn't wearing shoes.

* * *

Rather than the more typical shops portrayed in Naruto, Amegakure, while poor, was more technologically advanced. To reflect that, it had a few large buildings that contained the more common shopping amenities, similar to a mall. There were most likely other shops, but this was the place I was led to. It was heated, with an entry area for new arrivals to dry off after walking through the rain. I set off through the mall, determined to make my money last more than just a spare change of clothes.

After hopping around and inspecting everything around him, Tobi seemed to calm down a little bit. He would still run over to things he thought were interesting, and he kept up an almost constant stream of commentary. True to his mission, though, he kept a dutiful eye on me when he wasn't distracted by the various shops we passed by.

I passed by some of the more interesting stores because I wasn't interested in wasting money on things that were unnecessary. I did, however, enter most of the other shops. They all carried warm clothes, cloaks, and waterproof shoes. Rain gear was marginally cheaper here than it most likely would have been anywhere else, considering that it was almost a necessary clothing item.

In the end, I bought one pair of shoes (which I put on immediately), some shirts, two pairs of undergarments, and three pairs of pants. I also managed to scrounge up the ryo for a rain cloak (infused with chakra, it was a soft fabric that repelled the rain so that it stayed dry) and a scarf. I handed Tobi's back to him and put on my rain cloak. I had bought my clothes while he waited outside (to avoid seeing the underwear, because he was a good boy), and the scarf I had purchased on a whim before hurriedly stuffing it in the bottom of my shopping bag.

"Are you done shopping now, Shylah-chan?" Tobi asked when he had finished adjusting his scarf around his neck.

I nodded, glad that the cloak was long enough to cover all of my pajama-clad form (even my head if I pulled up the hood). "Yeah, I am." I counted the ryo I had left over - a small amount, but maybe enough to purchase some dango. I'd never had dango before.

"Great! Should we go back?"

I glanced around. I caught sight of a sweets shop and slowly started walking over. "Do you mind if I see what the food here is like? I can buy you some."

"Okay! What do you want to try?" He hurried past me, and after only half a second I realized he'd grabbed my hand and was dragging me after him.

"Do you have a recommendation?" I asked as we entered the shop. We paused at the end of the line, which was moving surprisingly quickly.

"Hmmm…" Tobi took on an exaggerated thinking pose, still somehow managing to be in constant motion as he did so.

I pointed to the large menu. "What's dango?"

Cue over exaggerated gasping. "Rice flour dumplings!"

I nodded before stepping up to the counter and ordering two lovely boxes of anko dango. Because seriously, I'd had the urge to try it after I'd realized Anko was named after two types of dango. It was like I was eating her without going all cannibalistic.

Well that sounded creepy.

Anyway, after we'd received our dango (and I'd paid), we walked back to the base. It was totally a hideout, but they called it a base. I opened one box and handed a stick of dango to Tobi, who took it with much excitable thanking. I couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm - while Tobi would probably grow annoying for me, at the moment his energy was contagious. I nommed on my own dango, taking pleasure in the scenery (and the rain). Gosh, I love rain.

I was still studiously avoiding looking at Tobi when we arrived back at the base. I probably didn't need to bother, but I wanted to make absolutely sure I didn't have a chance to see his face. For some reason, it felt like I'd be breaking his confidence or something.

We arrived at the HQ just in time to hear an explosion. "I don't care _what_ Kakuzu-san says. I am not cleaning that up."

Tobi laughed. "Tobi thinks Deidara-sempai is mad." He giggled before running inside.

I followed after shortly. From my view in the hallway as I took off my shoes, I could see Deidara throwing clay at Hidan. When I moved to get a better view, I was treated to Kakuzu throwing both of them out of another doorway. Kisame was laughing at the two maniacs uproariously, while Itachi just sat in all of his stoic Uchiha glory.

I smirked before moving along, trying to find Sasori's room. I figured he'd know where I was supposed to stay better than Tobi.

* * *

After getting lost twice, ending up in the kitchen three times, and turning the corner into an irate Akatsuki member five times, I had finally been directed by a helpful Tobi to the correct room. On a (stupid) whim, I threw the door open (stopping it before it hit the wall). "I'm back, baby!"

Sasori looked up from a puppet he'd been repairing. "Why are you in here?"

"Do you know where I'll be staying?"

Sasori frowned. "Tobi didn't tell you?"

"Tobi knew?"

Sasori sighed irritably before taking out a scroll. "Give me a second to store my puppet. I'll show you where it is."

"Okay, just don't keep me waiting." I couldn't resist.

* * *

My room was small. Okay, I didn't really expect it to be huge or anything, but I'd forgotten that the only reason my room back home was larger was because it stored all the video game devices that my sister and I used. Her room was the other large one to store all of her art supplies. The rest of them didn't have hobbies or careers that took up that kind of space. Losers.

Back to my room. I wasn't good at judging size in square feet (or meters, for that matter), so I wasn't sure _exactly_ how large or small it was. But it felt oddly closed-in, as though there was a heavy, invisible blanket smothering me. It was probably just because the room most likely hadn't been used for the longest time.

On the bright side, it had a window that faced north. That northern wind was _so_ gonna be blowing into my room. The bed was a regular twin bed, nothing decorative about it, with a basic set of dresser drawers to the side. Minimalism at its finest.

I opened the window and sneezed as the dust blew right in my face, seeking revenge on me for disturbing it. I reached my hand out and just kind of felt the rain before pulling it in when I remembered that Pein used said rain to see everything in the village. He probably didn't care if I was sticking my hand out of the window, but I get shy when I feel creeped on.

I arranged what few clothes I had in the dresser and took off the cloak I'd been using to cover myself. I hadn't changed out of my pajamas, so that was exactly what I did before exiting my room and searching for the cleaning supplies.

I found them after walking in on Hidan performing a ritual. After running from the room and nearly throwing up, I did a one-eighty in my mind, steeled myself for any future horrors, and continued exploring.

I managed to avoid all of the members after that, and actually found the cleaning supplies. They were in a storage closet that looked larger than my room. I felt like I was getting stiffed on these arrangements. I memorized where it was before walking around the base, familiarizing myself with the new surroundings.

Now that I was alone, I had mental processing to go through. I hadn't had any time at all to process what had happened to me. I chose to think it through now rather than later.

I was in the Naruto world - whether in an elaborate, highly-realistic dream or in actuality, I would have to wait and see. Not only that, but I was also with the Akatsuki. The Akatsuki were, at the moment, all rather apathetic towards my presence. I was even staying with them, cleaning and cooking (shudder) to earn my keep.

That was uncharacteristic. As secretly good-hearted as some (or maybe even most) of them were, they were still criminals. They were used to not just the harsh lifestyle of a ninja, but a rogue ninja. Most of them had lived such lives for years, their hearts hardened almost completely towards anything that brought up sympathetic feelings. Only Naruto could really break through to them on an emotional level, and with some of them, he wouldn't want to.

For them to be polite, maybe even kind, was unheard of in my mind. Of course, it was entirely possible that Pein planned on learning more of the U.S.A.'s secrets by earning my trust. That wasn't unlikely. It was too bad he would never be able to use said information.

I'd dreamed of helping the Akatsuki (at least to survive, if not to succeed), but when it came down to it, I wasn't sure if the Akatsuki's happy ending was the happy ending that I wanted. It was entirely unrealistic of me (not to mention a bit heartless) to continue treating them like fictional characters in my mind when they were so obviously real, but I felt like I had to. I couldn't allow my emotions to be swayed just because I landed on the losing side. Who just so happened to be hosting me in fairly comfortable quarters…

But I digress. Had I landed anywhere else, I most likely would have been planning ways for _them_ to succeed, even at the expense of the Akatsuki. It wasn't fair of me to use my knowledge of this world to screw around with the plot. For all I knew, this was more of an alternate Naruto timeline, and things would go differently.

I had to get back to my world. My little sister was probably crying her little eyes out with worry over me. She's such a worry-wart. The ultimate reason I wasn't allowing my emotions to cloud my judgment was so that I'd be able to keep a clear head and get back to her.

At least, that's what I kept telling myself…

* * *

**So, to clear up any doubt, this character is most definitely NOT the emotional type. Shylah doesn't believe in life being fair, but she does believe in being fair herself. For now. She's also easily corruptible and tends to be morally-ambiguous. I find that funny because 'Shylah' could be construed to mean various things of ethical affiliations. Thus far, she has had a moment with Tobi, which I am proud of.**

**She also has six roommates and a seventh... affiliate of sorts. Yes. Exactly what you're thinking. Assuming you're thinking - I don't know you, I don't know what you've been through, I don't even know whether you prefer waffles or pancakes.**

**Do you prefer waffles or pancakes? Personally, I think, 'Why not both?' But some people need to pick sides. It's a thing that they (or you) do. It's okay. I understand.**

**Anyway, it's way too late for me to be writing AN's. Or too early. Why not both...?**

**GAH! Okay, seriously. This is my first FanFic in a long time. I don't know how long. It's been FOREVER. I'm too lazy to move the mouse to italicize, so I CAPITALIZE!**

**...**

**Anyway, I'd appreciate a review. You can review to tell me you hate it, you hate me, and you hate my computer just 'cause you can. I don't care. That's fine. Just do me one favor? At least tell me WHY you hate it. That's all. Please? For me? Some random stranger typing to you on the Internet?**

**I'd also appreciate anyone telling me about grammar or spelling mistakes I may have had. Ideas, at this point, are unnecessary, since I still have seven other characters to introduce. I feel like this chapter had an abrupt ending, so I might have to update this later. This Author's Note is unnecessarily long, but I want to keep going. THE BEAST HAS BEEN UNLEASHED! **

**Ah, it's good to be back.**


	2. Caitlin

**I don't own Naruto/Naruto Shippuden or anything affiliated with Naruto sales.**

**Please enjoy. :3**

* * *

**New POV: Caitlin**

I sighed and rolled over, snuggling sleepily into whoever was sleeping beside me. It could have been almost any of my roommates - we were all scared after Shylah went missing. One second, she was sleeping peacefully on her bed, and the next, we had no idea where she'd disappeared to. It was scary, especially since we knew she'd never willingly leave without leaving a note.

_ Great. Now I'll never be able to go back to sleep._ I groaned in frustration and sat up, looking around at my room. I paused. I looked down at the person sleeping beside me. I screamed. "_HOLY SHIT!"_

My unwanted bedmate - an androgynous blonde - jumped out of bed, suddenly alert. When he/she didn't see a threat, he/she turned tiredly back to his/her bed - only to stop and stare at me. We locked eyes for about ten seconds before he/she yelled, "_HOLY SHIT, HM!"_

I crawled out of bed and raced towards the door. "I don't know who you are or where I am, but I'm getting outta here!"

The blonde - I figured he was a dude, but some girls have deep voices - grabbed my arm. "How did you get in here?!"

I opened my mouth to tell him to screw off, but stopped. Something wet was touching my arm, right where his hand was. I screamed again, and he let go of me so that he could cover his ears.

Someone kicked down the door, and five of the strangest people I'd ever seen in my life entered. Then someone I recognized followed them in, rubbing her eyes tiredly and wrapping some sort of poncho thing around herself like a comforting blanket.

"Shylah!" I yelled, racing over to her and glomping the crap out of her.

She squinted at me, probably because she wasn't wearing glasses. "Caitlin? What the crap are you doing here?"

"I don't know!" Okay, so even after two years of living with the girl, I didn't know her very well. But my _God_ I was so worried when she went missing yesterday. I suddenly realized that we were surrounded by irate, sleepy men. "Did these jerks kidnap you?"

One jerk pinched the bridge of his nose, seeming annoyed by the situation. "Do you know her, Shylah?"

Shylah nodded, patting my head as though she was trying to calm down a temperamental kitten. She'd actually called me that, once. "Yeah, she's one of my roommates from my homeland. She's not diseased or anything."

I glared at her. Of _course_ I wasn't diseased! Who did she think I was? "How did we get here, Shylah?" I glanced at the six guys standing in the room. "And why do they all look so weird?"

"Hey, fuck you, bitch!" One guy with silver hair yelled at me. Normally I would have drooled at his shirtless figure, but I wasn't into irritable loudmouths. He was whacked over the head by the first guy who addressed Shylah, and that sparked a loud argument to serve as white noise for the rest of us.

The blonde guy had inspected a bed, and turned back to us holding three very familiar - and precious - objects. "What are these, un?"

I gasped. "My phone!" I made to snatch the things away, but the stupid blonde jerked his hands away. "Hey, Blondie! Give me my crap back!"

"Make me, carrot-top!" Oh, no, he didn't!

Shylah sighed. She did that a lot. She once told me that, unless it was caused by emotions, it was because she was having difficulty breathing. But don't worry, she sounded pretty irritated when she spoke up. "Y'know, I think you guys should all just calm down. You can go for five minutes without your phone, Caitlin." That was another thing about Shylah - where she was from, almost everyone had this kind of verbal tic where they said 'Y'know' and 'Don't'cha know' a lot. She had it in spades.

"Shut up!" I snapped back at her, trying to grab my things. "He insulted my hair! Nobody insults the hair!"

"Your hair _is_ orange - it's not like comparing it to carrots is that unexpected." One of the remaining three guys who hadn't spoken yet told me. As far as I was concerned, he could shut his face.

I whirled on him long enough to spat out, "Yeah, well your hair is blue! I don't see anyone comparing it to the sky or anything!" I turned back to Blondie, who was having a surprisingly easy time playing keep away considering that I was almost exactly the same height as him. Shorty.

"Good comeback…" Shylah muttered. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her turn to the remaining two silent watchmen. "I can take her to Pein-sama, if you'd like. Just as soon as Deidara stops teasing her and gives her stuff back."

Blondie laughed, his smirk irritating me even more. "Why should I? She started it, hm."

One of the remaining two - the one who looked kind of like a blob on the floor - practically growled out, "Brat, give her back what you took. It's too early in the morning to deal with her whining."

"I'm not whining, I'm threatening and complaining!" I ground out, finally managing to pounce on the annoying little pest while he was distracted.

"Okay, okay, I'll give you your stuff back. I was just having a little fun, hm. I don't even know what it is, anyway." Blondie expertly evaded my grip, placing my things on the bed beside us before following the moving blob out of the room.

I suddenly noticed that the two who were arguing had left as well, although I could still hear yelling from down the hall. The black-haired guy turned to Mr. Blue. "Let's go, Kisame." Kisame followed, grinning at us as he left.

Shylah had waved to each of them as they exited, but she turned to me soon after. "Why were you sleeping with your phone?" She inspected the other two items. "Why were you sleeping with _my_ phone? And the charger?"

I shrugged. "I couldn't sleep, so I decided to keep it with me in case you got the chance to call your phone." That was probably a bad idea - Shylah had never bothered to memorize her own number.

Shylah shrugged, wisely choosing not to point that out. "Well, let's get you ready to meet Pein-sama." She turned and exited the room.

"Who's Painsama?" I got the feeling I was saying that wrong. I followed after her anyway, hustling to keep up with her faster gait and slightly longer legs.

"His name is Pein, and 'sama' is a suffix. It's like calling him 'Lord Pein' in our language." Shylah took several different turns and walked up a few sets of stairs. I was beginning to feel lost when she finally opened a door, seemingly at random, and entered without hesitation.

"What do you mean, 'in our language'? We're speaking English, and so were the guys downstairs." I was feeling slightly worn out after climbing all those stairs, and Shylah's cheeks were tinged pink from the effort that neither of us was used to. The room Shylah had led me to wasn't too large, even for a single person, and was bare except for a drab-looking bed and a basic dresser. There was also a window, which had been opened to allow a chilly breeze that smelled of rain to blow through the room.

Shylah opened a drawer on the dresser, revealing a few measly outfits that she'd probably bought herself with maybe one hundred dollars' worth of cash. "I mean that the place we're in actually only has Japanese as its language. They don't speak English, so we shouldn't be able to understand them. Suffixes such as '-sama' and '-chan' are still used by them, but we understand each other without even realizing that there's a change. I only noticed it because the writing isn't affected."

I groaned. "So I'm basically illiterate. Maybe I should've taken Japanese in high school instead of French."

Shylah shrugged. She shrugs a lot, too. "Maybe. I understood it because I studied Japanese on my own. My school only offered Spanish I and II." She threw a pair of pants and a shirt at me over her shoulder, not bothering to look to see if I caught it. The joke's on her, though - I caught them.

"Your school sucks." I shut the door and stripped, not really caring if Shylah would get offended. I put the clothes on quickly. The fabric wasn't the type that I usually ended up having to mess with, for which I was thankful, but it also felt unusually light. I was surprised because I always thought Shylah went for heavy T-shirts and jeans.

"My school was an under-funded private school. It didn't have many options." Shylah stood in front of her dresser, seemingly lost in thought. I was about to say something, but she suddenly snatched something up, shut the drawer, and threw it at my face. "Here."

I spluttered, not expecting it. "Why'd you give me this long-ass scarf?"

Shylah rolled her eyes at my language, a small smirk on her face. "To cover up your hair, you redheaded stepchild."

Glaring, I rolled the scarf into a ball and threw it back at her. She folded it and put it back away, apparently not bothered by having a cloth basketball hit her in the head and explode on her in all its scarf-y glory. "You know I hate that reference."

Shylah moved around me, making sure to keep a decent distance. "Yeah, I know. I couldn't resist. _You_ know I can't resist a good joke at someone else's expense." She opened the door and cast another smirk my way. "Shall we?" She didn't wait for my reply, instead taking off without me.

I stalked after her. "I thought you'd never ask," I muttered irritably.

Shylah snorted a laugh before going serious. It wasn't an extreme mood swing, but it was close. "When we enter, be polite. Don't be irritable or irritating. Be respectful, and let me do most of the talking." She glanced at me, a lighthearted smirk adding a playful quality that her voice lacked. "When he asks you questions, be honest, but don't feel bad if you leave out any details. If you want to keep some secrets to maintain our country's unknown factor, he'll understand. He won't be happy, but he'll understand."

I raised an eyebrow at her, feeling suddenly concerned. Shylah was by far the most easygoing of all of us, but that just made it all the more noticeable when she was tense or stressed. I was curious what kind of guy had convinced her to address him as "Lord Pein" and seemed to command a bunch of super-intimidating weirdoes. Maybe a little nervous, too, but I was sure there was nothing we couldn't handle.

Shylah stopped in front of some seriously imposing double doors and knocked. Just a simple knock - not particularly loud or great in number - but the knocks seemed to echo and reverberate through the hall, as though to tell us "Yes, the person behind this door is a big deal."

I thought I heard something from the other side of the doors, and suddenly a man wearing some kind of orange, swirly mask with one eye hole burst through them. I jumped back and squeaked, but Shylah just stood there with a small smile on her face as the overly-excited man-boy hugged her, yelling "Shylah-chan!" I think she secretly liked it.

"Tobi-san, it's nice to see you this morning." Shylah's voice was still ridiculously quiet, but she didn't seem nervous about being physically assaulted by the hyperactive stranger. "Tobi-san, this is Caitlin. She's from my homeland. I was just going to take her to see Pein-sama and let her know that it happened again."

'Tobi' whirled around, and I was taken aback by exactly _how_ _much_ he resembled myself and Shylah's sister on a sugar high (well, I'd be on an energy drink high). He was waving at me emphatically, even though he was maybe a few feet away. "Hi, Caitlin-chan! I'm Tobi! Tobi is a good boy!"

I barely had enough time to say, "Hi, Tobi," before he was off, running down the halls faster than my eyes could keep track of him. I turned to Shylah, one eyebrow raised, the other lowered to my eye. "Interesting friend you have, there."

Shylah opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by someone clearing their throat. We both turned to see quite possibly one of the most intimidating men I'd ever laid eyes on - and I'd just seen a few maybe ten minutes ago. He had bright orange hair - kind of like mine - and piercings aplenty, but quite possibly the most intimidating thing about him were his eyes. They were ringed and grey, an almost never ending kaleidoscope of pain and misery. Oh, hey. Pain. Pein. Well, the world is just _full_ of surprises.

I was brought to when Shylah shoved me down into a mockery of a bow, probably before bowing, herself. "Pein-sama. Deidara-san found Caitlin this morning." After a few seconds of respectful bowing, she released me so that we could both right ourselves.

Pein stared at us before motioning us to enter a bit further. When we had done so, the doors seemed to swing shut on their own. Shylah winced at the sound, but if he noticed, he didn't react. "Have either of you figured out why this is happening?"

Shylah shook her head, and I followed suit. "Nope." When his eyes turned from Shylah to me, I managed to squeak out, "I mean, no, sir!"

He returned his gaze to Shylah, allowing me to breathe easy. "I suppose you will want her to stay with us." He looked me over for a few seconds. "How good are you at cleaning?"

* * *

We exited shortly after, Shylah leading the way to the base exit. "You convinced him to get me a room, food, and wages. How?" Shylah shrugged, so I continued. "And what did you mean by 'blood, gore, or vomit'?"

She stopped, looking me in the eyes. She rarely looked people in the eyes. "This is a criminal organization known as the Akatsuki."

I gaped at her as she continued walking. "Hey, slow down!" I called when my jaw finally closed. I chased after her.

"Hurry up."

We walked for a few seconds before we crossed paths with one of said criminals. It was the super-tall dude from before, the one who punched the loudmouth in the face. "I suppose you'll be wanting money, now." He had a dangerous gleam in his eyes.

Shylah shook her head, giving him a polite smile. "No, but thank you anyway, Kakuzu-san. Caitlin and I have other methods of obtaining funds for our necessities." She circled around him carefully, beckoning to me to follow her. "Ah, Kakuzu-san?"

'Kakuzu-_san_' turned around to face Shylah, seemingly irritated and relieved at something. "What?"

"This is my friend, Caitlin. Pein-sama has agreed to allow her to stay with the organization along with me. She has been given the same job as me, as well as the same pay." Kakuzu spluttered at this. "In return, our pay has been slightly lowered, since we'll be using less effort with our combined abilities." Shylah paused, the ghost of a smile on her lips. "I just thought I'd introduce you before we leave to go get clothes."

We left, finding the exit quickly and stepping out into the drizzling rain. I could just feel my hair begin to poof up even more at the humidity. "I suddenly wish that I'd held on to that scarf. Any chance we can go back for it?"

"Nope."

We had only taken a few steps before I felt the need to break the silence. "This rain is killer. How often does it do this?"

"All day, every day, I assume. I've only been here since I woke up yesterday. How much time has passed in our homeland?"

"You went missing yesterday. What, do you think this place runs on faster times or something?"

"No, I was just curious. Time dilation and all that - y'know, how one end of the world is almost a day ahead of the other." I knew she was hiding something. I wanted to call her out on it, but for once, I kept my mouth shut. I figured she had her reasons, and I trusted her judgment - in this situation, at least.

"So…" I started, fishing for a conversation topic. "Whose bed did you end up in?" I was hoping for a reaction. If I knew her like I thought I did, it would be totally priceless.

"Sasori's." Or… maybe I don't. That wasn't really the reaction I was expecting. I'd at least hoped to get some sort of rise out of her.

"Who?"

"The shortest one. He has a metal scorpion tail."

I mentally thought back to the members I'd seen before making a face. "The weird, round blob guy?" She nodded. "Ew!" I couldn't keep the morbid fascination from my voice, or the mischievous smirk from my face. "Was he any good?"

"Surprisingly so."

I spluttered, eyes wide. "I was just joking! I didn't actually think you'd-" Shylah was laughing. "Oh, you're good."

"Come on, Caitlin. You know the way I was raised, and you _know_ I'm too lazy to rebel against it. Who do you take me for? Tracey?"

"You make it sound like she's a whore."

"Of course not. She's just one of the more promiscuous members of our group." Shylah did an uncharacteristic spin. It kind of scared me with how at ease she seemed.

I decided to try for a reaction one more time. "Some of them seemed pretty cute."

Shylah gave me a look. "You know I don't give a crap what they look like."

"Please. That whole 'I'm attracted to their personalities' crap is total bull. Even if you are, you have to admit some guys are _dang_ cute." I smiled slyly at her.

"No, thank you. I'm asexual." Shylah sighed. It was the most carefree sigh I'd ever heard from her - she almost seemed happy.

"Do you like it here?" I asked. It was so weird. Back home, she rarely seemed this… peaceful.

"Did you know that, back in our homeland, you have about a one-in-twenty-thousand chance of being murdered? This world is so much more dangerous than ours. The risk of death rises dramatically, here. And being associated with a criminal organization as infamous as the _Akatsuki_? That risk just developed into an exponential number. Negative exponents, since it's a fraction." Shylah skipped forward a few steps and hopped in a one-eighty. When she faced me, her eyes were alight with something I'd never seen before. "In answer to your question, Caitlin, I've never liked anywhere better."

Great. Of all the people I could have been stuck in a foreign and possibly dangerous land, I had to be stuck with the one who enjoys it. Well, my day has just been ruined. Guess I'll go cry in a corner somewhere when we get back.

We walked through the city - Shylah told me it was named 'Amegakure' - in silence for a while, just taking in the sights. Well, she took in the sights. I fell back into old habits and did a little 'wealth requisitioning' work.

What?

Fine. I pick pocketed, okay? You happy now?

"So, when are we gonna go get me some clothes? My feet are killing me - in case you hadn't already noticed, I'm not exactly wearing _shoes_." I casually bit into a papaya I'd nicked from an open-air stall we'd paused by. What? Papayas are tasty.

"As soon as you feel you've gained enough money." Darn her for noticing.

I held it out to her. "I don't know how much I'll need. How should I know if I've gotten all I need to get?" I pouted at her.

Shylah counted through it. "Ten thousand ryo. To put that in dollars, I'd say approximately one thousand to one thousand five hundred in cash."

"Oh." It didn't really seem like much. I knew people who could spend at _least_ twice that in half the time it took me to earn it. "Do you think this will be enough?"

Shylah entered a large building, and when I followed, it turned out to be Amegakure's version of a shopping mall. "I know where to go in order to get good deals. As long as you buy the necessities - no jewelry - we'll be fine."

"But I like jewelry!" I was too old to whine, but that wasn't stopping me from doing it.

"Hush, child. You will get your jewelry eventually. For now, we should work on saving up funds in case our host's hospitality wears out. I don't exactly want to be homeless _and _broke in this world, do you?"

"I hate it when you're right."

* * *

The stores had a surprising amount of good clothing. I wouldn't really call it _stylish_, but it was functional without being an eyesore. I managed to score a few nice pairs of undies, five pairs of shorts, three skirts, two jeans, ten different shirts/tops, two pairs of shoes, some warm socks, a dark blue rain cloak, and a pair of gloves for when I'd be cleaning. I also pick pocketed a few more people and convinced Shylah to buy some more clothes, as well.

It was a good day of shopping. Not my best - I had to go shopping with Tracey to actually have an amazing shopping day - but it was acceptable. Shylah had surprisingly good color-coordinating advice for someone who wears only black and blue and never goes shopping. I was pleased.

Although she was adamant that my clothes be made of a specific material. It wasn't enough for her to convince me to buy only light clothing that was easy to move around in. I had to buy the kind that didn't carry scents, which was stupid - I _like_ my clothes to smell nice. Apparently they wouldn't smell _bad_, either, but I still wanted to smell like heaven.

And another thing - that specific material was usually worn by ninjas. Ninjas! How in the world are there still ninjas, today? I mean, I get that this is a different world - I don't know how _that_ happened, either - but seriously? Ninjas with something called chakra that basically gives them super powers? It sounded a bit familiar, but I was _sure _I'd never heard of anything like it.

The Akatsuki were ninjas. I was beginning to wonder if they all had some sort of weird, physical deformity. It was probably caused by that chakra stuff. I was suddenly glad that I didn't have some part of my physical make-up that gave me super powers. I do _not_ want all that on top of everything else I have to deal with now.

"So, wait up a sec." I mentally back tracked, stopping and forcing Shylah to stop with me. "We're basically in another world?"

Frowning, Shylah placed a hand on her hip and adopted a sassy pose. She was always so impatient with people who didn't pick things up quickly. "It would be more accurate to say we're either in another universe or an alternate dimension. Some of the physics and such that rule our universe don't actually apply, here."

I narrowed my eyes before resuming walking. "Like what?"

Shylah took the lead, heading back in the direction of the Akatsuki base-thing. "People here are naturally stronger and faster. Even the civilians - people who weren't trained as ninjas - could probably gain and keep muscle mass more efficiently than anyone from our home could. They have strange abilities that often defy the laws of space and time. I also get the feeling that 'stupid' for them leaves just as much potential as 'average' for us."

"Are we screwed?"

"No, just unlucky. We have to be careful."

I snorted. "Easier said than done."

* * *

When we got back, Shylah was told by the blob - I'm sorry, _Sasori _\- that I could choose any room in the hall that her room was in. I had to be led there because, let's face it, this place is a maze. A twisty, turny maze that's designed specifically so that people who don't know their way will be lost to the depths of eternity, only to return as a spirit, ready to lead other unsuspecting innocents to their doom.

My room was no better than Shylah's. Actually, it stank of disuse and mildew. Shylah had grabbed cleaning supplies from a closet along the way and left me to fix it up, muttering something about hating cooking. I already knew that - I wasn't sure why she felt the need to reiterate it. Oh, well.

At the moment, I was lounging on my bed, waiting for Shylah to open the door and beckon me forth to clean the rest of this base. There was no way you could _pay _me to go out there without an escort. No thanks, I'll stay in my room, where it's nice and safe.

I sat up as the door creaked open to reveal Shylah. "Hey, girl. How was the great unknown?"

"Annoying," Shylah muttered as she motioned for me to follow her. "On the bright side, lunch slash dinner is ready."

"Oh, I didn't hear you call."

"That's 'cause I _didn't_ call." Shylah gave me a _look_, and I remembered that she probably couldn't yell if she wanted to. The last time she yelled, her voice was sore for a grand total of three days, and she refused to talk for about half that time. It was kind of funny - especially since the reason she'd yelled was because her sister and I had gone on a little pranking spree.

"Wait a second, are you going to make _me_ call them to lunch?" I asked as we entered the dining area. It was sparsely decorated with cheap, easily-replaceable furniture. It was devoid of color, which made me wish I'd been hired for my decorating skills rather than cleaning.

Shylah shrugged before entering the kitchen and returning soon after, her arms laden with various food stuffs that I didn't recognize. "Yesterday I'd just wait for one of them to come in and yell for the other members to hurry up. You can if you want to, though."

I shrugged and went to the doorway while Shylah continued bringing food in from the kitchen. "HEY, AKATSUKI! SHYLAH MADE YOUR FREAKING FOOD, SO GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE AND EAT!" I turned back to where Shylah was standing by the table, rearranging utensils and such while giving me an annoyed frown.

"You can eat, too. Not everyone's going to gather around the table for a nice little family meal, even if there are enough places for them. They don't have any particular seating order, so don't worry about that. It's really just first come, first serve." Shylah grabbed a plate, put some food on it, and filled a cup with tea before sitting in a seemingly random spot. "We're also allowed to leave with our food, but it's more entertaining to stay."

"What to you mean, 'entertaining'?" I asked as I grabbed a plate. There was a variety to choose from, and I recognized a few foods from when Emi would cook for us on occasion. I placed those on my plate, eyeing the others warily. I sat down once I'd grabbed a cup of tea, grimacing. "And why are there only tea and water?"

"You'll see. And because those are the main drinks during lunch that aren't super-expensive." Shylah handed me the utensils - a pair of chopsticks.

I eyed the chopsticks distastefully. "Do you have a fork?"

Shylah smirked. "Just pretend we're eating at an Oriental-themed restaurant. Get in character."

"I think you and Emi are the only ones who enjoy using these things. I prefer the good old fork and knife combo," I informed her while pointing at her with one of her precious eating utensils.

Shylah's reply was interrupted by the silver-haired loudmouth from before entering. "Oi, bitch, get me some fucking food!"

Shylah rolled her eyes. "I said it before and I'll say it again, Hidan. I made the food, you can go dish it up. Surely you can do _that_ much."

Hidan glared at her and opened his mouth, only to shout a swear as he was whacked in the back of the head. Kakuzu pushed him out of the way as he entered the room, followed by most of the other Akatsuki members, as well as a few I'd never seen before. "Get out of the way, Hidan. Some of us actually want to eat instead of complain."

"Fuck you, Kakuzu!" Hidan shouted, pointing an accusing finger at him. Everyone else was either getting their food and sitting down, or getting their food and leaving. Tobi, Pein, and Konan (whom I'd met in the brief exchange with Pein) were the only ones who didn't stay, and I noticed a lack of Sasori's presence, which left two unoccupied seats.

Kakuzu sat down across from Shylah before glaring at Hidan. "Shut up and eat or just leave us in peace." Hidan opened his mouth, only to be punched again by Kakuzu. I gasped when his hand shot off of his arm, connected by some sort of mass of tentacles.

Shylah frowned at them. "I'd appreciate it if I didn't have to clean up all this food from the floor… again." I stared at her. "What? It happened yesterday, too." When there was a pause in the yelling, she added to everyone, "Oh, yeah. Guys, this is Caitlin."

Kisame sat across from me, ducking slightly under Kakuzu's thread things, since he was still using his hand to strangle Hidan. "Hey, Caitlin. I'm Hoshigaki Kisame." The quiet guy with black hair from earlier sat next to him, so he added, "And this is Uchiha Itachi."

I waved at both of them. "Hey." Itachi gave me a slight nod in greeting. I was distracted as Blondie sat down next to Shylah. "Is it always this rowdy around here?"

Blondie smirked at me. "I'm waiting with the explosions until later today, when the sun's out. The rain always ruins their beauty, hm."

"Explosions?"

Shylah just shook her head. "You'll see."

Hidan, meanwhile, had run around the table to attack Kakuzu. Kakuzu had gotten up in retaliation, and they were trading blows faster than I could keep track. They made their way around the room before Kakuzu grabbed Hidan's neck and slammed his head into the wall. Hidan kept swearing at him, kicking and punching whatever he could reach. Finally, Kakuzu got fed up and… decapitated… Hidan…

I screamed. Everyone turned to look at me, some irritably, others with distinct amusement. Shylah patted my head, and I ducked under it. "What the fuck was that?! He just… he just decapitated him! Why is no one panicking?!"

I turned to Shylah as she sighed. "Don't worry, I'm freaking out. I mean, we have to clean that blood up, later." I stared.

"FUCK YOU, KAKUZU!" A voice yelled from the floor. I whirled around and gaped at Hidan's glaring, talking head. "GET MY FUCKING BODY AND PUT ME BACK TOGETHER, SHITHEAD!"

Kakuzu glared at him, pinching the bridge of his nose. As Hidan continued screaming, he grew more and more irritable. Finally, he just grabbed Hidan and Hidan's now-walking body and walked out of the room. After a brief pause, he returned, distinctly lacking a loud-mouthed albino, and sat down.

I pushed my plate forward. "I don't think I'm hungry anymore." I ignored Kisame as he grabbed my plate and scraped the food onto his.

Shylah sighed. "I suppose that means you won't be helping me clean up the blood, either." I cast her an apologetic glance. "When it's laundry day, you're doing their underwear." Deidara had been taking a drink, and he spit it out across the table. "And you can do the dishes. When you finish with the dishes, don't worry about cleaning the rest of the building; you'd just get lost, and I did it all yesterday, anyways."

Kakuzu was glaring irritably at his plate while he ate. Shylah looked over to him and told him, "If you're mad about having to pay me, just remember that it's Hidan's fault."

"Isn't it his fault?" Kisame asked, grinning and pointing at Kakuzu as his glare intensified.

"I know better than to irritate a ninja unnecessarily." Shylah got up from the table, picking up a few plates that Itachi, Deidara, and I offered her. She set about clearing the table, and I was suddenly reminded of the one time we met her grandparents on her mom's side.

"Hey, Shylah. How was dear old Grandma Rosie the last time you talked with her?" I asked. She frowned at me - she didn't like discussing her private life in front of strangers. It had taken her until a few months ago to accept us roommates into the know of her family.

"She was fine." I was willing to accept that as an answer - that was the 'Shylah answer'. "Grandpa is doing well, too. They're still stubbornly sticking to their farm." Shylah's face lightened a bit with proud humor. "It's not like it really matters, anyway. Ask me about this when we get home, not while we're halfway across the world. And not while we're in front of random strangers." She sent the guys looks, but they looked unbothered.

After she'd taken the used dishes to the kitchen and the remaining Akatsuki members had left, Shylah turned to me. "What was the point of that?"

I glanced around, trying to seem innocent. "What was the point of what?"

Shylah rolled her eyes. "Why did you find it necessary to just randomly bring up my family in front of them?"

"You were clearing the table." Shylah opened her mouth before realizing why I said it and shutting it again. She shrugged and prepared the dishes for me.

I could hear distant yelling and swearing, and Shylah hurriedly rushed to the kitchen. She came back a few seconds later carrying a plate laden with meat and a cup of water just as Hidan stalked in, swearing loudly and sporting a stitched neck. "Oi, bitch! Where's the fucking food?"

Shylah set his food and drink on the table a bit harder than necessary. "There it is. Go ahead and eat; I have your blood to clean up." She walked out of the room to get some cleaning supplies.

"Blame that motherfucking miser for tearing my fucking head off!" Hidan called after her. He turned to me, grinning. "Did you enjoy the show, bitch?"

I stiffened at the look he was giving me before glaring at him. "Things like that don't just happen where I'm from."

"Yeah? Well they always fucking happen here! That bastard just likes doing it for the hell of it." Hidan grumbled before shoveling food into his face.

I resisted the urge to make a face at his table manners by going into the kitchen. I eyed the dishes. _I suppose you can't clean yourselves,_ I thought before walking over and picking up the soaked, soapy rag.

* * *

I was almost done by the time Shylah placed Hidan's used dishes on the counter beside the sink. I turned to call after her as she walked back to the dining room, "What, he can't do that himself?"

She shrugged before leaning on the doorway and turning her head to face me. "It doesn't matter. He'd already left by the time I finished cleaning the blood up. How are the dishes coming?"

I focused on finishing the last of them up before replying after a few seconds. "They're coming along nicely. I always thought you hated cleaning."

"I do. That doesn't mean I'm in any position to complain, here." She paused. "How do you think the others will react?"

"Others?"

"Our roommates."

"Do you really think they'll just magically appear here in one of the Akatsuki members' beds? It might just stop with us." I placed the last dish in the drainer before grabbing a dry towel so that I could start putting them away. "It would probably be a good thing if it stops with us. The only one who'd be able to handle this place is Tish."

"Nah, Emi would do better than Tisha."

"_Emi_? Emi's practically afraid of her own shadow. There's no _way_ she'd be able to handle waking up in some strange guy's bed." I paused to really think about which of our roommates would do best in this strange land. "Maybe Tracey would do well here. She has spunk."

"Tracey's annoying."

"You think _everyone's _annoying."

"True. She's just the kind of annoying that I think everyone would hate."

"No one hates Tracey." I finished putting away the dishes, then turned around to face Shylah, my hands on my hips. "Not even you."

"I hate everyone," Shylah muttered, but her harsh words were contrasted by a joking smirk. "Everyone except for Mischa, of course."

I didn't bother suppressing an eye roll. "Of course." I could hear yelling from the living room down the hall. It was punctuated by the sounds of fighting and the occasional small explosion. "Shylah, what are we gonna do?"

"'Do'?"

"I mean, how do we get out of here? We can't stay in this place forever."

Shylah smirked, crossing her arms casually across her chest. "We just got here and you already want to leave? And here I thought Tracey was the flighty one."

I glared at her, my hands once again on my hips as my temper flared. "Be serious, Shylah! Do you think time back home just stands still while we're… wherever we've ended up? You were missing all of yesterday - _I've_ probably been missing all of _today_. My brothers and grandparents are probably worried _sick_ about me - our _friends_ are probably worried sick about _us_."

It was getting difficult to breathe - I wouldn't be surprised if I was having some kind of panic attack during my rant. "How long do you think we'll be here? A few days, weeks, months, _years_? I don't know where we are or how we got here, but there's one thing I _do_ know - I'm not going to just sit around here while I should be trying to figure out a way back home. Now you can either help me, or forget that you have people who care about you and want to see you safe."

I was being a bit overdramatic, I knew; but I was scared. What if each of us was just going to be plucked, one by one, and brought here? What were we to do? Shylah had already pointed out how dangerous it was - and if I didn't believe her then, that little demonstration during lunch definitely brought home exactly how much danger both of us were in. And what if we never saw home again?

Frowning, Shylah sighed. She refused to meet my eyes, choosing instead to glance longingly at the door - a clear indication that she was tired of talking and needed to go to her room to recharge before she became overly snippy. "Freaking out isn't going to solve anything, Caitlin; neither is yelling at me. The best way to start figuring out how to leave is to analyze how we got here. We technically don't know that, and we have nothing to go on aside from the fact that whatever's happening seems to be targeting us and our roommates."

Shylah paused for breath. "As far as I can guess, there was probably some sort of weakening in an inter-dimensional wall that just so happens to be centered in our room, with the corresponding outlet being this base. It transfers us from there to here while we sleep because we are at our least active while we sleep. I would guess that the wall is sort of like a membrane to a cell - it takes certain things in and releases certain things back. Humans or living organisms can pass from our world to here, while something minor, such as carbon dioxide or oxygen in the air, could transfer into our home in almost unnoticeable amounts."

I stared at her. After a few seconds of silence, she glanced at me and frowned. "What? I couldn't go to sleep last night, so I just thought of a few things. It's not that unlikely as a solution as long as you make allowances for the existence of alternate dimensions. If I'm right, this actually makes way for a new theory about mental influences from one dimension to the other. I'd get into it, but I'm feeling a headache coming on and I'd rather not wait around in a well-lit room for it to turn into a migraine." Shylah turned and left.

I managed to shut my gaping mouth. "And that's just something she thought up while trying to go to sleep?" I shook my head. "Figures she could probably find a way out and she doesn't actually wanna leave."

* * *

**Another abrupt chapter ending. I tend to just type in spurts of boredom until inspiration whacks me in the face with my keyboard and says, "Type this!" I'll still most likely be able to upload every Saturday unless I'm out touring colleges/universities (unlikely since I'm reliant on my mom to get me there, and she doesn't go places if there's no immediate benefit to her).**

**I enjoyed writing Caitlin. Towards the end I felt like she was becoming a bit OOC (not that anyone would know), so I had her freak out at Shylah. Not entirely unexpected, since their personalities are rather opposing - even though both of their exact opposites are two others. Caitlin is more confident and outgoing than Shylah, although she's also less willing to tolerate actions of violence, despite being a bit of a thief.**

**So, as you probably know, there are eight OC's, and each chapter is going to be an introduction for them. Who stays and who goes (because I'm probably not going to keep all of these OC's) can be decided by you towards the end of the story. Don't worry, I'll notify you when you can begin the voting thing. There are a few I reserve the right to keep, in case I feel the need to make a sequel - thus far, it's really only Shylah and her sister, because they're the only ones who really know about the Naruto-verse.**

**Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it even more than I enjoyed typing it.**


	3. Tish

**I'm not late, yet!**

**I also don't own Naruto or Naruto Shippuden.**

* * *

NEW P.O.V.: Tish

I snuggled closer to the guy in my bed. I didn't really remember bringing him back home with me, but I figured I must have - after all, these were scary times in my life. It was best to work out some of the fear with a few… distractions.

I breathed deeply and wrinkled my nose. I didn't remember my room smelling this gross yesterday. I groaned and rolled over before sitting up and stretching. _Reia's probably going to smell this and make me clean my room. I swear, she's worse than a mom, sometimes._ I snorted a laugh out even though I wasn't really amused. _Not that I'd know what that's like._

I opened my eyes and stopped removing the covers from me. The room was dark, but I could still see what looked like red paint all over. It clearly wasn't _my_ room - I'd just painted that sucker, no _way _I'd mess up all that hard work. I turned to the guy that I wasn't sure I'd actually slept with anymore. I disregarded his figure - _Not bad…_ \- and glared at the man with oddly silver-white hair.

I reached over and lightly slapped his cheek. "Yo, where am I?" He stirred and rolled over, groaning about needing more sleep after a late-night 'ritual'. I managed to glance down casually and caught a glimpse of myself. _Okay, I'm actually in my pj's, so I actually did go to sleep by myself last night… And what does he mean, 'ritual'?_

I slapped him a bit harder. "Hey, wake up!" When he didn't respond, I punched him. "Wake the fuck up and tell me where the hell I am!"

Albino guy shot forward. "Ow, what the fuck?!"

I kept up my glare, trying not to look intimidated at the clear view of some seriously _defined_ muscles. "Yo, where the fuck am I? Answer me now before you piss me off!"

He turned to me, glaring irritably. "Don't fucking tell me what the hell to do, bitch!"

"Don't call me a bitch, bitch!" I yelled before punching him right in the kisser.

He yelped again before punching my cheek. Before I knew it, we were on the ground, punching and kicking each other any place we could reach. Fighting him hurt - more than fighting usually did. I was even pulling his hair and biting him to try and end the fight more quickly - a last resort, since I thought those were cheap shots and left playing dirty for the bedroom (if you know what I mean).

We were soon pulled apart by two hands. I twisted around to tell whatever bastard was holding me to put me down, and came face to face with a pair of intimidating green and red eyes. I felt the fight go out of me while Albino started yelling threats at him.

"Put me the fuck down, you fucking miser!" He screamed right in my ear.

"Hidan, how many times do I have to tell you that I don't appreciate your yelling this early in the morning?" The man holding me yelled back at him, shaking him a little as he did so. I turned to glare at Hidan, ready to pay him back for hurting my ears as soon as this guy let me down.

"Hey, Tish." I craned my neck to see Shylah standing in the doorway, yawning tiredly and holding some sort of cloak around her like a blanket. "Nice to know you made it alright."

I stared. "What?" I barely noticed the guy setting me down before turning and punching Hidan.

Shylah shrugged. "Caitlin and I - and now you - were magically transported here from our home in the middle of the night. So… good to know you made it in one piece." Beckoning me to follow, she turned and left.

I jogged forward a bit before I caught up with her, all thought of the two guys I'd just run into gone from my mind. "So, Shylah… What the fuck's going on?"

Shylah glanced at me before turning a corner and opening a door. She turned and took off her cloak, handed it to me, went into the room, and shut said door. I sighed heavily and leaned against the wall next to the door. I crossed my arms and waited, not cool with how she'd just left my question hanging.

After a little while, Shylah came out wearing some odd clothes in a style I'd never seen before. I glared at her. "Shylah, seriously. I'm already pissed - don't make this more difficult than this fucking needs to be." I was having trouble biting back more curse words that were a natural part of my vocabulary. The only reason I _wasn't_ swearing like a drunken sailor was because it would irritate Shylah, and Shylah likes to mess with people when she's irritated.

Sending me a smirk, Shylah turned and started walking down the hall. "I'd first like to advise you to cover yourself with my cloak." Huffing at Shylah's outdated sense of 'decency', I complied. "Well, as I said before, we seem to have been magically transported to another dimension. You are currently the guest of a man known as 'Pein', the ruler of the nation/village we're in and leader of the criminal organization known as the Akatsuki. You already met Hidan and their treasurer, Kakuzu."

"Bullshit."

"How did your wrestling match with Hidan go?" I subconsciously started rubbing a bruise that was already forming on my stomach and winced as I realized that my rib was probably bruised, if not cracked. "Everyone here has something called chakra running through them, which increases their strength and stamina naturally even if they aren't trained to use it. Hidan is, and was probably going easy on you."

"And that Kakuzu guy is their treasurer?" I would've thought he was more like the muscle of the group. He was fucking ripped!

"Well, he's also an S-ranked missing-nin. Er, criminal ninja. Yes, they're all ninjas. Seriously, and not just the 'cloak and daggers' kind, either. I'd compare their strength to the level of comic book or cartoon super heroes… villains, since they're criminals. Each of them could easily take you out while they're half-asleep and with their hands tied behind their backs."

My shocked mind was taking a bit longer than usual to muddle through Shylah's rambling explanations. For now, I settled for commenting on something safe. "I fucking hate it when you ramble. You start to mutter and it just makes it even harder to understand you."

Shylah shrugged. "It happens." We walked in silence for a little while. "So how are you taking it?"

"We're in a building filled with criminal super-powered ninjas. How do you think I'm taking it?" I rubbed the back of my head where it'd slammed against the floor. "That little shit Hidan hurts like a mother fucker…"

"He's a ninja."

I pushed her a little bit. It was a light shove, but it got the point across. "I fucking know that! You just told me five fucking seconds ago!"

Shylah rolled her eyes, unaffected by my rough way of getting my point across. "It was more like thirty seconds."

I narrowed my eyes. "You really like pissin' me off, don't'cha?"

"It's a favored hobby of mine." She smirked and dodged another shove by hopping forward a few steps. "Don't worry, I'll stop. We're almost at Pein-sama's meeting room office thing. I'll just introduce you really quickly and then you'll be on your way to the village to buy some clothes. I'll make Caitlin go with you because I hate shopping. Hey, if you have any money left over, can you pick me up some dango? Caitlin'll know where the shop is."

I crossed my arms as we stopped in front of two freaking huge double doors. "I'm not making any promises. If I see this 'dango' you're talking about and don't like what I see, I might just take my money and spend it on something else."

Shylah shrugged, still not bothered, and knocked on the door. After a few seconds, she opened them and stepped inside, pulling me with her. I didn't even have time to look around before Shylah hopped up, placed a hand on the back of my head, and used her downward momentum to force me into a stiff bow.

I spent maybe one second in that awkward position before my mind caught up with me. I narrowed my eyes and slapped her hand off my head. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, bitch?!" I aimed a smack for the back of her head, but she dodged - which just made me even more mad.

Shylah turned her amused gaze from me to a guy with orange hair and more piercings than I'd seen on anyone. "Good morning, Pein-sama. Sorry to bother you, but another of my roommates has appeared. It may be too early to say, but I predict that the rest will probably arrive over the next four days. I have seven roommates."

Pein eyed me as I continued to throw enraged punches Shylah's way, only to be dodged, grow angrier, and repeat the process. "Are all of your roommates as active as these two?" I paused a bit before remembering Shylah mentioning Caitlin and smirking at the thought of hanging out with the little spitfire.

"Not really. This is Tish. I'd say she's probably… the most easily-enraged. Caitlin is nearly so, but she lacks the malice Tish employs, and is easier to calm down."

I suddenly remembered that I was mad at Shylah for being a rude little twit. "Oi, bitch! Don't talk about me like I'm not fucking here!" I threw another punch her way, but I was starting to calm down, so I wasn't really trying to hurt her anymore. Not that anyone would need to be worried about her, since she kept dodging me.

"I think the most energetic of the bunch would have to be Tracey, but she doesn't have a temper as far as I've witnessed. Mischa is also rather temperamental and energetic, so she'd probably be a problem at a level behind Tish and just above Caitlin." Shylah seemed to have finished, because she remained motionless and silent except to dodge my punches by moving her head or body at awkward angles.

I smirked, finally sick of trying to teach Shylah a lesson with a good smack. "I'm sure your sister would appreciate you calling her a 'problem'."

Shylah shrugged. "She'll get over it. It's not like I meant it as an insult. Granted, she'll probably take it as an insult, regardless of the intent, but she'll forgive me eventually."

Pein seemed uninterested in our conversation. "You may stay here if you like, Tish. Do not start any fights with my members, as you will find the outcome to be unpleasant for you. You may clean along with Shylah and Caitlin to earn your keep for now, although we will be having you come up with other means of supporting yourselves as more people… appear. I will remain in here unless I am called out personally to take care of a problem that has arisen in my country. I trust I will not need to assign a caretaker, despite your argumentative disposition."

I straightened and nodded, completely serious. I had stared down orphanage caretakers, guidance counselors, would-be foster parents, and cops in my short lifetime of twenty-one years. I'm proud to say I neither backed down nor gave them the respect that they thought they deserved without bothering to come off their high horses. But this guy… Something about him made me afraid to even look him in the eyes. There was no way I was going to disobey him, no matter what my rebellious side said.

Pein blinked once, slowly. Shylah bowed beside me before tugging on the cloak of hers that I was wearing, signaling to me that that was our dismissal. She closed the doors after us quietly but quickly before heading back in the direction of her room. I followed, still feeling a bit subdued.

Shylah glanced back at me. "He gave that little rundown to Caitlin, too. She was probably about ready to pee her pants from the force of his gaze."

_ How can something as simple as a stare be so intimidating?_ I thought to myself. Out loud, I said, "Only you would use the word 'gaze' in a casual sentence."

"Tiamat has used the word 'gaze'. And it's not my fault I like to switch up what I say with a few unappreciated words that should probably be in everyone's vocabulary." Shylah sent me a deprecating stare before breaking it with a derisive smirk. In a sarcastic voice, she continued, "People these days are so uncultured."

I rolled my eyes, not interested in sarcastic musings with Shylah. "Tiamat doesn't count - she's super old-fashioned. Do you think Tiamat will come here?"

"Yes, because she's going to come to our house, fall asleep in one of our beds, and wake up in the bed of a random Akatsuki member. While I won't necessarily be surprised if someone other than our roommates is targeted for this random, cross-dimensional journey in the night, it thus far seems highly unlikely." Shylah turned another corner and knocked on a door immediately after her little rant-thing.

There was a muffled thump and curse from the other side of the door. We both waited as there was a pause before the noises resumed in the form of shuffling that slowly came closer to the door. I tensed a bit, ready for a fight when whichever Akatsuki member Shylah was probably trying to introduce me to revealed himself. Finally, the door opened, and Caitlin stepped out in pajamas made in the same style as Shylah's strange outfit.

Caitlin yawned and rubbed her eyes before they widened when she saw me. "Heya, Tish. When'd you get here?"

"This morning." I scowled at the memory.

Shylah smirked. "She woke up with Hidan. They got into a little wrestling match that Kakuzu had to break up."

"Oh," Caitlin mumbled. "Did he behead him again?"

"Wait, what?" I asked, my eyes widening.

Shylah shrugged. "He didn't. Caitlin will explain it to you when you go out to get some clothes. Caitlin, get dressed and get yourself and Tish some breakfast. I'm gonna get something to eat and then start cleaning. You should probably take Tish to the village to get some clothes. See ya." With that, Shylah turned and left, waving lazily over her shoulder.

I turned to Caitlin. "So, what the hell was this 'beheading' thing going on?"

Caitlin turned around and walked back into her room. "Kakuzu beheaded Hidan at lunch yesterday." She began rifling through her drawers. "Can you come in and shut the door so I can change?"

I did, taking the liberty of locking it just in case. "So the big guy with red and green eyes beheaded the albino? And the albino is currently doing something in this base, still alive, because he's fucking immortal? I've said it before, and I'll say it again: bullshit."

Caitlin looked over her shoulder at me from where she was changing, horror in her eyes. "I was there. I saw it happen, and he kept yelling after his head hit the floor."

"He kept yelling?" I thought back to my wakeup confrontation with him. "Never mind, I fucking believe it."

Nodding, Caitlin headed to the door and held it open. "Let's get you some clothes before lunch. If you don't want to skip breakfast, that's fine with me, but I'm okay with either way. Shylah makes lunch and dinner, so we won't have to cook as long as we get back in time to eat before everyone eats everything." We both headed out in what I was pretty sure was the direction of the exit. "After lunch we have to clean, though, which sucks."

"How the _hell_ did they get Shylah to cook?" I was actually kind of worried. In the two years I'd known her, she hadn't cooked group meals once. She probably wasn't any good, if only because she was out of practice.

Caitlin shrugged, turning a corner and taking some stairs. "Apparently Shylah borrowed some money from Kakuzu for clothes when she got here, and cooking was the agreed-upon form of payment. So did you wanna eat breakfast, or are we skipping?"

"What's life without missing a few fucking meals? I'm game if you are, bitch." I nudged Caitlin forward a few steps, grabbing the back of her shirt when she started to fall forward.

She glared back at me before giving me a light punch on the shoulder, her glare morphing into a playful grin. "Watch it, Tish. You may be from the 'hood, but I'm from a long line of drunken brawlers."

"Your ancestors ain't got shit on me. I don't see any pub beer for you to get your drunk on, anyway," I scoffed. Caitlin's joking was different from Shylah's - Shylah's indifference pissed me off, but Caitlin was someone I could mess around with and get mad at without wanting to strangle a bitch.

Caitlin bumped me with her shoulder, which didn't really reach mine since she was four inches shorter than me. "Wait until we get into the village; I'll use my instincts to sniff out all the alcohol in the area." She opened another door, and I was surprised to see the great outdoors, complete with rain and a beautiful cloudy sky.

Yeah, that was sarcasm. "I hate rain." I pulled the hood of Shylah's cloak over my hair, sure that my natural ringlets were going to get frizzed out the second I stepped outside. "Why couldn't we have been magically transported to the tropics? I hear Jamaica is fucking nice this time of year." I didn't know if Jamaica counted as a tropical island, and I didn't care - I just wanted out of this rain.

Caitlin stepped out, waiting for a second to give me a chance to prepare myself before we went on our way. "I know, it sucks for my hair. Can you believe Shylah actually _likes_ this crap?"

"I can believe she'd like anything that fucks with us," I grumbled, my mood immediately going down the shitter.

"Shylah said it rains almost constantly here. Something about Pein using his chakra stuff to control it… I wasn't really listening."

"Well he better fucking knock it off before I shove my foot up his ass. I am _not_ dealing with a constant stream of the sky's piss." I kicked a rock ahead of me, and it landed with a thud against a tree.

Caitlin frowned at me. "The reason Pein controls the rain is because he can use it to see. I don't know if he can hear with the rain, but I wouldn't want to risk pissing him off, if I were you."

I scoffed but didn't say anything else. I still had to keep up my tough rep, but Pein wasn't an enemy I wanted.

The walk to the village was uneventful, with only our playful banter and shoving to pass the time. When we arrived in the village, it looked like something out of those old Japanese paintings Emi had, combined with almost steam punk technology. It was a weird combination of industrial and traditional, and I wasn't sure whether I liked it or not.

After we walked through the village for a little while, I started to feel a little hungry. I leaned against a stall as I waited for Caitlin to finish pick pocketing a really rich-looking dude with a few guards. I had to admit, I was pretty impressed that her skills hadn't grown rusty over the years… Unless she'd been getting in some practice…

Watching Caitlin outmaneuver the guards to cut the fat purse of the rich man, I began to feel a little inspired. I eyed the fruit stand owner, who was watching the stall like a hawk. I glanced around the area before finding my target - a drunk walking unsteadily past the stall. I kicked a sizeable rock underneath his feet, and he tripped on it - right into an old lady. Don't worry, she looked more like a hag than a lady.

In the commotion, I nicked a couple papayas and hid them in my cloak as I left the shelter of the covered stall to meet Caitlin in the street. I waited until we were out of sight of the stand before handing Caitlin a papaya and biting into the other.

Caitlin inspected the papaya before rubbing it on her shirt with a small laugh. "That poor fruit vendor," she mused as she took a bite and inspected the amount of money in the purse. It seriously was a purse - a large, decorated coin purse.

"What?" I asked, biting into my own papaya. I didn't really care all that much - he seemed to have plenty of fruit and business, and I only took the most bruised ones.

"I took one of his papayas yesterday while I was walking with Shylah to go buy myself some clothes. He's probably flipping out about having papaya thieves running around." Caitlin giggled. "Can you imagine a group of thieves that only steals papayas?"

I eyed the papaya I'd been eating, trying to judge if it would be worth it to spend energy stealing _only_ papayas. "What a useless fucking thing to risk your neck stealing. Papayas aren't even that freaking good. If I were only to steal one product for the rest of my life, it'd have to be fucking worth it."

Caitlin shrugged. "Papayas are pretty good, in my opinion. I like them better than most fruits."

We entered the store a few minutes later. I stood by a heater and dried off my bare feet before continuing. Some people hadn't bothered to dry off their shoes, and my mood had hardly improved at the drier conditions before my newly-dried feet hit an uncomfortably cool puddle of water and dirt.

"Ah, shit! _Fuck_!" I yelled, hopping from foot to foot. A few people stopped to stare, but I ignored them. "When I find whichever mother fucker left this mother fucking puddle of shit, I'm going to fucking shove my foot so far up his bastard ass that he'll be puking shitty water and dirt for the next three weeks! AAAGH!"

Caitlin, meanwhile, was laughing up a storm. "There's rainwater everywhere, what do you expect? You're probably the only one here who isn't wearing any shoes."

"How did you two _deal_ with this shit?" I stared down at the bottom of my foot, not sure whether the brown stuff clinging to it was mud or shit. It smelled like crap, but it was kind of runny… _Yuck, I don't even want to fucking know_.

Caitlin shrugged as we walked into one of the little stores that sold clothing. "You just deal. I bought shoes first the second we got here, and Shylah said she did the same thing. Most of the shoes here are comfortable and good for keeping out the rain. They're definitely not designer, but I've seen uglier."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not worried. I can pull this shit off no matter what."

I grabbed the first pair of shoes in my size; I really didn't care what they looked like since I didn't plan on staying in this rainy place. Caitlin and I shopped around after I put on the shoes, and I bought my own cloak and a few sets of clothes. Caitlin had me buy even more clothes than that, something about my needing a perfect amount of ten sets. I didn't really care - she was the one who got the money; if she wanted to waste it on clothes I wouldn't take back home with me, that was her decision.

After a while we just walked around that mall-like store and a few others. I had to admit, I was interested in the style of architecture all these buildings had. The steam punk-meets-Ancient Japan style of the materials and aesthetics was both appealing and interesting. I was actually feeling a bit inspired to get to a drawing board and work out the dimensions for a building.

That inspiration in mind, I made my way to a store that looked like it sold some arts and crafts supplies. It wasn't very busy, and it lacked variety, but it still had the basic pencils, erasers, paper, and paints. I passed over the paints, not really sure if they didn't use any lead since this place seemed way less advanced than back home. The pencils seemed to be in good condition, the wood wasn't rotted, and the erasers looked like they… could erase?

I picked up some pencils, erasers, and paper before setting them on the counter and waiting for Caitlin to pay. At first she'd given me weird looks because I hadn't said anything about buying supplies, but she seemed to realize that I was in an architectural mood and bought my crap for me. I thanked the shopkeeper when I took my stuff and we left.

"So…" Caitlin began. She was leading the way to the exit as I stared around, trying to get last estimates at the dimensions of the building before we left. "Why did you just randomly get a bunch of drawing supplies?"

I rolled my eyes and huffed. "Well, since I _am_ studying to be an architect, I'd think the answer to that would be fucking obvious. I want to make sure I get the dimensions of these buildings right so that when we _do_ finally get back to our home I can design a building to look like these."

"Why would you want to dedicate a building to this place? I think I'd personally just want to be done with it and forget this ever happened."

"It just looks cool. I don't think this kind of style has ever really been done before, and I want my debut building to be just as cool and unique as I am." I glared at Caitlin when she snorted.

Caitlin caught my glare and stopped snickering. "Wait, that wasn't a joke?" She asked as we stepped back out into the streets of Ame.

"No, bitch, that _wasn't_ a fucking joke."

"Eheheh… Oops?" Caitlin gave me a sheepish smile for a few seconds before turning and running to the hideout with me chasing after her. "I regret nothing~!"

* * *

When we got back to the base, I was still chasing Caitlin. She was faster than me at first, but my longer legs soon gave me an edge over Caitlin just enough for me to start catching up to her. Just as I was about to grab her flying, pumpkin-colored hair, she ducked through a doorway and slammed the door shut in my face. I heard the lock click shut, and Caitlin yelled at me that she'd reached her room, so she was safe.

Naturally, I tried to kick the door down. It didn't budge, but the terrified, muffled squeak that I managed to hear through the cracks was all the encouragement I needed to keep at it.

I soon learned that the doors and walls in this building were designed to withstand more pressure than I could put on it. I blamed the ninjas and began prowling back and forth in front of the door, waiting for my emotions to calm down. When they finally did, I decided that I should probably put my bags away in a room - _my_ room, when I picked it.

I chose a room next to Caitlin's. Shylah's was on the far end of the hall, as far away from our rooms as possible while still being in view - which she told us was just the way she liked it. I'd just put away my shit and thrown Shylah's cloak onto her bed - I'd changed into my new clothes in the dressing room at the store - when we were called to supper. Apparently we'd somehow managed to shop through lunch even though I finished my shopping in record time.

When I say that we were called to supper, I don't mean to say that Shylah was the one who called us. Oh, no, the bitch could barely speak at a normal, human volume without getting a sore throat, much less yell through the gigantic hideout-type building to get all of our attention. It was actually Caitlin who yelled at us to get our assese down to the kitchen or we'd go to bed without any supper.

I walked down some stairs and took several turns until I realized something - I was completely lost. That I'd managed to lose my way was more disappointing than the fact that I didn't know where to go, since I'd always been proud of my sense of direction. It was also kind of unnerving that I was lost in some random, creepy building where no one could find me for hours or even days.

Turning, I caught sight of a door swinging shut, so I naturally went through it. My eyes seemed to take forever to adjust to the darkness of the room, and I had to stop short when they finally did. Blood covered the walls and floors in strange symbols, and I was suddenly reminded of that albino guy's - Hidan's - room, but without the bedroom furniture. Bodies of people were piled haphazardly against the walls, eyes wide open and expressions of pain and horror plastered across them.

I covered my mouth at the smell and left the room, gagging. I slammed the door after me and leaned against it, gasping for fresh air and hoping I wasn't going to puke. After a little while, I took a deep breath and retraced my steps to my room. "I'm not feeling hungry anymore."

* * *

**I kind of had a difficult time writing Tish's point of view. She was supposed to be kind of like the anti-Shylah in personality, but she ended up being a bit less emotional than I'd hoped for.**

**Sorry it's later in the day than when I usually load it up; the fair is in town, so my sister and I spent most of our afternoon there.**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading!**


	4. Tiamat

**Early upload in celebration of July 4th! I hope you enjoy it!**

**I (obviously) don't own Naruto, Naruto Shippuden, or any of its affiliated characters.**

* * *

New P.O.V.: Tiamat

I snuggled further into my blankets, seeking the warmth on the edge of my bed. I reached out my hand in a lazy stretch and jerked back when I touched skin. Sitting up, I surveyed my unfamiliar surroundings before glancing down at the source of my discomfort. There, lying on the bed and giving me a blank stare, was a man. I did the only natural thing _to_ do when one finds a stranger in one's bed - I screamed bloody murder in the hopes that my father would come running and get this miscreant out of our home.

The man sighed and got out of bed, walking to his dresser and removing some clothing from the drawers to get dressed. "Why is it that all of you make such loud noises in the morning? It's too early to deal with this shit."

I crawled back to the furthest part of the bed from him, raising the covers around me to prevent him from seeing anything. "Where am I? I demand to know who you are and where you've taken me!"

He looked back at me and was about to reply when the door opened and… _Shylah_ walked in? _Isn't she missing? Where did she come from? Wait, are these our kidnappers? Am I _kidnapped?!

Shylah stared at me, eyes widened slightly in shock. "Tiamat?" She crossed the room to me and offered her cloak while her expression returned back to normal. "I didn't actually think you'd… appear. This… changes things a bit, I suppose."

I took her cloak and thanked her gratefully, covering myself in it to avoid the gazes of a few more men who had appeared in the doorway. "Thank you, Shylah. Where are we, exactly?"

"I'll tell you later." Ignoring my frown, Shylah turned to the man I had woken up next to. "Sorry about this, Kakuzu-san. I still haven't figured out exactly _why_ this is happening, much less how to prevent it. I'll just take her off your hands, for now." Shylah grabbed my hand and led me out of the room. The men who had entered after Shylah stepped aside, although some of them seemed to leer at me. Shylah looked back over her shoulder at them as we passed through the doorway. "Excuse us, guys. You have another not-so-welcome guest."

I refused to show how nervous I was in front of the fiends who had captured us, so I straightened my back and held my head up high as I passed through them. I refused to become a submissive captive of these vagabonds, none of whom deserved any sort of obedience or respect for their cowardly deeds.

Shylah led me up stairs and down corridors, through twists and turns that had me confused several times over. We were silent at first, but Shylah broke the silence as she reached a corridor of rooms that looked more occupied than the previous halls she'd been leading me to. "This is where the three of us have been staying."

"By 'the three of us,' I'm assuming you mean Caitlin, Tess, and yourself," I guessed. I followed Shylah into a room that I assumed to be hers, pulling her cloak a bit closer around me. I reached into the pocket of my cover and was surprised to find my iPhone within it. I ignored my finding for the moment, saving my knowledge for a time when I knew we wouldn't be interrupted and my source of communication taken away.

Shylah nodded and opened her drawers before removing a set of clothing. "Could you please shut and lock the door while I get ready?" When I obliged her and remained facing the door, I heard the sounds of cloth signaling that she was getting ready for the day. "Oh, and by the way, we weren't kidnapped by them."

"What?" I asked, halfway to turning around before remembering that Shylah was still getting dressed and returning to face the door. "It's fairly clear that they've kidnapped us." I no longer heard the sounds of cloth moving, so I chanced a look back and was gratified to see Shylah's fully-clothed form. "Have you developed some sort of Stockholm syndrome?"

Shylah paused, suddenly seeming to contemplate the idea of possibly having begun to sympathize with our captors. After a few seconds, she smirked and muttered, "I suppose it's not entirely impossible, knowing what I do."

My eyes widened and I gaped. "Shylah? _Please_ tell me you're joking." Shylah continued to smirk as she moved around me and into the hall. "Shylah, this is serious! You need some sort of counseling if this is the case! Shylah!" I called after her, hurrying into the corridor and following her.

Shylah stopped and faced the corridor, arms opened wide as though attempting to envelop it in a hug. "You can choose any one of these rooms except for mine and the two at the opposite end. You can choose a room right now; I'm going to go wake up Caitlin and get the money she collected yesterday while she was in the village with Tish." Shylah walked casually to the other end of the hall and knocked on a door.

I decided not to eavesdrop on her conversation since it most likely wouldn't be much more than Shylah informing Caitlin of my presence and asking for money. Instead, I turned my attention to choosing a room that I would stay in. I looked through each room individually, ignoring Shylah's return in favor of finding the bedroom most suitable to me. Finally, I decided to simply pick the room across the hall from Shylah's, disappointed that they were all incredibly bland and exactly alike.

When I had finished, I turned back to see Shylah watching me with an amused expression. "Is this room acceptable?"

Frowning, I nodded. "I suppose this room will have to do."

Shylah laughed and led me down the labyrinth of corridors once again, this time exiting through a door that led outside. "As long as you can manage to approve, my Queen."

I scoffed at her ridiculous nickname for me. I stepped outdoors, and immediately recoiled at the sensation of mud squishing between my toes. "Ugh! I'm not wearing any shoes, Shylah. Do you have any spares that I could borrow?"

Shylah raised her eyebrows for a moment before taking it upon herself to raise my hood over my head and covering me with it, tucking my hair into its folds. "No, Tiamat, I don't have any spares that you could wear. Your feet are _way_ too small to fit into my shoes, and Caitlin's feet are nearly the same size as mine. I don't think you'd even _want_ to try Tisha's shoes."

I shook my head, steeled my reserve, and stepped out into the rainy world. "You're right, I don't. But can we make obtaining shoes a priority? I _really_ don't want my feet to be covered in muck and whatever else this place is covered in."

Shylah nodded. "Yeah, we can." We set off, but our silence wasn't long before Shylah let out a short laugh. "I told Caitlin to inform Pein-sama of your arrival. Poor, poor Caitlin. She's terrified of him."

"Who is this… Pein-sama?" I vaguely recognized the Japanese honorific, and even the name sounded slightly familiar, but it brought no images to mind.

Shylah took a deep breath as though steadying herself. "Okay, well, first off, we're in another dimension." She paused, but when I offered no objections, she continued. "In this dimension we're in a country known as the Land of Rain, where we are guests to the leader of this nation, who is known as Pein. He's also the leader of a group of criminal outlaws known as the Akatsuki. They don't really know how we got here, either, hence why I said that they didn't kidnap us."

"If that's the case, then why did you say that it's a possibility that you've developed Stockholm syndrome?"

Shylah shrugged. "I don't know, I just felt like saying it. Anyway, they're all ninja. I kid you not, they're ninja and every living thing in this place has a life source known as chakra that they can use to do these superhuman… things. I'd say chakra is kind of like a more potent, powerful, and harness-able form of chi or something like it." Shylah paused for a while to let me take in the information she'd given me.

I took advantage of the pause in order to take in the appearance of my surroundings. "Is the entirety of this location built in an odd variation of Ancient Japanese buildings?" I stared around at the not-quite contemporary village with buildings that seemed to be preserved in an old Japanese style, industrial technology merely tacked onto the homes and public locales almost as an afterthought.

"Actually, this village is a bit more industrial than the other villages and nations," Shylah replied. "Essentially, though, it's like a slightly modernized Ancient Japanese culture. They have low-tech computers, radios, and TVs, as well as some basic versions of video games."

"Naturally, your focus is on the video games."

"Well, _duh_! I mean, it's _video games_! Although they're not really advanced as the video games our home has, which is a huge disappointment." Shylah let out a long-suffering sigh, swinging her arms back and forth. "They also have washing machines, proper cleaning supplies, electricity, and probably a few other things that I'm forgetting."

"We're basically living with a bunch of criminals, we've essentially traveled to another world where the laws of physics don't really apply, and we don't know how to go back. Exactly _how_ is this situation going to get worse? Please tell me, because I have a bad feeling that this isn't going to get better."

Shylah rubbed the back of her head. "Well, our laws of physics still technically apply to us, so no super-awesome chakra-related abilities. We also technically don't know _how_ we got here, which makes getting home even more difficult than it would be." I threw my hands up into the air in exasperation, but apparently Shylah wasn't done. "Oh, and if we anger the leader of the Akatsuki, or any of his less stable subordinates, we could all meet bloody and possibly painful ends."

"Great," I grumbled, sarcasm dripping from my voice. "Is there _any_ possible upside to this predicament we have found ourselves in? I'm going to take a wild guess and say, _no_."

"There's this technique using chakra that's called 'genjutsu' that manipulates the senses. If I'm correct in my theories, not having chakra means that it won't affect us. There's also the opportunity to learn about an entirely different culture and eat different foods than what we're used to, although I think it's almost entirely a mimicry of Japanese cultures and traditions. Maybe not a _mimicry_, per se, but definitely closely intertwined with it."

I raised an eyebrow. "I see…" I pulled out my iPhone and started fiddling with it, hoping for a signal. "My phone doesn't seem to be working, either."

Shylah raised her eyebrows at me. "What is it with you people and sleeping with your phones? When Caitlin appeared, she'd apparently been sleeping with her phone, my phone, _and_ her charger."

"That's kind of… strange. Why would she be sleeping with your phone and her charger?"

Shylah shrugged. "I guess the charger appeared because it was hooked to her phone, and she had _my_ phone with her because she thought I'd try calling it for some reason. Kind of pointless since I don't even have my number memorized, but I guess it helped her sleep at night. She was close to hysterical that night when she found out that her phone didn't get any signal and she couldn't call her grandparents to tell them not to worry."

I winced, recalling the close relationship Caitlin had with her grandparents and younger brothers. We'd been in contact with them almost hourly for the past two days, and their worry for their granddaughter had bordered on hysteria. "My parents are probably so worried about me."

Shylah nodded slowly, a thoughtful look in her eyes. "How was Mischa the last time you saw her?"

I was about to reply truthfully, but stopped halfway through forming the first word. It wouldn't do to cause Shylah needless worry about her sister's emotional state, and I wasn't entirely sure she'd really be able to handle the thought of her little sister spiraling into depression because of her - or at least, her absence. Yet, as much as I wanted to spare Shylah emotional pain, I knew Shylah knew her sister well enough to guess her emotional state accurately without my having to say anything either way. I decided to go with a half-truth. "She's pretty torn up about it, but I wouldn't be too worried. She has Reia there to keep her grounded, and Tracey can probably come up with ways to make her laugh."

"I'd be more comforted if Tracey _weren't_ there, considering all the arguments they tend to get into." Shylah gave me a look that made it seem like she thought _I _was the one to be pitied. "But thanks, I appreciate your attempt to keep me from worrying." I was beginning to feel like she was pitying my speaking skills…

I decided to change the topic a bit to take Shylah's mind off my pitiful attempts to allay her worries. "How are Tisha and Caitlin taking this? I imagine their separation from the people back home is doing a number on them."

Shylah furrowed her brows in thought, going into the mode she has where she analyzes someone's every action and traces it back to a certain mentality. "Caitlin's worried out of her mind. She's never been out of contact with her family for more than a day at a time, and this is the third day she won't be talking to any of them. Family means everything to her, and-" Shylah stopped short before trailing off, giving me a look that I understood the meaning of all too well. Caitlin had separation anxiety, a deep-seated need to have contact with those she loved.

Shylah took a breath before continuing. "Tisha is doing a bit better than Caitlin. She sometimes complains about her boyfriend being lonely without her or something like that, but she doesn't really seem to mind all that much. Actually, she almost seems to like the freedom that comes with being here, in a sense. She'll miss her career soon enough; just yesterday afternoon she made Caitlin buy her drawing supplies so that she could fill out the dimensions for a building based on this style of architecture."

I nodded and made a small noise in response. "I know how Tisha and Caitlin are holding up. Now, how are _you_ holding up?"

Shylah shrugged noncommittally, no expression upon her visage. "I didn't have the kind of commitments they have, so I'm not feeling too eager to get back or anything. I _am_ getting kind of irritated that I don't have any access to my video games or the internet. Missing school isn't an issue, since summer break started a few days before I got here. I'm actually a bit more worried about getting attached to living here than anything else, y'know?"

I stared at her. After a few seconds, she noticed me staring. "What?" I didn't reply, and simply continued to stare at her. "_What_~?"

"I seriously think you could have Stockholm syndrome. Even if you don't, you most definitely have a susceptibility to it."

"Whatever," Shylah muttered, rolling her eyes. "I just like it here. You know I enjoy the rain, and it rains almost constantly. This place seems more exciting, anyway."

"_Exciting_? I think you mean dangerous. From the way you described it, we're living with criminals who could kill us with a flick of their fingers using some sort of weird energy-thing. We need to find some sort of way to distance ourselves from them because associating with vagabonds is one sure way to get into all sorts of trouble." I breathed a sigh of relief as we entered the far dryer atmosphere of what appeared to be a mall.

Shylah hesitated, the beginnings of a grimace pulling the corners of her mouth down. "I don't… I don't know. If they haven't hurt us so far, it's possible that we could be safer staying with them than trying to go it alone. Y'know, like we're smaller animals who form a symbiotic relationship with larger and more dangerous animals who will protect us and keep predators away."

I gave her a deadpan stare. "Do you really think this situation applies to the animal hierarchy? Never mind, don't answer that."

Shylah smirked at me, a mischievous light turning on in her eyes. "Tiamat, no matter what, there is _always_ an analogy or comparison for any situation. Now, how about we get you some clothes or something like that?"

I nodded in affirmation and followed Shylah around the mall. At first, she allowed me to simply window shop, but she quickly grew impatient with how long I was taking and simply led me into a store. While we were in there, I managed to find a pair of shoes that wasn't _too_ bland, although Shylah refused to buy me anything that looked too expensive. She also made me buy a spare pair of shoes that was even more functional than the first pair I had picked out.

After I put on my new shoes, Shylah led me to a small store that sold clothes, where I was to buy my outfits. I have to say, I was rather disappointed in their selection, but she forced me to choose from them nonetheless. When I had made my selections, I waited a fair distance away as Shylah then began to argue with the cashier over the costs of the clothes. After a while, they managed to come to some sort of agreement, and Shylah handed over the currency that the purchases required.

I shook my head as Shylah walked over to me, a satisfied smirk on her face. "You have absolutely no shame, do you?"

Shylah's smirk widened. "What do you mean?"

"Arguing with the saleswoman like that. What do you honestly think you're doing? She's trying to earn a living, and you're trying to cheat her out of every dime and cent." I exited the shop with Shylah following after me as she carried the bags.

"I wasn't _arguing_, I was debating. We got a pretty good deal." When I only continued to frown at her, she scoffed and rolled her eyes. "It's not like you're any different. You would've done the same thing, only in a more forceful way."

I raised an eyebrow and straightened my back in order to reach the extent of my height. "I don't _haggle_ over necessities, Shylah. I simply negotiate a fair deal for all parties involved rather than attempting to pinch as many pennies as I can in the hopes of saving a dime or two." I knew I was actually the same way, only a bit more persistent, but that wasn't going to stop me from giving her a hard time for embarrassing me in the store.

Shylah's smirk switched to a grin and she rolled her eyes again, amused. "Please. You enter a debate like a war king enters battle - take no prisoners, leave no survivors. I think you're an even more hard-core negotiator than I am." Shylah eyed me, her grin growing devious. "You wanna know what I think? You're just embarrassed because I started haggling the price without consulting you and I held up the line. Did you _see_ how many people were staring at us as we left?"

I refused to reply, but my flaming cheeks were the only answer Shylah needed. "How do you know all of us so well, and yet few of us know much about you?"

"Because you all talk your jaws off and don't give me a word in edgewise. It's only in these kinds of situations, when I'm talking to someone one-on-one, when I have the opportunity to give you my opinions and feelings." Shylah's grin turned into a frown, and she began looking into some of the shop windows. "Besides," she muttered under her breath, "it's not like there's any point to growing close to someone, anyway."

I frowned, but didn't press her to elaborate. Shylah was a secretive person, as much as she acted like she was just dying to communicate with someone on an emotional level. She wouldn't appreciate my acknowledging that I'd heard her, nor would she explain herself no matter how persistent I was. She may be incredibly good at reading people, but I wasn't too far behind.

We continued walking through the mall for a time, not concerned with the time. Shylah mentioned that she had to get back by lunch time, but it was only around ten in the morning, which meant that we had plenty of time to spare. Shylah inspected a few cookbooks in one shop, unmindful of the middle-aged woman at the counter giving us intrigued looks. I ignored her for the time being, as she would most likely speak to us if it was important.

"Is the lady at the counter checking us out or something?" Shylah muttered to me. She sent me a glance before twitching her left foot in the direction of the woman in question. I almost missed the foot twitch, but after knowing Shylah for a few years you learned to read her body language rather than her misleading tone or minimalistic facial expressions.

"I don't really know. Maybe she's just wondering why two young women such as ourselves would be looking through a cookbook when we could just as easily be about to meet our mothers for lunch."

Shylah chuckled a little, returning her gaze to the cookbook. "_You _might look like you're the age when you'd be going home to mother, but I've been mistaken for an adult since I was thirteen."

"Was that a reference to my height?" Short jokes were irritating, and something that I'd had to endure for the majority of my life; however, I prided myself on not being as affected by them as some people could get.

"I suppose it could be a height thing, since I'm five foot six. It's also a shoulder width thing, since my shoulders have been this wide since junior high, whereas yours are far more narrow and a bit more rounded. You're also a bit thinner than I am."

"I don't really think our physiques play much of a role in how much younger I look than you, considering that I'm filled out enough not to be mistaken for a child. And in case you hadn't noticed, most women here are either shorter than you or exactly your height."

Shylah nodded before smirking. "Ah, it feels good to feel tall. I almost feel physically superior to these people." She shut the cookbook she'd been reading - which I noticed was written entirely in Japanese - before approaching the counter. "Excuse me, I'd like to buy this book, please."

The cashier nodded and smiled at us as Shylah began to count out the amount of money we needed for the book. "I hope you don't mind my asking, but you two are new here, aren't you?" When we nodded, she continued. "I noticed you a few days ago shopping with that orange-masked man," she mentioned, speaking to Shylah. "Then I saw you with a girl the day after, and her with another girl the day after that. It's nice to see young people taking an interest in moving to our village - maybe you'll be able to help our recovering economy."

Shylah smiled kindly, and I followed suit. "Thanks, I actually really like it here. My friends and I are arriving on different days, so we'll probably be coming here for the rest of the week. It's nice of you to take an interest in us."

The woman smiled and waved the thanks off. "No need to thank me, I'm just an old busybody sticking her nose into other people's business." When Shylah handed over the money, she smiled and bagged the cookbook for us before sliding it across the counter, a conspiratorial look on her face. "You and that masked man made quite a cute couple. I'm sure he'll love any recipe you cook him from this book."

Shylah nodded and abruptly walked out of the shop, far faster than I had thought she would have. I shared a look with the cashier woman. "Don't worry, she's just a bit shy. You know how newlyweds can be."

Returning the cashier's 'have a nice day,' I sped out of the shop and raced over to where Shylah was waiting impatiently by a bench. When I approached, she began walking again. "People should really know when to mind their own business. I hate nosy people."

I grinned at her. "She was probably just fishing for more gossip." We walked in silence for a while before I remembered what the cashier had said. "So who's this masked man? Anything I should know about? Do I hear wedding bells playing in the distance?"

Shylah just turned her head to me, unamused but also unembarrassed. "Trust me, it's nothing like that. If you meet him today, you'll see exactly what I'm talking about." Shylah sighed and walked into a small accessory shop. "I need to find something to hold back my hair, 'cause this is seriously starting to irritate me."

"I think keeping your hair down is a nice change."

"It's _annoying_." Shylah grabbed a few hair ties before purchasing them and exiting the store quickly. "This world doesn't even have proper ponytail holders," she grumbled as she arranged her hair in a high ponytail.

"I have to say, I commend you on your ability to tie your hair while holding all those shopping bags." Shylah gave me an exasperated glance, but continued to carry the bags as we walked towards the exit. I have such dutiful servants.

I mean friends. Yeah.

"Shylah, if you hate having to deal with long hair, why not cut it?"

"I didn't say I hated dealing with it." At my persistent stare, she rolled her eyes. "Imagine Caitlin's hair, except blonde and even frizzier. _That's_ how my hair would look, which is even more unmanageable than it is now."

"Okay, I believe you." I ran a hand through my hair before stopping and glancing down to my cloak, which hid my nightclothes. "Hey, Shylah. I think I know how we can get enough money to become independent of the Akatsuki in this world."

Shylah glanced at me before looking ahead again and nudging the mall doors open with her foot. She waited for me to pass through before shoving the doors open further and hurrying through, herself. "I noticed when I first saw you. After people stop waking up in the Akatsuki hideout, we can put your plan into action, but for now we should simply wait."

I frowned. "That will take far too much time."

"Patience is a virtue."

"Yes, as I recall it's a virtue you don't have. Why the sudden about-face?"

Shylah was silent for a while, weaving in and out of crowds and parting the masses just long enough for me to sneak through after her. While she lacked the commanding presence required to get them to part for her, she had learned to spot openings in crowds and knew how to slip through them - it was, at times, tedious, but it got the job done. "I can be patient when I want to be. I also want to make sure no one else we know is going to randomly appear here, and I also want to make sure no one's appearing in any other nations."

"How many other nations are there?"

Shylah sighed and lifted her right arm before stopping when she remembered that it was carrying multiple bags. "Too many. Five powerful nations, numerous smaller nations of varying power. It's a large world, with even more unexplored territory to the west."

"How are we going to know if anyone appears in any of _those_ nations?"

"Word spreads easier than you would think, Tiamat." We walked in silence before Shylah laughed derisively. "Wouldn't it be funny if the 'good guys' killed us off while the 'bad guys' let us live? It would stink to be one of the people who ends up with the 'good guys', wouldn't it?"

I raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think the… 'good guys' would have people appearing with them? For that matter, why would they kill innocent people off if they're the 'good guys'?"

"'Good' and 'bad' tend to be a matter of perspective." I rolled my eyes at the familiar phrase, but wasn't going to let her drop the question at that. Thankfully, I didn't need to press the issue. "I was just thinking up a hypothetical situation in which people weren't just appearing with the Akatsuki. These nations I'm referring to all have ninja villages, which is where they'd end up, and I was thinking up a hypothetical situation in which someone said the wrong thing and got them all killed because they were labeled a possible threat."

My heart stuttered in my chest as I realized the same situation could essentially be applied to us. "…Shylah?"

"Hm?"

"Next time you think up one of these kinds of scenarios, please keep it to yourself. I'd rather not think about the possibility of dying so easily in this place."

Shylah sent a cynical grin back at me as we neared the entrance to the hideout. "Wouldn't you rather I let you know the exact kind of situation we're in? It's not like the danger is going to go away simply because you're choosing to ignore it. C'mon, Tiamat, you're encouraging Helsinki syndrome with that attitude."

"What is Helsinki syndrome?"

"Exactly what you're choosing to do, except on a larger scale." Shylah stopped in front of the main door of the Akatsuki base, eyeing its doorknob distastefully. I sighed in a long-suffering manner before obliging her and opening the door long enough for her to pass through before following after. "Thanks."

I nodded as I followed her through the corridors. "You're welcome. Are we going to my room?"

Shylah nodded as she hustled up some stairs. "I figured you'd want to change into some proper clothing."

After a few more twists, turns, and sets of stairs, we had arrived successfully in front of the door to my room. I wasn't sure how I could register it as the door to _my_ room since they all looked the same, but I did nonetheless. Shylah placed my bags on my bed before turning and leaving, mentioning something about making lunch. I wasn't sure I'd heard her right, though, because Shylah does not cook. I had heard rumors that bad things happened when Shylah cooked.

I shook off daydreams about what kinds of horrors Shylah's cooking could result in, deciding it was best not to think about, before putting my things away and hiding my night clothes in a safe place no one would look in - my underwear drawer. I then changed into some proper clothes and adjusted Shylah's cloak so that it was in a more comfortable position, no longer concerned with covering any skin thanks to the outfit I was wearing.

I sat on my bed, a contemplative look upon my features. _I've somehow been transported to another world. A far more dangerous world in which there are ninjas with superpowers, where I could possibly die if I make the wrong move towards these criminals known as the Akatsuki._ I groaned aloud and covered my face with my hands as realization hit me. "My fate is tied to Tisha's ability to behave."

Feeling unnerved, I exited my room and made my way to where I knew the kitchen was. I only knew it would be the kitchen because I could smell food being cooked, but either way I ended up in the kitchen in time to see the strangest sight I'd ever witnessed. Shylah was cooking. Shylah was cooking, her cookbook opened to a page depicting an oriental seafood dish. Would you like to know the most surprising part? The food wasn't burning.

"I didn't know you cooked, Shylah."

"I don't," Shylah grumbled, casting a sour glare back at me. "There's a reason I spread the rumors that I'm a terrible cook. I absolutely _hate_ cooking."

"Oh." _Well, it seems I was wrong._ "Would you like some assistance?"

Shylah nodded and pointed to the cookbook page, her finger landing on the portion of instructions relating to the seafood. "Tiamat, no one lends their 'assistance' anymore. You're just helping me cook lunch, not assisting me in the changing of a wagon wheel."

"I will speak the way I was raised to speak, thank you very much. I won't chastise you on your perverted nature if you don't correct my vocabulary." At my mention of Shylah's sense of humor, she raised her eyebrows at me, but didn't dignify my insinuations with an answer.

Instead, we worked together to cook the food. I prepared the fish while Shylah chopped the vegetables and cooked the rice. We shared a nice, companionable silence, punctuated on occasion when one of us would finish a step and ask the other if they had anything left to do.

Silence's reign was brought down shortly at the arrival of a shirtless man with slicked back silver hair and magenta eyes. "Oi, bitch! When's the food gonna be done?"

Shylah rolled her eyes while I scoffed at his rudeness. "Chill out, Hidan. The food's almost done. If you're really so impatient, you can wait at the dining area for us to set the table. Better yet, _you_ can set the table so that we don't have to waste time doing that just so you can eat."

Hidan opened his mouth to reply when Tisha entered the kitchen, Caitlin following after her. "Yo, bitch! When's the food gonna be done?"

This time Shylah and I both shared a glance. After a moment of silence, Shylah replied, "I hope you know Hidan said those exact words a few seconds ago."

Tisha scoffed. "I don't give a shit. I just wanna know when I'm gonna get some fucking food."

"Set the table and I'll let you eat."

"Fuck that!" Hidan and Tisha both replied in unison. They glared halfheartedly at each other, more concerned with getting food than with their similar speech patterns. Meanwhile, the other members had all made their way to the kitchen, either because of the ruckus or the smell of finished food.

Shylah gave both Hidan and Tisha a look that I recognized from her more temperamental moments before grabbing a plate and dishing food onto it. Hidan and Tisha watched hungrily as the food was placed with an odd air of gravity in an almost artistic formation. Shylah held the plate aloft, and just as Hidan and Tisha made a grab for it, the plate was maneuvered into my hands. "Tiamat helped me cook, so she gets the first plate."

I waited in the doorway to the dining area as she repeated the process, handing the plates to various others. "Konan-san is a lady, so she gets the second dish. Pein-sama is Pein-sama, so he gets the third. Caitlin can have the next one because she's _also_ a lady. Kakuzu-san waited patiently, Kisame-san complimented my cooking yesterday, Itachi-san _didn't_ bother me, Tobi-san also complimented my cooking, Deidara-san didn't bother me, either, Zetsu-san already got his food without bothering to make me get it for him. Now, Tisha, Hidan, here are your plates. Next time you're hungry and you want food before everyone else, either get it yourself or help me. I have no obligation to act like mother to either of you." Shylah then grabbed a plate of food for herself and turned to the table, head held high and chin tilted slightly up.

I smirked to myself as I followed her out and sat beside her at the table, where several of the Akatsuki members had managed to get into a debate, already. Shylah was always more entertaining when she was irritable, and she was usually more irritable when she was worried about Mischa.

* * *

It was late afternoon, and Shylah, Caitlin, Tisha, and myself were relaxing in the main living area of the Akatsuki's base. The Akatsuki members were all training outside because, according to Shylah, Pein-sama ordered them to keep up their training by practicing for two hours in the morning and two hours in the afternoon. Our lunch and dinner had both been rather eventful, with many arguments in between bites of food. The time between dinner and supper was punctuated by fights between various members, in which the four of us would hang off to the side in the hopes of not becoming a bystander casualty of this group's volatile dynamic.

Shylah was sitting in a large chair, reading a Japanese book about some sort of ninja techniques. I don't know where she got it, considering that she'd told me ninjas tended to jealously guard their techniques from outsiders, but I tried not to think about it. Tisha was stretched out on one of the couches, fiddling with her phone as she held it aloft above her head. I sat on another couch next to Caitlin, observing everyone, while Caitlin continuously sighed and shifted around, obviously bored.

"I'm so bored!" Caitlin exclaimed. She puffed out her cheeks and took out her phone, flipping through various apps hurriedly. "It's way too quiet here."

Shylah merely turned the page of her book, ignoring her, while Tisha gave her a small glare. "I know, Caitlin, it's fucking boring around here. No wonder these guys all became ninjas - there's nothing to do around here except freaking train."

I sighed. "There are probably _many_ things we could be doing in this place, but we can't because the only one who can read Japanese out of all of us is Shylah. I can understand Japanese as well as speak it, but that's not really the problem we're facing. We need to learn to read and write Japanese as quickly as possible if we're to manage some semblance of a normal life in this world."

Caitlin fell back so that she was stretched out across the couch we were sitting on, her head coming to rest in my lap. "I don't _want_ to learn how to live here, I wanna go home! Shylah, when are we gonna go home?"

Shylah turned another page, glancing up at us as she did so. "I don't know, Caitlin. We can't go home if we don't know how to go home, and we probably won't know how to _get_ home if we can't figure out how we got _here_."

Caitlin whined before turning her body towards the back of the couch, hiding her face in my stomach. The close physical contact was unnerving, so I looked down and opened my mouth to tell her to get off. I stopped, however, when I noticed her eyes were beginning to fill with tears. I sighed and leaned my head back against the couch, running my hand through Caitlin's short, frizzy hair.

For not the first time that day, I thought about how worried my parents must be. My grandmother was supposed to have arrived at our home for the summer today, and we'd been in the process of making plans to travel overseas. I sighed again, the first wave of homesickness hitting me that day. _Whenever we finally go home, I hope it's soon_.

* * *

**I have a question I've been meaning to ask for the past few chapters: Do you find the bleeped-out expletives annoying? I wanted to get your opinions on the matter because I've been writing stories with semi-mature themes (swearing, sexuality, violence) since I was little (I think before age ten), which might seem weird to some people, but was the natural course of events for me. Anyways, since I wasn't allowed to swear (and didn't want my mom to come across a document filled with curse words) I took to bleeping them out, and that writing style has carried over to my more current works. I find that it breaks any immersion I may have, so I'd appreciate you telling me if you have a preference. It doesn't matter much to me either way, I was just curious._  
_**

**So Tiamat. Yep, she's actually one of my favorite OC's I've ever made because her back-story is pretty dramatic and entertaining to think about. It's not the back-story for _this_ version of Tiamat, since that would require the presence of demons and the King of the Underworld. Yeah... Her personality actually ended up coming out a bit more rational than I'd originally intended, but that shall all be remedied in due time...**

***cue evil laughter***

**Anyways! I uploaded this early because I was done with it and didn't want to wait 24 hours to upload it, but also because this is my new way of celebrating things I love - by doing things I enjoy. If you celebrate Independence Day, I hope you'll have a great time celebrating in a way that would excite Deidara (if you know what I mean). If you don't celebrate American Independence Day, have a fun July 4th in the name of... Ramen King! Or the Viking King of Sweden, I dunno.**

_**Edit: I was distracted by fireworks, so this is actually uploaded REALLY early on Saturday morning. Like, midnight early.**_


	5. Tracey

**I don't own Naruto, Naruto Shippuden, or any of its affiliates.**

**If I _did_ own rights to Naruto/any of its affiliates, the manga/anime would be called Akatsuki, the Akatsuki would be alive, and/or there would be a spin-off series centering around the Akatsuki, because why the heck not? (And there would be an omake-thing where Asuma meets his child.) (Screw that, if I owned it no one cool/significant would be dead, but it also wouldn't be as good. Let sleeping dogs lie, SapphiraIce.)**

* * *

New P.O.V.: Tracey

I opened my eyes and looked around. I was still snuggly-warm in a bed, but the ceiling looked different. First off, it was a different color - my ceiling was a pretty sky blue, while this was just a boring stone color. Another thing - my sheets were definitely _not_ this colorless, or this scratchy. This wasn't very comfortable…

I sat up, pulling the sheets around myself, and looked to the edge of the bed where an incredibly good-looking man with long, black hair was sitting. We stared at each other for a few seconds in which I used that time to get a closer look at his features before I finally decided to speak up. "This isn't my room."

The man shook his head. _Okay, maybe he isn't the most talkative of people… That's too bad, 'cause I'd like to get to know him better._

I flopped back onto the bed. "Well, shit." I suddenly shot up as I realized my situation. "Is this where my friends were all taken, too?!"

"Yes, it is."

My eyes widened. "Oh, god, I've been kidnapped! What am I gonna do?! I can't die, I'm too young to die!" I fell back onto the bed and covered my face with my hands. "I don't wanna die a virgin!"

An awkward silence filled the room until there was a knock on the door. "Are you decent, Itachi-san?"

'Itachi' walked over to the door and opened it to reveal… "Shylah!" I yelled, jumping out of bed and running over to hug her. She ducked under my arms and into the room, but I didn't really mind - Shylah never willingly took a hug. "Oh, my god, I can't believe it! How are you alive?"

Shylah gave me an annoyed look before turning to Itachi. "Uh, sorry about her - she's naturally energetic _and_ a morning person, so… Y'know." She then turned to me, frowning slightly. "Okay, Tracey, let's go find someone to take you shopping."

"Yay, shopping!" I crowed as I followed Shylah out of the room. I paused and looked back at Itachi. "Sorry I kind of freaked out on you. The past few days have been kind of stressful, and stress makes me antsy."

Itachi nodded, the corners of his mouth barely turning up. "It's alright; I understand that this must be a stressful time for you." I beamed at him and skipped off after Shylah.

Shylah, meanwhile, scoffed. "What _doesn't_ make you antsy, Tracey? You don't stop moving when you're sleeping, much less when you're awake."

"But it's _worse_ when I'm stressed," I whined. "I get all jumpy and scared and I can't stop talking or moving or-"

"Hush, child, it's too early in the morning for this crap."

"Shit."

Shylah cast a questioning glance back at me.

"If you're gonna swear, do it right. 'Crap' is _so_ elementary school." I sniffed and looked away before turning back to her and grinning. "Don't worry, Shylah, we love you even with your ridiculous no-cursing rule."

"It's not a _rule_, I just don't like the way curses sound. I prefer words that sound nicer than curse words do."

I grinned at the back of her head. "Whatever you say, Shylah."

* * *

The place we were in - wherever that even _was_ \- was _HUGE_! It was probably the most twisty, turn-y, incredibly confusing place I'd ever been to. I was supposed to be _memorizing_ this stuff! The only house I'd been to that was even _remotely_ this large was Tiamat's mansion where she lived with her parents, and I could've walked from one end to the other in the time it took us to get from Itachi's bedroom to the hall Shylah finally stopped at.

"Why're we stopping, Shylah?" I asked, looking around at the different doors. It looked just like the one we'd just been in, except that _this_ hall looked at least a _little_ lived-in. It wasn't as dusty as some of the places we'd been through.

"This is the hall that's reserved for us. My room's right here-" Shylah pointed to a door on the end of the hall we'd just come from "-and Caitlin, Tisha, and Tiamat are all grouped on that end."

I stared over at the opposite end of the hall, where everyone who'd gone missing was apparently staying. "Why are you on the other end?"

"Because I wanted it to be that way," Shylah replied in her 'that should've been obvious' tone.

I nodded, not offended by the condescension in her voice. I knew she didn't _really_ mean it - I think. "Well then why are we all the way on the other side of the building from everyone else?" Shylah gave me a look - she didn't really like speaking - so I held up a finger and adopted a thinking pose. "Wait, lemme guess. We're in a more out-of-the-way spot so that we don't interfere with their lives and become unwelcome house guests. It also gives us room to plan our escape." Shylah nodded hesitantly and I jumped up, cheering.

"Except that we weren't kidnapped."

I paused. "We weren't?"

Shylah shook her head and started walking down the hall to where everyone else's rooms were located. "No, it's more like we were caught up in some sort of trans-dimensional portal and just kind of plopped down into the base of a criminal organization known as the Akatsuki, where we are now their guests."

"Oh." … "Wait, we're in a criminal organization? Itachi's a criminal?"

Shylah smirked at me. "Yes to both questions." She then knocked on a door. We waited for a few seconds before Shylah knocked again, harder. After a few more seconds, Shylah pounded on the door. "Open up, Caitlin!"

Muffled shuffling came from the other side of the door, and then the door was thrown open to reveal an extremely disheveled Caitlin. "WHAT?!" Caitlin paused when she saw me. "Tracey?"

I smiled and ran forward to hug her. "Hey-a, Cat! It feels like it's been forever! How've you been, girl?"

Caitlin returned the hug. "Good, considering that I'm a houseguest of a bunch of high-profile criminals with crazy superpowers. How's everyone back home?"

I stopped hugging her so that I could look her in the eyes. "We've all been pretty fucking worried. Emi's practically going out of her mind living in a house where people are going missing almost every night. It's stressful." I jumped a little when I felt something go around my shoulders, then relaxed when I realized Shylah had put some sort of blanket over my shoulders. "What's this for?"

"You sleep in your underwear."

My face reddened. "Do you think Itachi noticed?"

Caitlin sputtered. "You woke up in _Itachi's_ bed?" She was silent for a few seconds when I nodded. "What was it like?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but was cut off by Shylah. "If it makes you feel better, I don't really think Itachi cared all that much. Caitlin, I need you to get dressed and take Tracey out to buy some clothes. I'm just going to go let Pein-sama know that Tracey's here."

"Why can't you just get Tiamat or Tish to do it?" Caitlin asked while I muttered, "People not caring about a hot, almost-naked me doesn't make me feel better…"

"If you don't want to take her clothes shopping, _you_ wake one of them up. I'm not interested in hearing them screech at me about waking them up to order them around." With that, Shylah walked away, leaving Caitlin and I to shudder at the thought of a cranky Tiamat-and-Tish duo.

Caitlin and I shared a look. "I'll get dressed while you wait outside."

"'Kay."

* * *

As I stepped outside I took a deep, refreshing breath. "Ah, the great outdoors. Or, it would be great if it wasn't raining. I wish we were put on some kind of tropical beach, instead; at least then I could work on my tan."

Caitlin made a face. "For once, I don't agree with you. A sunny beach would kill me - I don't tan, I burn. It's not too bad, though, 'cause I don't really like the heat."

I skipped ahead and stopped to wait for Caitlin to catch up. I was a few inches taller than her, so it was pretty easy to get ahead of her if I wasn't paying attention - I didn't comment on it, though, because she doesn't like when people seem like they're making fun of her appearance.

When she caught up, I followed at a slower pace, although I was itching to run barefoot through the mud. I'd never done it before, and it seemed kind of like fun. I settled for falling behind and splashing in all the puddles I could find.

"So, Tracey…What was it like waking up next to Itachi?" Caitlin gave me a sly glance, and from the way she was smirking you'd think I'd slept with the guy or something. By 'slept', I don't really mean we _slept_. Why did I say that? You know that already.

"I didn't really wake up _next_ to him. I mean, he was on the bed, but he wasn't laying in it or shirtless or anything. He was just kinda sitting on the edge. Although if all the other guys here are as good-looking as he is, I don't think I'll mind being stuck here without cell phone service." I held up my phone as I finished. "I don't even remember putting it in my bra…"

Caitlin eyed the phone sadly. "Too bad we _don't_ have service." She paused for a few seconds before continuing. "Well, not all of them are very hot. I think two guys other than Itachi could qualify as good-looking, but I haven't really been checking them out or anything."

I sighed. "The least this place could do is have an excess of incredibly good-looking men… Hey, while we're here, we could always just check everyone out and decide for ourselves! That way, we'll…" I trailed off, not able to think of an actual reason for checking guys out. "That way, we'll have something to occupy ourselves with…?"

"I suppose we could do that. It's better than just lazing around all day and waiting for the food to be ready."

My hand flew to my mouth in horror. "Please tell me that's not all there is to do around here!"

"That's all we've been doing, really. Shylah and I are kind of their indentured maids, so we have to stay there to clean. Tish and Tiamat will probably go find work in the village or something, so you'll have _that_ to… look forward to. Shylah sometimes finds a book and reads it. The rest of us play games on our phones, but we've almost resorted to playing hide and seek twice. These are dark times for us, Tracey, dark times indeed."

"Shylah probably wouldn't like us checking out the bad guys."

Caitlin laughed. "Shylah doesn't care _what_ we do as long as we don't any of us killed. Tiamat, on the other hand, will probably skin us alive if she hears us talking about those guys in a personal way."

"I wouldn't mind getting 'personal' with a hot bad guy. I haven't dated someone labeled a 'bad boy', yet." Caitlin gave me a disbelieving look. "What? My brother was always really protective of me when we were growing up. You should've seen this one guy after Manny got done with him - it was just for whistling at me, too. Coincidentally, that's also how I met Tish…"

"Which is how you met me," Caitlin mused. "Did you ever tell your brother thanks for beating up a random guy so that we could all meet? Actually, I have to thank him for giving my neighbor a split lip. Gah, I'm remembering so many things that I should do, and I'm not even in a position to do them!" Caitlin grabbed her head with both hands, exclaiming to the heavens. "Why, God, why?!"

"We'll just have to remember for when we get back. And to answer your question, no, I haven't. I always get too irritated at his over-protectiveness, and we just end up getting into more arguments about his anger issues." I let my eyes rest on the behind of a well-built man as he hurried ahead of us and into a building that was under construction. _I wonder if he's single…_

"He doesn't have anger issues; he's just worried about you."

"Says the girl who has a crush on him!" I teased, my attention successfully diverted from trying to catch another glimpse of the man's toned butt.

Caitlin flushed red, the color only emphasizing her freckles and emphasizing the tones of her hair. "_Had_! I _had_ a crush on him when I was, like, fourteen. It was a dark time in my life, and he was one _fine_ seventeen-year-old."

"Ew. This is my older brother we're talking about." I made a face. I tried not to think about the times my friends all gushed about my brother, and we _both_ tried not to think about all the comparisons he'd get to a famous actor. "I swear, if you start asking me what kind of underwear he wears, I'll-"

Caitlin raised both her hands. "Don't worry, I don't like him that way anymore, and I'm not gonna stalk him through you."

"Good."

"…Who asked you what kind of underwear he wears?"

I groaned. "Way too many people."

Caitlin patted my shoulder sympathetically. "The burden of having a good-looking brother."

I sighed again before brightening. "On the bright side, I've noticed _several_ good-looking men on our way to the clothing store. Even if we can't find some good-looking men in the Akatsuki, there seem to be plenty around here."

Caitlin nudged me with her shoulder before opening the door to a large building I soon learned was a mall. "Such a player."

I smiled and nudged her back. "You know it."

* * *

The clothing selection was… less than ideal. I mean, I don't like to complain about these kinds of things, but I was hoping for something that was just as fashionable as it was functional. Either way, I managed to get some halfway decent clothing that made me feel pretty without burning a hole in our wallets.

As we walked out of the clothing store Caitlin had taken me to, I scanned the other storefronts. "Maybe we should shop around or something." I hadn't gone shopping in a while, and seeing all these salespeople vying for our patronage was starting to put me in the mood for it.

"We should probably head back soon. Lunch will be ready by the time we get back, and if we're not there in time Hidan, Kisame, and Tish will eat it all. There's no mercy for the stragglers."

I crossed my arms. "Fine, have it your way. I probably won't eat much, anyway - I'm never hungry in a new place."

"You're never hungry, period."

I gave her a look and we both laughed good-naturedly as we walked back outside. At least, we _were_ laughing until a piercing screech filled the air. Caitlin and I both stopped in our tracks, my own shock mirrored in her expression. Everyone around us stopped, as well, and the tension was just beginning to die down when another scream sounded through the air.

Caitlin looked at me, a mixture of fear and apprehension in her eyes. "Should we… check it out?"

"I guess…" We both made our way to the source of the scream, where a growing crowd had now gathered. I peeked over the heads of a few people, but couldn't see any details. Caitlin, meanwhile, had started pushing through the crowd, shoving aside anyone who wouldn't listen to her when she told them to get out of the way. I followed her, trying to smile apologetically to the people Caitlin shoved aside to keep them from yelling at either her or me.

At the center of the crowd was a hysterical woman and a… dead body. I gaped in horror until Caitlin covered my eyes. Behind her hands, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to calm my breathing. My legs were shaking, and I felt nauseous. Even if it was just for a few seconds, seeing the dead body was giving me a panic attack.

Caitlin turned me so that I was facing the other way and began leading me through the streets, away from the crowd and the body. I opened my eyes slowly, hesitantly, in order to see where I was going. "Thanks, Cat."

"What are friends for?"

"Clubbing on a Friday night, chilling on a Saturday night, mooching food, and borrowing money." I grinned at her, distracting myself from the- the thing that was back there that I absolutely refuse to even _think_ about.

"I asked what they're _for_, not what they're good at."

"There's a difference?"

* * *

When we got back, there was a commotion going on somewhere in the hideout. Caitlin referred to it as a 'base,' but I knew it was a hideout - criminals use hideouts, kids playing games use bases. As for headquarters, police had that taken, already.

Anyways, the source of the commotion was the kitchen. A man with silver hair and Tish were bothering Shylah and Tiamat for food, even though the food looked pretty much done and ready to serve. We entered the kitchen just in time to see Tiamat lose her temper and throw what she was holding - a kitchen knife - at the man.

Albino proved himself to be a ninja by dodging it, but was instead hit full-on in the face by the thing Tiamat had grabbed after the knife - a frying pan. "Oi, bitch! Quit throwing shit at me, I just want to eat some fucking food!" He picked the pan off the ground from where it had fallen and chucked it at Tiamat.

With an undignified squeak, Tiamat barely managed to dodge the pan in time. The frying pan flew past her, knocking into the stove where several _full_ pots of food were just waiting to be eaten. The air in the room stilled before a cold shiver went down my spine and I looked up to see Shylah glaring at all of us. "I _hate_ cooking."

Meanwhile, several other people had gathered at the entryway to the kitchen. One of the taller (and more intimidating) men took one look at the food and narrowed his eyes irritably. "What happened here?"

Shylah turned to him, her own glare not wavering as she replied. "Hidan and Tisha were annoying us, so Tiamat threw a knife and frying pan at him. After being hit with the frying pan, Hidan threw it and knocked over the food." Shylah paused. "The food was done, so that's one of two meals made, regardless of whether or not anyone ate it. If you want me to make lunch again, that'll count as the second meal, and I'm not making supper."

The tall man's red-and-green eyes snapped to Hidan, and he took a few threatening steps forward. Hidan tensed like he was preparing for a fight. "She threw the fucking pan in my face! I wasn't just going to stand here and fucking take it! If you're gonna be pissed, beat up the bitch who dodged the pan instead of fucking taking it like she should've!"

"It's actually a frying pan, not a fucking pan." For some reason, having just confronted the worst form of my phobia without turning into a pitiful blob of snot and tears left me feeling weirdly fearless and invincible. Otherwise, I might not have pointed out what I just did.

I didn't get much of a reaction from the two, though, because they were suddenly attacking each other. After trading some blows (Hidan didn't dodge and barely blocked, while the other guy blocked all but one punch), the guy I still didn't know the name of broke Hidan's defense, and proceeded to pummel the shit out of him. It looked satisfying.

Tish, a blue-ish man, a blonde I figured was male, and Caitlin were all cheering them on, goading them into continuing the fight. Itachi and an incredibly short and round guy looked very indifferent, bordering on bored and a little irritated. A man with an orange, swirled mask was yelling something about… something, while a guy whose skin was half-white and half-black was arguing with himself about whether or not they should try to snatch a piece of Hidan's body for lunch. Shylah was watching with satisfaction (it scared me, too), while Tiamat looked both affronted by the blatant violence and pleased that Hidan was currently being beaten to a bloody pulp.

'What about Tracey?" you ask? Or don't ask, I don't know. Well, I was busy looking at everyone else so that I wouldn't have to see what I just _knew_ was going to end up being a corpse on the floor. My palms were getting a little sweaty just thinking about it.

"Are you alright?" Itachi questioned silently from beside me. I almost didn't hear it, it was so quiet, but I heard it and appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

I shook my head, my voice shaky. "Is he going to kill him?"

Something flashed in Itachi's eyes, and for a second I thought it was humor. "He would if he could. Are you worried?"

"No, I just… don't like death. What did you mean, 'he would if he could'?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I should tell him about my necrophobia. Caitlin had told me that this world was filled with death, even more than where we'd grown up; if I was afraid of a harmless, dead body, how would that be viewed? In a world where death was just as normal as life, how weak was I to be afraid of the obvious mark of death?

Itachi simply shook his head, returning his gaze to the center of the kitchen. The cheering had died down, and I looked out of morbid curiosity, even though I knew that I'd hate myself for it later.

Hidan was lying on his back, surrounded by a pool of blood. One of his arms was ripped off, and his jaw looked like it was dislocated. I could feel my throat constrict and start to shake as the older man punched Hidan's jaw back in place. Suddenly, just like that, Hidan was glaring at all of us. "Ow, you fucking miser, why'd you hafta rip my arm off?"

"I wish I'd ripped your jaw out, instead, so you couldn't talk." The 'miser' walked over to said arm and picked it up. He then turned to Shylah. "Do I have to pay for this?" He asked, gesturing to the blood.

She nodded. "Think of it as paying for the mess Hidan made." The man glared back at Hidan when she said that. "Nice doing business with you, Kakuzu-san." Kakuzu waved over his shoulder dismissively, irritated, as he started helping Hidan off the floor. Several cracking sounds were heard when Hidan put pressure on his feet, and he grunted. "You broke my fucking legs, you bastard miser." He then glanced at me, and I tried and failed to stop shaking. "What're you looking at, bitch?"

I shook my head, and Tish moved to stand between us. "Leave her the fuck alone, you bastard. She can look at whatever shitty face she wants." They then got into an argument, and Kakuzu and Hidan left with Tish following after her.

Just then, a man with tons of piercings entered the room, followed by a woman with lavender hair and several piercings of her own. He took one look at the messed-up floor and turned his steely gaze to the rest of us. "What happened here?"

Again, Shylah was the one who answered that question, although her expression was now carefully neutral and her tone was more respectful than I'd ever heard it before. "Long story short, Hidan threw a frying pan into the finished food, and I refuse to remake a meal for a bunch of misogynists who don't appreciate how much I hate cooking."

The man and woman shared a look before he left the room and the lavender-haired female began assembling ingredients for lunch. We were all silent for a few seconds before a shout and a large boom echoed through the building. A few of the men there chuckled, while the rest of us (except for Shylah) looked at each other, confused.

Shylah shrugged and turned back to where the unknown woman was standing and preparing vegetables. "Konan-san, I can make lunch for you and Pein-sama. I do kind of owe you both for letting us stay here."

Konan paused in her chopping, turning her head slightly to Shylah. "That would be appreciated. We've had an unusually stressful day today, and I think we would both benefit from your cooking."

Shylah nodded gravely. "It might take a little while, but I think I know just the dish. Mischa's knoephla soup is always good for relaxing." Without another word, Shylah set to work chopping the vegetables and otherwise preparing a signature dish from her German heritage.

Before Konan could leave (all the guys had gotten snack-foods from the kitchen and left), Caitlin turned to her. "Was that stress caused by the random murder in broad daylight?"

Konan's eyes widened fractionally. "Yes, it was. How did you know about that?"

"We may have caught a glimpse while we were… out." Caitlin glanced at me, and I shuddered involuntarily. I tried to focus on the choppy, unpracticed rhythm of Shylah chopping the last of the vegetables while the water for the soup was brought to a boil.

"I see. Did either of you happen to see anything unusual while you were there?" I looked back to her, this time studying her hair and trying to find any signs of dye. In case you were wondering, I didn't find any - instead, I found a few signs of natural shades of purple.

Caitlin replied for both of us. "No, just a hysterical woman screaming over a-" Caitlin glanced at me for a second before quickly stepping up to Konan and whispering in her ear. I knew she was trying not to mention the body in front of me, but I'd already thought of it. I started shaking again, and only stopped when Tiamat put a hand on my shoulder.

Konan listened intently as Caitlin described what I had seen, her eyes drifting to me concernedly as I wiped my brow and ran a hand through my hair. When Caitlin pulled away slightly, Konan whispered something to her, eyes locked on me. Caitlin replied before walking over to me and giving me a bright smile. I smiled back shakily, happy that I'd managed to avoid a panic attack three times in a row.

After a few seconds Pein returned to the room and gave Konan a questioning glance. Konan indicated Shylah with her hand, and Shylah looked up from where she was cutting the dough as though she somehow had eyes in the back of her head and knew their focus was on her. "Hey, Pein-sama. I figured I should make you guys some food since you're in charge, and I don't want to risk Tiamat burning anything she tries to make for herself."

Pein nodded as if that was the only decision to make. Konan and Pein then proceeded to speak with each other quietly - well, it was more like they were communicating through the smallest change in expression and movement, with a few words to convey what their secret language couldn't. It was fascinating to watch - especially when the alternative was to think of… uh… I'll just focus on Pein and Konan instead of what other thing I _could_ be thinking of.

After a few seconds, though, they stopped, so instead I switched my attention to Shylah cooking. I didn't remember ever seeing her cook before - even if the meal was pizza or mac 'n' cheese, Shylah had nothing to do with making it. Seeing Shylah running around in the kitchen, more animated than I'd ever seen her, made me feel like I was in the Twilight Zone or something. It wasn't natural.

It wasn't natural until all the ingredients were added and Shylah grabbed a book to read it while she waited. _That_ was definitely the Shylah I knew.

I jumped when I felt a hand on my arm, and turned to see Tiamat giving me a concerned look. "Are you okay? You're being really quiet. I'm not complaining or anything, but that's not like you."

"No, I'm fine. I'm just surprised to see Shylah cooking." I grinned when Shylah looked up from her book to glare at me. The glare was short-lived, however, because Shylah's attention quickly returned to the book.

Caitlin giggled and nudged me. "That reminds me, Tracey, I just thought of an _awesome_ prank to play." I could feel my eyes light up with the excitement of the prankster's call.

Pein and Konan both looked at us, concern in their eyes. "You won't be pranking any of my members." It was more of an order than a statement, or even a request. It kind of reminded me of the way Tiamat tended to order people around, actually.

Caitlin and I both held up our hands at Pein's intimidating stare. "Don't worry, man- er, Pein-sama. We won't target any of your members as long as they leave us alone." Caitlin paused for a few seconds before seeming to think of something. "But if they employ us to prank the other members, that's on them, not us."

"We're S-ranked criminals; we don't resort to petty pranks."

Caitlin shrugged. "Okay, but I'm just saying it's a harmless way to let off some steam without dismembering the first person to piss you off."

Pein simply looked at us, the smallest hint of disapproval in his eyes. "Don't give my members any ideas. I don't want them focusing their destructive tendencies on pranking everyone in the base."

I straightened and gave him a mock salute. "We've gotcha covered, Pein-sama! No encouraging the super-strong criminals with superpowers to prank each other: check!" I giggled, and my giggles trailed off into awkward laughter when he didn't even react. We all stood there in complete(ly awkward) silence until my stomach growled. "Eheheh, I guess I'm a little hungry."

"If you don't want to wait for my soup to finish cooking, make something, yourself. I hate cooking." Shylah repeated, unbothered by how repetitive she was being with her 'I hate cooking' shtick.

"No, it's fine - I can handle a little hunger. The soup smells good, by the way." I complimented. Shylah just 'hm'-ed and kept reading.

An arm draped across my shoulders, and I turned to see Tish giving me a devilish grin. "Hey, bitch, when'd you get here?"

"This morning," I replied, feeling my cheeks heat up just the _tiniest_ bit when I remembered that I'd woken up in some stranger's bed.

Tish turned, arm still over my shoulders, and exited the kitchen. "I'll pretend you didn't just sound like a smartass because I know you didn't mean it that way. Let's plan up ways to fuck shit up while we wait for Shylah to finish cooking our food."

"How did you know she was making knoephla for the rest of us?"

Tish made a face. "Is that the stuff with the random balls of dough?" When I nodded, she stuck out her tongue. "Shit, I wish I'd just gone with making something for myself. Knoephla soup is too weird for me - it's like it can't decide whether it wants to be a soup or a stew." Tish sighed disappointedly. "Oh, well. I guess it beats starving."

I nodded. "It beats beer bottles being the only thing in the fridge, too."

Grinning once again, Tish wiggled her arm so that I swayed back and forth. "Enough about that shit - let's find some mayhem to cause!"

* * *

**Tracey! Tracey, why? You've been one of my OC's for so long, yet I'm not satisfied with how you turned out in this! The beginning was fine, but then... I don't even know you anymore! Wait, you're MY OC - you technically _can't_ be OOC. Hmmm... I will have to rethink this...**

**Hey! I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. For those of you who may or may not know, I formerly had swearing bleeped out with little asterisk-things that I'm not sure are really called that (****). Last chapter I asked if they wanted me to remove them, was given a resounding 'Yes', and have since removed them. I agree with the decision - I don't particularly like how 'fuck' looks, but I think it looks better than ****.**

**I hope your weekend is going well, and that it continues to do so.**


	6. Emi

**As I've said before, I only own Shylah, Tish, Tiamat, Caitlin, Tracey, and now Emi.**

**Please enjoy! :3**

* * *

New P.O.V.: Emi

I awoke to music playing through the headphones I'd fallen asleep wearing last night. It was a nice, soft song, and it made me forget for a second that almost all of my friends were missing and I was one of the last three still safe in my own bed. At least, that's what I thought until a voice cut its way through the hazy fog of my still-tired brain.

"Hey, what is this thing? Some of your other friends appeared with them, too, but they never tell us about them." I opened my eyes widely to stare at a man (in _my_ bed) with oddly blue-tinged skin and spiky blue hair. I was fascinated until he grinned at me, and I cringed away from his razor-sharp teeth. "I get that reaction a lot," he told me, unbothered by my reaction.

That's when it hit me. I was in an unfamiliar room, in an unfamiliar bed, with a shirtless man who looked oddly like a shark. After a quick glance down at myself, I confirmed that, yes, I _had_ gone to bed last night wearing extremely small pajama-style short-shorts and a revealing, matching pajama top. What I did next was really only natural for me. I fainted.

* * *

"Uh, Kisame-san, what did you do to Emi?" A muffled voice inquired. Whoever it was had to be female, and she sounded vaguely familiar. I mentally shrugged and prepared to go back to sleep.

"I didn't do anything! All I did was ask her about this thing, and she fainted on me. It's not like I _tried_ to scare her or anything." That voice sounded familiar, too, but not as much as the previous one.

"You kind of contradicted yourself. At first you said that you didn't do anything, then you said that you _did_ do something. And no one appreciates your awesome appearance the way they should - it's the burden of being on a whole new level of epic that the rest of us plebeians haven't yet developed the ability to understand." Oh, that was Shylah. Well, this answers the question of where everyone went to. We were all kidnapped by shark men.

"I'm not sure whether I should be annoyed that you're pointing out my contradiction just to irritate me, or flattered that you think I'm awesome." Speaking of the shark man…

I decided now was a good time to sit up and announce that I was awake. Shylah looked over to me, unsurprised, while Kisame gave me another sharp-toothed grin. I focused on Shylah. "I didn't faint because of how Kisame looks, I fainted because we were in the same bed together." I felt my face heat up at the memory, and the blush only deepened at the look Shylah gave me. "I think Kisame looks cool."

Kisame smirked. "I must be losing my touch. You're both supposed to be running from the room, screaming in fear - not commenting on how cool I look."

Shylah shrugged. "We have a thing for pointing out the obvious. If you'd like, we can run from the room commenting on how your height is incredibly intimidating." As she spoke, Shylah walked over to me and threw a cloak over my shoulders before grabbing my hand and pulling me off the bed. Still holding my hand, she escorted me from the room.

"I guess that will have to do," Kisame said, still sporting his shark-y grin.

"To answer any questions or incorrect assumptions you may have, we weren't kidnapped." Shylah immediately began to inform me. "We somehow teleported through some sort of dimensional rift and landed in a dimension where everyone has a chi-like substance flowing through their bodies that makes their bodies naturally stronger and more resilient than ours. They can use this substance, called chakra, in order to use moves that are the equivalent of comic book superpowers."

I nodded, my brain starting to feel numb at the rush of new - and fantastic - information.

Shylah paused only for a few seconds to allow me time to adjust to what she was saying before continuing. "We are currently in a country known as the Land of Rain, and are the guests of the country's leader, Pein. He's also the head of a criminal organization known as the Akatsuki, a member of which you just woke up in bed with. The capital city, which we are near, is known as Amegakure. Before you ask about the names, the culture here is Japanese."

Knowing the culture I had been transported to was the same as the one I'd been raised in made me feel a bit better about our situation. Unfortunately, I remembered that we were being hosted by a group of criminals, and my mood plummeted. "Are they really criminals?"

"Some of the strongest ninjas in this dimension, actually. They've all killed many people, Emi. I didn't tell anyone else that because they'd either already figured it out, or they wouldn't be able to handle interacting with people who'd taken another's life." When she caught me giving her a look, she raised her hands. "That's not to say that you couldn't have already realized this on your own, or that I think you should have that knowledge over your head. I just need you to keep an eye on Tracey until Reia gets here."

"Do you think Tracey needs a babysitter? I know she annoys you, but she's not the type to needlessly antagonize a group of criminals."

"It's not that. Someone needs to keep an eye on her because of her necrophobia. This world is even more dangerous than where she grew up, so we'll have to be extra careful about what she's exposed to. She already saw someone's corpse when she and Caitlin went to town to buy some clothes."

"Is she okay?"

"For being almost constantly confronted with the images and reminders of corpses, she did surprisingly well yesterday." Shylah took one more turn before stopping and gesturing to the corridor we were now facing. "In other news, this is the hallway reserved for us. It's on the other side of the base so that we aren't constantly running into other members. The rooms, starting from the furthest end, are occupied by Caitlin, Tisha, Tiamat, and Tracey. My room is over here. Feel free to pick an unoccupied bedroom in which to stay while I grab you some of Tiamat's clothes."

I shrugged and opened the door to the room next to Tracey's. The room was quaint, small enough to be two closets put together, with a simple bed and dresser for the only furniture. To the right was a door leading to Tracey's room (because that was apparently totally necessary), and to the left was a door that I found out led to a small bathroom. The bathroom was furnished with the basics of a toilet, sink, and shower, and I giggled a little to think how disappointed Tracey and Tiamat probably were at the lack of a mirror.

There was a knock on my main door and Shylah entered, inspecting the room with disinterest. "Everyone's rooms look the same. Yesterday Tisha and Tracey were talking about getting enough ryo to redecorate their rooms. They'll probably end up spreading everyone out so that they can knock down the walls between the rooms and have more space. I think it's unnecessary, but they hate cramped spaces enough to be willing to do all the work themselves."

I looked around the room one last time before taking the clothes Shylah offered and beginning to change. "I kind of agree. It's nearly impossible for me to change without almost bumping into you, even if you are closer to the door and I'm by the bed. I wouldn't even mind just knocking down the wall between my room and Tracey's if it freed up that little bit of space."

Shylah sighed. "Just give me some warning so that I can get Pein-sama's permission before you go demolishing parts of the building, okay? We're his guests here, and I don't really want to make him mad. He can be really intimidating without even trying."

"It's going to take a long time for us to come up with the money necessary to pay for the furniture they'd want, anyway. We have at _least_ a few months, which doesn't really matter anyway because we'll be back home in that time." I paused to look at Shylah. "We _do_ have a way of getting back home, don't we?"

Shylah shrugged, turning to face me when she couldn't hear the sounds of me getting ready anymore - it's okay, though, because I was finished. "Why does everyone always ask me that question?" She huffed when I simply looked at her apologetically. "In answer to your question, no, we don't. It most likely has to do with a dimensional barrier that allows things to come in from our side, but not the other way."

"Like a cell membrane?"

Shylah smirked and lazily spun her finger in the air in a mockery of a celebration noisemaker. "_Exactly_ like a cell membrane. Until we find out what conditions need to be met so that we fit whatever is allowed back through the membrane, we're stuck in this dimension playing house with a bunch of criminal psychopaths."

I cringed, suddenly queasy. "They're not actual _psychopaths_, are they? Kisame didn't seem that bad."

"He'd probably be insulted if he ever heard you say that. Oh, well. Yes, he's a bloodthirsty murderer who thinks it's fun to kill people. Most members of this organization probably get a high out of killing random civilians in their own favorite methods. I think even the members who don't enjoy killing have other psychological issues."

"That's not making me feel any better about this situation."

"My job isn't to make you feel better, it's to make sure you understand this situation in its entirety." Shylah led me back through the twists and turns. "By the way, you were out long enough to have missed breakfast. That's where Kisame told me you were here, and I went ahead and told Pein about you."

"Okay, thanks."

"No problem. Now I have to find Tracey so she can take you to get some clothes of your own."

We kept walking until we came across Tiamat. "Hello, Emi. I see you made it here in one piece." Tiamat studied me, her brows meeting in a furrow. "Are you wearing my clothes?"

I felt my cheeks redden slightly and squirmed uncomfortably. "Shylah gave them to me. I thought we had your permission." Shylah stood beside me, disinterested in the position she'd put me in.

"It's fine, Emi. I don't really mind that you're wearing my clothes, it just surprised me is all." Tiamat held up a hand and put it on my shoulder reassuringly. "I mean, they're just clothes. I'd rather you randomly start wearing my clothes than walk around a base filled with men wearing whatever you came here in."

"Not that this isn't a touching moment for you two, but do you know where Tracey is, Tiamat?" Shylah interrupted what was, in fact, a rare moment of understanding and reassurance between Tiamat and I. "I figured Tracey wouldn't mind helping Emi pick out some clothes."

Tiamat frowned, looking back in the direction she'd come from. "Tracey's with Tisha and Caitlin, huddling over Tisha's drawing supplies. When I asked them what they were doing, they just shooed me away, so I think they're planning a prank on someone."

I frowned, glancing around nervously. "Is it really a good idea for them to be pranking people in a base inhabited by criminals?"

Shylah rolled her eyes before responding, sarcasm dripping from her voice. "Yes, Tracey, Tisha, and Caitlin planning pranks around extremely powerful criminals with volatile personalities is possibly the best idea any of them have ever come up with. Of course, considering who we're talking about, that's not saying much."

"That's not very nice…" I muttered halfheartedly. Unfortunately, it was true - none of those three had ever been known for planning ahead, and when they got together to make mischief, well… shit usually hit the fan before flying back in their direction and spreading to the rest of us.

Tiamat shrugged. "It's not like they're going to target the Akatsuki." She paused, suddenly looking very wary. "Which means they'll be after us. Well, that's just great - and here I was looking forward to a prank-_free_ summer."

"Weren't you going to rent some sort of cabin or something for all of us to stay in together for the whole summer?" I asked, confused. I'd thought she was being serious when she told us all that, but it wouldn't be the first time I'd been mistaken.

Tiamat face-palmed. "Oh, right, I forgot about that. What was I _thinking_?"

Shylah patted Tiamat's shoulder before moving on, motioning for me to follow her. "Don't worry, Tiamat, I'm sure you weren't."

I hurried after Shylah, sending an apologetic glance back to Tiamat, who waved me off and continued on her way. "Shylah, that wasn't very nice. I think we need to work on your people skills."

"I'll show you people skills…"

"Really, Shylah? I think the lack of video games is getting to you." _Maybe she has low blood sugar… I think she mentioned the possibility of her being anemic, once, so maybe she has something wrong with her that puts her in a bad mood._

Instead of replying, Shylah walked into a living room area where a tall man with red and green eyes was counting money. "Hey, Kakuzu-san." Kakuzu didn't bother to acknowledge her, so she turned to a coffee table where Caitlin, Tish, and Tracey were arguing over something Tish had drawn on a piece of paper. "Tracey, you need to take Emi clothes shopping."

Tracey looked up at us, an uncharacteristic pout on her face. "Why do I have to go? I'm busy!"

"You haven't escorted anyone on their shopping trip, yet."

Tish looked up, scowling. "What if _I_ want to take someone shopping?"

Shylah gave her a look. "Do you _really_ want to leave Caitlin and Tracey to the planning?"

Tish shrugged and went back to the paper. "Good point. Tracey, get your scrawny ass out of here and help Emi buy some clothes. Cat and I will have some good ideas waiting for you when you get back."

Tracey hopped up, her pout now more for show than actual resistance - she loved any excuse to go shopping. "Okay, but just because you're making me go, you have to use the pink sparkles!" Grinning triumphantly, Tracey skipped over to me.

"Where the _hell _am I gonna find fucking _pink sparkles_?" Tish grabbed her head and growled in frustration.

I allowed Tracey to grab my hand, and even joined her skipping as we left the room. "That's not my problem, is it?" Tracey called back over her shoulder. She giggled when Tish's growl turned into a snarl, and we hurried our skipping until we burst through the door and outside.

"Do you always go out of your way to antagonize Tish?" I asked as we slowed down to a normal skip. My cheeks were turning pink at the stares we were getting, but I did my best to ignore them by focusing on Tracey instead.

Tracey placed a hand over her heart and gave me an exaggerated pout. "You wound me, Emi. I thought we were friends!" I giggled and Tracey's grin returned. "I'm giving her anger management classes. If she can go a week without blowing up at me for annoying her, she passes and can handle any situation!"

"I get the feeling this isn't going to turn out well…"

Tracey shrugged, unconcerned. "We'll get there when we get there. I'm sure I'll come up with something - I'm the master of thinking on the fly." See, she doesn't plan ahead.

"What if she gets fed up and runs after you with a sharpened pencil again?" In hindsight, it was kind of funny, but at the time I was terrified Tish would lash out at the rest of us in her efforts to stab Tracey's tongue out. Yes, she was using a sharpened pencil to stab someone's tongue. No, I'm not sure how she actually planned to accomplish that.

"Then I'll hide behind Shylah or Tiamat." Tracey rolled her eyes at my look. "No matter what you guys say, Tish isn't gonna kill me. Maim me, yes, incapacitate me, most likely, but kill me? No. We've been through too much together for her to kill me. Why waste all the time we had together with homicide?"

"You three have to be the most dysfunctional group of teenagers I've ever met. I'm surprised you've all lasted this long."

Tracey flashed me a peace sign. "Us ghetto kids have to stick together."

"Uh, Tracey? You're the only one who could have conceivably been raised in the ghetto. Tish wasn't raised in a single home, but every foster home she went to was in nice suburbs. Caitlin lived ten miles out of the city." I slowed our pace so that we were walking normally because I'd gotten tired of the stares.

Tracey put a finger on her chin and gave me the stare of one who has just solved one of life's greatest mysteries. "Oh, yeah!" We trailed off into silence, which Tracey dutifully broke. "Technically Shylah and Mischa were raised in a small-town version of a ghetto."

"The small-town version of a ghetto is a trailer court, Tracey. They never lived in a trailer court."

"If you believe hard enough, they did!"

I patted the arm of Tracey's that was looped through my own. "Believe what you like, Tracey, but it doesn't make it any more true."

Tracey pouted at me. "You sound like Shylah. I think she's actually told me that, once."

"She probably has."

* * *

Tracey and I have developed a shopping technique over the years involving teamwork and finesse. Okay, I'm actually more or less her dress-up doll for whenever she feels the need to give me 'advice' on fashion. I'm fine with this - contrary to Shylah's beliefs, Tracey's style doesn't just involve bright colors in flamboyant styles, and she's helped me to feel confident and pretty in what I wear. For a girl who was teased for her poor English when her parents suddenly migrated to America when she was seven, the confidence boost felt nice.

Of course, I still felt too shy to approach the cashier and purchase my items, but Tracey was more than happy to do any and all interactions with salespeople in my stead. She also enjoyed flirting with the male cashiers.

Tracey spent a good three hours picking out clothes based on the colors that she said suited me, having me change into and model them, and then either approving or disapproving of the choices before repeating the process. Sometimes her opinion would change simply because my hair wasn't in my usual style, and a quick hair tie or two to change things up would either help her visualize the necessity of whichever outfit she wanted me to buy, or convince her that it wasn't worth the effort.

By the end of the shopping trip, Tracey had accumulated thirty outfits, twenty pairs of varying types of underclothes, ten pairs of shoes, and ten sets of assorted accessories. I saw the problem with this immediately - we didn't have _nearly_ enough money to purchase all that. With some convincing (and downright denial), I was able to talk her down to one third of the original amount.

I followed Tracey out of the store we'd been in for the past few hours, carrying my bags and avoiding the friendly well-wishes of the male cashier as he smiled appreciatively after us. My cheeks were tinged red because Tracey had just commented on various parts of his anatomy that met her approval, and insinuated that it was me he seemed to be interested in, rather than her. I didn't really want to think about it - the cashier wasn't really my type, and besides that, I didn't want to get attached to anyone in this world when we'd (hopefully) be leaving soon.

Tracey led me around the mall, looking at everything excitedly. "I didn't get to see this part of the building yesterday. Cat doesn't like shopping as much as I do, so we were only here long enough for me to get my clothes and get out. I wonder if they have anything good to eat, here…"

"Maybe we shouldn't use up all of our money, Tracey…" I muttered. She would probably end up sneaking out on her own to get what she wanted if I straight-up denied her. I decided to try and dissuade her before she saw anything she liked, because I really didn't want to waste all the money we had that _should_ be used to get us out of living with criminals.

"Why not spend it on a nice little treat for ourselves? We have our housing situation covered, and we're not really strapped for cash or whatever. We can always get more." Nonetheless, Tracey turned around and headed for the exit, the spring never leaving her step. "Did Shylah tell you there was a murder yesterday?"

I eyed her suspiciously. The weird thing about Tracey's necrophobia was that she could talk about murders - which involved dead bodies - without actually think about the bodies involved, whereas any mention of a funeral home or graveyard would send her into instant panic. "No, she didn't. How did you find out?"

The spring in Tracey's step died down, and her shoulders tensed. "Cat and I… uh…" Her voice was shaky, and her legs had begun to shake.

"I see." My mind raced frantically for a topic to distract Tracey with. "I've been feeling oddly nostalgic walking through this village and that mall area we just came from. It's not exactly like home, but the culture and mannerisms hardly have any noticeable differences."

"Oh, yeah!" Tracey exclaimed, brightening instantly. "Shylah mentioned something about the culture being like some sort of industrialized Ancient Japan kind of thing. Or did she say post-Feudal Japan? I forget which."

I sighed in relief at her sudden change in attitude. All of us (my six roommates, Tiamat, and I) know how to help calm Tracey down when she begins to have a panic attack, but only Shylah, Tish, and Caitlin had ever actually had to _use_ that information. I wasn't confident enough in my abilities to help her, so I needed to stick to keeping her from even beginning an attack.

Tracey continued to chatter about how she should've recognized this as a Japanese-esque culture when she walked around here yesterday. I only half-listened, and smiled encouragingly whenever Tracey asked me if she'd pronounced one of the new Japanese words she'd learned correctly. She also pointed out a few people she'd seen yesterday, including a well-toned man who was just leaving a construction site with a homemade bento box.

"I wonder if his girlfriend or wife made that for him," I mused. I also wondered what specific foods were in the box, which would tell me what kinds of foods they had in greater abundance here. I suddenly had a longing to make Shylah and Mischa kyaraben featuring their favorite anime characters and give everyone else oekakiben of their favorite animals. My homemaker tendencies were suddenly on high alert, and I was scanning the area for a stand selling bento box containers.

"You don't think he has one, do you? I don't see a ring on his finger." Tracey watched the builder, her gaze changed from appreciative to worried.

"His lunch just looked carefully-prepared. He could've made it for himself, or his mom could've made it for him." I sighed in disappointment when I realized we were far from the area of town that had food for sale. It seemed I would have to wait for a while to fulfill my sudden desire to make them bento boxes. That was fine with me, because the last time I'd made one I was helping my mom make one for my dad when I was ten.

*I hope he isn't married. I was planning on flirting with him eventually." Tracey frowned as we turned onto the last street before the Akatsuki base. "Cat and T were thinking of flirting with him, too. I wonder how they'll take this news."

I mentally face palmed at how casually Tracey mentioned that all three of them wanted to put the moves on the same guy. "You were all going to flirt with him at the same time?"

"No, I'd go first, T would go second, and Cat would go third. We would've stopped flirting with him if one of us succeeded."

"None of you has a boyfriend?"

Tracey sighed dramatically. "Sadly, no, not yet. We haven't found anyone who suits us enough to date him since our last boyfriends. It's such a tragedy!"

I shrugged and thanked Tracey when she held the door to the Akatsuki headquarters open for me. "I'm gonna go put this stuff in my room. You can go back to Tish and Caitlin to plan… whatever it is you're planning."

"Okay, see ya later!" Tracey waved before running back to the living room area Shylah and I had first found her in. There were a few shouts of surprise, and I guessed Tracey had given them one of her flying tackle-hugs. Yeah, she does them enough to be patented as _her_ flying tackle-hugs.

Back to the point at hand, I had carefully made my way back to my room after multiple wrong turns and several near run-ins with the various Akatsuki members. I always managed to avoid them, somehow, although I _was_ caught and nearly suffocated by a man with an orange mask. Thinking he wasn't dangerous because of the lack of distinct black cloak-age, I'd mistakenly let my guard down and tried to walk past him normally, only to have him hug me with a joyous shout about welcoming one of 'Shylah's friends' to the base. I had fainted from a combination of lack of oxygen and embarrassment, only to wake up an undeterminable amount of time later with all my bags still lying around me and no one in sight.

I then hustled to my room and stuffed all my new clothes into the drawers before changing hurriedly into the only outfit I'd picked out for myself. I ran back out of the room and down the hall, only stopping to return Shylah's rain cloak to her room. _I wonder what time it is. My room doesn't even have a _clock_ to tell me the time, so I have no idea if it's two in the afternoon or two in the morning._

I decided my safest bet was to check the living area, since that was the only room other than my bedroom I actually knew the location of. After several twists, turns, and some backtracking, I burst through the doorway (there wasn't an actual door there, just an opening) and stopped. Tish, Tracey, and Caitlin all looked up from where they were conversing over that same piece of paper, Tiamat looked up from where she was fiddling with her phone, and Shylah continued to read her book like nothing had happened.

"You look like you're running from the hounds of Hades," Shylah told me as she turned a page in her book, still not looking up. _When did she…_ "You missed lunch, by the way. Is there any reason why?"

"I, um… fainted." I looked down and fiddled with the hem of my shirt, red staining my cheeks.

Shylah 'hm'-ed and lost interest, while everyone else just gave me curious looks. Tiamat was the first to address me. "Why'd you do that?" She asked, patting the couch beside her.

"I just… I passed by this man with an orange mask, and he h-hugged me to welcome me here. I got embarrassed, and it was hard to breathe, so I kind of just… fainted…" I felt my face grow even redder as I recounted the events leading up to my lapse in consciousness. I always felt ridiculously weak-willed after fainting, especially when confronted with the unflinching personalities of Shylah, Tiamat, and Tish.

Tiamat frowned. "He shouldn't have suffocated you like that. I find it annoying that he didn't feel the need to inform us that you were simply passed out in one of the halls."

"S-ranked criminals~" Shylah half-sang under her breath. "If it makes you feel better, Emi, he's done that to all of us, even if the rest of us didn't faint."

Tish scoffed. "Speak for yourself, Shylah. I nearly kicked him in his fucking family jewels when he tried to mess with me." Tish turned to me, smirking triumphantly. "Little bitch went running back to hide behind Shylah. He seems pretty obsessed with her."

Shylah looked up from her book, then, nonplussed by Tish's insinuation. "Maybe he just likes me better because I didn't try to castrate him with my feet. Unless, of course, he thinks I'm the best choice to fend you off if you ever try to follow through with your threat."

Once again, Tish scoffed, while Caitlin and Tracey snickered behind her. "Yeah right. I could beat you any day of the week!"

Shylah returned to her book, clearly (and condescendingly) unimpressed. "I'm sure you could, Tish. You can do anything if you just believe hard enough. Just remember the teachings of Peter Pan, and one day you shall do all you set your mind to."

Tish growled, her temper flaring at Shylah's blatant dismissal. She hopped up, nearly knocking over the coffee table with all her pranking plans. "Don't fucking push me, bitch."

"It's not like I actually _want_ to fight you. Reading this book is much more interesting." Shylah flapped her book up and down once for emphasis. "Don't embarrass yourself, Tish. Guys are watching."

I turned to see several men, all wearing Akatsuki robes (except for the masked man from earlier, since he wasn't wearing them), stopped in the process of entering the room. They were eyeing Tish and Shylah with expressions ranging from eager anticipation to bored disinterest. I caught sight of Kisame, and he flashed me a sharp-toothed grin before returning his attention to the two hostile girls near the center of the living room.

Tish ignored them in favor of running at Shylah, who hopped off of her chair's armrest and then landed on the back of the couch Tiamat and I occupied. "Tisha, I'm really not in the mood to fight you unnecessarily," Shylah pointed out while Tiamat and I vacated the sofa just before Tish launched herself onto it.

Shylah sighed and hopped over Tish, landing roughly on the ground. "If you won't see reason and end this fight, then I will." Rather than beat Tish into submission, Shylah turned and exited the living room, book still in hand. "I'll come back when you've cooled down."

"Get back here!" Tish yelled, running after her. The rest of us looked at each other, silently daring one another to run after them and stop the fight Tish was determined to continue. None of us moved.

"Damn it! We were gonna get a good view of a catfight, and that bitch just has to fucking ruin the fun." I looked over to where the Akatsuki were slowly dispersing to see a man with white hair and pinkish eyes glaring after Shylah and Tish. "It's so fucking boring around here, all I can fucking do is train. Leader won't even let me do any sacrificing because we're in his shitty country!"

"Shut it, Hidan. I'm sick of hearing you whine every second of every day," Kakuzu growled back. "We're waiting for Leader-sama's leave so that we can go bounty hunting."

"And when's that going to fucking happen?"

I watched in horrified fascination as Hidan and Kakuzu argued. Their argument quickly escalated to the point where they were fighting each other in the living room, and we all had to retreat when Hidan drew his scythe because, according to Caitlin, that was when bystanders became casualties. As we watched (Tracey had left, shakily saying she didn't want to stick around for the aftermath), Kakuzu systematically removed all of Hidan's limbs and used threads to sew his mouth shut.

"I think being cooped up in here has made Kakuzu-san more irritable," Tiamat mused. "When I first got here, it took a bit longer for him to get riled up enough to start removing limbs."

Caitlin shivered. "At least he didn't remove Hidan's head this time."

As I watched Kakuzu kick around Hidan's body, I couldn't shake the strangest sense of déjà vu. It was almost like I'd seen them before, but I couldn't quite place where. Taking a breath, I decided to ask Caitlin and Tiamat about it. "Do either of you feel like this place is slightly familiar? Not just the village, but the Akatsuki, as well?"

Tiamat studied me. "No, not really. The village seemed almost like something I've seen out of one of Shylah's video games, but I can't recall any time I've ever seen Shylah or Mischa running through Amegakure as a video game character."

Caitlin paused to look over at us, her brown furrowing in confusion. "I thought it looked familiar from one of those Japanese cartoons they watch. I didn't really make anything of it because Shylah told me this culture was basically a pre-modern model of Japanese culture, so it would make sense if it was like an anime."

Tiamat and I nodded contemplatively. "Okay, thanks. I'll just ask Shylah later, when we have some time. She'll probably know what I'm talking about and be able to answer our questions."

"That's a good idea. Come tell us the second you get the information from her," Tiamat ordered. "You've gotten me curious about this, as well."

"Oh, no!" Caitlin groaned from beside us, her attention back on the two in the living room. "They totally just smashed our plans. T is gonna be _so_ pissed, and I don't think any of us remembers the exact details of our plans! We're gonna have to start from scratch!" Caitlin pulled at her hair as she stared at the ink currently soaking her prank plans. Tiamat and I exchanged a look, silently agreeing that, while we sympathized with their loss of brainstorming work, it was best for the rest of us if they never finalized any ideas that they collectively came up with.

I jumped and let out an undignified squeak when Caitlin suddenly straightened, raising her fist determinedly. "It's okay, though. I'm gonna get the three of us back together, and we'll come up with the most amazing pranks in the history of ever! It'll be even better than the time we found a way to permanently dye Tiamat's hair white!"

Tiamat and I both exchanged a wary look before slowly backing away to find Shylah. The three of us were going to be stuck sleeping with one eye open until the rest of eternity!

* * *

**Hiya, everybody. Welcome to the bottom of the page... document... thingy. I suppose now (six chapters in) is as good a time as any to tell you that the first eight chapters are going to be a bit OC-centric. They're introduction chapters, and so are meant to emphasize the OC's personality and relationship with the other OCs. Next chapter, however, I plan on including more interactions with the Akatsuki, simply because Reia isn't the type of character to focus more on shopping, pranking, or internal musings than on the strange new people she's in contact with.**

**By the way, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you see anything wrong with it (have any complaints), feel free to let me know. If you'd like to shower me with praise or threaten me to update, go ahead. If you're wondering why you've read this far and would prefer to look for other stories that are better than mine, you can do that, too.**

**Next chapter might be a little rushed because I'm visiting my grandparents' farm, and grandparents' farm + me = no internet and very little computer time. On the bright side, I managed to start on the next chapter early, so it shouldn't be so bad.**

**Have a great weekend!**


	7. Reia

_I have a confession to make: I don't own Naruto. I know this comes as a shock, but... it's true._

_I hope you enjoy reading this chapter._

* * *

New P.O.V.: Reia

My mind was fogged, bringing back memories of a trip to South Sudan and an unfortunate run-in with a bar - literally. It was difficult to open my eyes, and I was suddenly reminded of Shylah's description of what it's like to wake up with pink-eye. For a brief, panicked moment, I wondered if I'd somehow managed to contract the illness. I didn't want to be at any less than one hundred percent today, the day I finally convince the police (who for some reason weren't taking Mischa and I seriously) that our friends were really missing and in need of help.

The sound of voices faded in through the fog. "**We should just eat her and be done with the nuisance.** We can't just _eat_ her, that would be rude! **There are too many annoying girls running around our headquarters.** She's not even dead, yet! Besides, look how small she is; she's barely enough for a good breakfast."

My eyes shot open as I realized they were talking about _eating me_. It took a few seconds to adjust to the poor lighting before I could see, but when I could, I was startled to see a man with two totally opposing skin tones, yellow eyes, green hair, and some sort of Venus flytrap-like mantle or something protruding from his shoulders. I gasped and sat up, mentally checking myself for any injuries while I kept my eyes on him. I _hated_ hostage situations, especially when I was in them.

… This isn't my first rodeo, okay?

"Oh, she's awake. **About time!**" He - they? - turned to me fully, his black half looking irritated while his white half looked mildly concerned. "Are you alright? **We don't want to eat bruised meat.**"

"You want to eat me?" I was finding it difficult to wrap my mind around someone actually wanting to _eat_ me. I mean, I'd encountered cannibalistic tribes on journeys with my parents, but they'd never actually wanted to _eat __**me**_. "I'd rather not be eaten, today. Check back in seventy years, please."

"Is that supposed to be humor? **Why would it be humor when it wasn't funny? **Maybe she's not a very funny person. **If that's her humor, she's better off being eaten.**" I stared as he proceeded to argue with himself. It was weird to witness, but if he wasn't focusing on eating me, I wasn't complaining.

A pungent odor hit my nose. Whatever dank room I was in, it smelled almost like a funeral home mixed with a tomb. I subconsciously curled in on myself and tried not to look at anywhere but the ground. _I don't know why this smells so bad, but I don't want to risk being mentally scarred by looking around._

"I've been living here for nearly a full week now, and I _just_ found out that the door to the basement is in the cellar, the door of which is in the pantry." The Green Man and I paused as that familiar voice drifted quietly from the top of the stairs. Two pairs of footsteps proceeded down the stairs as the voice continued. "I didn't even know we - you - _have_ a pantry. Or a cellar." Both sets of footsteps stopped at the bottom of the stairs, but I couldn't get a clear view of who they were. "Where are the lights?"

A switch was flipped, and I blinked rapidly at the sudden influx of light. There was an almost inhuman hiss, and when my eyes had adjusted I was treated to the sight of Shylah pressing her face into the back of a man with an orange mask. "Warn me next time, Tobi-san."

Tobi rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Sorry, Shylah-chan. I thought you were prepared when you asked for the light."

Shylah sighed before hesitantly peeking her head up. "Hey, Zetsu-san. Reia, this guy over here is Zetsu. Zetsu, that young lady right there is Reia. Oh, and this is Tobi," Shylah added, patting Tobi's shoulder once. "Welcome to the wonderful wizarding world of Harry Potter."

"Shylah, I don't think you should be joking at a time like this."

Shylah waved the comment away as she stepped towards me, removing her cloak in the process. "In these troubled times filled with ridiculously serious plebs, one plebeian rises above them all to provide comedic relief to those who clearly need it." When she reached me, Shylah swung the cloak she was holding onto my shoulders and adjusted the clasp so that it wouldn't fall off my narrower shoulders. "There. Thanks for humoring me and not eating her, Zetsu-san."

"You're welcome, Shylah. **She wasn't worth the effort, anyway.**" Both halves of the Green Man - I mean Zetsu - replied. I eyed them warily as they seemed to meld into the wall behind them - him? -, suddenly glad that my barely-five-feet-tall stature had helped prevent me from becoming a meal.

Shylah waved him off lazily before turning to Tobi. "And thank you, Tobi-san, for helping me find this place. It's like a labyrinth in here." She paused for a second before continuing. "Oh, and judging by the course of events thus far, someone will most likely end up in your room next. It will probably be my sister, Mischa, so I'd appreciate it if you were nice to her. You also might want to keep your mask on when you sleep or something so that she doesn't see your face, y'know."

"Okay. Thanks for letting me know. It was nice to meet you, Reia-chan!" I stared, taken aback, as Tobi waved exaggeratedly at me before running up the stairs faster than I could keep track - that is, until he tripped up the final step and went tumbling into what was, according to Shylah, the cellar.

I wrinkled my nose once more as I caught another whiff of that awful stench from earlier. "What do you think that smell is, Shylah?"

Shylah paused on her way to the stairs and sniffed deeply before gagging and tightening her scarf around her nose. "Ugh, gross. This basement is probably used as a freezer for storing dead bodies or something. Zetsu can't always be expected to eat them on the spot."

I squeaked and hurried after Shylah as she resumed walking up the stairs, sending furtive glances back over my shoulders. "I slept in a room filled with dead bodies?! Why are there even dead bodies down here?"

"Probably because we're in a base filled with criminal psychopaths in an organization known as the Akatsuki," Shylah informed me with a 'duh' tone of voice. "Whom we are all guests of, by the way. They didn't actually kidnap us, but we're definitely not able to get home - through no fault of theirs. Our situation is just a bit more complicated than grabbing a boat and sailing the seven seas until we get back home."

"Shylah, if there was ever a time when I actually _wanted_ you to be joking, that was it." In response, Shylah merely turned her head to look at me, a small smirk growing as she took in my serious attitude. "How are we going to survive this if you keep joking around, Shylah?"

"With skill and finesse, dear Reia. Skill and finesse." At my persistent stare, Shylah finally dropped the smirk and turned serious. "If you must know, I was going to gather information on this world by reading various books. We could use even the smallest things casually mentioned in even the lightest reads to help us assimilate, research everything we can, and pool our knowledge together so that we have enough information to live here naturally as though we were born here."

"But how do we get _back_?"

Shylah sighed in frustration, while her body language conveying only casual indifference. "I don't know. They way we all appeared here - the rest of us in a member's bed, while you were in the first place Zetsu would go in the morning - doesn't leave much room for investigation. The Akatsuki have some of the strongest and smartest ninjas currently, and if they can't figure out something with their abilities, it's doubtful we could."

"But you're a genius!"

Shylah wrinkled her nose for a brief second before returning to a blank mask. "Genius. I hate that word. Our definitions of genius must be very different. Compared to some members of the Akatsuki, I'm incredibly average on the intellectual scale of things." Shylah held up a hand, interrupting what I was about to say. "That's beside the point. My _point_ is, our priority should be our ability not to stand out in a crowd and to avoid danger. We already stand out to a ninja - every living thing here has something called chakra, which we distinctly lack. We need to be convincing enough that we could just be an unusual phenomenon."

"We're with criminals who, I'm assuming, already know we're from another world. Can it _really_ get more dangerous than this?"

"They're not the only criminals, and sometimes you don't have to be a criminal to do bad things. It's all in your perspective, and right now there are only one or two other places where we'd be safer. This isn't the safest place in the world, but at least they aren't interested in experimenting on our lack of chakra networks."

"'Safer' doesn't mean 'ideal'. I know an ideal situation isn't very realistic, but until we're _absolutely_ safe, we need to spend as much of our time and energy as possible on figuring out a way back home."

"We should focus on safety first, and safety involves our ability to fit into this world. When we don't have to worry about some mad scientist experimenting on our abnormality in this world, _then_ we can focus on getting home. For the moment, Reia, let's just follow my method. As far as we know, this will all work itself out and we'll be back home in a few months." I huffed and looked away. "Reia, come on; pouting doesn't suit you."

"Fine," I sighed, looking around. In the time we'd been arguing, we had not only exited the basement, but also made our way through several twists and turns, up and down staircases, and generally just lost our way. Shylah seemed to know what she was doing, though, so I at least had _some _hope that we weren't completely lost.

"Good. Just so you know, we have a whole corridor basically reserved for our use. This," Shylah told me, gesturing to the hallway we'd just entered by opening her arms as though to envelop it in a hug, "is that corridor. Our rooms start from this end; you may choose whichever unoccupied room you like. It'll be pretty obvious which rooms have been occupied and which ones aren't."

I nodded and began opening doors. After going through a few that were clearly lived in (messy beds, since I seem to be the only one who knows how to make her bed in the morning), I found one that wasn't occupied. It wasn't huge, but then again it probably wasn't made to do much more than house basic sleeping quarters. I shrugged and exited the room, nonplussed by the idea of getting to know it better.

Shylah was leaning against the wall across from the door when I returned. "Do you wanna borrow Emi's clothes, or are you good to go clothes shopping in my cloak?"

I paused to think about it. "I can just wear the cloak. It's like a giant blanket, so I don't have to worry about anyone seeing my pajamas in it."

Shylah nodded and pushed off from the wall, heading back the way we came from. "Okay. I'll probably have Tracey go shopping with you, then. She seems to like doing that, and it keeps her occupied so that she isn't whining to us about how bored she is."

I shrugged. "I'm okay with that."

"Good," Shylah replied, handing me a coin purse. "Here's the money you'll need. Try to dissuade Tracey from incurring any unnecessary expenses, and make a quick stop at a bookstore or two for anything that looks like it could hold necessary information."

I nodded again. _I feel like she's sending me on errands because she doesn't want to do them herself._

"Oh, and be careful; there was a murder here a couple of days ago."

_ What?!_

* * *

I stared at the architecture in awe as Tracey and I made our way through the village. As we walked (I walked; Tracey skipped), I made a mental note of the location of every place we passed that looked like a bookstore. There weren't very many - I only managed to spot about two before we reached the mall -, and the ones I _did_ manage to find looked run-down as though they could barely afford to keep their doors opened. The whole of Amegakure looked like that, actually.

"Hey, Tracey, why does everyone look like they're just above the poverty line?"

Tracey put a finger to her chin as though trying to remember something. "Shylah mentioned something about the country having to recover after years of neglect and mistreatment, as well as the costs of a revolution. They're actually doing better than they seem; once you get inside the buildings, they look really nice. I think no one bothers with the outsides of their houses because the rain will just wash it all away."

I nodded in agreement. The rain was good on occasions; it tended to bring a sense of newness and freshness to the world after it had passed. That was the key word, though - passed. The second we'd gotten outside, Tracey had told me that the rain in Amegakure was somehow controlled by Pein, the leader of the village and country, and that he almost never stopped the rain. Instead of feeling refreshed, the area covered by his rain felt drenched and drowned. It was no wonder the village had industrialized; they probably couldn't get any plants to grow, anyways.

"I think I'm going to miss the sight of flowers very soon, Tracey. In a few days, I'll probably turn catatonic at the thought of my poor garden forced to grow wild without me." I sighed and my shoulders slumped. Back home I had been starting an organic garden to help ease the costs of groceries - a garden that, without my tending, would most likely wither and die.

Tracey patted my shoulder consolingly. "Don't worry, Reia; we'll find a way to get you your own garden here! That way you won't be in a catatonic state, and we can all appreciate your gardening skills. Except for Shylah, because she has allergies."

"How am I supposed to grow a garden in this rain? There isn't even any sunlight around here!"

"We'll find a way!" Tracey resolved. She walked over to a building and held the door open for me, indicating that we'd arrived at the mall. "But first, shopping~!"

I smiled as Tracey grabbed my hand and proceeded to drag me from one store to another before finally settling on one that had clothes that 'suited' me. I preferred to do my own clothes shopping, but Tracey loved shopping for not only herself, but other people. Most people would dismiss it as an obsession with gaining material things, but anyone with eyes to see could figure out that she prefers buying clothes for others that will help make them feel better about their appearances - almost like some kind of 'shopping therapy'.

Of course, that didn't mean Tracey would never buy clothes simply for the almost euphoric feeling of getting something new. I had to talk her down from getting me an unnecessary pair of dress shoes and an evening gown that she swore helped emphasize my figure. I also had to convince her that I wasn't interested in buying sexy lingerie, or a see-through camisole meant to go over some sort of undershirt. That (and her tendency to buy thirty outfits in one go) aside, I managed to come out of our shopping trip several coordinating clothing items richer.

We also stopped by various other stores to buy some essentials we knew we'd be needing eventually. I was surprised to find out that Shylah and Caitlin of all people had been muddling through their days without even a hairbrush to help them with their untamable hair. Tiamat had bought herself one along with some toiletries on her shopping trip, but didn't buy anything for anyone else. My motherly (shopping) instincts took over, and I was soon buying things I deemed essential for everyone.

After a full day of shopping (we'd ordered a small lunch from a food stand when we were hungry, and thus managed to stay out past dinner time), we were both stuck with our arms filled with shopping bags. The bags weren't very heavy, but they definitely weren't light, either.

"Ugh!" Tracey moaned, sagging exaggeratedly under the weight of her bags. "I'm never going shopping again!"

"Why don't I believe you?"

Tracey morphed her expression into a pout. "No one ever believes me. What did I do to deserve this distrust, huh? What did _I _ever do to you guys?!"

"Maybe it's because you say that after _every _major shopping trip you go on, and you go on a lot." I pointed out, resisting the urge to roll my eyes at her childish behavior.

"Eheheh, oops," Tracey replied sheepishly. She blinked when I entered a bookshop, pausing before following after me. "Why are we in here? Don't we have enough bags to carry around without having to deal with these books?" Tracey, being the opposite of an avid reader, wrinkled her nose in distaste.

"Shylah wanted me to buy some books while we're in Ame, and I've decided to oblige her. It's not a big deal to me, since it'll keep us occupied for the time being." I scanned the various titles, suddenly glad that Japanese was one of the languages I'd decided to learn to use. After a few seconds of inner debate, I decided to buy a few adventure novels and four novels that only Shylah, Emi, and I would have the patience to read.

Tracey hopped impatiently from one foot to the other as I juggled all seven books in my arms. I ignored her in favor of laying them out on the front counter for their prices to be added so that I could buy them. The cashier gave us a questioning look, but proceeded to ring them up, anyway. "Would you like to buy a storage scroll for your items so you don't have to carry all these books?"

_ What's a storage scroll? I don't know what a storage scroll is!_ I swallowed nervously, putting on my best casual face. "Uh, no thank you. I-I, we, w-we don't n-need o-one." I tried not to grimace at how terrible I felt for even that little lie. I swallowed again, this time in an attempt to avoid asking what a storage scroll was.

The cashier nodded sympathetically. "Don't worry, I can't control my chakra at all, either. It would probably be better if we had some way to train our children in the ways of the ninja, but thankfully we have our god to look out for us." With that the cashier handed my books (and change) back to me, wishing me a safe journey home.

I waited until we exited the store before speaking. "Say what?"

Tracey shrugged. "They view Pein as their god. I can kind of understand why - I mean, he controls the freaking rain and is apparently super-powerful. Oh, and he uses the rain to see everything in his village. Obviously not _everything_, because no one knows who that one murderer is, but you get the idea."

"If he can see everything with the rain, how did he miss a murder taking place?"

"I don't know. Maybe he was focused on something else?"

"What would be the point of seeing everything with the rain if getting distracted means that you can't focus on anything else?"

Tracey tried raising her hands, only to have them pulled back down by the weight of her bags. "Hey, I just threw an idea out there - don't ask me questions I won't know the answers to."

"Right. Sorry." We walked for a while before coming to a stop in front of the door to the Akatsuki base. "So… how are we going to do this?"

Tracey adjusted her bags on her arms before tentatively reaching out a bag-filled hand to open the door. I used my foot to hold it open for her, and she did the same for me once she'd entered. "We make a great team, Reia!" Tracey exclaimed. "That was kind of fun."

"We'll have to do that again once we reach my room; I don't think I'll be able to do that by myself," I replied as we walked past the kitchen. It was empty, and I was suddenly reminded that we'd stayed out past lunchtime. "When's dinner served around here?"

"Shylah usually has it made by around five." Tracey giggled when I gave her a look. "Yeah, I didn't believe Shylah cooked at first, either. She's not half bad, either. You and Mischa are still better, but the food could be worse - T could be cooking." She paused. "_I _could be cooking. Or Tiamat. Actually, she helped Shylah cook a few times. It was pretty tasty."

"I'll have to get in on this cooking fest later."

"I'll hold you to that when I start making supper." We both jumped mid-step (and Tracey screamed) before turning to see Shylah standing in the hall connecting to the one we'd been walking down.

Tracey placed a hand over her heart. "Don't sneak up on us, Shy. You fucking scared me!"

Shylah ignored Tracey's nickname for her and rolled her eyes (she's secretly very immature). "I wasn't _sneaking_, Tracey. Maybe if you two were a little more observant you would have noticed me beforehand and avoided embarrassing yourselves."

"Why would we be embarrassed?"

Shylah shrugged. "I'd be pretty embarrassed if something as miniscule as someone _talking_ caused me to scream like I was being jumped. It's not actually a very normal thing to scream at the slightest provocation."

Tracey pouted, once more trying (and failing) to cross her bag-laden arms. Shylah apparently noticed this, because she stepped forward and took some bags from both Tracey and I without a word. I raised an eyebrow because she'd taken enough to be carrying more than we had - not a good idea, since she didn't have as much muscle as we did. Shylah simply shrugged and turned to walk in the direction we'd been going to our section of the base.

Tracey immediately brightened and skipped after her, leaving me to follow at a slower pace. "Thanks, Shy!"

"Hm. Reia, would you like us to give a summarization of the Akatsuki members' appearances and names so that we don't have to bother with introductions later on?"

"Sure," I replied while Tracey hopped up and down once in her over-exuberance at the idea. "Tracey, it's not that big a deal."

"I know, but I'm just glad someone finally thought to do that! I didn't know who hardly anyone was when I first go here, so I felt kinda awkward not being able to address anyone by name." Shylah and I had to hold back laughter at the thought of Tracey feeling awkward in a social situation.

"Okay… Well, you already know Zetsu and Tobi. Pein-sama has orange hair, ringed eyes, and a _ton_ of piercings; you can't miss him. Konan-sama has light blue hair, and since she's the only female member, it's pretty hard not to know who she is. Itachi-san has black hair and either red or almost-black eyes. Kisame-san has blue hair and looks like a shark-human. Kakuzu-san almost always wears a mask of sorts, and has red-and-green eyes. Hidan is pretty much an albino with pink-ish eyes."

"Like a rat!" Tracey giggled.

Shylah paused and rolled her eyes at Tracey. "Yes, Tracey, like a rat. _Anyways,_ then there's Deidara-san, who looks like an androgynous blonde but is most definitely a guy. Finally, Sasori-san is-"

"He's basically a large blob that squidges around on the floor," Tracey interrupted.

"He doesn't _squidge_ along the floor. Squidge isn't a verb; I don't even think it's a word."

"Mischa uses squidge all the time."

"Then let Mischa use her made-up words and stop trying to convince Reia that Sasori-san is some kind of distant relative of Flubber."

Tracey gasped. "Don't compare my description of Sasori to Flubber! Flubber's so cute, and Sasori's just creepy." Tracey then turned to me and continued in a stage whisper while Shylah face-palmed at what she said. "Shylah's just sensitive about his appearance because she appeared in _his_ bed."

Shylah sighed. "No, Tracey, I'm just trying to point out that he doesn't look like some kind of weird blob thing with a head and metal scorpion tail. No matter how much you and Caitlin insist otherwise, that isn't true."

We reached the door to my room, so I opened it and held it open for Tracey and Shylah before following them in. "It's a tight squeeze to fit all three of us in here." I caught Shylah giving me a deadpan stare. "What?"

Shylah just shook her head. "Don't worry about it. You two wouldn't get the joke, anyway."

I frowned as Tracey giggled and started putting my things in my drawers. "Shylah, get your mind out of the gutter. You're too old to be acting this immature."

"Maturity is overrated," Shylah replied, earning another giggle from Tracey. "See? Tracey knows what I'm talking about."

Tracey paused in her messing with one of the shirts she'd bought for me to raise her hands in surrender. "Hey, don't bring me into this! Of course I think what you said is funny - that doesn't mean I agree with it." Tracey giggled again. "Although I do."

I sighed and helped Tracey put away my clothes. Shylah unpacked everything from the bags, handing us my clothes and sorting out the various necessities we'd bought into an even pile for everyone. "By the way, tomorrow's cleaning day. Since that's kind of how we're earning our keep around here, you're both expected to help."

We both nodded in reply. I liked cleaning, and Tracey was no stranger to the whole cleaning thing, either. "Good," Shylah continued, "then you won't mind cleaning the rooms that Hidan and Kakuzu fought in."

Tracey whined something about hating to clean blood, and Shylah smirked evilly. _Oh dear,_ I thought to myself. _What have we gotten ourselves into?_

* * *

I glanced over at the cookbook in front of Shylah. _It calls for four cups of rice… There are four cups of rice in this recipe, and Shylah said I'll need at least three times that. I'm going to need more boxes of rice. How can they afford to feed themselves? Maybe ninjas earn huge salaries…_

When Shylah had mentioned that it was time for her to make supper, I had volunteered because I had no other obligations to fulfill. When I'd gotten to the kitchen, Shylah had said that we would need to triple the recipe because most of the Akatsuki members ate a lot, and we were also going to eat what was prepared. I was given the duty of cooking the rice properly, while Shylah prepared the pork. Emi had joined us and was in the process of making a curry sauce.

Everything was peaceful until Hidan walked into the room. "Oi, bitches, when's the food gonna be done?"

Emi immediately tensed, while Shylah sighed irritably. "It will be done the same time today as it has been done every other day I've cooked here. At five o'clock you may come back and check with us again."

Tish chose that time to enter, followed by Caitlin and Tracey. "Is anything done? We were going to eat an early meal so we could get back to our planning." Behind Tish, Tracey smiled sheepishly and Caitlin patted her stomach for emphasis.

"Back off, bitch! I was here first!" Hidan yelled, interrupting the explanation Shylah had begun to repeat.

Tish immediately went on the offensive, puffing out her chest and drawing herself up to her full height, which was only one inch shorter than Hidan. "Say that again to my fucking face," she snarled, getting in Hidan's personal bubble.

My eyes widened at the murderous gleam that entered Hidan's eyes. "Back the fuck off, bitch. I called first dibs on this shit!"

"Tish," I began, trying to diffuse the situation, "maybe you shouldn't get into any fights right now."

Shylah nodded. "If this food gets knocked over again, I'm not making you any." I ignored the 'again'; it was probably just best to accept these kinds of things.

Tish glared at us threateningly. "Stay out of this. I have a score to settle with this bastard." She turned back to Hidan. "I'll do what I want, motherfucker!" Tracey left the room hurriedly, Caitlin immediately following after her.

"Fuck off!" Tish punched him in the gut - hard. It was enough force to make him double over. He quickly straightened and chased after Tish when she ran out of the door. "Get back here, you bitch!"

"He's not going to kill her, is he?" Emi asked, looking between Shylah and I.

Shylah shrugged nonchalantly. "Does it really matter if he does?" She rolled her eyes when Emi gave her a frightened look and I tried to silently chastise her. "If it make you guys feel better, they've been doing this every day since Tisha got here. It's a way for them to blow off steam. I also think it's how they flirt."

"That's not how Tish flirts," I scoffed, checking to make sure the rice was steaming nicely.

"Then it's how they flirt with each other."

Emi frowned. "I don't know; Tish seemed pretty serious, and Hidan didn't look like he was messing around, either."

Shylah waved off Emi's logic. "Hush, children. Mama Shylah knows these kinds of things."

Emi giggled, and I just sighed. _Sometimes I feel like the only mature one in this group._

Tiamat chose that time to enter. "Is there any reason Tisha is being chased through the base by Hidan? They're both being rather loud… and a bit obnoxious… Their excessive use of expletives is getting rather old, too."

Shylah shrugged. "They're just being them."

"Ah."

Emi turned to Tiamat, a shy smile on her lips. "Would you like to taste the curry to make sure it's alright?" Her smile withered under Tiamat's no-nonsense stare, and she began talking nervously. "I-its just that, it's been a w-while since the last time I made c-curry, and I-I wanted to make sure it w-wasn't bad. If-"

Tiamat made her way to Emi's side at the same time Kisame poked his head into the kitchen. "What kind of curry is it?"

Emi's face reddened at the sudden arrival, and she busied herself with getting some curry for Tiamat to taste. "J-just a l-light curry, since the _t-tonkatsu_ Shylah's m-making is the m-main d-dish," she replied, growing more and more flustered by the second. She nearly dropped the tasting dish Tiamat handed back, which made her face redden even more. She clearly knew how obviously embarrassed she was - she winced every time she stuttered, and quickly put the bowl shakily down after fumbling with it before trying to busy herself with the curry.

Tiamat and I exchanged a glance. Apparently I wasn't the only one who noticed how her eyes had started to water at her own embarrassment. Crying would only make her more flighty, though, especially if there were this many people around to see it.

My head whipped over to Shylah at the sound of a sudden thud to see her cutting knife inches deep in pork she'd been cutting. She whirled around to face a surprised Kisame, crossing her arms. "Do you people think I _enjoy_ being interrupted while I'm cooking? This is unpleasant enough as it is without you Akatsuki members coming and going and generally slowing my progress! Shoo! We'll admire the awesomeness that is Kisame's shark-like appearance later."

Kisame grinned, showing off his extremely sharp-looking teeth. "I can see when I'm not wanted. I'll be back at five for some of that curry."

Shylah watched him leave before turning back to her pork and finished preparing it before taking it over to the stove and beginning to cook it. "…think they can come into _my_ kitchen and distract me while I'm cooking… …I'll show them…"

I ignored Shylah's slightly psychotic muttering in favor of making sure Emi was back in control of her emotions. Emi took a deep breath and straightened, seemingly going back to normal. "Thanks, Shylah."

Shylah's insane mutterings paused. "What?"

"Thanks for helping me out?" Emi questioned, starting to look unsure at Shylah's confused expression.

Understanding dawned on Shylah, and she suddenly looked disappointed. "I wasn't trying to be nice."

Tiamat scoffed. "You look like you failed your indifference quota for the day."

Shylah immediately went back to her neutral expression (and her cooking). "That's right - I wasn't trying to be nice, so any niceness that come of my indifference is totally unintentional and therefore acceptable." Shylah paused and cast the three of us a glance over her shoulder. "Just don't push it, okay?"

Emi squeaked an affirmative and I frowned at her while Tiamat simply rolled her eyes. "Such a good friend, Shylah."

"Even the use of sarcasm can't sway me to the side of friendship, Tiamat. You know this," Shylah smirked before going back to her cooking. She somehow managed to give off an aura of 'don't talk to me or I'll dump this pan and all its contents on you' while she just stood there and maintained an apathetic appearance.

Preserving Shylah's silent wish to be left alone, Tiamat turned to Emi. "It was good. I think you should take over cooking from Shylah." Tiamat dodged the spice bottle Shylah threw at her, catching it before it hit Emi in the face. "After all, she _hates_ cooking." This time Tiamat couldn't avoid the spice bottle, since she didn't notice it being lobbed into the air so that it landed squarely on the top of her head. Tiamat rubbed her noggin and picked up the second, significantly larger, bottle of cooking spices. "You're lucky these are plastic."

I frowned. "I think buying glass bottles or expensive dishes would be like asking for them to get smashed on someone in this place."

"Is that why there aren't any decorations around here?" Emi wondered aloud, moving her pot of curry to where I was putting cooked rice on plates. She waited for me to put a hot pad down before setting her curry pot on it.

"No," Tiamat replied. "It's actually because their treasurer is dirt cheap and doesn't make any unnecessary purchases. You're right, though; anything breakable or of value would probably be destroyed within a week." Tiamat's hand subconsciously fingered her necklace.

I raised an eyebrow. "Did that appear here with you?"

Tiamat's eyes widened slightly and she hurriedly tucked her necklace through the neckline of the shirt she was wearing. "I didn't take it off when I went to sleep, and so it appeared with me when I first woke up here. Don't tell anyone about it, just in case."

"I understand. I think you can rely on all of us to keep it a secret," I assured her. I wasn't about to break her confidence. Carrying a family heirloom around a group of criminals was asking for trouble, but she couldn't help it in this case.

Tiamat's gaze shifted to Shylah. "But can I trust Shylah to keep a secret?"

Shylah sighed, and I got the distinct impression she was rolling her eyes. "Shylah usually doesn't even _want_ to talk to people. How is Shylah going to talk about Tiamat's necklace if she's too busy telling people she prefers the quiet?"

"Don't speak in third person, Shylah. It reminds me of Tobi."

Shylah tossed her hair and smirked at us over her shoulder. "Shylah doesn't know what Tiamat-_chan_ is talking about."

* * *

_Yo! So, an actual small confession: I was finished with this chapter on Thursday night. Yeah..._

_Also, I went to the state fair on Friday to go to the Three Days Grace concert. It's not the same with the change in lead singers, but different doesn't always mean worse. __Right before the concert started, a large dragonfly flew to me and placed its face to my cheek for a second before flying away. I can now say that a dragonfly kissed my cheek._

_Have an awesome week!_


	8. Mischa

_I don't own Naruto or any other Naruto-related... thingies... aside from my OCs. It should be pretty obvious which characters in the story are mine and not Naruto-verse canon._

_Please enjoy! =3_

* * *

New P.O.V.: Mischa

I sighed contentedly and snuggled further against the source of warmth at my side. I didn't know who I was snuggling with, but _dang_ he felt sexy! _Those muscles, though…_

Someone tapped my shoulder and I resisted the urge to roll away from the tap - because that would take me away from Mr. Sexy over here. "Uh, excuse me? Are you awake now? Tobi has to get up, and you're kind of holding me…" A somewhat childish voice asked me as Mr. Sexy shifted uncomfortably.

"Sh… Just let it happen…" I mumbled as I shifted so that I was back to snuggling him. _Ah, this is perfect. I'm snuggling in a bed with the sexy Tobito Uchiha… Wait, what? Oh, well…_

There was a knock on the door. "Are you two decent?" Without waiting for us to reply, the voice of my sister continued. "You both better be, 'cause I'm coming in!" The door eased open to reveal Shylah, who looked at us both with a blank expression. "Good boy, Tobi."

Tobi (_Oh, my gosh, it's ACTUALLY Tobi!)_ sat up on the bed and pried my arms from around him. "Why is Tobi a good boy?"

"Because you didn't do anything to my little sister." I snickered. _It's okay to be a bad boy, Tobi…_

Tobi tilted his head to the side and stood up, looking between the two of us (we had both started grinning at each other - you know, _that_ kind of grin) curiously. "What kind of stuff?"

Shylah smirked and patted his (sexy) shoulder. "I'll tell you when you're older, Tobi." _Or I can show you right now…_

"Tobi doesn't like the way Mischa's looking at me…"

"Don't worry, Tobi, that's just her normal expression. Come on, sis." Shylah motioned for me to follow her, which I did reluctantly. "Good morning, Misch."

I instantly perked up from the bad mood leaving Tobi had put me in. "Sis, you're okay!" I yelled, running and hugging her. "Is everyone else here, too?" I paused for a second as I thought about everyone and frowned. "Does this mean that Tracey and Tish are here?"

"Yeah, they're all here," Shylah replied. She shifted uncomfortably in my death grip and glanced around. "Shall I show you to the hallway that's reserved for us?"

"Sure!" I practically chirped. I usually wasn't so chipper, but I was suddenly reunited with my sis, and that made me so freaking _happy_! "I missed you!"

Shylah smirked at me. "I missed you, too, sis."

"Yay!" I hopped up, my hands in the air. "Party in the house!"

"The poor Akatsuki, having to play host to you of all people."

"That's mean, sis!" I pouted. "How did you get them to let you stay, anyways?"

"Through skill, cunning, and finesse. … And the fact that we pose no threat to any of them, since we don't have chakra." Shylah smirked at me before looking back ahead. "Everyone sleeps in so late. I've been getting up at around six every morning so that I can make sure we all made it here safely. You're most likely the last person to arrive, so I can go back to sleeping in until noon, now."

"Why do you think we appeared here?" I asked. It probably had something to do with inter-dimensional travel or something weird and sci-fi like that, but I wanted to know if Shylah had any ideas.

"Some sort of inter-dimensional membrane or something that only allowed us through when the wall weakened, and possibly won't let us back unless we fulfill some sort of criteria that no one knows about because we aren't even sure what criteria we fulfilled to originally be placed here. At least, that's what Reia, Tiamat, and I came up with. Are you as eager to go back as they are?"

I frowned. "Not really. It's not that I don't want to go back, I just want to stay here and explore for a little while. It's so cool, I want to see everything! I've never been to another dimension before."

"I don't think anyone has ever been to another dimension before now. I agree, though - I don't want to leave right away. Life at home is so monotonous, I would almost rather risk the extra danger of staying here."

We stopped talking because we had to walk up several sets of stairs, and I'm not exactly the most fit girl in the world. I cast a worried glance at Shylah to make sure she was doing okay, but she seemed fine. She was probably already used to it from the week she'd spent here before me.

Finally we turned a corner and Shylah pointed to a door. "That's the door to my room. There's a door that connects to the room next to mine, so you can have it if you want." I nodded, so she continued. "Go into your room and I'll let you wear some of my clothes so that we can go buy you some. I have some shoes you can wear, too."

"'Kay, sis!" I said before going into the room she'd indicated. I stared at its grandeur (not) for a few seconds, then opened the door leading to Shylah's room. "Hey, do you have the clothes ready?"

"Yeah," Shylah replied, handing me a set of clothing with a pair of shoes resting on the top.

I paused for a second. "I could just go with what I'm wearing right now, since I slept in my shirt and jeans last night."

Shylah shook her head. "No one wears jeans here. You'll just draw attention if you look out of place by wearing a fabric no one's even heard of."

"Okay." I sighed and shut the door between our rooms before sorrowfully removing said article of clothing. The clothes Shylah had bought were light and kind of large - nice and comfy, as far as I was concerned. The last article of clothing for me to put on was the shoes, which felt kind of weird to wear since they were around half a size larger than what I'd normally wear.

"I'm done," I called, opening the door to her room. Shylah nodded and donned a scarf - an interesting fashion statement, but I thought it looked adorable, so I didn't comment on it. I took the cloak she held out to me with a 'thank you', and we were off.

"We don't have to introduce you to Pein-sama - the last time I told him about someone appearing was with Tracey, and he said I shouldn't bother unless it's to tell him that we've finally stopped appearing out of nowhere. I think you'll be the last, but I don't know for sure, so we'll just have to wait until tomorrow and see." Shylah motioned to a set of intimidating closed doors, probably to indicate that Pein (and Konan, most likely) were through there.

"Aw, I wanted to talk about the miracles of origami with Konan."

"Maybe later."

"Promise?"

"Nope."

"Aw, come on, sis!" I whined, doing my best pouting face. "After we get me some clothes, let's visit Konan and do origami! I want to see if she knows how to make dragons and scorpions."

Shylah rolled her eyes. "I think Konan probably knows how to make every kind of origami in existence. There's no need to pester them - they're both very busy, especially with a recent murder."

"There was a murder?"

"Some woman was killed a few days ago. There haven't been any leads and he hasn't been caught, despite Pein's rain. I personally think the killer either has some sort of teleportation ability, or can travel through the ground to deposit bodies where he likes. He would've been caught otherwise, unless he's one really O.P. genjutsu and stealth ninja." Shylah shrugged like a woman being murdered in cold blood was no big deal. "They'll catch him eventually. It's pretty difficult to elude Pein forever."

I nodded. "I hope they get him before he kills someone else."

Shylah opened the door and held it for me. I thanked her and waited outside for her to close the door and continue leading the way. "It'll be fine, don't worry about it."

"You say that, but…" I drifted off, and we walked around in an easy silence. I didn't mind the quiet that much, and Shylah would start talking if she wanted to - unless I started talking first because I'd thought of something. "So what's it like living with our roommates, Tiamat, and the criminal organization known as the Akatsuki?"

"There are few dull moments now, especially with the arrival of Caitlin, Tisha, and Tracey. When you mix them together with Deidara and Hidan, things just start getting loud and out of hand. It's kind of ridiculous." Shylah frowned at a kid when he ran into her and kept going without apologizing. "Stupid kid, trying to pickpocket me. That's not where I keep my money…"

I frowned after the kid - not because he was trying to pickpocket us (although I didn't like that he'd targeted my sister), but because he looked like he was starving, and I kind of wanted to give him some food. "Where _do_ you keep your money?"

Shylah shrugged before reaching up and taking a purse out from the collar of her shirt. "It's a wonder no one has thought of sewing an inner pocket into their shirts around here. Not that you'd be able to tell, but still…"

"Huh. … Was there this level of poverty in the series? I don't remember anything like this. It's kind of like the condition of Wave."

"No, I don't think so. As far as I can tell, the economy probably picks up a bit faster in the time span between now and the plot. That's not saying much, since it was probably in a rocky state to begin with." Shylah slowed down just long enough to give a second glance to a papaya stand before hurrying up when the stand owner gave her a suspicious stare. "Either way, almost everyone is determined to leave within a month, so there's not too much point in worrying about it."

"I kind of want to stay longer than a month," I mentioned, giving the papaya stand owner a dirty look. How dare he suspect my sister of evil-doings? "But I guess it would be a bad idea to stick around for too long. I'd rather not get involved in this side of the plot."

"Hidan will probably have sacrificed us all by then; I don't think anyone would feel the need to prevent it if we outstay our welcome." Shylah patted my shoulder when I shuddered at the realization that dying was an actual thing that could happen to us here. "I'd say he'll sacrifice Tisha first, since she seems to go out of her way to get on his nerves."

"Even if I don't get along with Tish, I don't want her to die - especially not as a sacrifice to Hidan. That sounds painful."

Shylah shrugged and held open the door to a large building. Inside, it looked almost like a mall, which made sense since people probably didn't enjoy shopping in the almost constant rain. _The rain that Pein produces, that gets on people's skin and clothes… Ew._ I did my best to shake off the rain that I'd been enjoying just seconds earlier.

When I finished, I turned to see Shylah raising her eyebrows at me, the corners of her mouth barely turned up in a smirk. "Did you just now remember that he controls the rain?"

I frowned and narrowed my eyes, a slight red tinge on my cheeks. "Hey, I was busy enjoying the rain! If you knew, you should've told me, y'know!" Shylah shrugged and started walking. "Wait up, sis! Don't just leave me without warning!"

"Why should I warn you that I'm walking?" Shylah asked. "I'm starting to walk. I'm going to continue picking up speed until I'm walking quickly, and then I'm going to fast walk to a clothing store. When we enter the clothing store, I'm going to slow down to an eventual stop in an aisle with shoes. Is that enough of a warning for you?"

"I didn't mean- Gah! Fine, okay, you win! Let's just go buy some stupid clothes." I frowned as I tried to ignore everyone else who was getting their shopping done. "I don't like shopping…"

"Neither do I, but it's a necessary evil in our society. If you _really_ want to avoid shopping, we could always move to our grandparents' farm and attempt to become self-sustaining. We'd probably fail, with maybe a ten percent chance of success, in case you were wondering."

I tried imagining running a self-sustaining farm and/or ranch with Shylah. I didn't see us making it past a few months, maybe a bit longer depending on how stubborn we were. "I guess I'll just have to deal with it."

Shylah led me into a store where we shopped for clothes - obviously. I bought clothes that I liked, because even in this world hoodies are a style that's appreciated. They had a nice selection of pants and shorts, too.

After we finished with the boring clothes shopping, I dragged my sister over to an arts and crafts shop we'd passed by earlier. They had all sorts of drawing supplies, but I just needed the basics to hold me over for a month - a pencil, sharpener, eraser, and paper. I also bought a few leaflets of origami paper and some diagrams, because I was determined to teach Shylah some of the new techniques I'd learned.

Shylah rolled her eyes as I carefully searched through the assorted origami leaflets to make sure there weren't any with heart patterns or something. I shouldn't have worried, though - they were all solid colors, and while I preferred black, red, and orange, I didn't mind using yellow and pink.

I turned to Shylah, a satisfied grin on my face. "This'll pass the time before we go home. I can teach everyone else how to do origami scorpions, too, so that they won't be bored."

"How considerate," Shylah muttered as she carefully counted out the exact amount of change we'd need for the purchase before we'd gotten to the counter. I smiled cheekily while the cashier rang up the items and added tax, which was kind of pointless since Shylah had probably already done that mentally. The cashier took the money, counted it, and put it away before bagging all my new stuff for me. "Have a nice day," Shylah told him before we walked out.

"You, too- aw, crap!" I said, heat rushing to my cheeks in embarrassment at my automatic reply to Shylah. "Not again!"

Shylah smirked at me. "How many times is that, now?"

I frowned and crossed my arms. "It's only the second time, but you need to stop doing that! It mixes me up and gets my manners all turned around."

"Blame the cashier for having poor manners, not me. Maybe if people remembered their manners without my help, this wouldn't happen." Shylah dodged around some kids running through the mall, her smirk turning into a sour expression. "…bunch of brats…"

"They're just running to the candy store."

"…hate kids…"

"Can we go to the candy store? I want some candy, too!"

"…bad parents…"

"Uh, Shylah?"

Shylah turned to look at me, frowning. "We don't need candy right now." She held up a hand when I started to whine. "If you really want something sweet, I can buy us some dango."

"I guess…" I agreed reluctantly. I wanted to have chocolate instead, but I was also curious about how dango tasted. Ultimately, the reason I decided to just go with it instead of arguing was because it was either dango or nothing, and I'd rather have dango than nothing.

I waited outside the shop that sold dango for Shylah to buy us the treat. It also sold an assortment of chocolates and other candies, but Shylah bypassed all of them in favor of the foreign treat. Well, it wasn't foreign _here_, but it was foreign to _me_.

I eyed the dango Shylah returned with, my expression a mixture of eagerness and uncertainty. Then I remembered that dango was basically dough, which was a lot like knoephla, so I eagerly grabbed the stick Shylah offered me and chowed down. "It's better than I thought it'd be. I never would've thought to make a dumpling taste sweet… Well, I might've if I didn't have anything near me but dumplings and sweetener…"

Shylah smirked and ate one of her dumplings-on-a-stick. "I think I'll try my hand at making dango on June fifth. It'll be a nice little treat for everyone - except Tisha, since she doesn't like her food to be this chewy."

"Blasphemy! No one is allowed to dislike the awesomeness of knoephla dumplings!" I exclaimed, hopping up and forward a few paces.

Shylah shrugged and followed after me. "She'll just have to deal with it, since I'm not going to make anything extra for her."

We both lapsed into silence to better enjoy the flavor of the dango we were eating while we exited the mall area. I pulled the hood of my cloak up over my head and held my dango stick as close to my face as possible to prevent it from getting watered down by the rain. Shylah just ignored the water droplets coalescing on her dango and continued to eat at her original pace.

After some walking, we came upon a bunch of people crowding around what I assumed was the door to a building. We were both curious, so we made our way to the front of the circle of strangers just in time to see official-looking dudes carrying a stretcher with a blanket that - I'm assuming - covered a body. A man was nearby, answering questions and looking shell-shocked. I returned my attention to the stretcher when one of the men accidentally jostled it in an attempt to get a better grip, and the blanket slipped a little bit towards the other end. Almost like it would in a movie, the part of the blanket that fell was the part covering the body's face; and so it revealed the person to be a young woman - maybe a few years older than Shylah - with dark, reddish-brown hair and a pale complexion, her mouth twisted into a grimace and glassy brown eyes staring blankly up at the sky.

I looked away. It seemed disrespectful to stare at someone I didn't even know with the morbid fascination of an on-looking stranger, and I also didn't really enjoy the sight of corpses. To my left, I could see Shylah continue to watch the scene before us, seemingly indifferent to the revelation of the face of the dead woman. Her gaze turned away from the stretcher once the coroners covered the body once again, and she inconspicuously made her way to a position where she could probably hear the man who was being questioned.

I didn't follow her. My stomach was beginning to feel queasy as I thought about this murder, and the previous murder I'd been told about earlier. _Are the two connected? Is there a serial killer prowling around here, killing off random women? I suddenly don't want to stick around here…_

My eyes wandered over the other people who had remained. My sister was still listening, her eyes on something other than the men she was eavesdropping on to avoid suspicion. Two old women, one with a little girl whose ears she was covering while the girl looked around curiously, spoke to each other at a rapid pace. A tall man with black hair and dark brown eyes shook his head sadly before walking away.

"She was such a sweet girl, too. What a shame…" I turned to the man standing by me. He was frowning after the people carrying the woman's body, looking concerned and maybe a little sad.

"You knew her?"

He startled and looked down at me as though just realizing I was there. "Not really. We passed by each other in the street sometimes, and I live nearby. We never actually introduced ourselves to each other, but she was polite and sometimes made a meal or two for one of the kids that run around."

"Oh." We stood together in awkward silence, me waiting for my sister to lose interest, him probably just remembering moments when he interacted with her. I studied him out of the corner of my eye. He was tall - taller than me, at least - with dark blonde hair and green eyes. His eyes were darker than Tracey's, but only by a little bit.

After a little while, the man left, and Shylah walked over to me. She didn't ask about the man, whom she'd been eyeing with suspicion when he walked over to me. Instead, she simply started walking back in the direction of the Akatsuki base, speeding up once I started walking with her. "Did you find out anything interesting, sis?"

Shylah shrugged. "Not really. She didn't have any enemies, that guy was her boyfriend, and her best friend was murdered three days ago. She was really shaken up by her friend's death, and I think the guy questioning him was implying that she'd committed suicide. Unlikely, but I suppose it's possible she'd decided to slit her own throat."

"I didn't notice that her throat was slit."

"Apparently there was a bag covering her face so that blood wouldn't get on it. If you looked closely at her neck when the blanket fell off, you could see the tip of the cut." Shylah paused for a few seconds, looking curiously into a bookstore. "I don't think the other guy knew about the bag until her boyfriend told him, or else he wouldn't have suggested suicide."

"So it's murder?"

"Yep."

* * *

When we got back to the base, Shylah went into the kitchen to start preparing lunch, leaving me to go to my room and change into the clothes I'd bought. Once I'd done that, I tossed Shylah's clothes onto her bed and the clothes of mine that I hadn't used yet onto my own bed. I could just put them away before I went to bed.

Since I was bored and didn't feel like helping my sister cook (mwahaha!), I looked through each occupied room. It was pretty obvious which ones belonged to who if you just looked in (and on) their drawers - Tiamat had mostly dresses, Emi had hair ties, Tracey wore lots of brightly-colored skirts, Reia preferred green and brown colors, and Tish had the kind of shoes that looked as though they could double as weapons.

I was standing outside of the last room, which was Caitlin's, with my hand poised to open the door. When I did, a pillow flew into my face with enough force for the seams to pop open and spread stuffing everywhere. "Gah!" I sputtered, spitting out the small amount of stuffing that had managed to make its way into my gaping mouth. I narrowed my eyes and threw the stuffing-less pillow onto Caitlin's be. "Oh, she wants to start a prank war, does she?"

I slammed the door and made my way down the hall. "Vengeance will be swift!" I yelled to nobody in particular.

When I finally reached the kitchen, Shylah was boredly stirring a pot of some food I didn't care about because I was thinking of what I needed for my prank of vengeance. "Hey, sis, where's the sugar?" I grabbed all the sugar I'd need and started preparing a sauce pan. "Do we have any onions?"

"In the crisper of the fridge. Why?"

I shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. "No reason; I was just in the mood for something sweet," I replied as I added sugar to the pan and started stirring.

"Are you pregnant or something?"

"WHAT?!" I yelled, whirling on Shylah. "Why would you think I'm pregnant of all things?!"

Shylah shrugged. "Caramelized sugar and onions are an odd combination to be craving. Y'know, like how a pregnant lady might crave something as weird as pickles and ice cream." She turned back to watching her food cook. "I'd suggest that you try to prevent any of the Akatsuki members from eating them. I promised Pein I wouldn't let you guys involve them in a prank war."

I shuddered at the thought of a prank war with the Akatsuki. "Don't worry, I won't. A prank war with Akatsuki members sounds scary."

"Okay. And keep the others from pranking the Akatsuki, too. No matter how much Tisha probably wants to prank Hidan and Caitlin wants to get back at Deidara for teasing her."

Tiamat walked into the kitchen, took one look at my sugar and onions, and turned back around. "I didn't see anything. I refuse to get involved in another one of your stupid pranking wars."

Reia was passing in the hallway, and she changed course for the kitchen when she heard Tiamat. "_Please_ don't tell me you're pranking anyone." I just smiled and whistled to myself while I worked, so she sighed. "Mischa, this is a childish idea. Do you remember what happened last time the prank war escalated because you joined in the pranking?"

I paused mid-stir. "Was that the time we permanently dyed Tiamat's hair white, or the time we got her irises to turn red?"

Reia deadpanned at me. "Whichever one it was, it proves my point. You should stop while you're ahead, before there's another casualty like that."

I whirled on her, pointing my sauce spoon threateningly. "Hey, Tiamat kept her hair like that. She could've dyed it back, but she didn't because she secretly likes it! And I didn't hear her complaining about her eyes, either!"

"Why do you think she avoids being around us when you guys are on another one of your pranking sprees?"

"…Because she doesn't want it to happen again?"

Reia threw her hands in the air in exasperation. It was kind of adorable to see someone so tiny act so annoyed. "Exactly!" She frowned disapprovingly at me. "No one wants a repeat of what happened last time!"

I snapped my fingers in the air, right next to that invisible light bulb floating by my head that just turned on. Hush, it's there - I know this to be true. "The last time we had a prank war was when we permanently dyed _Tish's_ hair purple! That was a fun one! Except for the end, because Tish wanted to beat us all up…"

"And she nearly succeeded, too! Just think what'll happen if you end up pranking her again, or even one of the Akatsuki. It's a _bad idea_, Mischa." Reia turned to Shylah, a pleading look in her eyes. "You've _got_ to be against this, right?"

"Hmm… I guess it's not too bad as long as they don't get the Akatsuki involved."

I beamed at Shylah while Reia gripped her hair and groaned in defeat. "Thanks, sis! Don't worry, we won't involve any of the Akatsuki members, promise!" I turned back to my slowly-caramelizing sugar and stirred it, humming happily and ignoring Reia and Shylah's muttered conversation.

* * *

I peeked into the living room area of the Akatsuki base. The only Akatsuki member present, currently, was Itachi, who was reading a book; Tish, Caitlin, and Tracey were all whispering to each other over a large piece of paper. The whispering reached a fever pitch (as far as whispering goes) before Caitlin leaned back and threw her arms in the air, a scowl on her face.

"Where would we even get a T-Rex costume?! Are we going to make it? 'Cause I don't know about the rest of you, but I am absolute _shit_ at sewing in the worst way possible!"

I frowned at her swearing and stepped forward, plastering a huge grin onto my face. "Hey, guys! I made some caramel apples, and Shylah said I have to share with you guys, too. So, here I am." I walked over to the table and placed the platter of caramel 'apples' off to the side, since I knew they wouldn't want me to place it on the huge paper they were arguing over.

Tish and Caitlin eyed the treats admiringly - caramel was Tish's weakness, and Caitlin liked almost every kind of fruit. Tracey studied the caramel with almost as much disinterest as when Shylah and I talked about video games, and I mentally face-palmed when I remembered that Tracey didn't really like sweets. Grasping at straws, I appealed to Tracey's better nature. "I'd really appreciate it if you'd all eat one and tell me how it tastes!"

Tracey looked from the caramel-covered food-on-a-stick to my earnest face. Her gaze grew uncertain when she saw how much I wanted her to eat one, and finally she sighed. "How can I refuse a present from a friend?" She asked, smiling at me, and I felt a little bad when she reached for one.

From over my shoulder, a hand plucked one of the remaining caramel apples from the plate, and I whirled around, thinking maybe Itachi had been lured by the promise of sugary sweetness. Instead, Deidara was inspecting the caramel apple curiously. "What is this?'

"It's a caramel apple!" I exclaimed, lunging for the stick he was holding. "Not for you!" _No! I promised my sister I wouldn't get them involved!_

He eyed the caramel apple suspiciously. "It's an apple, un?" His eyes turned to me, holding the apple above his head. "Why can't I have one?"

_ Not fair! How can he keep it away from me if we're the same height?!_ "Because-" I stopped. Aside from what the apple _really_ was, I had no good reason. I wasn't willing to reveal what I'd done and blow the cover of my prank. "Because ladies first!"

Deidara grinned (well, it was more of a smirk) and took a bite. His face froze, and I looked over my shoulder to see Caitlin, Tish, and Tracey, each with a bite out of their treats, faces equally-shocked. I hesitantly turned back to Deidara, whose expression was suddenly morphing into one of anger.

Not taking any chances, I ran out of the room and back to the kitchen. "I'M SORRY, SHYLAH! I DIDN'T MEAN TO!"

When I arrived at the kitchen, Shylah turned to me, looking resigned. "Who?"

"Deidara," I barely got out before we heard the sounds of indignant yelling echoing through the halls. I squeaked and ran behind my sister.

Shylah sighed and opened the door to a counter cupboard. "Get in."

I did as I was told, and not two seconds after Shylah had closed the door did footsteps run into the kitchen. "Where's that little bitch?!" Tish's voice yelled.

"Who?" Shylah asked, sounding irritated at being interrupted.

"Your fucking sister, that's who!"

"I don't appreciate your comment. She ran in here a few seconds ago, but I told her this would be the first place you'd look. She ran off, and I don't know where she went after that." I appreciated not for the first time that Shylah's expressions and voice rarely changed. None of them could tell that she was lying, I was sure.

"Then you won't mind if I look in a few of these cupboards, un." _Figures the ninja would find me…_

"Go ahead," Shylah replied. I hoped they didn't call her bluff, and my hopes were dashed when I heard the sound of a cupboard being opened. After they opened a few more, Shylah finally intervened. "She's not here. Now get out of this kitchen unless you plan on helping me cook, or no lunch for you."

"Just one more. I want to look in the cupboard you've been leaning on, un." _Oh, crap, oh crap, oh crap!_

I held my breath as Deidara's footsteps neared my hiding place. I couldn't hear Shylah move away, but when I heard the shifting of cloth, I squeezed my eyes shut and waited. I barely suppressed a whimper as a cupboard door was pulled open.

"…"

"See? She's not here, and if you really want to catch her, you should hurry before she finds a good spot."

They all left, grumbling and - in Tish's case - cussing me out. I counted down two minutes, but stayed inside when the time was up anyway, just in case. Someone literally skipped into the room, and I could hear Tracey's muffled voice coming through the cupboard door. "Tell Mischa that I really liked her prank next time you see her. It was a good one on such short notice. I'd be happy to work with her in the future - our pranking group could use her resourcefulness."

_ Sometimes I wonder why I dislike Tracey so much,_ I thought to myself while Shylah replied. "I'll be sure to let her know. Is everyone still searching?"

Tracey giggled, suddenly reminding me why I didn't like her - _no one_ is ever that happy, or giggly; it's suspicious. "Deidara got distracted by Tobi, and Tish and Caitlin gave up after searching only a few places. I stopped looking after I got lost and wandered around for a little bit. Your cooking's a lifesaver - I just followed the smell."

"Good to know you appreciate my cooking."

"No problem!" I got a clear image of Tracey waving happily and skipping out of the room.

After a few seconds, I came out of the cupboard, and Shylah shook her head at me. "I'm very disappointed in you."

I gave Shylah my best apologetic look, tearing up at the thought of disappointing my big sister. "I'm sorry! I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't give it back, and he took a bit, and the others took a bite of their own, and- I'm sorry!"

Shylah rolled her eyes. "I forgive you."

Kisame stuck his head in the doorway, then, a smirk on his face. "What was with all that yelling earlier?"

Shylah started dishing up the food while she replied. "Mischa pranked Tish, Caitlin, and Tracey by covering onions with caramel and pretending they were caramel apples. Deidara ended up taking a bite out of one, too."

Kisame turned back to me, his smirk turning into an approving grin. "Nice." He looked back at Shylah. "Is the food done?"

Shylah held a plate piled high with food (most likely specifically for him). "Have at it."

"Thanks," he replied, grinning, before turning and walking into the dining area to eat.

"WAAAH!" A familiar voice yelled. We barely had time to look down the hall before an orange-masked blur latched onto me. "How could Mischa do this to Tobi?!"

I patted his shoulder, alarmed. "What happened, Tobi?"

"Why would Mischa disguise onions as candy apples and say they were for Tobi?" I winced at the hurt in his voice, even if he _was_ most likely just pretending.

"I made those to prank Tish, Tracey, and Caitlin. Who gave you one?"

"Deidara-sempai said you made one especially for me!"

I frowned, irritated that Deidara would give one of my prank-creations to Tobi without my knowledge. "Then Deidara pranked you with my stuff."

"Deidara-sempai pranked me?"

I nodded, a determined glint entering my eyes. "Do you want to help me prank Deidara back? Along with my friends, of course." At Tobi's hesitation, I smiled encouragingly. "Don't worry, my roommates and I always have a pranking war every few months. It's all in the name of friendship!"

Shylah sighed and shook her head while Tobi jumped up and down, having released me. "Yeah! Shylah-chan, Mischa-chan, and Tobi will all team up in a pranking war against Tisha-chan, Caitlin-chan, Tracey-chan, and Deidara-sempai!"

"Don't involve me in this," Shylah muttered. She frowned at us when we whirled on her with pleading expressions. Well, I was pleading; Tobi was probably pleading, too, but it was hard to tell. After a few seconds, she sighed again. "Fine," she relented.

"YES!" Tobi and I cheered, jumping up and having our own screen-freeze moment. Just, without the screen actually freezing, because we couldn't really do that in real life. Maybe there's a ninja technique for that…

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Hidan's voice yelled from the living room. Tobi and I shared a look, silently communicating with each other that Hidan had probably _also_ been given a caramel onion, and Tobi ran away, me trailing after him. "WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU LITTLE-" This sentence has been cut short thanks to my inner censoring abilities.

* * *

_Mischa is... eheh... I don't even know. The blatant crack!personality might be irritating for some people, but that was kind of my point. I enjoy OCs with contrasting personalities, and Mischa and Shylah are the Sun-and-Rain sisters (slight reference to the second Mulan movie)._

_I hope you enjoyed Mischa's chapter. I was originally going to wait a few chapters to initiate the prank war, but then decided, 'what the heck, why not?'. Part of it was also that I'm too impatient to wait that long to write it. I'm not very creative with pranks, though, so if you have any suggestions... ;3_

_**I feel kind of bored, so I'm going to ask you guys a Question** (and hope I get a response)**:** Have you seen any good movies this summer? Any thoughts?_

**_My Answer_**_ (because I can)**:** I saw 'How to Train Your Dragon 2' a while back. I like any good movie involving dragons that don't (all) die. Yep. The only really memorable part for me was anything involving a dragon. Toothless's awesome is too great to be comprehended, much like Kisame._

_To Scarlett, because I'm too lazy to search your name in the little FanFiction 'search' engine and give you a proper reply: Thank you for the reviews and encouragement! I appreciate that you like Shylah's character, and I'm kind of curious what you think of my other OCs (I'm not fishing for flattery, I swear!). I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :3_


	9. Dango

_This is mostly Shylah's Point of View, but there's a little tidbit at the end with Reia's P.O.V. I hope you enjoy it!_

_I still don't own Naruto..._

* * *

Shylah's P.O.V.

I sighed irritably and checked the clock Emi had insisted all of us purchase in a rare display of assertiveness. _Three fifteen in the morning. Stupid sleep schedule changing… I automatically wake up at either five or six in the morning for the first eight days I'm here, can hardly go to sleep those nights, and now I haven't been able to sleep more than one hour for the past two nights. Typical. Maybe I'll just skip making dango today… It's not like anyone other than Mischa knows or will care… _I thought to myself, rolling over and throwing my one thin blanket off the bed.

_ One would think the nights would be exceptionally cool because of the constant cloud cover. Stupid random summer heat wave. _I stood up from my bed and blindly grabbed clothes from my dresser, not caring whether they matched or whatever Tracey or my mom would say. I started getting ready, impatiently running my brush through my unruly hair. I disliked how long it took me to completely brush my hair, but I refused to cut it - vanity, I suppose.

Finally ready, I glared at the open window and its lack of cool air. I couldn't sleep while the weather was this warm, so I instead left for the kitchen. Maybe I could cool down with a nice glass of ice cold water.

After around one minute, I was in the main part of the base. Why the Akatsuki base would be this large, I didn't know. It didn't make sense, considering that Pein only had nine official Akatsuki members, himself included. Then again, it was in a prominent building close to Amegakure, so maybe it would otherwise have been used for visiting dignitaries or something. Either way, I didn't appreciate how far I had to walk just to get from one end of the base to the other.

I perked up out of my sleepless daze minutely when I caught sight of an Akatsuki cloak approaching me. It was stupid, knowing what I did, but I didn't really feel the fear I should have around the dangerous nuke-nin. I supposed I'd let my guard down when they didn't try to kill us. Aside from Hidan and Deidara, no one had really tried, although if they were really being serious they could've easily killed any one of us.

My inner musings came to a halt when I recognized the owner of the cloak. "'Morning, Sasori-san," I muttered, casting my eyes to the shadows for no real reason other than a minute amount of nervousness. I may not fear the Akatsuki as much as I should, but some of them still intimidated me. "Is Hiruko damaged?"

Sasori paused in the middle of moving to walk past me. He looked at me emotionlessly, which made sense considering that he was a puppet. "No." After one second of awkward (in my opinion) silence, he continued. "Why?"

"You're usually in Hiruko on the rare occasions you deign to grace us with your presence." I held back a wince. _I might have phrased that incorrectly… And he might not appreciate that I subconsciously just teased him._

"I have no need of Hiruko this late at night - everyone is either asleep or otherwise occupied." 'Except for you' was the unspoken end to that sentence.

He wasn't asking me to elaborate (or even really bringing it up), but I felt sheepish at how suspicious it might look. I was an outsider, taking random walks around the Akatsuki's base at a time when most would only be doing so because they were hiding something. "I can't sleep. It's no big deal, but I was just going to take inventory of the kitchen in case I need to buy something for the meals I'm making later today." _And getting a drink of water_. "What're you doing?"

"Why do you need to know?" He replied tonelessly.

I shrugged. "Good point. I don't." Sasori moved forward and passed me. "Mind if I tag along?" _Okay, why am I actively attempting to hang around one of the more intimidating Akatsuki members? … Because I'm bored and stupid, that's why. Good enough._

He paused again, barely turning to look at me over his shoulder. After one eternal (hehe…) second passed, he resumed walking. I took that as an 'okay', and since he didn't protest when I slipped into his room right behind me, I figured I'd assumed correctly.

His room had changed very little since the last time I'd checked to see if it needed cleaning a few days ago. There were different puppets on his desk, and I realized for the first time that all the Akatsuki members (including Tobi) had larger rooms than we did. Figured. His bed looked as unused as the last time I'd seen it. Everything was clean, verging on the sterile feel of a hospital. The only real mess was the organized chaos of his desk, different puppet parts spread out in no apparent pattern.

He took the seat at his desk and immediately began working on a particularly human-looking arm, most likely getting it ready for whatever hidden weapons he'd use it for. There was no seat other than his, so I simply took my place on the bed. _So, Sasori, how does it feel to be alone in your room with a girl willingly on your bed?_ I thought to myself, the situation bringing out my slightly more perverted nature.

We sat (and he worked) in silence. At first, I felt kind of awkward in the quiet, but after a while the sound of the rain hitting his window calmed me. I suppressed the feeling of nervousness and instead began to feel almost comfortable - which was stupid, since I was alone in a room with a super-powerful criminal.

I inspected the window. _Even the window is bigger than mine. It looks well-made, too. Were we put in some kind of servants' quarters area or something? Makes sense, since we kind of _are_ servants, or at least cleaning ladies and cooks._ I let my torso fall back onto the bed, the force jarring me just enough to coax a puff of breath from my lungs. _I don't like manual labor, especially if it means cleaning._

"Leader-sama wasn't pleased that you involved Deidara and Tobi in your pranks."

I blinked and lifted my head just a little bit at the unexpected comment. I stared at him owlishly, but he hadn't even stopped messing with his puppet, much less turned to address me. "_I_ didn't involve them. Blame Catlin, Tisha, and Tracey." _And my sister…_

"You were the one who promised they wouldn't get involved. Therefore, the blame goes to you for not controlling them well enough." I snorted at the thought of _anyone_ trying to control Tisha and Caitlin. I probably could've done something about Mischa, though.

I suddenly thought of something, and pressed my elbows into the bed to prop myself up. "How did you know I'm the one who said we wouldn't involve you guys?"

"Leader-sama reprimanded you, and not the others." I suppressed a shudder at the memory.

*Flashback*

I did my best not to flinch at Pein's harsh gaze. The Rinnegan, while normally totally awesome to stare at, was intimidating to the point of terrifying when combined with Pein's glare. He probably wouldn't need to punish or torture me or whatever; he could just lock me in a room and glare at me. _I think I know how Sasuke and Sakura felt when they were caught in Orochimaru's stare during the Chunin exams._

"For breaking your word, you will no longer be paid so long as this 'prank war' persists." _I can live with that…_ "Should this 'prank war' incite damages, no one else is to be paid, and you are to see Kakuzu about reimbursements." _Of course, Pein knows about our other way to get money. _"In the event that one of my members is incapacitated because of any pranks, you will pay their medical bills and provide us with enough money to make up for what that member could have been earning." I felt faint at the possibility of having to come up with several months' worth of S-ranked pay. "If any of our members are incapacitated or otherwise no longer able to maintain their status as an Akatsuki member due to this 'prank war'…" Pein trailed off, but his eyes had gained a dangerous glint.

I nodded mutely, trying not to think about the consequences of my roommates allowing Deidara, Tobi, or anyone else who might join in to do whatever kinds of pranks they wanted. I wasn't sure if he meant he'd simply kill me, or if he'd torture me instead; either one wasn't a very enjoyable prospect. It was a scary situation, but I understood in a way. Good S-ranked missing-ninja were hard to come by. "I'll establish some rules for the prank war."

"Rules?" Pein inquired, his expression maintaining its harsh, reproving stare.

I nodded again. "Back home, we always established rules. Or, we had to, after the first time… They have to follow the rules or they lose the war and have to submit to the victorious party for a set duration of time."

"Do so, and be sure that everyone knows that I will enforce punishments to those who break these rules."

Pein and Konan shared a glance, and Pein dismissed me without a further inquiry into our rules. Konan led me out, impassive as she'd first been in the anime. I hadn't really expected any sympathy from her. She and Pein were far too close for her to suddenly grow soft at the prospect of female company - company she'd almost never had before.

I sagged out of my stiff posture the second Konan had closed the doors after me and sighed with relief. Even if he had essentially threatened to kill me, I felt almost like I'd gotten let off easy. I straightened and made my way down the halls to the living room, where most of the Akatsuki and my roommates tended to congregate. _If it seems like it'll get out of hand, I'll tell them what they're risking; until then, I'll just set up some rules that will hopefully prevent any further punishment._

*End Flashback*

My mind scrambled for a way to change the subject. "I followed you because I thought you would ignore me. Not that I like being ignored - I just didn't think you'd talk to me or anything."

"I was wondering if that was why you haven't been getting any sleep. Judging by your reaction, that is the most likely reason."

I raised my eyebrows. "How did you know I haven't been able to sleep?" _My stalker senses are tingling._ "And why does it matter?"

"Your reaction time doubles when you don't get enough sleep. Kisame mentioned having to catch a knife thrown by Hidan for you because you didn't react in time. As for why it matters, when you don't get enough sleep, your cooking starts to get worse, and that gives Hidan another thing to whine about while we train. It's irritating; Kakuzu beating him up isn't even amusing anymore."

_ Well, that must've gotten old fast for them if Hidan's only had two days to complain about the poor food quality. He must whine a lot. Huh. It's kind of interesting that the ninjas I've barely known for two weeks can tell when I'm not at 100% better than the roommates I've known for over a year. I guess it's because they're ninjas, and trained to know these things._

I thought through the past two days, trying to figure out if my fear of torture and/or death at Pein's hand was a contributing factor to my lack of sleep. "I think it has more to do with time dilation. You're on the other side of the world from us, and I just went from waking up at seven, to waking up at noon, to waking up at five or six in a different time zone, in a little under two weeks. My sleep schedule has been faulty at best, and this back-and-forth is really messing with me." _Not to mention there were random nights when I didn't sleep at all before this, too… _"Sorry if it's been causing you guys trouble."

Using a material that was probably sturdier than what would normally not be used on something as delicate as a marionette from my world, Sasori placed a retractable blade into the hollow of the puppet arm he'd been inspecting. I felt kind of stupid for blaming my sudden insomnia on shifting sleeping patterns. As a ninja, his sleeping patterns would have been almost constantly shifting on missions - when he was human, anyway. It was like complaining about being hungry to a starving kid in Africa, or whining about stress to a war veteran who'd seen the front lines.

I slowly relaxed my arms so that they weren't holding me up and eased myself back onto his bed. "Your bed's softer than mine, too…"

"What?"

Even though he probably wasn't looking to see the movement, I shrugged. "Your room is bigger than mine, your window is nicer, you have more (and better) furniture, and your bed is softer. I think we got the short end of the stick as far as room arrangements are concerned." I patted the bed again and spread my arms out the way I would make a snow angel in the winter. "Not that I'm complaining - I'm grateful for the place to stay."

"You could always get a real job and rent a place more to your liking in Amegakure." I didn't have to look up to know that he was still working on fixing the blade in the puppet arm.

"And pay outrageous rent to Kakuzu while simultaneously trying to save up enough money for said place? I'll take my chances with you people." _I'm voluntarily staying with a group of criminals because I don't want to pay rent to Kakuzu…_ "My room's not _that_ bad."

We lapsed into silence once again. The small noises coming from Sasori's work desk as he worked on his puppet were the only indication that at least one of us was still alive - if you call that 'living'. Actually, the sounds of him working were kind of calming, like a droning white noise…

I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep, my body no longer able to work up the energy it took to stay awake.

* * *

I awoke with a start when something tapped my forehead. I glared up at the finger that still hovered over my face. "_What_?" I asked, not able to suppress the growling undertone of irritation that had crept into my voice. _I was having such a nice dream, too._

Sasori's voice came from the edge of the bed. "Are you going to sleep in here all day?"

"Maybe I am." _Okay, Sleepy-Shylah, maybe it's not such a good idea to sound so disrespectful to a nuke-nin._

"I don't want anyone to come in here complaining about you not making lunch."

"Why would Hidan or Tisha think to come in here? It's not like we regularly interact or anything." I reluctantly began the slow process of sitting up on the bed.

"I have no doubt that they won't rest until they find you, even if they have to scour Leader-sama's private quarters. Besides, Deidara will come in here to complain to me about their complaining."

I groaned and resisted the urge to simply crawl under the covers and continue sleeping. _Woken up from my precious sleep to do something like _cooking! _Why do you do this to me?!_ "What's the time?"

"Eleven thirty." Sasori didn't react as I threw my hands into the air in exasperation. "I suggest you hurry."

I made my way to the door and threw it open more forcefully than was necessary. "I'll be back," I called to him. _Sweet, sweet dream-land. I won't be gone long, I promise._

Stalking down the corridors, I growled lowly to myself as I passed by the living room and overheard Tisha whining to Tiamat about wanting food. There was a resounding _smack_, and Tiamat exited the living room, her normal composure cracked. She caught sight of me and frowned, following me into the kitchen even as Tisha began yelling about Tiamat hitting her with the book she'd apparently been reading. "I hope you have a good explanation for taking so long to start cooking."

"Yeah, I have one. I'm not your freaking scullery maid!"

"Medieval terminology. Is that even an accurate description of your duties here?"

I glared at Tiamat over my shoulder. "Don't test me."

Tiamat raised her hands in a supplicating manner before turning and exiting the kitchen. "I'm going to go see if Kakuzu has any other books to read…"

I rolled my eyes and chose to continue cooking instead of acknowledging Reia, Emi, and Kisame entering the room. Emi looked distinctly frazzled, Reia looked concerned, and Kisame was just being his shark-y self. Emi wisely chose to leave me alone, and Kisame followed her back into the corridors. I think he liked seeing his effect on her.

Reia frowned at me as I dragged something from the pantry. She didn't know that it was human flesh stored in the basement, which I planned on cooking for Zetsu. I'd mentioned it to him, and while he didn't normally bother cooking it, he was willing to try it out. I tossed the bag of meat (not _that_ kind of meat, if you know what I mean) to Reia. "If you want to help me, make that into a nice dish for Zetsu."

Reia looked down at the flesh, brows furrowing as she tried to identify it. "Is this…"

"It's not poached animal meat, if that's what you're wondering," I replied, narrowing down the options considerably. I had to suppress a smirk as Reia finally came to the conclusion, her face showing denial, horror, anger (probably at me for being so okay with it), and finally… acceptance?

"Okay," Reia finally said, her voice coming out as nothing more than a whisper. "Okay," she repeated more firmly. She set the _human flesh_-filled bag down on the other side of the counter and began setting up the area to prepare it. "I don't know how it tastes, so I don't really know the best way to cook it or season it. I can still try, though."

I stared for a few seconds before consciously closing my jaw with an audible _clack_. "Who are you and what have you done with our Reia?"

Reia glanced back at me, the smallest frown marring her otherwise calm expression. "I've been all over the world, Shylah. I've been exposed to cannibalism on multiple occasions, so _excuse_ me if I'm desensitized to the idea."

_ Oh._

"And how have _you_ had the opportunity to become so used to the idea of a human eating another human? I refuse to believe that this doesn't bother you in the slightest."

_ Because I expected it._ "I've been here longer than you - I've _cooked_ for them for the past ten days. If that doesn't acquaint someone with another's eating habits, I don't know what does."

Reia nodded, accepting that as an acceptable answer.

Determined to make up for lost time, I hurriedly returned to my cooking, somehow managing to work even faster than when I'd first started. After a few minutes, Mischa entered the kitchen and offered to lend me a hand. With our combined efforts, we managed to finish lunch for seventeen people in the half-hour of time I'd had left. I set the table while Mischa dished the plates and Reia handed me what I needed, all of us working quickly before the hordes arrived.

* * *

So apparently we didn't have the proper supplies for me to make dango. Naturally, I was elected to go shopping, because I'm apparently the errand girl as well as the cook. Mischa had run off with Tobi immediately after she finished lunch (if I didn't know Obito, I'd probably be concerned that she was corrupting him; as I _do_ know Obito, I'm slightly more worried about him finding a way to corrupt her), so she wasn't there to volunteer to go with me. Reia wasn't there, either, so she couldn't force anyone to accompany me and fulfill her 'buddy system' she'd adopted since the second murder.

Against my better judgment, I went alone rather than try to force someone to come with. I probably would've actually enjoyed Tiamat's company, and we would've been able to score some nice deals with our combined efforts. Alas, she seemed unusually somber during lunch, and I didn't want to bother her. The others, while not all unbearable, weren't my idea of ideal shopping company.

Thus why I found myself walking the streets of Amegakure alone. I wasn't _totally_ suicidal, so I made sure to stay in areas with plenty of witnesses should some deranged psycho leap from the alley and try to slit my throat. Not that that would necessarily happen…

I paused at a papaya stand, eyeing the fruit, before moving along. That vendor had no right to look at me so suspiciously when I'd never seen him before in my life.

Instead of buying the tasty-looking fruit, I turned down another road that seemed to have all kinds of food supplies. While I was only looking for the materials to make the dumplings (since that was all that I lacked), I slowed down to peer into a few shops that caught my eye. Some seemed to be fairly well-off, with a wide selection of various goods. Others, while not as impressive-looking, made up for it with charming customer service and appealing foodstuffs arranged in a variety of eye-catching ways.

I bypassed all of them, not eager to waste the funds I'd been secretly pick pocketing from passersby, and entered a place that looked like it would have some dumpling-making… stuff. I glanced back down at the list of ingredients I'd made, slightly startled by how used I'd gotten to seeing Japanese writing compared to the Roman characters I had written the list in. _If I stay here long enough, will I end up forgetting how to write in English altogether?_

Shaking myself out of my musings, I instead read the ingredients on the list. _Shiratamako… kinugoshi-dofu… I already have sugar… soy sauce… katakuriko… tsubu-an._ I read each word carefully, picturing the item in my mind to better memorize what I needed. I slowly made my way down the aisles, picking up one ingredient, then the other, until I didn't need anything else.

Taking my time, I casually made my way back to the base. No one would miss me if I wandered around for a little bit. My interest in going back waned further when I heard the sound of loud wails coming from the street to my left. Curious, I walked over to the gathering of another crowd and made my way to the center.

A couple - not quite elderly, but too old to be middle aged - stood close to the center, the source of the wails being the woman. On any other day, she most likely would have looked younger; grief, however, seemed to sap any signs of youth from her pale face. She had a combination of pale skin, purple hair, and bright blue eyes. Her husband had an arm around her, and I noted the familiar tanned skin and black hair; although his eyes - a dull green - weren't the same as the ones the rest of him made me picture.

Finally, my gaze made its way to the prone figure at the center, the one from whom the man shielded his wife's eyes. My own widened fractionally as I recognized the man as the one who'd last found the body of his girlfriend. Taking in his skin, hair, and eye color, I decided he was most likely the older couple's son. From what I could see, he looked like he'd died of blood loss from multiple deep lacerations along his arms and legs.

"Do you know anyone who might've wanted to harm your son?" Ame's version of a policeman questioned the couple.

The thought of someone wanting to harm her son made the mother let out another wail of sorrow. Her husband patted her shoulder consolingly - not that it seemed to do any good - before answering the shinobi cop. "His girlfriend, rest her soul, had… many suitors before she died. It's possible that one of the more serious and violent ones…" He trailed off, closing his eyes and looking down for a moment to avoid bursting into tears. "I'm sorry, it's just… the thought of any of them wanting to harm him-"

"Take your time," the man questioning him replied. "I can wait."

I turned and proceeded to walk back to headquarters, no longer interested in staying out to enjoy the rain. _What a way to kill the mood. I guess it's not their fault, so I shouldn't be so bothered by it. Ah, well, at least I have dango to look forward to._ I smiled at the thought of making dango and picked up the pace.

* * *

I smacked Mischa's hand away from the platter of my special dango. "You're not the only one who gets to eat what I make - save some for the others." I ignored Mischa's pout. "You're on temporary probation for getting Deidara and Tobi involved in your childish prank wars." _Not that I did anything to stop you…_

"But _sis_~!" Mischa whined, doing her best puppy-dog face. Beside her, Tobi adopted her pleading posture, although I couldn't tell if he was mimicking her expression. "Tobi and I are hungry! And you said you'd help us prank!"

I rolled my eyes, holding the platter above my head, where my shorter sister wouldn't be able to reach. "When I say no, I'm not just speaking to fill the silence." Mischa opened her mouth to retort, but I cut her off. "_No_. There, I said it."

Mischa whined, and Tobi seemed to take this as his cue to try convincing me. He followed right on my heels as I proceeded down the hall, holding my platter aloft. "Shylah-chan, please! We really, really, _really_ want some dango, and we'll give you hugs if you give us some!"

I shuddered openly (and maybe a little exaggeratedly) at the thought of having to endure physical contact with two people at the same time. "Don't make me repeat myself, or you aren't getting any," I told him as I entered the living room, where (surprisingly) all the Akatsuki except for Zetsu, Pein, and Konan were located. From our group, only Reia was missing, although Emi looked ready to bolt if one more person stepped into the room.

Most of the room's occupants looked up at my comment, and Deidara grinned from his place beside Caitlin. "Not that Tobi gets any, anyway, un." Caitlin giggled, rolling up a piece of paper that no doubt had plans for all the pranks they were going to pull together.

I declined to respond to the comment, instead setting the dango platter down on the coffee table - coincidentally, where Tisha and Tracey were going over their _own_ plans. Tisha narrowed her eyes at me while Tracey squeaked in surprise. "Get your crap off my papers, bitch!"

"Hey!" Mischa snapped from behind - now beside - me, eyes narrowed dangerously at Tisha. "Don't call my sister that!"

Tisha straightened her back and puffed out her chest, a bloodthirsty smirk growing on her face. "What'cha gonna do about it?"

Hidan grinned like the homicidal maniac he was. "Bitch fight! Fuck yeah!"

I stepped between Mischa and Tisha, effectively blocking them off and preventing a fight over the dango. "Both of you quit it. I made some treats for all of you." I caught Kakuzu eyeing the large pile of dango. "No, I didn't use any of your money. I have my own ways of getting funds for my endeavors."

Kakuzu nodded, satisfied, and immediately went back to his book. He was probably too old for sweets, anyway - it might make his teeth fall out faster or something.

Tisha, Tracey, Caitlin, and Deidara were all inspecting the dango skeptically. "Exactly _what_ would I use to mimic the appearance of little rice flour dumplings that wouldn't give off an unholy stench?" Hidan frowned at my use of a religious word without the context being about heathens.

Tracey delicately lifted a single stick of dango and sniffed it suspiciously. She looked between me and my sister - my sister was previously thought to be more trustworthy than me, so this was probably a huge dilemma for a slightly naïve girl who had a habit of trusting everyone. From behind her, Itachi reached out and grabbed his own dango stick, apparently willing to risk a prank if the possible reward was sweet, sweet dango. Tracey squeaked in alarm before quickly taking a bite of her own. She chewed slowly, swallowed, and then turned to smile back at Itachi. "Don't worry, it's safe!" She chirped before scarfing down the rest, having done her good deed for the day.

Itachi just watched her for a second before starting on his own dango. Satisfied that the dango were safe, everyone else surged forward to grab some dango - with the exception of Kakuzu and Sasori, neither of whom seemed to want any. Sasori probably couldn't have any, anyway.

I shrugged and noncommittally snatched a few sticks of dango for myself, making my way back to Sasori's room to catch up on my sleep. _That should keep them off my back until I make dinner. The little twits better be grateful. And now I know what I'm making on June ninth, too._

* * *

Reia's P.O.V.

I inspected the flower nearest to me, a smile making its way onto my face. _Who knew there was actually a garden in here? I didn't think anything could grow in all this rain._ I sighed contentedly as I glanced around the well-kept greenhouse. _I'm glad I got to see this…_

*Flashback to Lunch*

Suppressing an exasperated sigh at the antics of Tisha, Hidan, Deidara, and Caitlin, I slowly ate my food. We were all gathered around the unusually large table, with the exception of Pein, Konan, Sasori (not that I'd seen him more than once), and Tobi. Zetsu was joining us this once in order to test out the human flesh he'd agreed to try. He didn't know that Shylah had been too busy to make it for him and had given it to me to make instead, but it didn't really matter all that much who made it as long as it tasted good.

I ate in silence for most of the meal, only speaking up twice to back Tiamat up when she ordered Tish, Hidan, and Deidara to stop throwing food. Hidan and Deidara didn't listen to me, but I like to think I helped subdue Tish's rebellious behavior.

Hidan whined at us for ordering us around, to which Tiamat replied, "Maybe if you wouldn't act like such an irresponsible child, I wouldn't feel the need to put you in your place." For once, I decided not to chide Tiamat for her superior tone, as it would most likely ruin the image of an authority figure she was currently projecting.

From beside me, Emi squeaked as Deidara accidentally hit her face with some rice. It was probably a bad idea to sit by Mischa when Deidara was throwing food around… At least Kisame was there to pick Deidara's plate up and bring its contents back down on Deidara's head.

_ …Was I just thankful that someone acted like an immature child? This place must be getting to me if I don't feel the need to reprimand someone for such behavior._ I glanced over at where Emi was staring down at her own plate, face red as a tomato from embarrassment. _Maybe, just this once, it's okay that Kisame dumped food on Deidara. He did kind of deserve it._

Mischa, for her part, knew that Deidara had been aiming for her, and seemed to feel appropriately remorseful for Emi's misfortune. She quickly began making all kinds of ridiculous jokes, ranging from funny faces to the most random sounds. Again, I decided to let the immature behavior pass - after all, it had Emi giggling, her mind off of the rice that had been flung in her face.

Deidara had leapt to our side of the table and started hurling food at Kisame - food that came from Caitlin's plate. "Hey, leave my stuff alone, Deidara! I'm still eating that!"

While they began bickering like toddlers fighting over a toy, Shylah sighed from across the table. "They flirt like grade-schoolers."

Emi's eyes widened and she blushed. Mischa giggled, while I simply frowned at Shylah. "Implying things that aren't true is going to turn their attention on you."

Shylah rolled her eyes and returned her attention to Deidara, Caitlin, Kisame, and Hidan's four-way food fight. Mischa promised to get revenge for Emi, and proceeded to throw bits of food at Deidara despite Emi's protests. Thus lunch went on, until nearly everyone was done and had left.

Shylah turned to Zetsu, a conspiratorial grin tugging on her lips. "So how'd you like the food, Zetsu?"

"It was good. **I'd rather eat it raw.** Don't listen to him - he's just being difficult. **Hey, you little-**" Shylah and I shared an amused look when he began to argue with themselves. It was fascinating to watch an individual so at odds with himself.

Shylah circled the table and elbowed me. "How does it feel to have cooked human flesh and just gotten a basic compliment? Your food is just 'good'."

I frowned and opened my mouth to retort, but was interrupted. "_**She**_** cooked for us?** Thank you; we appreciate it."

Shylah smirked and elbowed me again. "Yeah, I barely had time to make lunch because I slept in, so I just handed it over to Reia and told her to make something. She was surprisingly accepting of the fact that she had to handle human flesh - something about having been around cannibals before."

I tried not to squirm under Zetsu's piercing gaze. It was intimidating to have a pair of bright yellow eyes studying me so closely. "Would you like to **see our garden?**"

"Ooh~" Shylah sang, smirking mischievously at us. "Zetsu's gonna show Reia his 'garden'. That's a sexual innuendo if I've ever heard one."

"Shylah," I ground out. "You've got to be joking me."

Shylah giggled. "Are you going to 'fertilize' her, Zetsu?"

Zetsu glared at Shylah, his white half blushing and his black half frowning at her perverted jokes. It was kind of scary. "**Maybe we will.** No, that's not what we meant! **Thanks for the idea.**"

I gave both of them my best disapproving stare. "Shylah, quit acting so perverted. I'm sure Zetsu is going to show me an _actual_ garden, not 'fertilize me', as you put it."

*End Flashback*

Zetsu did not, in fact, 'fertilize me'. Instead, he showed me to a greenhouse, which was located behind the building. There was a large variety of plants, all of them either man-eating, poisonous, toxic to touch, or a combination of all three. I wasn't afraid of the man-eating plants, considering that they actually had a grasp of a ninja technique known as 'genjutsu', which didn't apply to me because I didn't have chakra for the plant to manipulate. I just had to be wary not to touch any - no matter what kind of plant it was, if it was in this greenhouse it was dangerous.

I turned to Zetsu, my smile still in place. "It's beautiful."

"Thank you. **Of course it is.**" Zetsu's white half frowned disapprovingly at his black half - or tried to, anyway. "We were wondering **where you've **encountered **other cannibals.**"

I nodded. "My parents' line of work takes them to all sorts of places. When I was born, rather than leave me with family, they took me with them. Mom took her recovery time to care for me, and when she returned to her job, Dad took care of me because his job wasn't as dangerous as Mom's."

"What did **your parents **do?" I was slowly becoming more and more accustomed to Zetsu's odd way of speaking - it was almost like the way Shylah and Mischa would occasionally finish each other's sentences.

"My dad is a linguist, specializing in ancient languages. My mom is an archaeologist, but more like a tomb explorer. In our homeland, there's this movie character who's a tomb raider, and I always thought my mom was like a real-life version of her." My smile faltered for a second as I remembered that I was stuck here, with no way to contact either of them.

"You miss **them**." It was a statement, not a question, but I nodded anyway. "Would **staying in **the garden **make you **feel better?"

I nodded again, looking out over the greenhouse. "I've always enjoyed gardening, but I can leave if you'd prefer me not to be here."

"You can **stay. **We won't **eat you. Promise.**"

A smile crept back onto my face - just as much a reaction to his assurances about not eating me as to the fact that he was letting me stay. "Thank you."

* * *

_So, there you have it! I hope you enjoyed the ninth chapter._

_I put two P.O.V.s in here because I wanted to show what they're doing and how the relationships are progressing. Kisame has a better reason to follow Emi around than simply enjoying how intimidating he is._

_Does anyone have a problem with multiple P.O.V.s per chapter? I'm doing this because eight romances/love stories/whatever you'd call these are difficult to write realistically without having several hundred chapters, and also because it (maybe) makes it feel like the story has actually progressed through the day I'm focusing on, as well as the past. If you feel you have a sound argument for why I should make a chapter for each character (which means more + short chapters), please let me know._

**Fun Fact:** Even though Shylah was stuck with the duty of cooking, she isn't the best cook. Mischa, Reia, and Emi are better at cooking than she is.

_Again, I'm kind of drawing out the length of time it takes for them all to be romantically involved - Tobi, Kakuzu, and Sasori especially are going to take a long time to set up. I'm not including Itachi in that list because I can actually make that one a little faster thanks to Tracey's way with people - a way... we haven't seen yet... I'll get on that! ^.^' Zetsu's not on that list, either, because of Reia's personality. In the cases of those four, they blend. They blend well._

_On the bright side, Deidara and Caitlin's romance won't take long at all, and Hidan and Tisha's is going to be pretty soon, too - if a little weird due to certain aspects of Hidan's religion that I may or may not use my poetic license for. For Kisame and Emi, it'll probably take as long as Itachi and Tracey's because of Emi's shyness and extreme introversion - which is why I have them around each other so much._

_I have a new movie to watch~! :3_


	10. Flawless POV Switch

_Why is this chapter named 'Flawless POV Switch'? Because I can't think of anything else to name it._

_Unfortunately, I still don't own Naruto or any of the series' characters. Please enjoy anyway. :3_

* * *

Tiamat's P.O.V.

My eyebrow twitched irritably as I turned a corner. Tisha and Hidan had managed to reach new heights when it came to irritating me, and as it was, I was barely able to keep my composure. I was tempted to recruit Shylah to find things we needed to purchase for either the kitchen or supply closet, but she was once again preparing dango. The only explanation she'd given me was that it was June ninth - not that there was anything significant about June ninth to begin with. Shylah was simply being herself, making up excuses when something didn't suit her.

I hurriedly opened the door to the library and remembered myself just in time to catch the door before it slammed shut behind me. Letting out a sigh of relief at the solitary atmosphere (few people seemed to know or care about the library in the headquarters), I slowed my pace and took my time inspecting the books. The oldest and rarest books were closer to the back, along with a few chairs and a table.

As per usual, Kakuzu was occupying one of those chairs. He had a large case on the floor beside him, and in front of him multiple stacks of ryo, which he would count over and over again. He was in the middle of a large pile when I selected a random book from the shelves and sat across the table from him. "I could help you count, if you'd like," I offered, just like every other time I came into the library to see him sitting there.

He paused, glancing up at me. "No," he replied before returning to his money. If I read a chapter and looked up, he would be done and on to budgeting the Akatsuki's finances for the next year or so, the paper just far enough in shadow so that I couldn't see what he was writing.

I felt a small smile creep onto my face when, a chapter of reading later, I looked up to see that he was in fact on the budget. I held in a smirk and returned to my book, not feeling discouraged by the lack of progress. _Maybe one day, but not right now… I think I'll get a job in Ame to occupy myself with instead. Only so many people can clean one building._

Tracey's P.O.V.

I looked between Itachi and Shylah, feeling like I was missing some significant conversation or something. _They just had a moment in front of me, and I don't even know why!_ "So what's June ninth?"

Shylah shrugged. "Today is June ninth, the day I felt like making dango for the second - and maybe last - time. I don't know what about June ninth is important to Itachi, but there's not really anything special about it for me."

I turned to Itachi, who was calmly eating some of said dango. "What's special about June ninth to you?"

He turned to me slowly. I felt my breath hitch in my throat when our eyes met. Yeah, he was good-looking, but he was also really intimidating. "There's nothing special about today, except that Shylah willingly cooked something."

I blinked, shocked into silence. "I think that's the most I've ever heard you speak." The silence didn't last very long, did it?

"Hn."

Shylah smirked while I just sighed, deflating slightly. _So much for trying to hold a friendly conversation with him… Well I'm not giving up!_ With new determination, I sat up and returned to facing the Uchiha. "You must really like dango."

His eyes flickered back to me. I couldn't tell if he appreciated my attempts at conversation or not, since he was so expressionless. Slowly, he nodded, having just taken another bite of dango.

"How does Shylah's cooking hold up to any dango shops you've visited?" Maybe I could get him to talk if I used Shylah as bait - he seemed to get along with her, as far as her dango-making skills went.

Shylah rolled her eyes before Itachi replied. "It is… acceptable."

Again, Shylah rolled her eyes, this time while smirking. "Gee, thanks. Good to know my cooking is just 'acceptable' for the _great Uchiha Itachi_." Once again, silence pervaded the room, and Shylah looked anywhere but at Itachi.

_ I don't think I've ever seen Shylah act nervous before, _I thought, grabbing a stick of dango for myself. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Itachi's eyes flash red, but dismissed it when I turned to look at him fully and didn't see anything like what I'd apparently imagined. Still, I nervously put the dango back on the platter.

After a few seconds - in which I studied my nails to make sure they weren't chipped or anything -, a stick of dango blocked my vision. "You may have this," a voice quietly told me from my side.

I slowly grabbed the dango stick, deciding not to tell him that I didn't actually like sweets all that much. _Why did I grab one in the first place? Oh, yeah. It would've been rude not to try something Shylah made for us._ "Thanks, Itachi!" I exclaimed, immediately brightening and turning to share some of that brightness with him.

"Hn." I pouted. "…You're welcome."

With a teasing grin, Shylah said, "Aaaw." This time, I knew for sure that Itachi's eyes flashed red, and Shylah stepped back, hands raised to eye level. "Okay, okay, no teasing the stoic Uchiha. Got it." Shylah turned to leave. "I'm gonna go take a nap."

"Where do you think she goes to take her 'naps'? I couldn't find her in her room the last time she left saying that." I stared after her, before getting a bright idea. "Let's follow her!"

"Just ask her."

I turned to Itachi, the pout returning to my face. "But that's no fun! You're a ninja, where's your sense of sneakiness and adventure?"

"I seem to have left it in my other cloak."

My mouth opened to retort, but what would've been a clever comeback (trust me!) turned into a giggle. "Nice one." I giggled again before sitting back down. "I didn't think you could make jokes."

"Ninja tend not to joke around all the time. Nuke-nin especially don't benefit from an excessive amount of humor - it can be distracting."

"It's good to make jokes, though! Life just gets depressing if you don't have any humor! Look at Tiamat! She's always really serious, and hardly ever smiles! She'd probably feel way better if she got a sense of humor…" I trailed off, not really sure how to keep the conversation going. It was kind of hard to do when Itachi hardly reacted to anything.

He didn't reply, and I couldn't think of anything to say. We sat in silence for several minutes, until I could think up something else to say. _C'mon, me! Think up something! Gah, I hate silence!_

I paused, turning to study Itachi. _How can someone possibly be so still? Not even Reia can keep up such a perfect model of statue-…ness… He should be a nude model for an art class. Not because I want to see him naked! Although, now that I think about it…_

I was interrupted from what would have turned into a drool-inducing fantasy by T stomping into the room. "Yo, bitch, get over here! We're gonna plan some pranks."

Eager for some friendly pranking, I quickly hopped up and raced after her. "Bye, Itachi!" I called back, sure he wouldn't mind my absence.

We ran until we reached our fortress of solitude - T's room. No one went in there because she was super-protective of her stuff. "Okay, Trace, let's get this shit started! Got any ideas?"

I grinned slyly. "If you have the goods, I'll have the ideas."

T groaned. "For the last time, I don't know where to get sparkles! Ask Tiamat or Shylah - one of them will probably know where the village keeps its good shit."

"I don't think either of them would consider sparkles 'good shit'. Maybe 'shit', but not 'good shit'." I smiled at T's exasperated glare. "They're not the ones who owe me, anyway."

"Let's just come up with some ideas before we go around looking for materials," T practically growled out.

I adopted an exaggerated thinking pose, ignoring T's eye roll. "Shut up, it helps me think!" I snapped without malice. After a few seconds, I thought of something. "The old doughnut trick is a good one!"

"Do they even _have_ those here?" T shook her head. "Besides, the only ones who'd fall for that are Deidara and Tobi; Caitlin knows us too well, and there's no way Shylah would let Mischa have a doughnut from us before she checked it first. …bitch…"

I fell back onto T's bed. "I forgot about that!" I whined. "I wish Deidara hadn't joined - then Cat would still be with us, and it'd be three versus two. It's way more fun thinking of ideas with Cat here, anyway."

*Flashback!*

"What?!" T yelled at Shylah. "Why do we have to follow stupid rules?"

Shylah locked eyes with T, going into her rare 'Ice Queen' mode. (Like the name? I came up with it myself!) "Because when you _weren't _following any rules, you all ended up involving Deidara and Tobi." Shylah ignored Hidan's outburst about being involved by us, too. "Therefore, I'm implementing our old rules, with a few modifications."

"Rule One: No pranking any Akatsuki members, unless they specifically declare themselves on one of your teams. Right now, Tobi is with Mischa on a team."

"But sis!" Mischa interrupted Ice. (I usually call her Fire or _Fuego_ whenever she's with Ice.) "I thought you were going to be on our team!"

"I'm officiating. I don't belong to any team."

Mischa crossed her arms and stuck out her lower lip in a pout. "But now the teams are uneven!"

Deidara spoke up, putting a hand on Cat's shoulder (which she promptly threw off). "I'll make my own team with Neko, hm." Cat turned to glare at him, but he just grinned at her until she rolled her eyes and nodded.

Ice turned back to her sister. "Happy?"

Fire continued pouting, but eased up a little. "No."

Ice continued like Fire hadn't said anything. "Rule Two: No maiming, killing, incapacitating, or harming anyone in any sense of the word. Rule Three: No causing damages to either any part of the Akatsuki base (including the items within it) or the surrounding landscape slash villages. Finally, no permanently dying anyone's hair or eyes an unnatural color. Anyone caught breaking any of these rules will be subject to the whims of the victim for a month. If there were no victims, you are subject to my whims. Before anyone argues, I have Pein-sama backing me up on this. Deal with it."

That last comment was directed towards T, Deidara, and Fire. T looked ready to argue - "We aren't just gonna give Cat up!" Deidara _did_ argue - "Rules two and three are the exact opposite of artistic, hm!" Fire didn't argue or say anything, but she did give Ice her best pout. I smiled and waved at Cat and Tobi. "Let's have fun, okay?"

*End Flashback!*

"If Deidara didn't join and recruit Cat, Mischa probably would've convinced Shylah to join her. As much as I hate to admit it, I don't ever want that to happen - she and her sister are a resourceful team." T smirked. "Tobi won't be much of a problem. He's just as likely to have all their plans backfire in their faces; I don't think he'll be contributing much to Mischa's ideas."

I nodded. "As much as I hate to say it, we won't have to worry about them nearly as much as Deidara and Cat."

T's eyebrows furrowed together again when she remembered that Deidara had taken our prankster-in-arms. "Deidara's pretty cutthroat, and Cat's really good at coming up with things you'd never see coming. We'll have to have all sorts of traps and things ready for whenever they decide to strike."

"Hey, that gives me an idea!" I brightened, before my smile quickly faded. "Never mind, this world doesn't have Jolly Ranchers. Maybe there's some kind of substitute?"

"I think I remember you mentioning something about Jolly Ranchers in shower heads before… Would freezing jelly work? Maybe Jell-O cubes, if we can get Shylah to make homemade ones."

I snapped my fingers. "That's it! We'll form a temporary alliance with Mischa and Tobi to ask Mischa to make us Jolly Ranchers!"

T frowned at me. "I don't want to make any alliances or anything - especially not this early in the prank war. Besides, what would we offer from our end?"

"Some of our plans?"

"That's definitely a no! I'm _not_ giving up our pranking ideas to them!" T exclaimed, vehemently shaking her head. "There's no way I'd give up something that could be turned around on us in the end."

"But we'd know what to look out for, then, wouldn't we?"

"…We _could_ give them some plans we came up with when Cat was in our group. That was we'd still have an edge, and no matter who they prank, it won't work! You're a fucking genius, Trace!"

"That's not exactly what I had in mind…"

Tish's P.O.V.

"You're a fucking genius, Trace!" I exclaimed almost giddily. I hopped up off my bed and fast walked over to the door. "For now, let's just relax before the shit hits the fan. It's almost time for dinner, so I'm gonna go see if Shylah's made our food, yet."

"T, Ice makes food at the same time every day. She hasn't been late so far, and I don't think she'll be late for a long time," Tracey pointed out.

I smirked back at her over my shoulder. "I know that; I just like pissing her off. Besides, she almost didn't make lunch one time!"

"Once!" Tracey exclaimed, pointing her finger to the ceiling for emphasis. "And never again!"

"Whatever!" I called back at her, already halfway out the door. I made my way to the kitchen, careful to keep track of where I was going so that I wouldn't get lost again. Remembering my first day here, I shuddered a little. No matter how badass I was, all that blood was mind-scarring.

_ Speaking of mind-scarring…_ I couldn't help but think when - guess who? - Hidan rounded the freaking corner. He caught sight of me and grinned. It was more like a cross between a sadistic smirk and a grimace, but who really gives a shit? All that matters is that the annoying 'Jashinist', or whatever the fuck he calls his made-up religion, took one look at me and started walking _with me_. "'Sup, bitch?"

"None of your business, Albino Bastard," I ground out. My teeth clenched automatically, and I picked up the pace to try and get ahead of him. Of course, he easily kept up with me. Damn ninjas. "Don't you have a corpse to fuck?"

"Oi, watch your tongue, heathen! My sacrifices to Jashin-sama should be referred to with the highest fucking praise. I don't need to fuck corpses, I could get any bitch I want!" Hidan yelled at me. Maybe if I kept insulting him, he'd leave me alone…

"Yeah, right. As long as they're dead." I paused. "And you didn't deny that you fuck dead bodies, did you?"

"I don't fuck corpses, bitch!" Hidan yelled as we walked into the kitchen - well, he pushed me while I was tripping him, so we ended up as a huge pile on the kitchen floor.

Shylah raised her eyebrows at us before returning to her cooking. "I don't want to know what you do behind closed doors, Hidan."

Hidan lifted a hand from the floor and pointed it dramatically at Shylah. "Fuck you!"

I rolled my eyes before freezing. "Are you groping me?"

Hidan looked over at me, frowning in concentration (it must've been difficult for him). The feeling of pressure on my butt intensified slightly, and he smirked at me. "Yep."

I punched him and got up. "Don't grope my ass, pervert!" I leaned back against the counter just to be sure that he couldn't reach behind me anymore.

Hidan got up, rubbing his now-bleeding nose. "Maybe I should just go for your tits next time, then," he replied, leering over me. He jerked back suddenly when a huge wooden spoon whacked him over the head.

"Not in my kitchen, you two," Shylah hissed at us. "I don't want to have to listen to the two of you sexually harass each other more than I already do."

"As if I'd sexually harass him!" I yelled at the same time Hidan yelled, " She fucking likes it!"

I turned to glare at him. "I don't like it, bastard! You should learn to keep it in your fucking pants! I'd never have sex with a corpse-fucker like you. Indirect necrophilia isn't my thing."

Hidan brought his fist back to punch me and I grabbed a kitchen knife. Again, he was whacked over the head with a spoon, but this time I was, too. "I said no, you two. I don't want to have to clean blood up in my kitchen again, especially since I'm not getting paid anymore." This time Shylah whacked Hidan's back and my butt, using her other hand to make shooing motions. "Go practice your BDSM nonsense somewhere else."

I glared back at her, leaping out of the way of her next strike aiming for my shins. "Okay, okay, we're going!" I yelled, breaking into a sprint to get myself out of Shylah's range.

Hidan and I stopped running after we exited the kitchen, slowing down to a more appropriate pace for our 'walk of shame'. "Bitch…" Hidan muttered. The wooden spoon came flying out of the kitchen, whacking Hidan right in his jugular. He clutched at his neck, trying to breathe through his spasming neck muscles.

Next to us, Emi was giving him a terrified look while Kisame (who for some reason tended to follow Emi around when he wasn't busy) laughed his ass off. "She got you that time. Some ninja you are," Kisame gasped out between breaths.

Emi turned to me and whispered, "Is he okay?"

I waved off her concern. "Don't worry about him; he totally deserved that."

"Oh," Emi replied, sidling away from Kisame. He was too busy laughing to notice. "Do you know where Caitlin is?"

"Not really. We haven't talked to each other much since Shylah came up with her 'rules'."

"She's probably off canoodling with Deidara," Shylah's voice called quietly from the kitchen. That sent Kisame into a new round of hysterics, Hidan now joining in. Emi's face reddened a little at what Shylah was implying, while I just glared back at her.

Emi's P.O.V.

My cheeks went pink at Shylah's words. I quickly walked into the kitchen, away from the two laughing men. "Do you know where they might be?" I asked, looking through the cabinets to see what we might need. "I was going to ask her if she wanted to go shopping for supplies with me."

Shylah turned to me disinterestedly. "I guess they'll probably be in the indoor training area. I can show you, but you'd might as well just wait until after I finish making dinner. You'll be able to catch Caitlin before they leave again, assuming she wants to go. If not, I'll just go with you." She reached into her pocket and produced a rolled-up piece of paper and some money. "Here's a list of all the things you'll need, as well as our saved-up ryo."

"O-okay," I replied, wincing slightly when I stuttered at meeting her gaze. I grabbed the list and cash and looked through it to begin the process of memorizing everything I'd need - not that I'd be able to remember everything. My memory's not that good…

"'Kay. Help me dish these up," Shylah semi-ordered. She didn't use the same tone as Tiamat, but it was still phrased in a way that was more than a request.

I silently complied. Personally, I enjoyed Shylah's quiet company. I felt like she could be nice… when she wanted to… sometimes… maybe.

Plates in hand, I turned around and squeaked when I found my path blocked by a very large blue person. Kisame smirked down at me, showing his sharp teeth off. "Need help?"

"We have an imposter, Emi! Quick, to the harpoons!" Shylah declared, raising the spatula she'd been using to dish rice (don't ask me why). Shylah took hold of my shoulder and dragged me behind the island counters, leaving them in between Kisame and us. I would've dropped the food, but Kisame had grabbed my plates and put them on the counter just in time.

"Imposter?" Kisame and I asked at the same time.

"You can't fool us! Kisame's far too intimidating to help us set the table."

"Look who's talking - there's no way Shylah would act like this," Kisame replied, grinning. He then grabbed my shoulders and lifted me over the counter to his side. "Quick, Emi, get the harpoons and fishing nets. We're not letting this one escape us, now!" I mutely nodded, looking around for something to use as a makeshift net.

"No, I've been discovered! You'll never catch me alive!" Shylah cackled, running for the exit to the dining room. She hadn't gone more than a few steps before running into something that was sort of low to the ground. When she hit it, Shylah bounced back like she'd been burned.

"What's with all the noise?" Came a gruff voice. I recognized it as belonging to Sasori, whom Caitlin, Tracey, and Tish had 'lovingly' dubbed 'The Blob'.

Shylah rubbed the back of her head sheepishly before glancing back at us. After a few seconds, she abruptly ran past Sasori, through the dining room, and into the halls. "I regret nothing~!"

Sasori, who had turned to watch her flee along with the rest of us, returned his _extremely_ intimidating gaze back to Kisame and I. "Well?" He reiterated, starting to sound impatient.

I subconsciously hid myself behind Kisame, who was tall and muscular and much better at handling the scary looks the other Akatsuki members could give. I couldn't see his expression, but he didn't seem anywhere near as nervous as I was. "We were just messing around a little before everyone arrived and started complaining about the lack of food. Why are you here, anyway?"

"I could hear the racket you were causing from in my workshop." With that, he turned to leave. Or, as Mischa would say, he 'squidged along the floor like a snail'.

I held in a giggle as Kisame turned to me. "Hey, do you smell something burning?"

Curious, I sniffed the air. "The food!" I exclaimed before turning back to the still-heated stove and hurriedly turning everything off. "Oh, no! I hope it's not ruined…" Adrenaline started to shoot through me at the thought of what might happen to me if I was discovered with the burnt dinner. My fear was soon replaced by worry because they'd go after Shylah, who was in charge of cooking.

Kisame dished out another plate and inspected it. "I think it's okay. It's not that different from Shylah's normal cooking, anyway."

"She's n-not a b-bad cook!" I argued. It wasn't very convincing, considering that I was stuttering. "She just gets… distracted."

"I was joking, Emi." Kisame replied, grabbing one of the two unburned plates and handing one to me. "Everyone else can get their own food; let's eat."

I nodded and followed him into the dining area. _That was pretty fun while it lasted. Shylah's been loosening up pretty quickly here_. "U-um, Kisame-san?"

"Yeah?"

"W-why do y-you, uh, f-follow me around? I-I've noticed that y-you tend t-to hang a-around me, and-" I cut myself off, my face heating up because of not only my nervousness, but also embarrassment at my stuttering.

"Pein-sama ordered us all to keep track of you. Since there are eight of you and seven of us, we each decided to watch over whichever one of you appeared in our beds. We left Mischa to Tobi, even though he's not a member. I've just been keeping an eye on you."

"A-and the others? O-only Deidara and Caitlin r-really hang out w-with each other," I pointed out. "Tish and Hidan s-sometimes stay around each other, b-but only because they w-want to argue."

"So long as they don't cause any trouble, the rest of the Akatsuki members won't feel like keeping track of them. We don't have to watch you every second of every day, and when we're finally sent out on missions again, we'll probably see you maybe once a year."

"O-oh," was all I could think to say.

I remained silent through dinner, careful to keep an eye on Caitlin so that I'd be able to ask her about shopping before she went back to planning pranks with Deidara. Finally, dinner was over, and my moment had arrived. Caitlin was just walking out of the dining area, so I rushed after her. "Um, Caitlin?"

Caitlin paused and turned to me. "Oh, hey Emi. What's up?"

Taking a deep breath, I plowed ahead with my request, ignoring my natural hesitation at the thought of being rejected. "I was wondering if you'd like to come with me to shop for cleaning supplies and groceries. If y-you want t-to… M-maybe…"

"Sure," Caitlin replied, smiling easily. "Do you want me to get a list of what we need from Shylah?"

"I-I have the list," I mentioned. Relieved, I smiled a little in return. _She didn't say no…_ "I have the money, too."

Caitlin's P.O.V.

"Great," I replied, making sure I sounded as reassuring as I possibly could. Inwardly, I was a little relieved to have an excuse to leave the base and go shopping. _I'll be able to buy some pranking supplies while I'm there, too! And maybe do some light pick pocketing in the streets…_ "Shall we?" I asked, gesturing in the direction of the door.

"Shouldn't we get shoes, first?"

I face palmed. "Oh, right. Duh! Thanks for reminding me, Em." I used Tracey's nickname for her to try and make her feel more at ease.

"Hey, Neko, should we get back to our planning, hm?" Deidara asked, approaching us from the dining area. He'd gotten held up by an argument with Hidan, which he'd apparently finished up.

Shaking my head, I patted Emi's head, making her face redden. "Nope. I'm gonna go buy some supplies with Emi. I'll make sure to get some things for our plans, okay?"

Deidara mirrored my devious smirk. "Okay. Have fun, you two, hm." He waved before walking off to go do… something. Probably mess around with his hand mouths and explosive clay. That wasn't meant to sound dirty, so hopefully it didn't.

Emi and I walked to our rooms at a slow, easy pace. Despite how slowly we were going, we still managed to make our way to the corridor reserved for our group in record time. We both dove into our rooms, grabbed some shoes and our rain cloaks, and walked back to the entrance, where we put on said shoes.

Afterwards, we made our way out of the door and into the streets of Amegakure. I pulled the hood of my cloak as far over my head as possible in an attempt to keep the humidity away from my naturally frizzy hair; it probably wouldn't work, but it was worth a try. Emi pulled her own hood up as well, but not as forcefully as I had.

"Is it just me, or is it raining harder out here than the last time I went shopping?" I asked, addressing no one in particular. I looked up and narrowed my eyes slightly at the sky, then jerked my head back down when one of the unpleasant droplets hit me in the dead center of my left eye. "Yep, it's raining hard. What a day to go shopping."

"I-I'm sorry," Emi muttered, looking down like a chastised puppy.

I held up my hands in a placating gesture. "Hey, it's not your fault. It's not like you woke up this morning saying 'It's really rainy outside. This is the perfect weather to drag someone around the village on a shopping trip!' Besides, no one ever died from a little bit of rain."

"I'm p-pretty sure I read a story in the news about a small child who drowned in a puddle of rainwater." _Well, that's a lovely story._

"We're not small children, are we?" I pointed out. "And leave the depressing death stories to Shylah and Tiamat; they like that kind of stuff." _Not that I really care about some random little kid… That sounds kind of mean. The kid's parents were probably really sad._

"O-okay," Emi replied. "Shylah was the one who showed me the article, though."

"Figures."

Emi giggled. "She is kind of morbidly fascinated by death and stories about ghost hauntings, isn't she?"

"_Tiamat's_ 'morbidly fascinated'; Shylah's more like curious with a side of bored disinterest. I still don't know how she has the time to look up all those random things about the occult." I paused for a second, my mind wandering. "Damn. Now I want a burger with a side of fries."

"I thought you didn't normally like fast food."

"It doesn't have to be fast food; Shylah and Mischa are from grilling country, and their burgers and fries are amazing. It has less to do with a craving for burgers and fries, and more to do with the fact that I can't have them." I pick pocketed a particularly rich-looking passerby before an idea struck me and I brightened. "Let's buy ingredients for burgers and fries and make Shylah and Mischa cook them for us tomorrow!"

"That does sound kind of good… With our budget, we weren't even able to have any back home. It's been a long time since we had a barbeque." Emi glanced down at her list, then back up at me. "Maybe we should wait until next time we go shopping, though. I don't want Shylah to feel like she _has _to make burgers just because we haven't had any in a while."

I crossed my arms and pouted. "Aw, but it sounds so good~!" This earned another giggle from Emi, and I stopped pouting. "You're right, though; Shylah might just get annoyed at our 'presumptuous attitudes' and never make burgers as long as we're here. She's so testy."

We rushed through our shopping. To be more accurate, I _tried_ to rush us through our shopping, but Emi was determined to find Shylah the best deals. She'd obviously been listening a little _too_ closely to Tiamat when she entered financial rant mode. It was too bad - the rants were usually aimed towards Tracey, but she'd always forget. Out of sight, out of mind with that one.

Anyways, we were walking back to the base when I spotted an old lady burdened by tons of bags, trying to make her way through the crowd. Now, I'm no fountain of good deeds, but the woman was old enough to have silvery-gray hair; it seemed wrong, somehow, to just leave her there. I did what was natural to me - what I'd been taught to do since I was a little girl. I set my bags against the wall of the building the old woman was obviously walking towards, asked Emi to keep an eye on them, and offered to help the old woman.

She looked up at me with startlingly sharp gray eyes, then smiled a soft grandma smile at me. "I suppose I could use some help, dear. Do you think you could take a few of these bags? They're a bit heavy." She cautiously held them out to me, careful to make sure I wasn't going to drop them before actually letting go of them.

I followed after the woman to the front of her door, where she used a key to unlock it. When it was opened, she turned back to give me another smile. "You can come in, and invite that other girl you were with to come in, as well."

I hurried in after her to put her bags down on the table before jogging back out to Emi. "She said we can both come in for a little while." Emi nodded and followed after me once I'd grabbed all my bags. There wasn't anything that needed to be refrigerated immediately, so I set my things down in the entryway before returning to help the old woman put away her groceries, Emi in tow.

When we got to the kitchen, the groceries were already all put away, and a pot of tea was on the stove. "Thank you for helping me with the bags, again, dear. My name is Nakano Haruko."

Remembering the little I'd learned about customs in a Japanese culture from Emi, I bowed. "I'm Keir Caitlin, and this is Akiyama Emi. Nice to meet you." Emi bowed beside me, muttering her own 'nice to meet you'.

Nakano smiled softly, her eyes getting a faraway look in them. "You have an interesting name, Caitlin."

I straightened and grinned sheepishly. It wasn't the first time I'd realized that Emi's name was the only one of the eight of us to fit in. "Most of my friends just call me Cat."

Nakano inspected me, her eyes losing their soft edges for a second. "Yes, I suppose you could pass for a Neko, of sorts." Emi giggled while I just felt confused; Deidara started calling me that after he learned my nickname was 'Cat', too, and it still made no sense. Nakano seemed to realize that we were there again and startled. "Oh, I seem to have forgotten my manners in my old age. Please, have a seat, you two."

We obliged, and soon Nakano was regaling us over tea with the history of Amegakure and the whole Land of Rain as far back as she could remember. She even told us as much about Pein-'sama' and Konan-'sama' as she knew, about how Pein was so powerful they considered him to be their god, and Konan his angel. After a few stories about his powers I had to admit I'd probably think he was a god, too, if I saw him in action.

She also told us that a friend of hers had been found suffocated in her bed yesterday morning. Her husband was suspect, and currently in jail. It was a somber revelation, and I remembered Shylah mentioning someone else being killed when she went out to buy dango supplies on the fifth.

Nakano looked outside and seemed surprised to see how dark it was. "I'm sorry, I've been keeping you in here with my rambling. You two should probably head home before it gets any harder to see. Stay safe, you two, and feel free to visit again, Neko dear. You, too, Akiyama-chan."

We waved goodbye and returned to the base with our bags. When we went to the kitchen to put away the groceries we'd bought, we found Deidara and Kisame chatting and eating leftover dango. "Hey, guys," I greeted, smirking. "You must've really missed us."

"It's boring without you around," Deidara complained. "And I've been in here to avoid Tobi, un."

Kisame grinned and held out a stick of dango to Emi. "We saved some from Itachi for you."

Emi giggled and took the dango with a 'thank you' while I laughed at the thought of them fighting off a dango-craving Uchiha Itachi. I started putting away the groceries, and Deidara moved to help me, but I stopped him. "I don't want your hand mouths licking all the food."

"I can control them; they don't lick things I don't tell them to, yeah."

I raised an eyebrow. "When I first got here, one of the first things your hand mouths did is lick me. Are you trying to say you told them to do that?"

Deidara sighed and looked away. "They don't lick things when I tell them _not_ to…" He turned to glare at Kisame and Emi, who were snickering behind his back. "Watch it, you two, un!"

Emi's face reddened, and she 'eep'ed and hurriedly started helping me with the groceries. Kisame just kept snickering, ignoring Deidara's halfhearted glare.

After around a minute, we finished putting our groceries away. Emi covered her mouth when she began to yawn tiredly before blushing and looking down. "S-sorry."

Kisame patted her head and straightened from leaning on the counter. "Don't worry about it, gaki." He walked over to the exit. "C'mon, Deidara, they look exhausted. You can flirt with Caitlin tomorrow."

Deidara winked at me and followed after Kisame. "See you tomorrow, Neko, yeah."

I rolled my eyes exaggeratedly at Emi, inciting another laugh. "I-I'm not actually tired, Caitlin."

"I know," I replied, covering my own reflexive yawn. "Let's put away our cleaning supplies and go relax in your room. It's not like the time is so far away from when we usually go to sleep, so we should wait until tomorrow before we get into any more mischief."

Emi followed after me, grabbing the bags I wasn't able to carry. "You don't need my help getting into mischief."

I glanced back at her. "Teasing, Emi?" I asked, smirking when she blushed apologetically. "What has that blue-haired shark done to you? Don't worry; it's a nice change."

* * *

Fun Fact: _Originally, the old woman's name was 'Koharu Nakano', but then I decided I didn't want her to have the same first name as the other Koharu, so I changed it to Haruko. It's probably the same name as someone else, but I don't care at this point._

_In other news... I hope you liked it. There were way more changes in P.O.V., so if you didn't like that you should let me know. If no one complains, I'm going to keep this up._

_I can't think of anything else to say, so I'll just say that this morning when I brushed my teeth, the foamy stuff was red from blood. I don't know what's bleeding, but I'm not in pain or anything so it's not that big of a deal. I also started playing one of my Naruto video games last night, which was exciting._

_Have a nice day!_


	11. When Moths Attack

_Hey, everybody! Please enjoy the story, and if I still have to do the disclaimer, you obviously haven't been reading these Author's Notes._

* * *

Mischa's P.O.V.

It was a dark, stormy night, and I was calmly lounging on a couch in the living room, reading a book. A soft sound, like the beating of incredibly tiny wings, pervaded through the room. The book I read was so engrossing that I didn't notice the noise until it was too late.

On my bare right calf, I felt it - that subtle itch you get when something small is touching you inappropriately. My spine tingled while a feeling of repulsive disgustingness settled at the base of my skull. My shoulders tensed, and ever-so-slowly I lowered my book, peering hesitantly at my leg.

Large (the tiny kind of large) compounded eyes stared back up at me. Alien antennae feathered out from its head, while its wings rested close together over its back. Segmented legs branched out from its fuzzy body, holding onto my flesh with a misleadingly delicate grip. The last straw was the knowledge that a fine, almost unnoticeable coating of dust was now layering that small section of my leg.

I screamed and kicked my legs, hoping I could somehow get it off of me. Panicking, I jumped onto the back of the couch I had previously been lounging on. The moth flew towards my face, and I screamed again, waving my arms frantically at it.

Tobi hurried into the room. "What's wrong, Mischa-chan?!" He asked urgently, running over to where I was still flailing on the couch.

"Save me, Tobi! It's a freaking moth! I hate moths," I screeched, lunging off of the couch and hiding behind him.

Tobi straightened and puffed out his chest dramatically. "Don't worry, Mischa-chan. Tobi will save you because Tobi is a good boy!"

I cheered as Tobi raced around the room, leaping after the flying moth. I gasped worriedly when he tripped over the arm of a chair and fell comically to the floor before giggling as he leaped up and renewed the chase.

"I take it your scream had something to do with the moth Tobi is terrorizing." I whirled around and tackle-hugged my sister, who was watching the scene with a stoic expression. She eased up a little and even giggled when Tobi tripped again, this time over the book I'd thrown to the ground. "Tobi-san, trampling books is the highest form of sacrilege."

"Sorry, Shylah-chan. It came out of nowhere." Tobi picked up the book, dusted it off, and placed it delicately on an end table before resuming the chase for the errant moth.

The moth flew straight towards Sis and I. I screamed and hid behind Sis, while she just sighed. Quicker than the blink of an eye, she reached up her hands and closed them around the moth. "There, it's taken care of. Happy?"

Tobi hopped over, hands clasped together. "Wow, Shylah-chan! That was so fast!"

I stopped cowering behind my sister and hugged Tobi. "I know! My sister's so cool!"

Shylah rolled her eyes and turned to Tracey, who had followed Shylah over along with Itachi, Kisame, and Emi. She wiggled her cupped hands back and forth a little to emphasize what she'd done, and the sound of frantic wing fluttering emanated from them. "Where's Reia? I have to rub what video games have done for me in her face."

"What do video games have to do with catching a moth with your bare hands?" Tracey queried. _Queried is such an unappreciated word, people should use it more often._

"Improved reaction time!" I chirped, and Shylah nodded once before starting to walk down the hall in search of Reia. "No, Sis, don't leave me!" Shylah waved her cupped hands threateningly in the air, and I hid behind Tobi, hissing. "You win this time, moth!" I sobbed, holding my arms towards my sister dramatically.

Tracey skipped back into the room, the other three following her at a more sedate pace. Kisame grinned at me. "All that fuss over a moth?"

"Hey, I had a traumatic childhood experience involving a moth! Don't judge me."

Tobi hugged me, patting my back both enthusiastically and comfortingly - although mostly just with excessive enthusiasm. "Poor Mischa-chan! It's okay, now, Tobi's here for you." I happily allowed myself to be hugged because Tobito couldn't hide his ninja's physique beneath his derpy persona, and I _do_ like men with muscle.

Emi gave me a sympathetic look. "We'll support you if you need to talk about it."

I made fake sobbing sounds. "Maybe not right now, Emi. It's just- just too raw in my mind right now. Talking about it is too emotional." I dramatically wiped a tear away and immediately brightened. "Anyway, who wants to make cookies?"

Kisame chuckled at my abrupt mood swing. "I'm not much for making cookies. I'll pass." Tracey nodded in agreement because she's a terrible cook (mwahaha!), and Itachi 'Hn'ed in a way that made me think he was declining my offer. Emi shook her head and gave me a polite 'No thank you'.

Tobi, however, hopped up and down. "Will Mischa-chan teach Tobi how to make cookies?"

I eased myself out of the hug, suddenly uncomfortable with my situation, before smiling brightly at the hyper older man. "Sure, Tobi! To the kitchen, and away!" I yelled, pointing dramatically in the direction of said area before we ran there.

* * *

Cooking with Tobi was… interesting. I always had to keep an eye on him because he didn't drop his Tobi persona, and Tobi was a klutz to the -nth degree. He was like a klutz cubed. The weird part was that half the time I felt like he was honestly confused by some of the instructions - not stupid confused, just… unaware? Unpracticed? It was extremely obvious that he'd spent at least the last fifteen years devoting his life to taking over the world, even though he tried to pass it off as his Tobi-self. Baking was definitely not his forte.

I frowned as I recovered from scrambling, yet again, to catch the bowl of cookie dough when Tobi accidentally bumped into it. Don't worry, the cookie dough was saved every time. "Jeeze, Tobi, it's like you've spent the last decade living in a cave." I softened my words with a teasing grin while inwardly kicking myself. _Uh, he _has_ lived in a cave, me!_

If Tobi felt nervous or threatened by my words, he didn't show it. Instead, he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Sorry, Mischa-chan, I guess Tobi's just a little clumsy in the kitchen."

Thinking about what I'd said - even if I'd been joking -, I felt bad in retrospect. I patted his shoulder comfortingly. "It's okay, you're probably just not used to baking in a kitchen, what with you being a super-cool ninja and all." _Considering who I'm talking to, that's simultaneously over exaggerating and under exaggerating._ I smiled encouragingly, adding a little warmth because hey, I felt like Tobi had become a good friend in the two weeks I'd been here, and I wanted to make sure he knew I wasn't mad at him. "With a little more effort and hard work, you'll be able to bake cookies without anyone helping you. I believe in you."

Tobi went silent and still, and for a second I worried if I'd offended him. "Not that you haven't been trying or anything, Tobi. I just meant that if you keep at it you'll be an awesome cookie chef someday."

Suddenly Tobi seemed to come to life, and he hugged me. "Aw, Mischa-chan, that's so nice! Tobi's so happy that Mischa-chan believes in me!"

I smiled in relief. "Let's finish these cookies up, okay?"

"Yeah!" Tobi cheered, hopping up and knocking the bowl over. "Oops!" Before I had time to react, Tobi had snatched the bowl out of the air and placed it carefully away from the edge of the counter. "Tobi promises to be more careful from now on."

I nodded, smile still in place, as I took out a cookie sheet for the dough. _Sometimes I both know he's a ninja and forget that being a ninja means he's on a whole other playing field than anyone I've ever known. Still, even ninjas are human, and not all humans know how to make chocolate chip cookies._ "Uh, Tobi? You _do_ know that we don't just pile the whole mass of cookies dough on one sheet, don't you?"

"Huh? Oh, no, sorry!"

I giggled. "It's fine, Tobi. Here's a spoon; we have to make little circles of dough, and we'll probably have enough for a few batches."

"Okay!"

* * *

Emi's P.O.V.

Tracey groaned and leaned back against Itachi's shoulder. Itachi didn't react, choosing instead to inspect the book Mischa had left behind in her eagerness to make cookies with Tobi. "Em, I'm so bored! Think of something for me to do!"

I shifted uncomfortably at being suddenly put on the spot. "I-I'm not sure…"

"Agh!" Tracey threw up her arms in frustration and tilted her head so that she was looking at Itachi. "What do you guys do around here for fun?"

Kisame grimaced and answered Tracey for Itachi. "We're not usually cooped up anywhere for more than a day or two. The closest we've ever come to staying in one place this long is a week when we had to lay low to avoid some Hunter-nin tracking me down."

"I thought you guys were super-powerful ninjas. Why would you need to avoid them?" Tracey asked, raising her head from Itachi's shoulder. It was probably a good thing that Tracey was being watched by Itachi - most Akatsuki members probably wouldn't have tolerated her subconscious physical contact. Not that Itachi seemed to enjoy it; he was kind of apathetic towards Tracey and everyone else.

"If we'd taken them out, that would've alerted anyone else nearby where we were. Hunter ninja would've been swarming the place, and as much as I like a good fight, the amount that would have been drawn to us was too much. We were trying to stay incognito."

"Would you have died?" Tracey asked quietly while I frowned in concern.

"Nah. Maybe injured, but we would've gotten away. It'll take more than some Hunter-nin to stop us. Why? You worried?" Kisame grinned at our expressions, and I blushed and looked away.

"Yeah, right. I saw you guys training yesterday. You're badass." Tracey declared. "I was just wondering if there were really people out there strong enough to beat you."

"There are, but we don't have to worry about them right now. After all, we're stuck in this base just as much as you two are." My eyes widened in shock at learning that there were people more powerful than the Akatsuki. If the Akatsuki looked so powerful when they were just _practicing,_ what must the ninja who could beat them be like?

My thoughts were interrupted by Tracey hopping up from the couch. "I'm gonna go find Cat. Do you guys mind if we use the training grounds to play a game?"

"You can use the field if you let us watch the game."

"Deal!" Tracey chirped before skipping out of the room. Kisame and I got up to follow her as Itachi returned the book to its place and walked after us.

The training grounds were a large, indoors area much like a college gymnasium. It could easily hold a football field, and was located underneath the base itself. Shylah and Tiamat had once discussed the possibility of the base sinking into the underground training field, and the conditions required for it to do so. They guessed that the training grounds could most likely fit the entire base inside of it.

When we had arrived, Caitlin was already there, along with Deidara. She was watching him demonstrate his 'art', although how a bunch of explosions could be considered art confused me. I shrugged it off, however. _To each their own, I guess_.

Deidara saw us first, and stopped his 'art show' to glare at Itachi. Caitlin looked over her shoulder at us and began rolling up some pieces of paper and sticking them into bags I recognized from our shopping outing almost a week ago. "Hey, Trace, Em, Kisame, Itachi. What's up?"

Tracey skipped over. "I was wondering if you wanted to play a game of _futbol_," Tracey mentioned, using the Spanish word for soccer. Even though she'd been born in America, she was born to a young mother who knew little English, and sometimes preferred to use the Spanish equivalent to English words. Other times, the words just slipped out because her mind was geared towards Spanish and English, and both languages seemed to fight for the right to be used.

Caitlin stood up and moved her bags to a wall. "I'm always up for some soccer," Caitlin replied, shooting her a competitive smirk. She dug around in one of the bags before holding up a ball. "It just so happens that I bought a versatile ball the last time I went shopping." Cait head butted the ball to Tracey before going through a series of stretches.

I sat down against a wall, motioning for the guys to follow me. Tracey and Caitlin discussed boundaries while Tracey stretched. When Tracey was done stretching, she straightened and hopped on the balls of her feet. "Great! Now we just need goalies," she pointed out, eyeing the four of us spectators.

"That won't really work; only Emi knows how to play, and the other three are ninjas. It's not fair. We'll be fine without goalies." Caitlin grabbed the ball and kicked it back and forth, running circles around Tracey. "Man, I've missed this."

Tracey giggled. "We should find a way to get a volleyball net, and some basketball hoops, and more balls to play dodge ball, and-"

"Cool your jets, Trace." Caitlin interrupted her, holding her hands up while she kicked the ball up to her right knee before juggling it to her left, then back and forth.

Tracey rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. "Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself." She paused as Caitlin did a few other tricks. "You're such a show off."

"Don't mess up," Shylah's voice called quietly from where she'd just arrived in the doorway. "Guys are watching."

Tracey laughed while Caitlin stuck out her tongue. Kisame smirked at her. "Word travels fast. Do you know what this 'soccer' thing is?"

Shylah shrugged. "A game you play using mostly just your feet to kick a ball into a goal. I don't really like sports; I was just checking to see where you guys went. Reia's in mother hen mode."

"You're using us as an excuse for avoiding Reia because her hovering irritates you," Caitlin translated. "So mature."

"I don't like people 'mothering' me. It's weird." Shylah shuddered for emphasis.

"C'mon, Cat, let's play! We don't need goalies, okay?" Tracey half-whined, jumping up and down before stealing the ball from Caitlin and moving it to the center of the field.

"Hey, don't start without me!" Caitlin called, following after her at a fast jog.

They started the second they were in place. At first, I wasn't sure it would be interesting with two people playing, but they were close enough in skill for the match to be engaging. Tracey had the advantage of longer legs and a naturally athletic build, not to mention the kind of raw talent that allowed her to pick up any sport quickly. Caitlin, while shorter, had been playing soccer since she was a little girl, and had the kind of experience and skill to easily keep up with Tracey's pace when she didn't surpass her.

A few minutes into their match, Kisame and Deidara were cheering them on, probably influenced by their intense energy. Shylah caught my eyes and rolled her own when they got into a heated argument about who was better. I flinched when the argument raised in volume before petering out; they weren't really mad at each other, just a little excited to have something to do to break the monotony of the past few weeks.

After a while (and several more matches), Tracey and Caitlin made their way back to us, having run themselves ragged. They were both sporting huge grins, and high fived each other playfully.

"Hey, Neko, can you teach me to play soccer, yeah?" Deidara asked, rising from his sitting position. "It looks fun."

Caitlin nodded enthusiastically. "Sure. But I'm not playing against you; I'm not suicidal. You'd beat me in a second. Besides, I'm way too proud to lose to someone who's never played before in their life."

Kisame took that as his cue to stand up, as well. "Tracey could teach me. That should even things out."

"Uh…" Shylah started, looking between Kisame and Deidara dubiously. "You're a super-powerful close-range combatant, and Deidara's style is definitely long-range. Exactly _how_ are the teams even that way?"

Deidara's right eyebrow twitched in irritation, but he kept his confident smirk in place. "Are you saying I'm not a match for Kisame, hm?"

"Exactly," Shylah replied, either oblivious to the implied insult or not caring; probably the latter. "Even if it's just a game of soccer, Kisame will obviously have you beat for strength and speed."

Tracey frowned. She'd looked excited to play a game with more than just two people, but didn't want it to be unfair. "Then how do we make the teams equal?"

Shylah shrugged. "You could always try getting Hidan to play. He can join Tracey and Kisame, and then Itachi can be on Caitlin and Deidara's team, assuming he'll want to play. I don't really care."

"I'm not going to be on a team with the Uchiha!" Deidara declared, crossing his arms and frowning stubbornly at Shylah.

Caitlin raised an eyebrow at him while Shylah rolled her eyes. "Of course you're not. Whatever, do what you want; I don't actually care. I gave you my advice, you can figure things out on your own if you're not going to listen to me." With that, Shylah got up and walked out of the training grounds without a second look.

"If it bothers you that much, Deidara, then you can have Kisame on your team and we'll have Itachi," Tracey reassured him. She gave Itachi a pleading look. "Could you play a game of soccer with us if Hidan agrees to play?"

Itachi nodded in agreement. "Assuming you can convince Hidan, I will play to even out the teams."

Tracey smiled at him. "Thanks! Hey, Caitlin, do you wanna teach them how to play while I go get Hidan?"

"Sure."

* * *

Tisha's P.O.V.

"You're fucking checking me out, aren't you?"

I carefully schooled my features into a glare to keep from laughing. _He sounds so pleased to think that I'm checking him out._ "Of course I'm not, you dip-shit."

"What kind of insult is 'dip-shit'?"

"A good one. The kind of insult someone who doesn't check you out would use."

Hidan lifted his head from the couch he was laying on to smirk at me. "Yeah, right. You want this."

I grabbed the book off of the nearby coffee table and chucked it at him, smirking in satisfaction when I was rewarded with a _thud_ and a stream of curses. "No way." My smirk widened into a teasing grin. "_Kakuzu's_ sexier than you."

"That old miser ain't got shit on me, and you know it!" Hidan yelled, throwing the book back at me. I let it bounce off my stomach and onto the floor, too lazy to do anything to stop it. "Why'd you fucking let it hit you?"

"My sexy, rock-hard abs cushioned the blow."

"You don't have fucking abs."

"Yes, I do! I'd show you, but you can't handle that level of sex appeal. You'd go crazy and try to rape me." I rolled onto my stomach and picked up the book before tossing it back onto the coffee table, only to swear halfheartedly when it slid off the other end. "Whatever, it's not my problem."

I lurched off the couch when I felt a hand begin to lift the hem of my shirt. Turning around, I glared up at Hidan. "What the fuck was that for?"

"You don't have any damn abs, bitch!"

"Yeah, I do!"

"No fucking way!"

"Yes fucking way!"

Hidan grinned. "Then show me."

"Nuh-uh. You can't handle this shit." He reached down to my shirt again, so I kicked his shins. He jerked back, his hands now hovering further away. "No means no! Don't make me yell rape."

"C'mon, I just wanna fucking see your stomach - it's not like I'm trying to rip all your clothes off and stare at your tits. …Actually, that's a good idea." Leering, he reached for me again. I folded my legs over my stomach and kicked out at his stomach, intending to flip him off of me. Instead, he grabbed both my ankles before bringing them down to the ground and pinning my legs with his.

"Get off me, bastard! You just wanted to get me in this position, didn't you?"

"Maybe I fucking did!" He replied before grabbing my wrists in his hand and using his free hand to jerk my shirt up - a little too high, if you get my drift. "Damn, you _do _have abs."

"I fucking told you! Now get off me!" I yelled, trying to pull my arms out of his grip.

"Nice tits, bitch." I yanked my right hand out of his and punched his windpipe. He jerked back, and I pulled my left leg free before kicking him off me and rolling into a fighting stance. "Ow, what the fuck?!"

I waited for him to stop gagging before replying. "Told you ya wouldn't be able to handle it. I have the body of a fucking sex goddess."

"Your tits aren't that damn good," Hidan snapped irritably.

Turning around, I slowly began to walk away. "Really? Then I guess you _don't _want to see them again."

"What kind of man would I be if I turned down the chance to see tits?"

I rolled my eyes and turned back around. "Keep it in your pants, Albino Bastard. I'm not interested in what you have to offer." I glanced meaningfully down. "Or _don't_."

Hidan's face reddened in anger and he opened his mouth to retort, but was interrupted by Trace entering the room. "Hey, Hidan, wanna play a game?"

He shut his mouth and eyed Tracey's innocent expression warily. "What kind of game?"

"_Fut-_ er… Soccer. I can show you how to play when we get to the training area."

"Count me in," I exclaimed, running over to her. "Who's on all the teams?"

"Me, Itachi, hopefully Hidan, and Emi if she agrees to balance out you. Your team will be Caitlin, Deidara, Kisame, and now you!" Tracey informed me cheerily. We both turned our gazes to Hidan, Tracey pleading and me just smirking challengingly at him.

"Fine, let's get this shit started!"

* * *

Caitlin's P.O.V. (About one hour earlier)

I rolled my eyes. "No, we are _not_ blowing up Tobi's room. That goes against the rules, and doesn't even count as a proper prank, anyway." We were about two weeks into the prank war, and no one had really done anything. What was worse - Deidara kept coming up with ideas that revolved either solely around blowing things up, or pranking Tobi (which still tended to involved explosives). He was enthusiastic, which was good, but at the same time I had to constantly point out that his ideas weren't the best. _It's hard having to be the mature one in the group…_

Deidara seemed to notice my exasperation and calmed down a little. "Okay, well what did you have in mind, un?"

I smirked and held up my bag of pranking goodies. "I just so _happen _to have some lovely pranking supplies in here. For example, these hard candies are perfect for what I have in mind." My smirk widened to an evil grin, and I reached into the bag, producing a number of fruit-flavored hard candies. "This one looks almost like a Jolly Rancher. Who knew you guys had these things here?"

"What's a 'Jolly Rancher'?" Deidara asked, eyeing the candy with mild disinterest.

"It's this," I replied, holding up an almost exact copy of said fruity sugar-filled goodness. "Or at least it's like it. Shall we?" I stood up and held my dear candy in my hand. Deidara followed after me as I exited the training grounds, heading towards Tobi's room since it was the closest. I avoided Deidara's insistent questioning, preferring instead to lead by example.

When we arrived in Tobi's room, I walked over to the shower and unhooked the shower head before unwrapping some candy and sticking it in. I cast a devious smirk back at Deidara as I returned the shower head back to normal. "When he takes a shower, he'll get a bunch of sticky goop all over him. Unless he figures it out, these things will last several uses."

This time Deidara led the way to the rooms occupied by Mischa, Tish, and Tracey. We split the rooms, with Deidara getting Tish's and Tracey's and me getting Mischa's, since I'd already done Tobi's and Deidara was hands-down the faster of the two of us. We sneaked our way back to the training grounds, where no one seemed to hang out in their free time except for us.

"Now for some art to celebrate not only our first prank, but the first prank since the start of the war, yeah!" Deidara exclaimed, grinning like a maniac and reaching into the pouch that I knew from experience held his explosive clay. In a few seconds, explosions would fill the training grounds, set in the perfect locations to avoid brining down the ceiling.

"Hey, Neko," Deidara began, startling me out of my innermost musings (mostly just about how I would be deaf by the time I turned forty if he kept up the daily explosions). "What's your favorite animal, hm?"

"Why does the big bad ninja criminal want to know what my favorite animal is?" I teased, grinning. My grin died when Deidara fixed me with a serious - almost intense - stare. "Okay, okay. I guess I like… swans. It's kind of cheesy, but I like how graceful they are. I used to want to dance, and I identified dancing with the way swans land and take flight." I shrugged and looked down. "I guess it's just kind of nostalgic to me."

"I took you for more of a cat lady."

I jerked my head up to glare at him. "Just because my nickname's Cat doesn't mean I like them. I mean, I do like cats, but they're not my favorite. They're just not as nice to look at as swans."

Deidara grinned as I held my glare. "Okay, okay. Just give me a second… There, yeah!" He whipped his hands out of his pouches and held them out, one perfect swan in each hand. The swans increased in size until they reached approximately two feet in height, then took off, flying gracefully around the training grounds. I smiled as I watched them, and Deidara tracked their movements with anticipation. After a few more seconds, he raised his hand. "Katsu!"

I held in a startled gasp when the swans exploded, half-expecting white feathers and red blood to rain down from the sky. I knew he was going to blow them up, but I'd forgotten for a few seconds in favor of imagining them to be real swans. "I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing your art blown to smithereens."

"The clay is only a small part of my art, un. The _real_ art is the explosion."

"What do you mean?"

Deidara turned to me, the light of excitement still in his eyes. "I mean that the real beauty of my art is that it only lasts for one fleeting second. It's there one second, and then it's gone the next in one glorious explosion of sulfur, clay, and fire, hm."

"Why make art that doesn't last?" I inquired, interested in spite of myself.

Deidara reached into his pouches once again and began molding clay. "It's only for a second, which makes you appreciate the memory all the more. If my clay creations are always there you never miss them, and you start to take them for granted, un." He paused to release two more clay swans to the training grounds. "If they only last for a second, you realize how special what you had was, and treasure the memory all the more. Katsu, hm!" The swans exploded once again.

I thought about what he was saying, and my mind wandered to my parents. I missed them dearly, but at the same time, missing them made me all the more appreciative of the memories we _did_ share; it also made me appreciate my grandparents and little brothers that much more. Had my parents lived, would I be like one of my classmates or friends, complaining about how stupid the adults in my life were, whether they were good to me or not? I would never know, but there was always that chance that I'd have turned out exactly like that.

Having made up my mind, I turned fully to Deidara. "I understand what you're getting at."

He gave me what I'd figured out by now was his signature cocky smirk. "You do?"

"Yeah. And I think… I agree with you. You never truly appreciate what you have until it's gone." _I also think that, maybe, even though you're a pyromaniac criminal with a short temper and unusual art medium, you'd be a good friend._ "Hey, Deidara? Do you think we could be friends?"

Deidara's smirk changed to a confused frown. "You mean we're not friends already, hm?"

"We hang out a lot, but… I guess we are friends. Sweet. C'mon, show me more of your 'art', you crazy pyromaniac."

Once again, his smirk returned. "I'm not crazy, I'm an artist, yeah!"

I rolled my eyes as he released a flock of all kinds of birds to the sky - er… training grounds. "So 'eccentric' is a better word?"

"Do you want me to take away your art-viewing privileges, hm?"

I scoffed. "As if you'd ever give up the chance to show off."

"Not to a pretty Neko like you," he quipped, grinning like a maniac. "Katsu!"

* * *

_That ending was almost too cheesy/stereotypical. I hope I made Deidara's explanation for his 'fleeting art' accurate, or at least acceptable. It was kind of difficult because my views on art (and the reasons and psychology behind it) tend to coincide more with Sasori's. If any Deidara fangirls read this and don't think it's awesome enough, let me know and I'll do further research to try and make it better._

_If you really want me to write about the soccer game, lemme know. I don't watch sports, so I'll have to take the time to actually watch a soccer game and learn all the rules and moves. It's no trouble to me - just a few hours watching a few matches and then planning out what they'll do._

_Now that I've addressed that, let me tell you something else. I live in good old North Dakota, in the USA. School started on the twentieth (Wednesday), and I've been told ND is one of few states that starts school before Labor Day. If I ever miss a Saturday, it's because my Physics, Anatomy, Pre-Calc, and Spanish II teachers all assigned a lot of homework that week and I wasn't able to plan anything out. I also take Problems of Democracy, English 12, and Scriptures (a completely unnecessary class because I've been learning the same things since seventh grade). My classes don't rotate every semester, so my schedule is going to be a little full this year. Ironically, it's probably the heaviest homework-load I've ever had, the same year I start writing FanFics again. Funny how the world works, huh? ^.^'_

_I hope you enjoyed, and I haven't been keeping up with replying to reviews because my grandpa's in the hospital. So... yeah. Have a nice week!_


	12. Sweet Freedom!

_I don't own Naruto or anything affiliated with it._

_Please enjoy!_

* * *

Shylah's P.O.V.

"Exactly why do you feel the need to come in here almost every day?"

I looked up from the book I was currently reading through. "Because I need my alone time and your room is nicer than mine." Sasori frowned at me, and I smirked. "Hey, you guys shouldn't have gypped us and given us crappy rooms. I usually can't even sleep in mine, much less spend all day in there."

"Since when does holing yourself up in a room with someone else qualify as 'alone time'?" Sasori asked, turning to me fully as if he was preparing for some kind of verbal debate.

"Sometimes you go into your workshop thing with all your puppets, and then I'm actually alone. The rest of the times I just kind of ignore you, since you're usually so quiet." My eyes quickly flicked down to memorize the page number before I shut my book. "Why? I can leave if you find my presence so distasteful."

He stared at me for what seemed like a long time. "How long have you been coming in here?"

I knew he knew the answer (he was neither absent-minded nor forgetful), but I replied anyway. "Two and a half weeks, counting the days Tracey and Caitlin dragged me into refereeing for their sports games."

Reluctantly, he returned to his puppet. "You staying in here is a better alternative than whatever trouble you'd otherwise get into. Then I'd have to waste my time trying to fix whatever mess you'd made."

I rolled my eyes and reopened my book. "Can't believe you made me close my book for this…" I muttered. "…lost my place on my page…"

"I never told you to shut your book."

Once again, I found myself raising my eyes from the pages of my valued material to stare irritably at the red hair before me. "Oh, really? I'd thought you'd have preferred my undivided attention."

"As long as you reply to my questions in as intelligent a manner as someone like you is capable of, I couldn't care less how much you actually focus on me."

"Excuse me for being raised to actually pay attention to my elders when they're speaking to me," I replied dryly. "As young as you look, you still act like a temperamental old man."

"And you act like a brat putting up the façade of a mildly intellectual being." Sasori quipped tonelessly.

"Aw~! Did I hurt your feelings? Is that why you're resorting to insulting whatever IQ I may or may not have?" I queried sarcastically.

"Even if I had feelings for you to hurt, someone as senseless as you seem to be wouldn't even be able to come close to doing so." I held back a victory smirk when he looked up from his puppet to face me. _Ha, take that! Have fun trying to remember what you were doing when you go back to making your puppet!_

"Then you must not know me very well."

"That might have something to do with the fact that I don't want to know you very well."

I scoffed. "Please. You couldn't figure me out if you tried, whether it's because I'm that outrageously complex or you're just that dense. Betting money on you actually knowing me would be like tricking a small, naïve child into giving me their lunch money."

"You sound experienced in that area." Sasori looked at me with simultaneous curiosity and cold disinterest. _What a contradictory person…_

I shrugged. "I was one of those hulking, overbearing schoolyard bullies back in my day."

"Somehow, I find that difficult to believe. Are you sure you weren't one of the kids getting their money stolen?"

"Nope," I replied, shaking my head and popping the 'p' in 'nope'. "I have never gotten any of my money stolen. Even when I was younger I knew how to avoid the bullies of our school. Survival of the fittest, and all that." Glancing down at myself, I laughed self-deprecatingly. "Survival of the cleverest, in my case. Although I _have_ lost weight since I came here." _I blame the lack of good food, since I'm the only one who cooks._

"You seem unusually talkative today."

"I blame you."

"Of course. Everything I say just encourages you to continue, doesn't it?" _I'm detecting sarcasm…_

"It does, actually. I always have to have the last word. It's the burden I must bear in this world."

"Well, then, I suppose I should stop talking, shouldn't I?" He questioned rhetorically, returning to his puppet.

"You don't have to, since I have to go cook lunch," I assured him as I put down my book and made my way to the door. "But you might want to anyway, unless you want to be talking to nothing." Sasori remained silent as I left, either because he didn't want to encourage me to stay anymore or because he was following my advice.

The walk to the kitchen was short, and I arrived there in under a minute; as opposed to when I walked from where my room was located, which was so far away that it would take me well _over_ a minute to get to the kitchen. I hated walking, so that was another reason to stay close to the kitchen. As I entered the kitchen, I came to a full stop. _Today will have been exactly four weeks since I first started cooking. I'm free!_

Both of my fists rose into the air in a victory fist-pump. "Sweet freedom!" I whirled around and came face-to-face with both Hidan and Tisha. Before they could open their mouths to bother me about food, I giggled and earned confused stares from two people who had _never_ heard me do so. "I don't have to cook anymore! Find someone else to serve your food, or better yet do it yourselves! I'm outta here, suckers!" Cackling like a madwoman, I skipped to the living room.

Emi and Tiamat looked up from their books, while Kakuzu, the only other occupant of the room, chose to ignore me. Kisame was nowhere to be seen - not that uncommon anymore, since Tracey and Caitlin had introduced their sports to most of the Akatsuki. Emi's expression immediately went from a polite smile to a concerned frown, and Tiamat eyed me warily. "Are you feeling well, Shylah?"

I cut off another cackle halfway through, earning an even _more_ concerned stare from Emi. "I'm better than okay. Yesterday was the last day I had to cook for you people. I'm no longer bound by the tyranny of the debt I owe to Kakuzu!"

Kakuzu looked up when he heard his name. "I see you've remembered that the agreement was only for three weeks. Damn, I was hoping you'd forget."

I pointed triumphantly at him. "I almost did!"

"That's not something you should readily admit to, Shylah," Tiamat half-scolded. After a few more seconds, she added, "You're still making me lunch."

"No, I'm not~!" I practically sang. "I'm not making another meal again, so you can just eat it, Tiamat!"

"There's one fatal flaw to that declaration," Tiamat pointed out while Kakuzu returned to his book and ignored us. "How are you going to eat if you don't make yourself any meals?"

As if conjured from my imagination, Mischa walked into the room with Tobi in tow. "Sis!" She called, running over to me and wrapping me in a hug. "Guess what? You don't have to cook anymore!"

I nodded enthusiastically while Tobi cheered in the background. "That's right! Hey, Sis, what were you going to make yourself for lunch today?"

"I was thinking that, since you've made me meals for the last two weeks, I could make you some food!" Mischa replied, oblivious to the triumphant smirk I sent to a now-irked Tiamat. "I was going to make some food for Tobi and I anyway, so what's one more person?"

"Aw~, Mischa-chan's so nice to Tobi!" Tobi gushed, rubbing his head and acting flattered. "Tobi can't wait to try Mischa-chan's food, especially if it's as good as the cookies you make."

"You helped me make those cookies, Tobi! Don't underestimate how big a help you were to me!" Mischa declared, a stubborn gleam entering her eyes. "And if you hadn't taken the shower head off my shower, I never would've known there was hard candy in there. I owe you."

I raised my eyebrows in Tobi's direction, and he returned to rubbing his head, this time sheepishly. "All Tobi did was trip into the shower. It was just luck, I guess."

"So what were you doing in my little sister's room?"

"Eh?"

I rolled my eyes. _Okay, neither of them would actually do that - no matter how much my sister may or may not want to. Plus, I shouldn't look a gift-horse in the mouth. It's best to just be grateful Tobito decided to save my sister from a literally sticky situation._ "Don't worry about it, Tobi. I trust you with my sister," I assured him, ignoring both Kakuzu's disbelieving half-laugh and my sister's happy exclamation.

"Yay! Mischa cheered before (finally) letting me go. "I'm gonna go make lunch for us, now!" She declared before running off to do just that. Tobi wandered off, muttering something about finding Deidara.

When I turned back to the living room, Tiamat was giving me a disbelieving stare. "You knew she'd be okay with cooking for you, didn't you?"

"Do you _really _think I'm capable of manipulating my little sister into making me food? … Don't answer that. I _was_ actually just going to prevail upon Reia's motherly instincts to cook for all of us. Of course, now that I have my own meal secured, I'm not feeling so generous. You're all back to square one of fending for yourselves in the meal department." _I shouldn't have left my book in Sasori's room; I'm feeling bored without a book in my hand…_

"Tisha is probably whining to Reia as we speak," Tiamat predicted. "Reia will eventually agree and make enough for everyone to prevent her conscience from feeling bad for us. We don't have to worry."

Emi carefully set her own book on the coffee table and rose from the couch. "I think I'll make my own food, since I like cooking. It's a nice change from waiting for your meals to be made." She looked at me apologetically. "I-I didn't m-mean for it t-to sound like that…"

I raised a hand and waved off the implied apology. "I'm in too good a mood for it to matter, and I honestly don't care." Taking the seat Emi had previously occupied, I opened her book and began reading it.

"I'm not looking forward to hearing everyone complain about how there's no food," Tiamat muttered from beside me, putting down her own book and withdrawing a wallet from a pouch in the hem of her shirt. She'd gotten a job as an accountant for one of the more prosperous merchants in Ame, and was currently on lunch break.

"Don't you have to get back to work?" I muttered under my breath, focusing more on the pages in front of me than on what I said.

"That was rude, Shylah. Instead of asking if I have to get back to work, ask how long my lunch break is and show concern for my punctuality. Right now it just sounds like you _want_ me to leave as soon as possible."

"And if I do?"

"You're not supposed to say that so openly. Be more polite."

"You sound like Reia," I pointed out, rolling my eyes.

"Reia has the right idea. _Someone_ has to teach you manners, since your parents obviously did a terrible job in that respect."

"Yes, my dead dad did an _awful_ job raising me when he only saw me for two days a month," I replied, my normally sarcastic voice gaining an edge to it. _I really need to work on controlling my tone._

"…I didn't know."

Again, I rolled my eyes. "Gee, you don't have to apologize in such a horrified way. It's been a while, no big deal. I'm not bitter or anything."

"You're bitter," Kakuzu contradicted me without raising his eyes from his book. "You're bitter and looking for pity."

"Try to pity me and I'll spit on you," I shot back. "Just let me go peacefully back to wallowing in my bitterness and reading a book about some ninja named after a type of ramen." _Who knew Emi would've found the book Jiraiya wrote that inspired Naruto's name?_

* * *

Reia's P.O.V.

I glanced up from the plants I was tending (the cacti, which were Zetsu's favorites) when the door opened, surprised that Zetsu would use the door when he could simply use the Mayfly technique to phase through walls. Instead of Zetsu, however, Tish walked through the door. I sighed, internally mourning the loss of peace and quiet I'd been given as Hidan followed her into the greenhouse.

"Hi, you two," I greeted, rising to my feet. To prevent any casualties in either the plant life or new human presences, I began making my way cautiously to the door so that they wouldn't feel the need to venture any further into Zetsu's domain. "What brings you to the greenhouse?"

Tish opened her mouth to reply, but Hidan cut her off. "Make us some damn food." I narrowed my eyes, but couldn't detect any hints of real malice; it was almost like he was commenting on the weather, albeit in a louder tone than someone would normally use.

Glaring, Tish turned to Hidan and punched his arm. "Dude, you don't just order her to make you food! Fucking rude." Hidan hit Tish back, and soon they were fighting on the ground.

_ I should probably hurt them before they hurt the plants- I mean themselves. Yeah, I wouldn't want them to hurt themselves or each other, either…_ "I'll make food if you two stop fighting."

Both of them jumped apart like they'd been electrocuted with a cattle prod. Tish was still glaring at Hidan, and he had moved on from me in favor of returning her venomous stare. Still eyeing each other like the truce was only temporary, they slowly made their way to the door.

Suppressing an eye roll, I skirted around a few rows of plants to follow after them. "You two act like little kids with no self-restraint. Why hang out with each other so much if all you do is argue?" I set off for the kitchen, Tish and Hidan following at a slightly easier pace to keep up with my short legs.

"This bitch can't keep away from me. I know I'm sexy, but she can't keep her damn hands off me." It didn't take much imagination to know that the _thud_ sounding from behind me was Hidan hitting the floor after Tish tripped him. "You little fucker!"

"Shit, Hidan, falling over yourself? Klutzes aren't very sexy, are they?" Tish laughed, dodging past me as Hidan surged to his feet. Hidan raced after her down the hall, pushing past me in the process.

After they'd both turned a corner, I stopped. I still wanted to return to the greenhouse, but I also knew that the amount of time I'd been spending in there over the past week and a half wasn't necessarily healthy. Plus, if I didn't cook lunch, Tish and Hidan would hunt me down and complain until I did. My stomach rumbled, and I made up my mind to get on with cooking lunch.

When I arrived in the kitchen, Mischa and Emi were already busy preparing their own lunches. "So I guess I don't have to worry about you two, then?"

Mischa looked up from what she was cooking (I didn't know what it was, but it smelled good). "Right! And I'm making some food for Tobi and Sis, so you don't have to make food for them either. Y'know, since Shylah's been making food for us since she got here." _Something tells me Shylah planned this…_

Emi, meanwhile, smiled sweetly at me. "I was actually going to make everyone food, since no one was in here when I arrived - other than Mischa, I mean. You can help me if you aren't too busy, but I can make everything by myself if you'd prefer."

I walked over to where Emi had set Shylah's cookbook on the counter. "Are you making _sansai soba_?" I asked, pointing to a picture. When she nodded, I got out a cutting board, knife, and some vegetables before preparing them to be added to the dish.

"Um, Mischa, why does Shylah dislike cooking so much?" Emi began, starting a conversation to make the time pass faster. "If you d-don't mind telling me, I m-mean."

"She's just lazy," Mischa replied before smiling at the food she was making. "Although she always says I'm better at cooking than she is, so I don't mind making a meal or two for her. It's kind of fun once you get into the groove of things." Emi and I nodded in agreement.

"Emi, Mischa, and Reia, future homemakers of America," Tiamat quipped from the doorway. She walked over to the fridge and opened it. "Don't mind me; my break will be over soon, so I'm just going to grab something and eat it on the way there."

"There are some leftover _nikuman _in the fridge from when Shylah tried making them yesterday," Emi informed her. "They're not really fresh anymore, but if you don't mind…"

Tiamat shrugged and grabbed two from the fridge. "Thanks. These are probably the best things Shylah's ever made, so I guess they won't be _too_ difficult to eat…"

"Oi!" Mischa barked, waving her spoon threateningly at Tiamat. "Don't be dissin' my sister's cooking, y'hear?!"

"Calm down, Mischa. Even your sister acknowledges that she's a terrible cook. It's common knowledge. Besides, you wouldn't hit me with that, anyway." Nonetheless, Tiamat moved carefully out of Mischa's range before taking a bite of her nikuman and exiting the room.

"Yeah, you better run!" Mischa yelled after her, hopping towards the kitchen doorway and brandishing her wooden spoon like a rapier. "'S'what I thought!" She yelled before returning to whatever soup-like substance she was making.

* * *

Finally, we were all sitting around the table for our late lunch - all being everyone except for Pein, Konan, Zetsu, Tobi, Sasori, and Tiamat. As always, it was extremely crowded, and not even a _little_ bit quiet. I was starting to miss Tiamat, since she was one of the only ones (aside from Kakuzu and myself) who even bothered trying to keeping Tish, Hidan, Deidara, and Caitlin from fighting. It didn't help that Kisame would sometimes add to the general chaos by any means necessary.

After a while, Deidara caught on to the fact that it was _Kisame_ throwing food at him, and not Tish. Just as he was throwing some of his own noodles back at Kisame, Hidan threw his chopsticks. The noodles missed Kisame and ended up on Emi, instead.

"I'm sensing a pattern," Shylah muttered from where she sat beside me. "And Deidara always tends to be involved."

Kisame, meanwhile, had taken Tish's bowl of soba and tossed it at Deidara, only for Deidara to dodge and the soup to cover Caitlin, instead. "Oi, dip-shit, you owe me a bowl of noodles!" Tish yelled, stealing Kisame's bowl. Neither seemed to notice, since both of them were glaring at each other.

"Watch where you're aiming, yeah!" Deidara spat out.

"Aren't you supposed to be good with long-ranged weapons? How'd you manage to miss _me_ and hit _Emi_?" Kisame retorted just as venomously.

"I didn't to it on purpose, un!"

"From my point of view, you're both equally to blame," Shylah added. "Kisame could've deflected the noodles from Emi, and there were ways Deidara could've prevented Caitlin from being hit by the noodles."

Shylah's words were lost when Caitlin lobbed Deidara's bowl at Kisame. Rather than dodge, he used a small water jutsu to swat the bowl away - and onto Hidan. From there, it devolved into a mess of thrown food, taijutsu, and ninjutsu.

I crawled under the table and reached the doorway just as the table was blown to smithereens by - guess who? - Deidara. Tracey and Emi huddled behind Shylah - which was interesting to see, since Tracey was several inches taller than Shylah. Tish had taken the opportunity the chaos offered to stab her chopsticks through each of Hidan's eyes. Emi looked ready to faint when she ran past us, an eye on each chopstick.

Shylah and I exchanged a look. "I'm not cleaning that up," she declared as Caitlin sidled over to us, watching the scene with abject horror.

"Oops?"

"Maybe we should get out of here," I suggested. Slowly, everyone nodded and exited the room.

In the living room, we stumbled upon Tish, who had placed Hidan's eyes on the coffee table and was poking them curiously. "Do you think he'll go blind if I keep messing with his eyes?"

"He technically _is_ blind right now, Tisha," Shylah pointed out, voice dripping with sarcasm. She rolled her eyes and sat almost primly on the couch, opening up a book that appeared out of nowhere and beginning to read it. Mischa, who had disappeared at the start of the chaos, reappeared just as suddenly and sat next to her.

Caitlin approached Tish and Hidan's eyes with morbid curiosity in her eyes. "Can I poke them?" Tish motioned for her to go ahead, and so she did. "They're so squishy. Do you think he can see us with them?" Shylah snorted derisively, and Caitlin glared back at her. "It's totally possible!"

"Whatever," Shylah muttered, flipping a page in her book.

Zetsu poked his head into the room. "**They finally snapped and started killing each other?** I wonder what they'll taste like…"

I shook my head. "I think they're still alive, but they're probably going stir-crazy."

"**They're to used to a more active lifestyle not to be.**Leader-sama will probably start sending them on missions, again. **Bye.** Thank you for letting us know." I waved and smirked when they got into another argument as they walked away. _So cute… funny… I don't even know anymore. This place is messing with my head._

Tobi poked his head in. "Why is everyone fighting in the dining room? Should we help?"

"Don't worry about it, Tobi-san. They're just blowing off some steam," Shylah replied nonchalantly. From beside her, Mischa held out her arms, and Tobi walked over to her.

"Mischa-chan, are you okay?"

"Hug me!" Mischa chirped, scooting over and patting the couch in the newly-opened space between the two sisters. "I'm needing a Tobi-Hug after seeing all that fighting. Your hugs could cure cancer, I'm sure."

Tobi laughed (once), and his laugh turned into a more childish giggle. "Okay, Mischa-chan. If Tobi's hugs cure cancer, your hugs cure… uh… everything else!" Tobi exclaimed before hopping onto the couch (causing a laughing Mischa and annoyed Shylah to bounce once) and hugging Mischa.

"Or depression," Shylah added, poking Tobi's back with a corner of her book. "Don't you think, Tobi-san?"

"Eh? Well, hugs make people happy, so of course Mischa-chan hugs could cure depression."

Tracey giggled. "Maybe Fire should give Itachi a hug."

"Who's hugging Itachi?" Kisame asked from the doorway, Itachi beside him.

Tracey's face reddened. "Ice said Fire's hugs could cure depression, so I thought maybe she should hug Itachi, 'cause… he's… so… stoic…" Tracey laughed nervously, glancing around. "Or maybe not." Suddenly, she brightened. "_I _could hug you!"

"Hn."

"I don't think that means no~" Tracey sang before skipping over to Itachi. She paused just as she was about to hug him and withdrew back towards the rest of us. "But that might not mean yes. Maybe later…"

After a few more minutes, I returned to the greenhouse. I smiled a little when I saw that Zetsu was there, and not anyone who would disturb the peace of the indoor garden (such as Hidan and Tish). I made my way around the garden, looking for any plants that still needed to be tended.

"**Hey.** Thank you for taking care of the garden while we were on a mission, Reia," both halves of Zetsu greeted me.

I nodded in acknowledgement of their greetings. "It was no problem. I like gardening."

"**I'm surprised you learned how to tend them so quickly.** Not that we didn't think you could do it, of course. **I would've been less surprised if you couldn't.** Did anything happen while we were gone? **Does it really matter?** Of course it does!"

"Hidan and Tish came in to ask me to make lunch. I had them leave before they could do any damage to the plants." _Or each other._ "And most of the members got into a fight while we were eating, as you know. How often have these kinds of fights broken out before we came here, anyway?"

"I think it's only happened once before you all came here. **We spoke to Pein-sama,** and he's decided that it's best to start sending them out again." Zetsu's white half snickered while his black half just smirked. "**It's about time, too.**"

"Does that mean you'll be going out on spying missions more often, as well?" I asked, trying not to sound as disappointed as I felt. He - they were surprisingly good conversationalists, despite the fact that they usually stayed silent when they were here. When they _did_ speak, they usually devolved into arguing with each other if I didn't give any input. Other than those two negative reasons, though, they were enjoyable to hang out with.

"Will you miss us?" White Zetsu teased while Black Zetsu frowned. "**The length of time depends on the difficulty of the mission. **Don't worry, we'll always come back to you. **To Pein-sama, you mean.** Can't you ever take a joke? **Your jokes are never any good.** Reia likes my jokes. **No, she doesn't.** Yes, she does. **You're delusional. **Fine, let's ask her."

Suddenly I was faced with their attention focused solely on me. Their gazes didn't waver, and they waited silently (expectantly) for my answer. There were a few times where this had occurred in the past - they would look to me to settle an argument -, and each time I tried maintaining neutrality. "I don't mind your jokes."

"See? She likes my jokes. **Saying she doesn't mind them is saying that she tolerates them, not that she actually **_**likes**_** them.** You're just a sore loser. **And you're delusional, as I've said before.**"

I stifled a sigh. _They seem to be in a more argumentative mood than usual. Well, this should be… entertaining, I guess…_

* * *

Tiamat's P.O.V.

I stifled a groan as I looked through the business owner's financial reports over the years. _I've been hired by an __**idiot**_! I complained in my mind as I looked out onto the streets of Ame. _My father would never have let his business go like this. It's disgraceful._

Dragging my gaze from the people bustling by in the cold rain, I worked up the ambition to continue the long hours of tedious simple math that I could've done in my sleep. As a manager, supplier, and salesman, my new boss had originally seemed almost flawless. Unfortunately, his mental skills left much to be desired. Tedious tasks were the least of my problems; I'd been hired by a man with almost no financial background, whose money had essentially begun to disappear because of how bad he was _at simple arithmetic!_

Thus, I found myself the proud new recipient of a nice little corner office and years' worth of convoluted bank statements and business reports. _Bad at math and possibly more disorganized than Tracey and Caitlin put together. It's a good thing I'm working for him and not dating him, because this is the exact opposite of what I deem to be acceptable qualities in a spouse. Not to mention he seems to enjoy spending much of his time at a nightclub in one of the shadier parts of Ame…_

Eventually, I managed to return to a steady rhythm of financial problem-solving. Once I got into the 'groove' of things, it became a task I could execute with mindless precision; meaning that my mind was free to wander to other things.

_ Those _nikuman_ were rather good. It's too bad Shylah's refusing to cook; she really was improving. With a little more practice, she could have been able to reach Reia or even Mischa's level of skill. Oh, well. She'll probably end up cooking for Mischa's birthday - which reminds me, Reia's birthday is coming up in about a month. I wonder if she'd appreciate any gifts from this world, assuming that we're not home by then._

The hours crawled by, until everyone's workday had ended and we were all preparing to go home. My boss - Matsushita-san - approached me, the rest of his employees in tow. "Kulkarni-san, we were going to go out for a drink and were wondering if you would accept an invitation to join."

Mid-nod, I quickly changed to a respectful bow. "Of course, Matsushita-san," I replied. His pronunciation of my family name was stilted, but that meant little in the way of tradition (which getting a drink with co-workers usually was). He was also polite, and while I would have preferred going home, one doesn't get ahead in the world - any world - without some proper networking. Plus, I really needed a drink after the day I'd had.

The bar was an unassuming building, open from morning to night, with loyal patrons all from the surrounding area. It was quaint and homey, if a little run-down, but welcoming all the same. We all took our own stools at the bar and our boss offered to buy the _sake_. After the few rounds of obligatory, polite denial, we finally accepted.

I sipped my personal cup of watery _sake_ lightly, not wanting to get drunk while I was still technically under the legal drinking limit - at least, in America. Were I from almost anywhere else, I would've had no inhibitions about such things. Except for getting drunk around the boss; that was probably not beneficial to my career.

As it was, I had sat on the edge of the group, so the only person I was sitting next to was Kichimoto-san, a salesman of Matsushita-san's store. He turned to me and smiled politely. "How was your day today? Did you make any progress?"

"As much as can be expected. Thank you." Matsushita-san heard my reply and laughed sheepishly. He was fully-aware of his managerial failings - hence why he'd hired someone else to handle it. "That's not to say that I made no progress at all; I should be caught up by Friday."

"Really? We all thought it would take at _least_ a month to get through all of that." The rest of my coworkers - and even my boss - gave me astonished looks before returning to their own conversations.

I waved off the implied compliment. "It's essentially what I was raised to be able to do. Really, you should see my father calculate logistics and project finances - _that_ is what I'd call impressive."

From beside Kichimoto, Ito-san, another coworker, gave his own input and entered the conversation. "Where do you come from, anyway? From the way you speak of your father's company, he must be rather famous. The most prosperous city in the Land of Rain is Amegakure, and I've never heard of your family name."

"I'm from… overseas," I replied, my mind scrambling for and subsequently finding the excuse Shylah had told me to use to avoid suspicion for why we seemed so 'foreign'.

They both nodded, seeming to come up with their own explanations, and the conversation dropped there. I remained silent for the rest of the hour, then politely informed them that I would be missed soon and went on my way.

The rain was cool, as opposed to the heated drops of the late afternoon. It helped to clear my head through the muddle of _sake_-induced fog and think more clearly. Okay, maybe it didn't help me think, but it cleared me up enough to keep me walking in a straight line.

Someone nudged me with their elbow and I stumbled to the side. _So much for walking in a straight line…_ I glanced up to see Caitlin looking at me with surprise. "Sorry, Tiamat, I guess I bumped you harder than I thought. What're you doing out so late?"

I waved off her apology and started walking beside her. "I'm going home after hanging out with my boss and coworkers at some random bar by the store. You?"

"I'm just coming back from Nakano-san's house." I nodded, remembering the elderly woman Caitlin had begun hanging out with a week ago. Secretly, I thought she only hung out with her because she was reminded of her grandmother. "Nakano's son died yesterday, and she asked me to accompany her, her grandson, and her daughter-in-law to her funeral in two days."

"You're not quite _that_ close to the family yet, are you?"

Caitlin shrugged. "She doesn't want to distract her son's family from mourning by making them attend to her, so I'm going to act as her official escort to give them some peace of mind. I met them today, and the daughter-in-law seemed relieved that she won't have to take care of her." Temper flashed in Caitlin's eyes as she thought about it. "Even her grandson didn't seem to want to have anything to do with her."

I nodded, only half-listening as Caitlin began to rant indignantly. _Were that _Jeddah_, she wouldn't have allowed my mother or me to simply foist her off on someone else - especially someone our family barely knew. Not that I would have wanted or dared trying to do so. I love _Jeddah_, even if she is a little old-fashioned._

I was brought out of my inner musings when I tripped over the doorframe leading into the Akatsuki base and fell flat on my face. "Damn."

"Are you drunk?"

"_No~!_" I struggled to get off the floor.

"Kakuzu, help Tiamat; she's drunk."

"Will you pay me?"

"No?"

"Then no."

"_Nik nefsik!" _I yelled after him.

He stopped and turned back to me questioningly. "What?"

Not heeding the warnings of _Jeddah_ not to swear in any language, I replied heatedly, "Go fuck yourself!"

Kakuzu shook his head while Caitlin fell to the ground laughing. "You have a swearing problem when you're drunk."

"_Tabban lak, sharmouta_. Help me up!"

He sighed. "I don't want to know what you said," he muttered irritably before picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. "I expect you to pay me for helping you."

"_Enta mossa zebb bila fluse!_"

* * *

Sansai Soba - _hot soup made of buckwheat flour noodles and named for the _sansai_ (wild vegetables) cooked and placed on the top_

Nikuman - _pork buns, typically the bun-shaped food-stuff you'll occasionally seen eaten in some high school anime_

Jeddah - _the Anglican rough translation of 'Grandmother' in standard Arabic_

Nik Nefsik - _a rough translation of 'Fuck yourself' in Arabic_

Tabban Lak - _'Fuck you'_

Sharmouta - _'Whore'_

Enta Mossa Zebb Bila Fluse - _should mean 'You suck dick for free'; an insult specifically tailored to Kakuzu_

* * *

_Yay, I managed to post this on Saturday! I actually did research on Japanese foods and Arabic swear words for this, but let me know if I've been misinformed. Tiamat got drunk pretty quickly because she's tiny (it takes less alcohol to raise her blood-content) and she's never had alcohol before (she doesn't really know her limit). I just felt like it needed some humor (Tiamat's a pretty serious person), and I needed an excuse to write Kakuzu in._

_I had two things to ask you guys, but I forgot one, so moving on!_

_How do you guys feel about lemons/limes? Do you think they're necessary and would prefer them in this story, would you rather not see them, or do you not care either way? If I do write them, I'll have to change the rating. Whether or not you want me to write that stuff, I might not because I tried writing a practice one and it felt _so~ _awkward. But your input might sway me one way or the other._

_In other news, I'm sick T-T Oh, well; I'll live. Have a nice week! See you soonmaybeeventuallypossiblynotreallybecauseIdon'tactuallyknowyouinreallifeIpromiseI'mnotstalkingyou. Eheh..._


	13. Information

_I typed most of this today, and it ended up being (probably) my shortest and worst chapter thus far; which is sad, because it's the most important after the intro chapters..._

_I also only own my OCs. The others aren't mine, and neither is the Naruto-verse. Please enjoy anyway. :3_

* * *

Caitlin's P.O.V.

I adjusted my newly-bought black dress and fidgeted as Tracey tried - unsuccessfully, of course - to tame my hair. "Maybe Tiamat was right, and I shouldn't go to the wake ceremony."

Tracey giggled. "Didn't Tiamat say that when she was drunk? Between swearing at and insulting Kakuzu in Arabic, I mean. Don't worry about it, Cat; the guy's mom invited you, and you're mostly just there to take care of her, so why not?"

"It's just kind of suspicious. I've only known Nakano-san for a little over a week, and suddenly I'm getting invited to go with her to her son's funeral. It's not like we suddenly became super-close to each other in the days I've been visiting her."

"Do you think she'll do something to you?"

I rolled my eyes. "_No_, I just… I haven't even met the guy."

"Don't worry about it, then. You're there for Nakano, the guy's _mom_. He won't mind if you're helping her out when the rest of his family can't." Tracey patted my hair and blew air through her mouth in an exaggerated sigh. "What do you _do_ to your hair to make it so unmanageable? It's worse than Shylah's!"

I swatted her hand away, and she skipped away from me laughing. "The rest of me is so awesome that the Fates just gave me unruly hair to make it seem like I'm not actually perfect. Spoiler alert - I'm still flawless. And sexy," I added, walking out of the door to my room with an exaggerated sway to my hips. Of course, the moment was ruined when I tripped over my funeral wear because apparently I need things tailored for them to ever fit me properly.

Who should be standing in the hall to witness my embarrassing moment but Shylah? At least she didn't look like she actually cared that I'd tripped, even if she'd probably tease me for it. "Smooth move. Your boyfriend would be proud." _Called it._

_ And who would be standing with her other than Deidara?_ He turned to Shylah, signature smirk in place. "Why do you always say that Neko and I are dating, hm?"

"Why don't you?" Shylah returned. Without giving him a chance to reply, she continued. "I mean, look at her. Not to mention that you two have been hanging out almost constantly when we're all about your age, and you sometimes zone out and stare at her during lunch when you think no one's looking."

Deidara tore his gaze from me - not that he was actually checking me out - to roll his eyes at Shylah. "I don't stare at her! And even if I _did_, which I _don't_, you haven't ever sat in a place where you'd be able to see it since you appeared here, un!"

"I have eyes, ears, and noses everywhere."

"…"

"Not literally."

Tracey giggled and popped her head out over mine. "Good, because that would be weird. Especially the noses part; that's just gross."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, if we're done here, I have a wake to attend."

Deidara furrowed his brow in confusion. _Oh, I guess I forgot to tell him. Oops. Hehe…_ "Whose wake?"

I shrugged. "I didn't actually know the guy, but he's Haruko's son, and she wants me to accompany her since her son and daughter-in-law are too grief-stricken to tend to her. Depending on how much time it takes, I might be a while."

"Oh. Why didn't you tell me, hm?"

This time Shylah rolled her eyes. "Probably because she just found out last night and was too busy helping a drunken Tiamat get to bed. The only reason Tracey knows is because she's the only one with the skill to handle Caitlin's hair, so quit acting ridiculously jealous."

Deidara's face immediately cleared up, and he smirked at Shylah. "I'm not jealous. I was just making sure Neko wasn't keeping secrets from us, yeah."

I raised an eyebrow. "Everyone has secrets, you probably more than the rest of us considering that you're a ninja. If I have any, I'll keep them and share them at my own discretion, not yours." Okay, so maybe he didn't necessarily mean it in a bad way, but in case you hadn't noticed, I'm usually pretty defensive. Pushing past them instead of walking calmly probably wasn't the best way to end the conversation, either.

"So melodramatic…" Shylah put in behind me. At least I could resist the urge to turn around and let my temper loose on her. _Practice in anger management seems to be missing here…_

* * *

"Nakano-san?" I called, knocking on the door to her house. Without waiting for a response, I let myself in and began making tea on her stove. She had told me to do so in preparation for her when she woke up, so it wasn't like I was breaking and entering - the door wasn't even locked. _That's probably a bad thing, since there's some kind of serial killer on the loose._

The kettle was barely whistling before Nakano-san had entered the kitchen. Motioning for me to remain seated, she bustled over to the hot water and poured them into the cups of tea leaves I had prepared for her. She was wearing a simple, plain black kimono, and her silver-white hair was pulled back into a respectfully uncomplicated bun.

I bowed awkwardly as she set my tea before me, and followed her lead for proper tea-drinking manners. Something was different about the process this time - it was more ritualistic, and the cups looked barely used but in near-perfect condition. It gave a sense of seriousness we hadn't used when drinking tea before.

"I have lived on this world for over fifty years. From the age of twenty to now, I have survived the wars and dangers of a powerful group of humans with abilities I'd never even imagined. By now, I've grown tired-"

Whatever Nakano-san was getting at was interrupted when her son burst through the door and ran into the kitchen. "Obaa-chan!" he yelled before running, crying his eyes out, into Nakano-san's lap. "Obaa-chan~!" he wailed, climbing up and burying his face into her shoulder.

"What is it, Yo-kun?" Nakano asked urgently, alarmed. "Where is your mother? Why isn't she with you?"

"Kaa-chan," Yo - his actual name was Yorito, but since Nakano introduced him as 'Yo', that's what I always mentally addressed him as - wailed over and over again. After what seemed like hours waiting tensely for him to continue, he finally stopped sobbing and looked up at Nakano. "Kaa-chan is- is d-dead!" he blubbered out between gasping sobs.

Nakano's eyes widened, and she began to gently rock him back and forth, notwithstanding that she was at least seventy and, while Yo was little, he was still tall for his age. We sat in relative silence until Yo's crying died and he passed out into a fitful, traumatized sleep.

Shakily rising to her feet, Nakano-san carried her grandson into the depths of her small house, probably to tuck him into her bed. After only a minute, she returned, her age truly showing under the weight of the second consecutive loss in the span of only a few days. She held out a slip of paper, and I grabbed it firmly before looking at it. "That's the address to where my son liv-… lived with his wife and son. Please lead the police there and answer any questions you can - direct them to my home if you must."

I nodded mutely and headed to the door. "Neko-chan? Thank you. You've been a great help to me since I first met you. Be safe," she called as I shut the door after me.

Glancing down at the piece of paper, I groaned. Why I had thought the instructions would be written in plain, legible English rather than Japanese kanji, I will never be able to tell you. Unfortunately, the kanji meant I couldn't read it; even if I _could_ \- which, I feel the need to repeat, I _can't_ \- that didn't really mean I'd understand it. I decided that if I was going to lead the police there, I should know where it was first, so I set off in the hopes of finding the house.

The second I found the house, my first thought was, _Why didn't I just find the police and give them the slip of paper? They can read it!_ Of course, the answer to that question was pretty obvious - as flawless as I am, I'm also pretty stupid. My second thought was, _Oh, hey, the police are already here._

Yep. I went through all that effort, and it wasn't even necessary. _And why is that? Oh, yeah, because Pein uses the freakin' RAIN to SEE EVERYTHING! In the interest of not seeming like a total idiot because Shylah's told me this at least ten times, I blame Nakano-san._

When I walked up to the door, one of the policemen spotted me and walked over. "You are Caitlin-san, correct?" _No_, I thought helpfully, ignoring the fact that people seemed to be having a harder and harder time pronouncing my name as time went on, like I was just now noticing that certain sounds it used weren't in their natural ability to make.

"Yeah, that's me," I replied in a more helpful tone than I'd just thought, bowing at the last second when I remembered Emi's stilted etiquette lesson from a couple weeks ago.

The guy nodded and led me inside like he'd been expecting me. _I swear, if Pein let them know I was on my way but didn't bother to help me, I'll~… I don't know what I'll do, but it'll be terrible, I swear!_

He creaked open the door to a bathroom and stepped back to reveal whatever was inside. "Can you identify this as Nakano, Ruko?"

_ What's he talking abo- OH MY GOSH THAT'S A BODY!_

The body of Nakano's daughter-in-law lay on the center of the floor, obviously-naked body covered respectfully with a clean, white medical blanket. The woman's - Ruko's - dark brown hair was plastered to her face, and her mouth was twisted into a frozen grimace. Her skin was slightly bloated, like she'd been filled with air or-

My eyes slowly lifted to the still-full tub, where a few stray strands of dark hair rested near the bottom. From some far-off place, the coroner beside me mentioned that while they couldn't yet tell if she'd been drowned or suffocated, she had been submerged in the tub water since midnight this morning.

I stopped listening after that, since I was too busy running out of the house. I'd just barely made it into the alleyway when I started vomiting.

_ Why do I always get roped into this shit? If it's not Tish dragging me to the morgue to go 'pre-grave robbing', it's that I somehow manage to befriend the one old lady in the whole of Amegakure who will trust me enough to check out a body. Seriously, fuck my life._

* * *

Tiamat's P.O.V.

Someone pulled apart the curtains of my window, disturbing my slumber in possibly the rudest fashion since I'd met Shylah. Hissing involuntarily, I threw my thick blanket over my head and turned to the wall, away from the offending light.

"What does _'enta mossa zebb bila fluse'_ mean, exactly, and should I be pissed that you called me that?"

I winced at both Kakuzu's gruff tone and his use of such an uncouth phrase in the presence of a lady. "Exactly what happened yesterday?"

"How drunk did you get?"

Placing a hand on my throbbing forehead, I groaned and resisted the urge to bury my face in my pillow. "I didn't think sake would affect me as much as it did." _Shunning the world for the rest of the day sounds rather nice at the moment._

After a few seconds of silence, in which I remembered that Kakuzu wouldn't act like a good little servant and leave without bothering me any more than he already had, I let out a put-upon sigh and slowly removed the covers from my face. The first ray of cloud-dulled light pierced my eye like that three-bladed scythe Hidan was so fond of, and I immediately regretted not staying under the safe shade of my blanket. "Must I really answer you so early in the morning?"

"It's noon, and you must." As if to further emphasize his words, he leaned back against my now-closed bedroom door.

"Does no one have any sense of propriety in the world anymore?" I scolded half-heartedly, knowing he wouldn't actually care. "In answer to your question, I have a rather low tolerance for alcohol. I tried not to drink any of the sake while I was out yesterday, but I suppose I wasn't as careful as I should have been. The after-effects of having alcohol in my bloodstream also tend to be unusually… exaggerated, so I would appreciate not being bothered unnecessarily."

Ignoring my implied 'please leave,' Kakuzu instead stared at me with his red-and-green eyes. He was no doubt attempting to intimidate me, but I refused to succumb to the force of his harsh gaze. "_'Taban lak, sharmouta' _and _'enta mossa zebb bila fluse_'. Exactly what do those phrases mean?"

The tips of my ears heated up at his words. "Would you really expect a lady such as myself to repeat those words out loud?!"

"You said them yesterday." His stare turned quickly into a glare. "Tell me now, before you irritate me."

Do you remember when I said I refused to be intimidated by him? Yes, well, that appears to have been a false assumption on my part. "If I must. Respectively, they mean, 'fuck you, whore', and 'you suck-' Er… 'You… perform fellatio for free'." Deciding that discretion was the better part of valor (and knowing that I definitely did _not_ want to enrage him), I fled the room faster than I'd ever had need to before.

* * *

Emi's P.O.V.

I looked up from the book I was currently reading (a romance, of all the genres a criminal headquarters could contain) to smile shyly at whoever had just opened the door. It was a pleasant, if unexpected, surprise to see Tiamat, although she looked… terrified. "What's wrong, Tiamat? Did something happen?"

Tiamat froze before slowly turning to me. "No, I believe everything is quite all right," she replied, relaxing. "I just wasn't sure if he would follow me, and as he hasn't burst through the door hunting for my head, I think I'm safe. Of course, I could've just jinxed it, but the risk comes with the territory."

"Are you… feeling alright?" I asked, trying not to seem concerned enough to hurt her haughty pride. For some reason, she was starting to sound more and more like Shylah the more she kept rambling about some head hunter.

Tiamat winced visibly before placing herself delicately into the seat next to mine. "I seem to be hungover."

I giggled before I could stop myself. Remembering that Tiamat didn't like to be laughed at, I sent her an apologetic frown. "Sorry, it j-just kind of slipped out."

Tiamat waved her hand away. "Don't be. You made a milestone just now; normally you would have stuttered over at _least_ one or two more words before you'd managed to complete the sentence. Just don't inform Tracey of your progress and I'll call it even. I won't be able to tolerate another one of her 'self-improvement' parties."

I shuddered at the memory of the last 'self-improvement' party Tracey had thrown. Tish had gone a full week without swearing, and by the end of the party Tish had resumed cursing up a storm even more than she had before. It was a close second to the results of the party Tracey threw for Shylah's improved relationship with her mother - at least Tish's results didn't ruin her relationship with the people who cared about her. (I refuse to believe that Shylah's mom is as antagonistic as Shylah makes her out to be.)

"Don't worry, I'd rather k-keep my progress, thank you v-very much," I assured her, politely closing my book and putting it down.

Again, the door opened, so silently I almost missed it. Kisame poked his head in and grinned when he caught sight of me. "Tracey's coming up with groups for _volleyball_, and she said you knew how to play," he informed me, stumbling slightly over 'volleyball' in an odd way I'd never really noticed before.

My face heated up as both he and Tiamat stared fixedly at me. "I-I g-guess I c-can p-play, if you're s-sure…"

"We'll be down in the training grounds," Kisame told me before disappearing into the hallway.

From beside me, Tiamat sighed. "Well, I _thought_ you were making progress."

* * *

Somehow, Tracey had managed to drag together enough people for two teams of five. Tracey, Itachi, Hidan, Tish, and Shylah were on one team, while I was on the other with Kisame, Deidara, Tobi, and Mischa. When the teams were divided (with Tracey and Kisame as team captains), Mischa wailed pitifully, stretching her arms towards where her older sister stood irritably on the other side of the net.

"No! Don't take my sister from me!" She called to Tracey and Itachi, who for some reason shared the blame in 'the crime of the century'. "How could you, Itachi?"

Shylah rolled her eyes while Tracey giggled and Itachi remained impassive. "Sis, Itachi didn't pick the teams."

"He could've told Tracey no!"

"And Kisame could've argued for me to be on his team. He didn't, so this is how things turned out."

Mischa abruptly hopped up from the floor (she'd fallen down in her melodrama), face turning deadly serious. "So it seems, dear sister, that we are on opposite sides of this battle. You shall lose this day, and I will come out of this fight the victor!" Pointing dramatically at Shylah, she ignored her sister's mutterings of 'there's a reason we're put in _teams_.' "May it be a glorious battle, and may the odds be in _our_ favor!"

Tobi, Kisame, and Deidara joined in her subsequent battle cry. Shylah rolled her eyes again while Tracey, Hidan, and Tish came up with their own cheer and Itachi just watched with his trademark blank expression. When the members of my team all started chest-bumping, Shylah turned to me with obvious irritation. "I pity you."

Both of our gazes trailed to where Hidan and Tish had started a 'good-natured' brawl and Tracey was cheering them on. "Um, m-maybe I should be the one p-pitying you…"

"This is a waste of time," Shylah muttered before turning to leave.

Unfortunately for her, Tracey noticed just in time to drag her back. "C'mon, Ice, this'll be fun! Stop being such a grumpy-pants; even Itachi's playing, so you should, too." Tracey ignored Tish's cackling at her choice in insults. "Let's play!"

"I hate _everyone_ keeping me here. Just thought you ought to know," Shylah muttered darkly.

Kisame noticed and grinned toothily at her. "I'm going to keep you here as long as it takes for _my_ team to kick your sorry asses."

Focusing her suddenly-threatening glare on the opposite team (and me), Shylah immediately took her place. "Let's get this over with."

…

Let it never be said that Shylah had no skill with which to back up her threatening aura. And let it never be thought that she couldn't combine with Tracey, Itachi, Hidan, and even Tish to create some kind of super-team. It was kind of scary, especially when her spikes had a tendency to be aimed towards the locations of the vital organs of our team members.

The only thing that scared me more was the fact that Hidan and Tish had some kind of freaky, telepathic link that let them know what the other was going to do before they started - probably because they were so alike. It wouldn't have been too bad, except that they hit people with spikes even more than Shylah did.

On my team, after being hit a few times Deidara had started doing the same - adding clay to the volleyball so that it would transfer to Hidan and explode. The first time that happened, Hidan had attempted to strangle the blond bomber. Now, all it was doing was provoking Hidan even _more, _if that was even possible.

Kisame and I worked well together (I like to think I could work well with all of them), even if Kisame's methods tended to end up in _at least_ a bloody nose for someone on the opposite team.

Tobi and Mischa made probably the weirdest pair ever. Mischa was loud and boisterous, yelling death threats to the other team and encouragement to our own. Tobi had a tendency to trip or bump the ball in the wrong direction. When he did the former, it had a habit of being the move that saved us from losing the point; when it was the latter, Mischa or Deidara were almost always there to back him up.

The game was fun, and only ended (in a tie) when Caitlin came down the stairs and stared at us blankly, as if trying to process exactly _what_ shenanigans she was seeing. "Uh, did you all take some kind of ecstasy shot while I was gone?"

Shylah immediately left her position (earning a yell from Mischa to 'get back in line, soldier!') and walked at her usual pace to Cait. "You can take my place," she offered before hurrying up the stairs.

That comment brought forth complaints from Deidara, who wanted to be on 'Neko's' team but didn't want to be on the same side as 'the bastard Uchiha'. Tracey said she wasn't giving up Itachi, so Mischa offered to switch with Caitlin, which made _Tobi_ whine about being separated from 'Mischa-chan'; since they were practically inseparable now, it wasn't surprising.

I sighed. "I-I c-can go to the other t-team, and Caitlin could b-be on this team," I offered as a form of peace.

"I picked you for this team, Emi, and I'm going to keep you." Kisame's comment brought a new round of complaints and arguments from everyone else.

_ This is going to be difficult to resolve…_

We ended up having to end the game abruptly as all the ninjas (except for Itachi) started fighting, and the rest of us had to run out of their way.

* * *

Reia's P.O.V.

An explosion shook the hideout and I jumped in surprise. Zetsu didn't so much as twitch by my side, obviously _way_ more used to this than I was. It made sense, since I'd only been here for a few weeks, and yet he'd known them for… Well, I didn't know how long he'd known any of them, but I didn't doubt that it was much longer than I had.

"Should we be worried?" I asked rhetorically, since I already knew both of their answers. It'd happened often enough for this to be an almost ritual conversation.

"**No.** They'll be fine."

After a few seconds, I returned my thoughts to what we were doing. "Are you sure it's a good idea to try cross-pollinating a Venus flytrap with one of your genjutsu-casting plants?"

"**We wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't.** Are you worried it will attack you?"

"It's not that…" I mumbled uncertainly, eyeing the flytrap that was the product of two plants already bred to specifically create seedlings larger and more receptive towards the genes of Zetsu's man-eating plants. Finally, I glanced up at Zetsu, who was gazing at all of his plants with an intense fixation. "I'll just be more careful about how close I get to this one."

"It's not going to just eat up an unrestrained human. **That will be a few more generations down the line.** Any ideas on how to accomplish that?"

"I'd suggest a plant that responds very sensitively to changes in light or vibrations. Do you have any of those here?" _Why am I helping with this?_

"**Not right now.** But we'll be sure to look for some the next time we leave the base." White Zetsu laughed while Black Zetsu chuckled darkly. "And you thought she wouldn't help us with this. **She's not **_**helping**_**, just giving us a few ideas.**"

"I resent that comment; I'm being very helpful."

"**You haven't done anything but question us and suggest things we would've come up with on our own.** Be nice! **No.** She was very helpful. **You're still delusional and in need of a psychological evaluation.** We both know neither of us would pass a test of sanity. **And yet I'd still do better than you.** That's not saying much… **You just insulted yourself.** _Actually_, I acknowledged one of my failings; how's that for delusional? **Even someone like **_**you**_** could say something reasonably intelligent given enough time.**"

I tuned them out, sort of concerned with how easy it was to do now. _I sincerely hope insanity isn't contagious._

* * *

Caitlin's P.O.V. (yes, again)

Five Days Later

I escorted Nakano into the door, hovering over her worriedly. She moved slowly, weighed down with the grief of the deaths of her son, daughter-in-law, and grandson. I squeezed my eyes closed, the unwanted memory of Yo's mangled corpse flashing vividly into my mind.

The wakes and joint funeral service had all occurred by now, and Nakano-san (I had to keep reminding myself to add the honorific) was now alone in this world of Shinobi. Well, almost alone; after all, she did still have me, and she knew it.

I eased Nakano-san into her kitchen chair before turning to the now-familiar stove and beginning preparations for tea. Over the past week, tea had acted almost like a drug (cannabis, to be specific), the herbs relaxing Nakano like nothing else could. And in this past week, I had learned how to use it better than I'd ever been able to use a stove for anything before.

In a few short minutes, I'd made tea and poured it into one cup for each of us. Nakano bowed her head slightly in thanks when I gave her her tea, but otherwise made no movement or sound. I sat down opposite her and sipped my tea, hoping it would settle my queasy stomach.

"Neko-chan…"

I perked up at hearing Nakano-san's now weary voice. "Yeah, Nakano-san?"

"Do you remember what I was talking to you about, before Yo-kun… before he ran in to tell me about Ruko? I was telling you that I have lived on this world for over half of my life."

I nodded mutely before something she was saying stuck out to me. "Nakano-san? How have you lived only half of your life on this world? Unless…" My eyes widened as I realized _how_ that could be possible.

Nakano-san nodded, knowing what I'd figured out. "Yes; I used to live on Earth, until I appeared here on my twentieth birthday. It was disorienting - I experienced severe culture shock, and didn't trust anyone here. The man I would eventually marry had to save me on several occasions - first a group of rogue ninja looking for 'a good time', then from myself and my own depression."

"Why didn't you tell me this before now?"

"I keep my past buried; it's unnecessary, because my life is here, now." She drew in a shaky breath before continuing. "You have about a year since you first arrived before you return. I don't know what causes people to travel, but I _do_ know that everyone who has appeared in the past has always returned to Earth in one way or another."

I leaned back, my mind reeling. "If everyone goes back to our world after a year, then why are you still here?"

Nakano-san smiled a slow, bittersweet smile. "My husband… He was a good, wonderful man. By the end of my year here, I was already in love with him. I found a way back."

"How do you know other people have… traveled here?"

"I met a woman when I'd first arrived, who told me what I'm telling you. Her story was a bit different; she appeared with her brother, and they came back for the orphan children they'd begun taking care of. Her brother had married into a clan, although I don't know which one. Others have come before you, men and women who have all either died somehow or stayed on Earth when their time was up."

Nakano - Nakano-_san_ \- let out another world-weary sigh. "I took so long to tell you because… each of those men and women, when I told them, died long before their year was up. I don't mean that the Land of Rain is a magnet for our people; I've met enough from each country to know that. But each person I've met, no matter where they arrived, has died. I refuse to believe that the same is for anyone I _haven't_ met, but the outcome is rather dire.

"We weren't _meant _to live in this place. Even our world has stopped fighting on the scale that these nations are doing, although there's war everywhere. I would've died several times over if it hadn't been for my husband. …What I'm trying to say, Neko-chan, is that no matter how _good_ you are at pretending, no matter how ingrained this society's mannerisms become in your mind, none of us truly belongs. Our chances of survival rely on running into someone we can trust, who will help us through this."

"Can you get us through this? You know where we're coming from, you could help us!" I pleaded, jumping to my feet. _I don't want to wait a year to see my family again, but I'd rather do that than die in a world I know nothing about._

Nakano-san smiled tiredly. "I can teach you; however, it's late, and I've had a hard day. Go home. I'll tell you in the morning."

I frowned and opened my mouth to argue, but stopped short. Nakano-san looked exhausted and sad and _de-_… She looked worse than either of my grandparents had when Mom and Dad died. Nakano-san needed rest, and I wasn't about to argue her into a coma just because I needed information I could get just as easily tomorrow.

"Good night, Nakano-san."

"Pleasant dreams, Neko-chan…"

The Following Morning

I hadn't told anyone about what Nakano-san had said last night. I wanted to surprise them, and then tell them everything at once. Waiting wouldn't hurt them, as long as they didn't know they'd waited.

I rushed down the now-familiar street to the even more familiar house where Nakano-san had lived since she'd married her husband. _Today, I'll get the answers I need, and we won't have to worry about anything._

"Nakano-san!" I called, knocking on the door before letting myself in. I could see the kitchen from here, and the sight made me pause.

Nakano-san wasn't sitting in her normal chair, which faced the door. Instead, she was facing the chair opposite it, the one closest to the entryway. There was a kettle of tea next to the stove, still steaming. A cup rested in front of Nakano-san, but she didn't move to sip it. She didn't move at all.

"Nakano-san?" I called, quietly this time. If she was crying, I didn't want to disturb her, but… Cautiously, I moved around to her front.

I screamed.

Nakano stared straight forward as though transfixed by the sight of some horrible monster. Her eyes were glassy, her skin pale and lifeless. Red-tinged foam dribbled out between her blue lips, and her hands clutched desperately at the table cloth.

Nakano-san wouldn't be telling me how to survive in this world. Nakano-san was dead.

* * *

_I hope you enjoyed this chapter, even though I think it turned out terribly._

_And so we get to the heart of the matter. In a world filled with billions of people, I think it's okay for a hundred or so to have been transported to another dimension (from newborns to the decrepit). Er, not okay- just that it would make sense... sort of... eheh..._

**Question:** _Do any of you have a favorite Akatsuki member? Why/why not?_

**My Answer: **_My personal favorite would have to be Konan, because her hair color is awesome and hey, female power! Although I do get a kick out of Obito's Tobi persona, and Obito himself is pretty dang cool... This merits further examination!_

_In other news, plot-bunnies for this story are slowing down, which means I'm gonna pick up the pace. For anyone curious, exactly thirty days since Mischa's intro have passed, making it July 2nd in the story. No, the dates won't match up with my past chapters because I messed up the order for some key events since then._

_The method of the serial killer is to: 1) Kill someone (duh); 2) Wait around for whoever discovers the body; 3) Stalk them until it's the third day after the first murder; 4) Kill them in some creative and hopefully gruesome way (rinse and repeat as necessary). I find it ironic that this turned out to be a four-step process considering that the number four tends to be related to death in some Asian cultures. It's equally ironic that Caitlin, being the next target, will be the thirteenth death._

_Have a nice week!_

_P.S. - I also find the term 'plot-bunnies' to be incredibly funny when taking into account the phrase 'breed like rabbits'._


	14. Flip the Table!

_Sorry I'm a day late! School and work have combined into an unstoppable force that keeps me busy and puts my natural procrastination to shame._

_Please enjoy, despite the wait!_

* * *

Tracey's P.O.V.

I giggled as I doodled on Mischa's special paper. I didn't know why it was special, just that it was a light, square-cut material with pretty colors and patterns that Mischa took excessively good care of. It was all the same to me – just paper to mess around with.

Currently, I was in the Akatsuki living room, the only other occupant being Itachi. He was sitting on the central couch, while I was on the floor with my back to the sofa upon which he was residing. His nose was stuck in a book – I thought I'd cured him of that when I introduced the Akatsuki to sports – and he gave no sign that he knew what was going on around him.

"Are you sure you have permission to do that?" _Never mind._

I craned my neck back to look at him questioningly. "Why wouldn't I be? Mischa encourages all of us to have an interest in drawing, and she's let me use her drawing paper before."

Itachi glanced down at the pile of neatly-stacked paper. "That appears to be expensive origami paper, not drawing supplies. I believe the supplier of that specific paper only sends it to the Land of Rain once every few months, and to Ame specifically less often than that."

"Oh. _Oh, shit!_ Save me, Itachi!" I yelled, jumping onto the couch and trying to hide behind him. "She's going to _kill_ me for drawing hearts on her-"

Mischa followed Tobi into the living room, and I cut myself off. "Uh, Tracey? Why are you trying to rape Itachi?"

"Please don't hurt me!"

"Why would I-" Mischa caught sight of her paper and trailed off. She made her way over to the coffee table they were resting on and drew in a shaky breath. "You _doodled_ on my origami paper."

"I'm sorry, Mischa, I didn't-"

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Mischa screamed, lunging for my throat. I screamed, and Itachi moved me out of the way of Mischa's warpath just in time.

Tobi, meanwhile, was trying to calm Mischa down. "Mischa-chan! Tracey-chan said it was an accident; she didn't mean it!"

"I DON'T CARE! GET BACK HERE, TRACEY!" Mischa yelled, lunging for me again. Tobi grabbed onto her at the same time Itachi picked me up and leapt off the couch. "TRAITOR! LET ME GO, TOBI!"

"Mischa-chan isn't allowed to kill anyone! Itachi-sempai would miss Tracey-chan, and the world doesn't need an even more depressed Uchiha!"

"It's too early in the morning for you to be screaming, Sis." We all stopped like someone had pressed 'pause' and turned to Shylah. She had a disgruntled expression on her face, and was looking at the scene we'd caused with distaste. "Pipe down, you three."

"There are four of us, Shylah," I pointed out, confused.

"Do you hear Itachi screaming like the hounds of Hades have sprung out of the ground and commanded Mischa to kill you for their entertainment?"

"Why would dogs order Mischa-chan to kill people?" Tobi asked, as confused as I was.

"I dunno. She'd probably obey them, though."

Mischa giggled before catching sight of the paper again and turning on me. Tobi rushed in front of her, waving his arms around dramatically. "No, Mischa-chan! No killing!"

Shylah walked over to Mischa and bopped her over the head. Mischa blinked and frowned at her sister, rubbing her head. "Why'd you do that, Sis?"

"You heard Tobi-san. No killing." As Mischa pouted, she turned to me. "Why was she trying to kill you, anyway?"

I opened my mouth, but Mischa didn't give me the chance to reply. "She doodled all over my origami paper! That stuff's expensive!"

"I didn't know it wasn't for drawing, and I wouldn't have done that if I knew!" I exclaimed indignantly. "I'm really sorry, Mischa."

Mischa narrowed her eyes at me before looking up at Shylah pleadingly. "Can't I just hit her a couple times?"

"I'm not saving you from Tisha and Caitlin when they find out you didn't forgive her."

"Fine. I forgive you, Tracey. Next time, though, just ask if you can use it."

I brightened. "Gotcha!" I moved to give Mischa a make-up hug, but stopped when I realized I was still in Itachi's arms. "As a straight girl, I can totally appreciate being held in a sexy man's arms, but I'd appreciate it if you'd put me down. I mean, I don't mind if you wanna hold me a little longer, but it might get a little awkward for everyone involved if Tish, Caitlin, Deidara, Hidan, or Kisame see us. We'll never hear the end of it that way."

"Hn," was Itachi's only reply as he set me down on the ground.

"Thanks," I told him, trying not to feel discouraged by his regression into one-syllable, monotone replies.

"Now that _that_ crisis is settled…" Shylah muttered before walking off, waving away the 'thanks' I called after her. "Yeah, yeah. I'm amazing, I know."

Mischa rushed over to her origami paper. "Hm… Well, I can't make an army of scorpions with hearts all over them. What to do…?" Her eyes roamed the room before lighting on Itachi. "I've got it! Tracey, get your butt over here! I'm gonna teach you and Tobi all about the beauty of origami."

Tobi and I skipped over, both of us eager for some lessons. "Okay, now first you have to fold the paper like this… and again…" The instructions were kind of difficult, and we messed up a few times before our creations even resembled Mischa's first example. Finally, we had both assembled a near-perfect imitation of Mischa's origami weasel.

When Tobi looked at his finished weasel he giggled, and I scooted away a little bit because of the dark undertone his voice had gotten. Just as soon as it'd appeared, however, it was gone, and Tobi was once again his happy-go-lucky self. "Itachi-sempai! I have a gift for you!"

Itachi accepted the gift warily, taking it into his hands as he examined it carefully. After only one second, his face seemed to fall even flatter than it was before, and he stared at all three of us with a deadpan expression. "Hn."

Mischa cackled maniacally, throwing her head back in an imitation of a super-villain. "We made you an army of mini-'tachis, Itachi! Aren't our creations beautiful?"

"Hn," he replied almost sourly.

"Do I hear emotion~?" Mischa sang out.

"Hey, Trace?" Cat called from the door. Our heads all snapped to look in her direction. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Sure, Cat!" I chirped, following her out of the living room and down the many hallways to her bedroom. When we were finally inside, I turned to face her, concern in my eyes. "What's up, Cat?"

"Nakano-san is dead," she whispered, just loudly enough for me to hear it.

I frowned sympathetically and wrapped my arms around her in a comforting hug – because everyone needs hugs – even as my heart fluttered at the thought of the dead body that the death had produced. "Aw, Cat, I'm sorry to hear. How'd you find out?"

"I-… One of her neighbors found her. Trace, we're not the only people who've just randomly appeared here from Earth."

"What?"

"Nakano-san… Yesterday, Nakano-san said that she was from Earth, and that she'd been living here since she was twenty. She was going to teach me all about this world, this world's history, how to survive… And she died. I don't know how, or why, but she was fine yesterday, and today… What are we gonna do?"

My mind raced, and I pulled away just enough to look into her eyes. "Did she say there was a way to go home?"

"Yeah, she said that in exactly one year from the day we arrived we'd just pop back into our old world. But that's not the point! She's met up with other people who got here the same way we did, and they all died! People from our situations in life weren't meant to deal with this! What if we die before our year's up?" Cat was starting to panic. I wasn't used to this. I was the one being comforted, not the one telling someone everything would be alright. _What do I do?_

"Cat, everything's going to be okay. Let's get Shy – she'll be able to figure something out. Okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

"Shylah?" I called uncertainly, knocking on the door to her room. I'd only ever looked for her there once, but she wasn't there at the time. It'd spawned a 'find Shylah' competition that no one had won because the base was huge and Shylah had probably spent most of her time wandering the halls, finding hidden rooms where she could enjoy complete solitude.

There was silence from within, and I was just going to leave when I heard a sigh from the other side. Shylah opened the door to her room and let us both in, shutting the door behind us and settling back onto her bed. "The one day I decide to chill out in my room…"

I grinned at her as Cat launched immediately into the same explanation she'd given me without any preamble. After a minute, she finished, and cast a forlorn gaze at Shy. "So I didn't get any information on how to survive, and I don't know where any other survivors are."

"Huh," was Shy's only response. It didn't look like she'd heard, but then again she tended not to react to anything. "Well, that's interesting. So you say that Nakano-san was murdered about three days after her grandson, who was murdered three days after his mom, who was murdered three days after Nakano-san's son was murdered. And you haven't realized that they were murdered by a serial killer and you're at risk for having discovered Nakano-san's body."

"Wait, wait, wait!" I interrupted. "Cat said a neighbor found-" I stopped talking, taking in deep breaths to try to calm myself down. Shy tossed me a notebook to distract myself with, and I flipped through it, gazing at her various drawings that tended to center around either a boy, puppets, or both. _Since when can Shylah draw guys? I thought she had trouble drawing anything but females if she didn't have a reference._ I could still hear them talking in the background, even though I wasn't really focused on what they were saying.

"You _were_ the one who discovered Nakano-san's body, weren't you?" Shylah asked. I found myself focusing intensely on the intricate detail of one of the puppets to keep my focus away from... whatever they were talking about…

After a few seconds, Cat hesitantly confirmed Shy's suspicions. "Yeah, I was. What makes you think I'm next, though?"

Shy sighed exasperatedly, and when she finally continued talking, it was with the overly-patient tone of someone talking to a small and slightly slow child. "Nakano's son found the body of a dead friend. Three days later, his wife found his corpse, only to be found dead herself three days after _that_ by her own son. Nakano-san found her grandson's dead body three days after her daughter-in-law's death, and you found her corpse-"

"Three days later, I get it." A pause. "Sorry."

"It's fine, I'm used to it." Another pause, slightly shorter than the previous one. "I digress. My _point_ is that this pattern has been going on since a few days after we got here. Tiamat's been hearing rumors, and if we've kept track of them correctly, there were already eight previous murders leading up to the death of Nakano's son. Quite ironic that you'll be the thirteenth death, don't you think?"

"So it's just a done deal? I'm dead? There's no way to combat this?"

"This village is under the leadership and protection of Pein-sama, a ninja so powerful that they all revere him as their _god_. He hasn't caught the killer, yet, although I have no doubt he's figured out the pattern. If that's not a seal of death upon your forehead, I don't know what is," Shylah explained before adding, oh-so-sensitively, "On the bright side, you have two days to make peace with your fate."

"Screw Fate, and screw your precious _Pein-sama_!-"

"I'd rather not; thanks for the offer, though."

"I'm not sitting around and waiting to die! If this village's _god_ can't help me, he obviously isn't worthy of that title! I'm gonna find a way to stay alive, no matter _what_ you think," Cat ranted, her voice rising hysterically.

"If your life _really_ means that much to you-"

"It does!" A pause. "Sorry, sorry, I keep forgetting- Why am I apologizing to you when you just told me to give up on my life?"

Shylah sighed. "Will you let me finish?"

"Fine."

"As I was _saying_ before I was so _rudely_ interrupted, we don't have to wait like sitting ducks. There are certain precautions we can take."

"Like what?"

"I was _getting_ to that. From what I can tell, none of the people who were murdered were in the same room as another awake person. To solve that problem, we'll have two people in the room with you just in case this murderer has developed a jutsu that can control people. We'll also have you sleep somewhere other than where you normally sleep on the night you're supposed to die-"

"I'm not gonna be able to sleep!" The conversation paused, and Cat groaned dramatically. "Get over it, Shy, we're talking about my eventual _murder_! If I forget myself and interrupt you, give me a break!"

"Fine. I was pretty much done with my planning anyway. Any recommendations for which guys you want to spend the night with when the time comes?"

"…You make it sound so dirty…"

"If you don't have any preferences, I suppose I'll just recruit Zetsu and Kakuzu to sleep with you."

"Seriously, stop making it sound so dirty! And I don't want to escape a murderer just to be eaten by Zetsu."

"Any other lovely insights?"

Cat stayed quiet as she thought about it for a few seconds. "I don't think I really trust Hidan not to be a weirdo, or even to care enough to make sure I don't die. The same could be said for almost everyone else, too, I guess, but I'll just leave the rest up to you."

"Okay. If that's the case, I might have one or two people in mind."

"Why do I get the feeling leaving this up to you is a terrible idea?"

"I assure you, I have no clue _what_ you could _possibly_ mean by that."

"That's what scares me."

* * *

Tish's P.O.V.

"Where's all the fucking food?"

I rolled my eyes and suppressed a groan as Hidan entered the room, complaining as usual. "In the kitchen, dumbass."

"Clever," Hidan replied, rolling his eyes. "Your mom must be fucking proud of you."

"Maybe if she'd bothered to do more than tell the orphanage caretakers my last name, she would be. I don't really give a shit either way. Besides, I'm way more clever than you could ever hope to be. And sexier." I made a show of looking him up and down and seeming disappointed with what I saw. "Yep. _Way_ too sexy for you."

"Oi, fuck you, bitch! I'm the sexiest motherfucker you've ever seen."

"Would you two get a room and stop suffocating the rest of us with your ridiculously high amounts of sexual tension?" Kisame burst out from one of the other couches where he was lounging between Itachi and Emi.

Hidan turned to glare at him. "Maybe you should leave, instead. And take your little fuck-buddy with you, too."

Emi's face reddened until she looked like she was about to pass out from all the blood rushing to her head. I chucked a pillow at Hidan, which distracted him just long enough for Kisame to get the drop on him – not that he would've needed any help, since Hidan was so oblivious – and pummel him into the ground. I cheered him on from the sidelines while Emi made a quick escape.

Tiamat suddenly seemed to materialize beside me, and I jumped. "Holy shit, Tiamat! Don't scare me while I'm watching people beat up Hidan!"

Tiamat watched the proceedings with a delicately-poised raised eyebrow. "What did he do to incur Kisame's wrath, of all people?"

"He called Emi Kisame's 'fuck-buddy'. Normally, it would be funny, but targeting Emi is low even for him."

"I see," Tiamat muttered before suddenly flipping the coffee table into Hidan when Kisame started to back off. It hit him over the head with enough force to knock him out, breaking the coffee table in the process. "I believe that takes care of him. Kisame, I saw Emi making her way back to her room, although you should wait at least fifteen minutes before attempting to enter, since your presence at the moment would only serve to further embarrass her." Kisame made a pouting face, which Tiamat ignored in favor of inspecting the remains of the coffee table. "Come, Tisha. We have a coffee table to replace."

"Why do I have to go with? You're the one who broke it."

"_Hidan_ broke it; I merely introduced it to a possibly-dangerous situation. That's not the point; the point is that there is a broken coffee table in the place of where a perfectly usable coffee table should be, and I now find myself saddled with a debt I would rather not be in possession of. As such, I have recruited you, one of my most trusted ser- friends, to help me see this through." Without another word, Tiamat turned and walked out of the living room. I sighed but didn't argue, since arguing with Tiamat was dangerous and tended to result in Tiamat's opponent somehow agreeing to a life of servitude to Tiamat's family. Trust me, I've seen it happen.

Self-preservation saw me following Tiamat into a furniture store. She was, at the moment, browsing their wares for an exact replica of the table she'd broken. For the next half-hour, we walked circles through the store until she was satisfied with the quality, price, and appearance of a coffee table enough to buy it. Then came the debating of the price, which was… interesting to watch. From an outside perspective, it would look like one had gravely insulted the other's mother. When the deal was concluded, they both did a one-eighty, smiling and bowing and otherwise seeming like best friends.

The final part of our little shopping trip was when I found out Tiamat's purpose for bringing me specifically. "No, it's alright, I think we can manage. Yes, Tisha is quite strong; she won't have any problem carrying this home."

I complied with her implied orders, glaring daggers into the back of her head. When one of the other workers moved to help me, I glared daggers into _him_, as well. He backed off without my having to say anything, and we were soon walking down the street we came through. Or we _would_ have been if Tiamat hadn't stopped to inspect a food stand.

I huffed and put the coffee table down more carefully than I wanted to. That's when I felt it – a firm hand grasping my butt. Now, I'm not necessarily opposed to the compliment of a guy not being able to keep his hands off my bootay, as long as long as I know him and have given him some sign or permission that I'm okay with this. Whoever was groping my ass didn't have my permission, so I whirled around, prepared to smack the idiot who couldn't keep his hands to himself. "What the _fuck_ do you-"

Standing in front of me, with a terrified look on his face, was a small child. He was thin to the point where the hollows of his cheeks were easily visible, and his skin was a sickly pallor. His ragged clothes were close to falling off his emaciated frame, and his hair was knotted and caked with mud. He backed away slowly, eyes wide with terror.

I instantly deflated and knelt down in front of him, casting a cursory glance around to make sure no one – especially not Tiamat – was watching. "Hey, kid, you should be more careful who you pick-pocket. Pick the people who don't have the mobility to chase after you, and wait until they're distracted before you make a move. My friend would have better advice, but she's not exactly here right now, so…"

The kid had calmed down at my soothing tone, and was now staring at me confusedly because he probably didn't expect me to be giving him any advice on how to become a child criminal. I sighed a little bit and mentally slapped my internal mentor. "Do ya want me to teach you by example?"

The boy's eyes widened as he stared at me, still slightly suspicious. At my encouraging smile, he nodded slowly and followed me as I made my way to an inconspicuous location on the side of the street. I surveyed the area, spotting a rich guy who looked vaguely familiar.

I leaned down to the street urchin I was now mentoring. "See that guy over there? He's a good target because his clothes are way too heavy for him to run properly in. Just because he's overweight, don't underestimate him, because that won't always mean he's a pushover. His guards are kind of a problem, but there's a way to get around them. Remember, everyone has a pattern. There's something they'll always do, every day, without fail. If you're looking to rob a house, it's that the owner always goes grocery shopping on a Thursday from one to three in the afternoon. If it's these guys, they always have a habit of synching up their movements to look in the same direction. I'll move to a position where I can bail you out, but you need to figure it out and make the move on your own."

I didn't wait for a reply as I moved around to the other side of the street, crossing as inconspicuously as I could manage – which, while not Cat good, was pretty damn good if I say so myself. I watched him circle around another way, eyes flickering between each of them way too fast to actually register when they synched their movements. I sighed as he moved in at the wrong time, using the distraction he caused to grab something from the hem of the rich man's sleeve that he kept checking on.

"Get back here, you brat!" The rich guy yelled as one of his guards made a grab for the boy. He cast a terrified glance back at me before taking off down a network of alleyways.

"Rule number two, kid: look out for number one, and never take anyone's 'help' at face value." I chuckled and turned to return to Tiamat. I barely took one step before I stopped and glanced back behind me. After a few seconds of deliberation, I took off down the alleys, looking for a place to intercept him. Trace's words echoed through my head, and I cursed her for trying to give me a conscience. _Just because someone did it to you doesn't mean you have to keep the trend going, huh? I hate you, sometimes, Trace._

Finally, I found him. He'd actually managed to keep out of their reach, but it was obvious that he was getting tired. Like the amazing - and sexy - hero that I am, I burst across the section just in time to snatch him up and run off, my super-sexy long legs carrying me far away from the guards. The kid struggled in my arms, but he was so weak I barely felt it.

Sighing, I raced to the Akatsuki's base and set him down outside of it. "Just wait here for a sec, kid." I ignored him and his weak protests in favor of barging into the hideout and snatching a lunch box or whatever Emi called them from one of the kitchen cupboards. I filled it with food and a canteen of water before walking back outside and tossing it to him. "Don't eat it all at once; trust me, it's not a good idea."

He stared up at me in awe – because I'm amazing, obviously. Slowly, hesitantly, he picked up the box, and his face broke out into a huge grin. "Thank you, priestess!" He exclaimed, bowing and scurrying off.

_Wait, what?_ I thought, standing still for a second before I remembered that I'd left Tiamat behind and running to where I'd left her.

Tiamat frowned at me, her arms crossed and one eyebrow raised. "Did you enjoy your little excursion?"

I rolled my eyes and picked up the coffee table again. "Whatever, let's just get this over with."

* * *

Shylah's P.O.V.

(Approximately thirty minutes after Tiamat and Tisha left.)

I entered the living room one step behind Kakuzu. While I _was_ here to recruit someone for Caitlin-protecting duty, I wasn't going to select him because I'd already had the two people in mind when I'd mentioned it to Caitlin.

However, both of us stopped abruptly at the sight of an unconscious Hidan on the ground, Kisame in the sole rocking chair of the room. He would rock back, then kick Hidan as the chair rocked forward. It was an amusing sight, if a little strange. Kisame usually wasn't the type to enjoy beating up an unconscious person, if only because he couldn't hear their screams.

"Why is the coffee table broken?" Kakuzu asked from beside me. _Clearly_ his priorities were a little skewed. Then again, since furniture costs money, I can see why that's the more important thing.

"Tiamat used it to knock Hidan out. She's out getting a new one with Tish," Kisame replied, landing an especially vicious kick to Hidan's groin.

Immediately Kakuzu's wrath deflated. "I see. Tell Hidan he has to clean up the remains of the last one when he wakes up."

Kisame's face darkened gleefully as he switched to kicking Hidan's stomach. "Will do."

I sighed and turned to Itachi. "Any chance you'd be willing to help me out with something?"

"Hn?"

"Y'know that serial killer who's been going around reducing Ame's population? Yeah, well, he killed Caitlin's friend; and Caitlin found the body, so she's next on the serial killer's list. I was wondering if I could enlist you to keep her safe."

Kisame glanced up at me, interested. "I think Leader-sama was planning on having us go out on a mission, soon. You'd have to ask him."

"Right. I was just hoping Itachi would be okay with me requesting him?" I informed, phrasing the sentence like a question as I looked to Itachi hopefully.

"…For someone who professes not to care about anything, you seem overly concerned for your friend." I didn't reply, so he continued. "Very well. If Leader-sama gives you permission, I will help you."

"Great! I'm also going to ask for Deidara, just so y'know."

"Hn."

"He says that Deidara's the one with the problem, not him," Kisame translated, a sharp-toothed grin on his face.

"I figured," I sighed, turning to leave. "Thanks." I didn't bother waiting for a reply, choosing instead to hurry to Pein's office. I wasn't worried about Deidara refusing to help Caitlin; as much as he'd deny it, he'd developed a crush on her and _probably_ wasn't willing to let one of the only girls who actually agreed with his views on art be murdered by some deranged psychopath.

I arrived at the now-familiar doors shortly, and knocked a few times before waiting for someone to answer. After a few seconds, the door opened to reveal Konan, who lifted the corners of her mouth slightly before resuming an indifferent façade and returning to the throne room – er… the office? The meeting room? The throffing room… Close enough.

Pein fixed his super-intimidating gaze on me, and I tried not to shudder. "I know why you are here."

"So you know my friend is probably going to turn up dead in three days and I want to politely request the assistance of your members? Cool. Do you also know your answer?"

"If they agree, and you pay a fee for their use, you may choose whoever you deem necessary, so long as I approve your choices."

"I'd like to request both Itachi and Deidara as her guards."

He gave no indication what he thought of my request aside from the prolonged silence. "I prefer to have Itachi working with Kisame and Deidara working with Sasori."

I nodded in agreement. "My reasoning for Itachi was to have an expert in dispelling genjutsu in case the murderer is capable of using it to incapacitate the people near his victims. I thought Deidara would also be useful, since he would know about strategies using the ground as a mode of transport (aside from Zetsu, but he scares Caitlin), and would therefore know how to best combat them. If you must keep them in their designated pairs, I would trust Itachi's and Kisame's skills to be able to subdue him or her better than Deidara or Sasori."

He dipped his head in affirmation. "Very well. I will leave Kakuzu to discuss the specifics of the required pay with you."

I bowed before exiting at his dismissal. _Great. Maybe I can get Tiamat to bargain with Kakuzu, since she seems to like that. Well, only one way to find out, I guess._

* * *

Third P.O.V.

(With Pein and Konan.)

Nagato watched through Pein's eyes as Shylah exited the room, closing the doors behind her. He waited until her footsteps faded into the distance before addressing his lifelong friend. "She knows more about our society than can be explained by a distant land overseas." He paused, even though Konan would remain quiet unless she disagreed (a rarity), content with letting him reach his point in his own time. "It would be best to have them return home quickly – especially Shylah."

Here Konan interjected. "And yet, how would we accomplish this?"

"We could simply put them on a ship and let them fend for themselves." Nagato wasn't a soft man, having been shaped by the harsh world of shinobi, but at the moment it was pointless to send off girls with no way to defend themselves unless they proved to be more of a hindrance than a help. "They _have_ been distracting our members."

Konan nodded, although she didn't really mind that part. While she was entirely loyal to Nagato's goals, and would never question him, she also liked that the new arrivals were easing some of the tension between their more violent members – if only slightly. "I would've thought Madara would be eager for them to leave."

"He's keeping up his persona. When he gets tired of us playing host to civilians, he'll begin to play a more active role in finding a way for them to get back." Pein paused, deliberating over whether or not what he was thinking was necessary. "We should have the Akatsuki earn their trust. I want to know what Shylah's keeping from us."

"They already seem to have begun the process."

"I'm ordering it more for Hidan's sake than anything else."

Konan suppressed a smile. Hidan was their most foul-mouthed, irritating, and dense (for a shinobi) member; even though he irritated her, his presence had become somewhat normal over the past month. "I see." Thinking back to the information Pein had given about Tish just before Shylah's arrival, she returned her contemplative gaze once more to the city they watched over. "They don't seem all that bad."

"That's what I'm worried about; they'll turn everyone soft. Good S-ranked nuke-nin are hard to come by these days." He paused, focusing on the orphan he could still see as the child ran to several other orphans and divvied up the goods he'd received from Tish. "Having Tisha as a priestess would be like having Hidan following _me_ rather than his religion. I still can't decide if that's good or bad."

"I suppose we'll just have to wait and see."

Pein had a sudden thought, and wasn't sure whether or not it should make him feel sick. "What if the villagers call _all_ of them my priestesses? I don't trust any of them with the power that would place on them."

"I'm sure it wouldn't be as bad as you seem to think, especially if it means they'll be following your instruction."

"How can they be my followers when they don't know of our pain?"

Konan nodded her head in a respectful bow. "That is cause for concern. Perhaps we should forbid them from leaving the headquarters?"

"And have eight stir-crazy girls shoved together with our seven stir-crazy members and a stir-crazy Madara? We wouldn't last another month." Maybe… "Maybe I could think of a use for them."

* * *

_Next chapter is going to have the confrontation with the murderer that I've had planned (but not written) for several weeks. It'll be kind of anti-climactic, especially if I'm as bad at describing fights as I think I am. Don't worry; we'll survive. 'Cause I'm a survivor, I'm not gon' give up~... yeah..._

_Yes, I know what use Pein's going to have for them. It probably won't be too logical, but it should make more sense than letting them stay if they become the Akatsuki's personal maids. I hope._

_I'm kind of surprised no one wanted to tell me who their favorite Akatsuki member is, since reviewers + favorite members = more screen-time for said member(s). Maybe you were expecting my favorite to be a dude, since I'm writing a romance FanFic about them..._

**Question:** _Who did you _think_ my favorite Akatsuki member is, if you had any thoughts about that at all before I told you?_

**My Answer:** _Well, since I knew who my favorite was... I dunno; Tobito? I can see people inferring that from some of my chapters..._

_I got a new laptop, and it has **bass** when I play **classical music.** Flipping hilarious! XD I hadn't even realized until I came out of my story-typing zone to admire Tchaikovsky and realized _The Nutcracker Suite _had some sick bass going. Ah, I love my new laptop, even if I spent an hour trying to download a way to write FanFic-compatible software only to find that I already had it installed._


	15. Anticlimactic

_Sorry I'm so late; I was visiting my grandparents, and they don't have Internet._

_Please enjoy anyway! :3_

* * *

Caitlin's P.O.V.

I let Itachi and Kisame into the room I'd be staying in – _not_ sleeping – and swallowed nervously. Sure, I'd told Shylah that I didn't mind anyone except for Zetsu, but the only pair I could think of that'd be worse than Itachi and Kisame was Kakuzu and Hidan. Admittedly, that only left Deidara and Sasori – who wasn't a cuddly teddy bear by any means -, but come _on_! Itachi was intimidating in a really quiet, kill-you-in-your-sleep way, and the only ones besides the Akatsuki who weren't immediately scared of Kisame were Shylah, Mischa, and Emi (two of which have questionable levels of sanity). I wasn't going to make them go away, but I _definitely_ wasn't going to enjoy this.

"You guys know what you're gonna do, right?" _Hopefully I don't offend them and make Itachi try to feed me to Kisame. Wait, doesn't Kisame like fish, not people? Wouldn't that make him a cannibal? But then again, sharks eat fish, so it's not that unusual. Why am I even thinking about this? I don't know anymore!_

"Hn."

"We're here to keep the big, bad boogie-man away from the _gaki_," Kisame joked, hefting his sword – Samehada.

_I don't know what _gaki_ means, but…_ "I thought you guys had a strategy. And just because I don't know what a word means doesn't mean I don't know when I'm being made fun of!"

"Hn."

Kisame frowned at me. "How do you not know what _gaki_ means?"

At the last second I remembered that we had to make it seem like we could naturally speak Japanese – which we couldn't actually do, unless you're Emi, Tiamat, Reia, or Shylah. "I've just- I don't- sh-shut up!"

"I thought it'd make sense, since you hang out with Deidara. Deidara is Sasori's _gaki_, and you're Shylah's _gaki_." _So it probably means 'bitch'. Good to know people think I'm Shylah's bitch; I thought that was Mischa's job._

_ Hey, wait a second…_ "What about your plan? You keep not saying whether or not you have an actual plan for this thing!"

"_Hn_."

Kisame glanced to Itachi, a grin forming on his face before he turned back to me. "We're winging it."

"You're _what?!_"

(Five Hours Earlier)

"You're _what?!_" Deidara exclaimed, switching between glaring at Shylah, Itachi, and myself like he couldn't decide which of us was more at fault. "So Neko's in danger and you're leaving it up to the Uchiha, hm?"

"And me," Kisame interjected, smirking when he noticed that Deidara was more concerned with Itachi. Something told me he thought Deidara's grudge was hilarious.

"Yep, pretty much," Shylah replied in her typically sensitive manner. "If it makes you feel better, I asked for you instead of Kisame."

"What does everyone have against me?" Kisame asked, almost-but-not-really pouting because that wasn't the thing S-ranked criminals did, especially when they're also ninjas.

"I was concerned that you wouldn't take protecting Caitlin seriously."

For his part, Kisame managed to look scandalized and a little hurt. "I take all my missions seriously, especially compared to Deidara!"

Deidara, meanwhile, was ignoring their side-conversation. "But you still asked for the Uchiha! I'd think you'd nominate Sasori no danna since you hang out with him so much, yeah! There's no way I'd ever work with the Uchiha."

"Two long-ranged combatants in a close-quarters situation against a close-ranged fighter in a possible hostage scenario? I think not. That's why I picked Kisame and Itachi over you; this mission needs Itachi more than it needs you, and according to Pein-sama, everyone needs to stay in their respective teams unless someone dies. As Kisame is still alive, that's impossible."

"Thanks, Shylah. I'm really feeling the love," Kisame joked from beside Itachi. Through all of this, Itachi was reading a book and staying out of the arguments. I decided to follow his example because it's usually best to do what the smart one does, and the other smart one was currently arguing with Deidara.

"You're welcome," the 'other smart one' replied helpfully.

"But choosing the _Uchiha_ over me, un!"

Shylah did something I'd never seen before – she got frustrated. Throwing her hands above her head, she let out an exasperated groan. "What do you want me to say, Deidara? That I like Itachi more than you? That I think he's better than you? No! I chose the freaking Uchiha because the freaking Uchiha's skills are a better _freaking_ fit for killing a guy we know almost nothing about! I asked for you, but Pein-sama wants you guys to stay in your assigned teams! And now that you're putting up a huge _freaking fuss_, I've decided that both Itachi _and_ Kisame are the better choice because I can trust them to be more mature than _you_! So there! You happy?"

We all stared at her in silence before Deidara's face broke out into a slow, teasing smirk. "But you chose the _freaking Uchiha_ over me, un!"

"Gah!" Shylah exclaimed, pulling at her hair as she walked out of the room without a second look. Deidara will deny it if you ever ask him, but I think that's the moment when he started purposely annoying Shylah. You have to admit, it's kind of funny when she gets mad enough to want to swear but keeps trying to censor herself.

Tracey giggled from her spectator's seat next to me. "That's why we can't have nice things, Deidara."

"Actually, I believe it's because of Deidara's unhealthy obsession with blowing things up." Itachi contradicted.

I laughed for a second before stopping mid-chuckle. _Did Itachi just make a joke? No, it had to have been serious. Right?_

No one else seemed conflicted about Itachi's maybe-joke, if only because Deidara was in the middle of reaching into his clay pouch and glaring at said Uchiha. "I'll show _you_ an unhealthy obsession," he muttered darkly. As he released the clay creation, several things happened at once.

Kakuzu entered the room just in time to say, "Not in the living room." Tracey shrieked as Emi gasped and I turned to leave. Itachi and Kisame leapt into action, Itachi grabbing Tracey while Kisame grabbed both Emi and me. They ran past Kakuzu and out of the room as Deidara yelled "Katsu!"

The blast filled the halls, pushing Itachi, Kisame, Kakuzu, and the rest of us into the walls. For once, I was thankful for Kisame's size because it kept Emi and me both safely out of reach of the cold, hard, unforgiving wall.

When Kisame set us down, I stood in a daze before coming to my senses. I stalked over to where Deidara was cackling like a madman at his art and grabbed his ear, yanking his head down the short distance it took to make equal eye contact. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!" I yelled, ignoring his wince and the intimidating presence of Kakuzu behind me. "Tracey, Emi, and I could've died! You keep complaining about how Shylah picked Itachi and Kisame to protect me, but just now you were doing the exact opposite! If you weren't already disqualified from taking that mission, you sure as hell are now, 'cause I'm not leaving my life in your suicidal hands!"

I whirled around and stalked out of what _used_ to be the living room just as Tracey poked her head in the doorway. "I'm suddenly happy our rooms are on the other side of the hideout." There was a resounding _thwak_ behind me, and Tracey winced sympathetically. "Hey, Itachi, are you gonna keep Kakuzu from beating the crap outta Deidara?"

"Hn."

Kisame nodded like Itachi had just said something completely logical, instead of a monosyllabic grunt. "In a little while. We won't let Kakuzu kill him, but it's better to leave Deidara to Kakuzu and not Leader-sama."

Tracey nodded. "I think I'm starting to get the hang of 'Itachi-nese'; I could almost tell what he was saying."

I groaned. _Tracey's now treating Itachi's grunts as his own personal language. I swear, we're all doomed._

* * *

Mischa's P.O.V.

Grinning, Tobi and I started ripping up the used toilet paper rolls we'd been collecting. Okay, when I said that Tobi was grinning, I didn't actually know – it was just a feeling I got. It wasn't that hard to assume, since the occasional giggle would slip out from underneath his mask.

Just as we were holding the ripped toilet paper rolls under the running sink water, the sound of an explosion ripped through the hideout. I jumped and let out an unmanly squeak – not that I should be concerned with seeming masculine, but it seriously sounded like a little girl. A tense silence permeated the room as we waited with baited breath for signs of a battle. "Do you think we should check it out?"

Shaking his head, Tobi hummed a little tune and continued holding his toilet roll pieces under the sink. "Nope; it's probably just Deidara-sempai practicing his art." He hopped from foot to foot excitedly as the thin cardboard he was holding turned into a soggy mush. "It's ready, Mischa-chan! What do we do now?"

Grinning mischievously, I held my own mushy substance up and let out my best super-villain laughter. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!" There were a few seconds of silence, and I smiled sheepishly at Tobi. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Okay, now we just smoosh them together like this, and presto! Fake poop."

Tobi made a sound of squeamishness as he beheld his own fake doodoo. "Don't worry, Tobi. It's not real, and it doesn't leave a bad smell or anything."

"It's gross."

Leading him out of the bathroom and back into Deidara's room (our first victim), I wrinkled my nose. "Yeah, it is pretty gross. Where do you wanna put yours?"

Tobi's mood suddenly did a one-eighty, and he skipped through the room until he found a spot he was satisfied with. "Here's perfect for my present for Deidara-sempai!" He decided, placing his wet cardboard carefully on top of Deidara's pillow. "Do you think he'll like it?"

I suppressed a smirk at the thought of Tobi as a schoolgirl putting a love letter in her crush's locker. "He'll _love_ it," I assured him as I exited the room, Tobi in tow carrying several more batches of the wet paper rolls. "Who next?"

"Hmmm…" Tobi adopted an exaggerated thinking pose. "Who are we allowed to prank, again?"

"After Deidara, there're Tish, Caitlin, and Tracey. We could probably prank Tiamat, Emi, Reia, and Shylah, too; but that's not a good idea, 'cause I don't want my sis mad at me and Emi's always off-limits." Shuddering involuntarily, I turned to Tobi with haunted eyes. "You don't want to know what a prank war's like when Shylah and Tiamat team up, anyway. It's scary. Like, 'vengeful former best friend who used to be super-fun to hang out with but is now spending time plotting your slow, painful death' scary. Or 'you just broke my new, expensive video game' scary – the worst kind of scary there is."

"You play video games, Mischa-chan?"

"Sure I do! They're more popular where I come from, and there are all kinds of video games! I've played every type of video game there is to play, and they're really fun. Sis and I play them whenever we can." My face fell as I remembered where I was. "Too bad the only kinds of video games here are really old-school. I'd have so much fun playing co-op games with you!"

"You'd want to play video games with Tobi?"

I stopped myself just before I rolled my eyes. "Of course I want to play video games with you, Tobi. You're like my bro! I always have a lot of fun when we hang out, so why wouldn't I want to play something as awesome as video games with someone as awesome as- … Someone as awesome as you!" I finished cheerfully. Inwardly, I was trying not to freak out. _Crap! I totally just almost called him by his real name! I hope he's not suspicious._

"_Aw~!_ Mischa-chan's so sweet!" Tobi exclaimed, throwing his arms around me in a hug before I could react.

"Tobi, the cardboard!"

"Oops. Sorry, Mischa-chan, I guess I got a little carried away." Tobi pulled away to look down at our now wet-cardboard-stained shirts. "Eheheh, I don't think we can use this anymore."

I shrugged, letting out a laugh. "It's no big deal. I guess we could find a way to reuse it somehow if we _really_ wanted to, but I'm feeling kind of lazy right now. We already pranked Deidara, and that's good enough for me." I skipped ahead of Tobi a few steps. "Can you think of anything you wanna do?"

"Hm… Let's go see what Deidara-sempai's doing!" Tobi suggested, pointing dramatically in the direction of the explosion from earlier. He suddenly sprinted off towards the entrance, leaving me to run after him in his exuberance.

I groaned – I _really_ don't like running – but ran after him anyway. After a few seconds, I remembered that there was currently mushy cardboard on my shirt, so I started brushing it off. Let me tell you, the feeling of wet cardboard is _not_ something I find extremely comfortable.

The scene we happened upon was of a nearly-destroyed living room, where at the center a battered Deidara was playing a dangerous game of cat-and-mouse with a _seriously_ fuming Kakuzu. Just outside of the room, Itachi and Kisame were patiently waiting for the time when it would be acceptable to help Deidara out. At least that's what I _hope_ they're doing; they could just be watching Deidara suffer, although that's a little sadistic for Itachi.

Tobi, meanwhile, definitely _wasn't_ going to wait to save his 'sempai'. Yelling his trademark "Tobi is a good boy!", he entered the fray, only to be kicked back out by Kakuzu. Well, at least Kakuzu doesn't discriminate.

I rushed over to where Tobi lay, dazed and confused. "Tobi! Are you okay?" I queried worriedly, furrowing my brows. Placing a hand on the top of his head (because I couldn't put it on his face), I crouched down to eye level. "Did you hit your head? Should we call an ambulance? Oh, wait, you guys don't have those here."

Tobi groaned, leaning forward. "Kakuzu-san's kicks really hurt." Suddenly, he jumped up and leapt at Kakuzu, managing to take him by surprise and tackle him to the ground. "Run, Deidara-sempai! Tobi will hold him off!"

"Tobi," Kakuzu growled as his quarry got away, "get off. Now."

As if a switch had been flipped, Tobi immediately stood and straightened. He gave Kakuzu a stiff, albeit comical, salute. "Hai, Kakuzu-san."

When he got back up, Kakuzu whacked Tobi over the head before stalking after Deidara. "Kids have no respect for their elders these days."

_I swear, if he says 'I'm too old for this', that would make my day._ He didn't.

* * *

Tiamat's P.O.V.

_This_ time, when I'd gone drinking I made sure not to actually drink _any_ alcohol. There was no way I'd willingly incur Kakuzu's anger a second time via the same method. No, I would much rather stay sober and fully in control of all of my cognitive faculties from now on.

It was with those thoughts that I reentered the Akatsuki headquarters. I had no doubt the members of the organization, as intimidating, high-level criminals, would be thoroughly scandalized (or at least exceedingly irked) to hear some of my friends refer to it as a 'base' or 'hideout'. Something as serious as a criminal headquarters shouldn't be referred to in such childish terms – not that criminals necessarily deserved such respect, as they weren't law-abiding citizens.

I passed through the building without sparing anyone or anything a second glance as I made my way to the library. Ever since I'd obtained my job and begun working until the evening began, I had been returning far too late in the day to catch Kakuzu organizing the Akatsuki's finances. It didn't matter, though; I went to the library for a quiet place to read and _not_ to mingle with killers, just as Shylah disappeared to maintain some feelings of solitude or Reia spent time in the greenhouse in order to tend to the plants there.

Imagine my surprise (mild though it was) upon entering when I was greeted with Kakuzu's stewing visage. He wasn't _cooking_; 'stewing' is a term used to describe an individual in as state of extreme agitation, in the event that one of the readers is unaware of the terminology. I digress – it was unusual to see him in the library at this point in time, and raging mad at that.

"Good evening," I greeted as I picked up my book from the previous day and proceeded to finish it. _I refuse to say infidel,_ I thought, chastising my suddenly wandering mind as it brought up a random quote I'd heard often from Mischa and Shylah.

Kakuzu nodded his head in greeting – not enough for it to be mistaken for a bow, but in a way that was still clearly discernible. "Deidara decided it would be a good idea to practice his jutsu in the living room."

_I see._ "Did that end well for him?" _I imagine not, but it _is_ polite to ask._

"No." The statement was made with such finality, it wasn't difficult to imagine Kakuzu having something to do with it. There was a short pause. "All of the furniture has to be replaced."

"That _does_ sound problematic." _Wait a moment…_ "Does that include the coffee table I replaced?"

"Yes."

"That insolent-" I cut myself off before I ended up saying something… inappropriate. "He clearly doesn't appreciate the value of these objects, or he wouldn't have been so callous as to destroy them. Clearly, he needs to be taught a lesson in economics." _And respect._

A downright evil glint entered Kakuzu's dual-toned eyes. "It's already done," he informed me, his voice taking on an almost gleeful tone of sadism. I suppressed the twinge of satisfaction I received from the news, and if Kakuzu noticed he gave no sign of it. "Now I have to buy the furniture," he muttered mournfully.

Hesitantly, I reached out an arm to pat his shoulder comfortingly. He gave no sign that he noticed, and I was exceedingly uncomfortable at the physical contact. When I felt that I had conveyed my sympathies to a proper extent, I retracted my hand and returned to my book. We both remained silent for several minutes. "If you tell no one that I comforted you, I won't tell anyone that you accepted it."

"Sounds good," he agreed, nodding.

* * *

Emi's P.O.V.

Covering my mouth, I stifled a small laugh as Tracey huffed in exasperation. Kisame, Itachi, Sasori, Deidara, Tobi (somewhat), and Hidan were repairing the living room while Kakuzu sorted out their finances in the library. At the moment, Tracey was trying to coordinate their work (not that they needed her to tell them how to build a house), and Kisame was teasing her about what, exactly, the water-proof plaster was supposed to be used for.

"So I just spread it all over the walls and ceiling? What about the floor?"

"No!" Tracey shouted, gesticulating wildly. "It's supposed to repair the holes in the walls and ceiling, not cover the whole thing! You'll ruin the paint!"

Kisame laughed while Sasori fixed him with a glare from his place nearby. "Kisame, quit teasing the girl and get to work. You're taking far too long for a ninja of your caliber." Sasori paused to look behind him, where Shylah was sitting on his back and reading a book. "Get off me, brat."

Shylah sighed, but complied. "There's nowhere else to sit."

"Use the floor; I'm not your personal chair."

Shylah nodded as the logic of what he was saying dawned on her. "That you are not. You're far too uncomfortable for me to use you as my _personal_ chair; maybe an improvised one, though."

Deidara smirked from his position on a clay bird. "Oi, brat, quit arguing with Danna and let him do his job, yeah."

"You can't call me a brat; I'm pretty sure I'm older than you." Shylah quipped, rolling her eyes. "You have no authority over me."

"Danna calls you brat, so I can, too, un."

"That's the only time he's called me brat, and by that logic I can call you that as well. So there, brat. Get back to work."

"Both of you stop acting like children and let me work in peace," Sasori cut in.

Shylah smirked at him. "Just putting the 'child' in his place." Flipping the pages in her book, she sat on the ground next to where I stood. "Kids…"

I giggled again when Deidara rolled his eyes and returned to fixing the ceiling. Suddenly, I was lifted off the ground. I shrieked, then reddened in embarrassment when I realized that Kisame had picked me up and moved me away from the wall I was leaning against. "Please warn me, n-next time. I w-wasn't ready for that."

Kisame smirked before doing the same to Shylah, who whacked him over the head with her book before realizing who it was. Thankfully, Kisame didn't seem perturbed by Shylah's subconscious reaction to physical contact. "Oh, hey, Kisame. Warn me next time, will ya?"

"Wasn't Emi's scream enough of a warning?" I squirmed, feeling my blush deepen.

"Obviously not," Shylah replied, mirroring Kisame's smirk.

Meanwhile, Mischa and Tobi were having their own problems. Mischa was actually helping out (and so was Tish, because she'd take any excuse to stave off her boredom), and was currently perched on a precariously swaying ladder. It probably would've been stable, but Tobi continuously tripped over buckets and supplies, which always somehow sent him flying into the ladder.

"AAAGH! Tobi, calm down! Stop for a second. Just-just stop." Mischa tried calming him down, until he smashed into the ladder more forcefully than before. She slipped off, grabbing onto one rung just before she started falling. "Gah! Tobi, help!"

Tobi raised his arms, holding them out to her. "Jump, Mischa-chan! Tobi will catch you!"

Shylah sighed. "Is my sister seriously getting told to trust an S-ranked criminal?" We watched as Mischa looked at Tobi in a considering manner. "Sis, bad idea."

"Mischa-chan can trust Tobi! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi called up, waving his hands encouragingly in the process.

"Come on, Mischa, you can't seriously be about to trust an S-ranked missing-ninja," Shylah called. It didn't seem like Mischa had heard her older sister's quiet voice.

Mischa gave Tobi one last appraising look before replying, "Okay." She dropped down, making Shylah gasp. At the last second, Tobi caught her, and she laughed. "My hero!" She exclaimed, hugging him.

Shylah sighed. "I'll lecture her later. Right now I'm going to focus on the fact that, in the time it took Tobi to convince my sister to jump, she could've easily swung herself back onto the ladder. The things my sister does when logic would be so much easier – and safer." With that, Shylah shook her head and returned to reading her book.

Kisame walked over to me, so silently that I wouldn't have noticed if his shadow hadn't fallen over me. "Or Tobi could've just used his chakra to walk up the wall and help her back onto the ladder. The ground isn't that far away, either; she would've survived a fall if she remembered to roll."

"Logic isn't for everyone, I guess," Shylah muttered from the ground beside me.

* * *

Caitlin's P.O.V. (Back to Present)

"So let me get this straight. Shylah hired you – as in, actually dished out her own money to pay you – to protect me, because someone wants to kill me; and you're _winging_ it?!" When Kisame nodded – _still_ grinning, because he apparently doesn't see anything wrong with this -, I gripped my hair with my hands in frustration. "I'm going to die. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the last day of my life. No longer will anyone by the name of 'Caitlin Maurine Keir' exist in this world. I'm doomed, I tell you! Doomed!"

"Wait, you have _three_ names?" Kisame asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Don't you?"

"No. Most people only have a given name, and maybe a clan name or a second name they gave themselves. Why would we need a third?"

I paused, my hands releasing their death grip on my hair. "I… don't know… Why _do_ we have middle names?" Running to the door, I threw it open and called down the hall. "_Shylah~_!" Kisame smirked, and I held up a hand in the universal signal to either stop or wait. In this case, it meant to wait.

After about a minute, when I was just going to yell again, Shylah turned around the corner. "What, Caitlin?" She huffed irritably.

"You sure took your sweet time."

"Well _excuse_ me for not being at your beck and call. Now _what_ did you need? Or should I just leave?" Shylah fixed me with a withering stare.

"Okay, okay. Why do we all have middle names?"

Shylah raised her eyebrows, the rest of her face remaining almost statue-like. "You yelled at me for _that_?"

"Just answer the question!"

"It was possibly a result of aristocrats naming their children after people of power or great respect. After a while it would've been adopted by those of lower classes in an attempt to either emulate them or prove themselves equal. No one actually knows the real reasons middle names were invented, but it's possible they were used to denote lineages, places of import in their parents' lives, or to distinguish children who were named after their parents." Shylah shrugged noncommittally at my stare. "What? You're not the only ones who've wondered these things."

Just then I remembered what I'd been so stressed about, and I whipped my arm to point an accusing finger in Kisame and Itachi's general direction. "They're _winging_ their mission to protect me!"

Shylah locked eyes with me and held my gaze for a few seconds. "It was nice knowing ya'," she assured me before turning and leaving.

"What? I might _die_ and that's all you have to say? Shylah! Shylah, get back here!" I yelled out at her. When I rushed to look out of the door, she was already gone. "Fine, be that way!" I slammed the door and huffed, crossing my arms.

Suddenly, Kisame was beside me, leaning against the wall. "Relax, we've got this covered. I was just joking; we have a plan." At my incredulous stare, he drew himself up, looking offended. "You really think we wouldn't take this seriously? Underestimating the enemy is how people die. We're getting paid to keep you safe; we're not going to let you die."

_Well, I guess I do feel _marginally _reassured._

"That and I really don't want to risk Emi refusing to cook for us because we let this serial killer murder you," Kisame added, effectively squashing all fuzzy feelings I'd been having for the duo.

"Gee, thanks. I can feel the love."

Kisame smirked. "Hey, that's my line."

"It's mine, now! It likes me better." _It knows I'm awesome._

"I'm hurt that you'd say that," Kisame replied, looking not hurt at all.

* * *

Despite all my protests, I fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow. Okay, not the _second_ I laid down, but pretty soon afterwards. Which was kind of pointless, because at midnight I was awakened by the sounds of someone getting punched into a wall. I didn't know that at the time, since I was still half-asleep and it was pretty dark, but I figured it out after a few minutes.

_Because_ it was dark, I didn't know what was going on – just that people were fighting, and I was most likely about to be hit by- _Oh, my lord, great balls of fire!_

… See what I did there? Because it was a giant fireball, and there's a song that goes-… Never mind…

Where was I? Oh, yeah, I was describing how hard it was to see Itachi and Kisame fight the dude – I assume it was a man – because the lights were off and it was the middle of the night. After the flaming ball of death, in which I saw Kisame and Itachi looking badass and the other guy looking like the scared little psychopath he is, the room was once more cloaked in darkness. I could still hear the sounds of fighting – mostly Kisame swinging Samehada around and probably shredding the very innards out of whoever was trying to kill me. After maybe two more seconds, there was a pause, and light flooded the room.

I threw up my arms and whined. "Please don't kill me!"

"Do you really think we are so weak as to have been defeated by a mere B-ranked nuke-nin from Iwa?" Itachi inquired, not really seeming to care but managing to convey his displeasure all the same.

_Iwa… Iwa…_ "Where have I heard that word before?"

"Iwa, better known as 'Iwagakure', is Deidara's village of origin," Itachi informed me before visibly showing signs of lapsing back into his silently stoic self.

"Oh. To answer your question, it was more of a reflex than anything else. Usually when people abruptly turn the lights on and I'm still in bed it's because I played a prank on Shylah, Tish, or Mischa and they've come for revenge." I gave an involuntary shudder at the memories. "Shylah somehow knows about psychological torture, and Tish knows all my weaknesses."

"What about Mischa?" Kisame asked, sounding more amused than anything else. _It's serious! They'll kill us all!_

"She usually gets Shylah to pay me back. Shylah doesn't usually seek vengeance unless it's for her sister." Another shudder.

"Out of curiosity, why do all of you sometimes act like strangers and other times act like lifelong friends?"

Thinking about it, I frowned. _That is kinda weird…_ "Well, Mischa and Shylah have known each other for their whole lives. I've known Tracey since I started grade school, and she'd already become friends with Tish the year before. Tracey met Reia about five years ago, when Reia's parents were visiting a museum on business and they put Reia in the public school for a few months. They kept in contact after she left, and Reia met Emi and Tiamat a year later. Emi and Tiamat lived in the same city, but they hadn't met until then. Three years ago, Reia met Shylah and, by extension, Mischa. Last year Reia came up with the idea for us all to move in together – except for Tiamat – because Tracey's and Tish's home lives weren't too good, and we all wanted to meet in person."

"What about the rest of you? Why did everyone else want to move in together?"

"Reia was tired of travelling across the world and not being able to stay in one place for long, Emi's first friend was Reia, Shylah wanted an excuse never to see her mom again, and Mischa would probably follow her sister to the ends of the earth. I… didn't want to be left behind."

Out of nowhere, Tracey had flung herself onto me in a tackle-hug. "Aw, we'd never leave you alone, Cat!" I craned my neck to look at her, and caught sight of literally _everyone_ else – minus Pein, Konan, and Zetsu – filing in through the doorway. "It's great to see that you're okay, by the way! I would've been really mad if they'd let you die!"

Shylah snorted. "Yeah, for all of two seconds before your brain cracked from the force of acting so out of character."

Tracey turned a pouting face to Shylah. "Don't be so mean, Ice!"

"Some people would consider it a _compliment_ to be told that they can't hold grudges."

Immediately, Tracey's face brightened. "Oh. Well, okay, then. Thanks!" She skipped over to Shylah and enveloped her in a warm hug.

"Of course, those people were never told this by me."

"Shhh. We've having a moment. Don't ruin it," Tracey soothed, either missing or ignoring Shylah's disgusted expression.

Deidara walked around their little snuggle-fest – unwilling that it might be – and inspected me minutely. Now, when _normal_ people do that, it's uncomfortable and slightly irritating. Should you ever have the misfortune for a ninja to inspect you minutely in his own terms, it will feel like they've sliced you open on a dissecting table and are currently memorizing the very structure of your DNA. It made me feel _very_ naked in an incredibly threatening way that I never again wish to experience.

After said minute inspection, Deidara _finally cut it out_ and spoke. "Did the Uchiha let you get hurt, hm?"

"No, but he did make this totally _awesome_ fireball. It was _huge_!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms out in a poor attempt to depict the actual size of it.

"That's what she said~!" Mischa sang, making Hidan and Kisame laugh and Shylah smirk. Reia rolled her eyes before turning to her and lecturing her about 'naughty thoughts'. Aside from Emi blushing, no one else reacted.

I smirked at Deidara. "Should I be worried that I just came out of a life-or-death situation and feel totally fine?"

Deidara raised an eyebrow, his smirk widening to a teasing grin. "Considering that you're a civilian and not a ninja, I'd be worried out of my mind, yeah. You've been hanging out with us too long, I think."

Pretending to pout, I frowned at him. "What, you want me to leave?"

"I didn't say that!"

"Context, child. We'll make a ladies' man out of you, yet," Shylah put in, expression totally serious.

Deidara – scratch that, _everyone_, even Itachi (okay, maybe not Itachi) – raised an eyebrow at Shylah. She returned our incredulous expressions with one of her own. "Okay, you can_not _tell me that you didn't think they were flirting just then! Am I the only one with eyes around here? Ninja, use your senses! Gah! I feel so girly when I notice these kinds of things."

Emi patted Shylah's shoulder consolingly. "Maybe you n-need more sleep?"

Shylah looked like she was going to argue, but sighed instead. "Yeah, sleep sounds nice." She caught sight of Sasori, who was just leaving, and sat on his back. "Hi-ho, Silver!"

"I've told you before, this isn't a seat."

"It's _your_ seat. Share!"

"No," Sasori replied curtly, their arguing echoing back as they continued down the hall.

I grinned. "Okay, you can_not_ tell me that you didn't think they were flirting just then." Everyone else rolled their eyes – apparently jokes this late at night are frowned upon – and turned to leave.

Everyone except for Mischa, Deidara, Itachi, and Kisame, that is. Mischa was frowning at me, her nose scrunched up in disgust. "Ew. Sasori's so _old_," she chastised before following after everyone else.

I looked at the guys. "So what now?"

Kisame picked up the unconscious ninja and hefted him over his shoulder. "Now we seal his chakra and check the bingo books to see if he has a bounty. If he _does_, we turn him in and get a nice bonus." Itachi leading the way, they both exited the room, leaving Deidara and me alone in a room that I'd almost been killed in.

"So…" Deidara started, trailing off just as quickly. "See you tomorrow, un."

"Good night," I replied, watching him escape the awkward silence that threatened us both. I inspected the holes in the wall that were caused by the recent fight, and a tremor of fear ran through me. Leaping out of bed, I ran into the hall and towards the comfort of my – hopefully temporary – room in the Akatsuki base.

Stay in a room where I'd nearly died not ten minutes before? Yeah, no thank _you_.

* * *

_Aaaayyy! ...Don't ask._

_I guess I might as well move my upload days to Sunday instead of Saturday. Sorry if that bothers you, but it's the only way I can think of to not be constantly late._

**Question: **If you lived in the Naruto-verse, what element would your chakra be aligned towards?

**My Answer: **_I took a handful of quizzes a while ago, and all of them except for one said that I'd have water-type chakra. Water is my favorite element (or molecule, depending on how you look at it), so I actually got what I was hoping for while simultaneously answering honestly. :3_

_Hmm... I can't think of anything to say, so I'll just say bye and have a nice week!_


	16. The Scroll

_Thanks for the heartwarming reviews! ^.^_

_Please enjoy, even if I don't own any of the Naruto franchise/series/whatever you call it._

* * *

Reia's P.O.V.

Putting my hands on my hips, I cast a reproving glare at Tish, Caitlin, Tracey, and Shylah. While the first three had the decency to look ashamed of themselves, Shylah met my eyes with an unapologetic stare of her own. We were, therefore, locked in a standoff, neither willing to admit defeat and give the power of the gaze to the other.

Finally, from the sidelines, Deidara spoke up. "Why are Shylah and Reia glaring at each other, un? I thought Reia got along with everyone," he mentioned, notably leaving out whether or not Shylah got along with anyone.

From beside Deidara, Tiamat answered, seeing as Shylah and I were otherwise occupied. "Reia has a tendency to act as our surrogate mother, and Shylah has 'mommy issues,' I believe. She takes exception to any form of authority females try to exercise over her." After a small pause, she added, "I don't understand why Reia always gets into staring contests with her, though. Shylah is _far_ too stubborn to lose a contest of implied authority."

As if on cue, my eyes watered and forced me to blink. _Another loss at the hands of Shylah's childishness._ "Shylah, what have I said about pickpocketing people?"

Shylah shrugged, a self-satisfied smirk making its way onto her otherwise blank face. "I usually tune you out around the time you open your mouth. Why? Did you have some tips for me or something?"

"No. Pickpocketing – stealing a person's hard-earned money – is illegal, immoral, and an unacceptable social behavior for someone your age. It-"

"Our age," Shylah interrupted.

"What?"

"You're only about two months older than I am; therefore, _our_ age."

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I sighed and gathered my thoughts after Shylah's… helpful… interruption. "Be that as it may, stealing money isn't acceptable. Not only that, but we're guests in Pein-sama's city, so stealing from his people is like stealing from him. It's not only a despicable form of behavior, but rude as well." There was a pregnant pause, and I found myself suppressing an exasperated sigh. "Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

"Yep," Shylah replied immediately.

"And what is that?"

"Stealing is bad, and rude to the person who's allowing us to stay here, and I should get a proper job if I want a steady income rather than stealing the income of others."

I blinked at the rapid-fire answer. "So you were listening?"

"Sure."

I raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "'Sure'?"

"Do you have a problem with the way I speak?"

Sensing that was the best I'd get out of her, I sighed and relented. "Okay, I'll let you get back to… whatever it is you do nowadays." Turning to the other three, I once again raised a questioning eyebrow. "Do you three understand where I'm coming from when I say that stealing is bad?" They nodded rapidly, so I dismissed them and turned to leave.

From where he still sat in one of the dining room chairs, Deidara smirked at me. "What's so bad about stealing if they don't get caught, hm?"

"Uh, it's _illegal_," I replied, emphasizing 'illegal' for Deidara's benefit.

"You're talking to an S-ranked criminal, here. The only reason I don't steal is because I can make a steady income as a ninja and petty thievery is below someone of my caliber, un. What's the big deal if they need some extra money?"

"The 'big deal' is that we're _not_ S-ranked criminals. We're not even close to criminals!" Remembering what I'd just had to lecture four of my friends on, I backtracked. "Well, _most_ of us aren't criminals. The rest of us shouldn't have to be, because we're perfectly capable of getting our own jobs."

Deidara's smirk widened. "Trust me, it's better to work here for a room and food than have to pay Kakuzu with whatever small salary you'll earn in the rest of the town, yeah. If that means you're a little strapped for ryo, there are worse things you could be doing to earn some extra money."

I frowned in consideration. "I suppose it could be worse… That still doesn't make it right," I pointed out, leaving to return to the greenhouse.

Upon reaching the greenhouse, I opened the door to find Zetsu tending some of the more delicate plants in his newly-acquired ecosystem. In order to simulate the conditions his plants would undergo if released into the wild, he had added several other kinds of plants; as well as a pond, insects, and some small animals. It was all on an extremely small scale, given the size of the room, but sometimes I could imagine that I was entering a jungle through some kind of door that allowed teleportation.

Zetsu glanced up before returning to his plants. "I think the _hakonechloa_ brought in some damaging bacteria with its dirt. **I told you we should've planted seeds instead of fully-grown plants.** We needed to make sure the plants would grow in this environment before we could use the seeds. **Well, now we know. Let's get rid of the **_**hakonechloa**_** before it kills off everything we've worked for.**"

I frowned. "If the bacteria's already spread to the other plants, I don't think removing the _hakonechloa_ will do anything to prevent any further damage."

"**Damn.** On the bright side, we know how to erase the bacteria from the other infected plants. **We won't need you for this, so you can leave.** That was rude. **It's true; we don't need her help with this.**"

"Technically, you never needed my help with anything," I pointed out, the corners of my mouth twitching up.

"**And yet you still come around where you're not wanted.** We want you, Reia. **You don't have to make it sound dirty. And no, I don't.** I was just joking. **We've been over this already. Your jokes suck.**"

I sighed and began tending the plants Zetsu hadn't gotten to, yet. While their arguments were funny on occasion, sometimes they tended to get repetitive. _This is going to be a long day._

* * *

Tracey's P.O.V.

I giggled as I made the final fold of the origami weasel. For some reason, Itachi always seemed irritated whenever Mischa and Tobi made piles of weasels and gave them to him – more annoyed than he normally would be, anyway -, so I usually tried to use the origami techniques Mischa taught me when he wasn't around. At the moment, I was in the middle of making my twenty-sixth multicolored origami weasel. Why was I making so many weasels? Honestly, I don't even know.

"What's that?" Kisame's voice asked from just over me. I jumped and let out a short scream before tilting my head back to look at him. Originally, Kisame had scared the absolute _crap_ out of me, but now I was used to him to the point where I didn't mind him so much anymore. Actually, he was pretty fun to hang out with.

Grinning, I held up my most recent prized origami. "I made a few weasels."

Kisame laughed, a slightly creepy and unnerving – but not totally scary – chuckle. "A few? I count twenty-six, including the one you're holding there." _Damn, he's good._ "Why're you up here? Aren't you usually following Itachi around the building?"

I felt my cheeks tinge pink. "Hey, I do _not_. Maybe _he_ follows _me_." Remembering his actual question, I paused. "And he doesn't really appreciate my new love – origami weasels." _For some reason… They're so fluffy and cute! Maybe no criminals love cute things… But does Konan? She's a girl, so she should like cute things! …Wait, Tiamat's a girl and doesn't like cute things…_

My internal debate was interrupted when Kisame picked up one of my better-made paper weasels. "Why is the weasel multicolored?"

"It's rainbow colored!" I exclaimed, pointing my finger at my own rainbow-colored weasel.

Kisame raised an eyebrow, looking between me and my army of weasels. "Rainbow isn't a color."

"Yes, it is!"

"Um, what are y-you arguing about?" Emi's quiet voice questioned from the entrance of the living room. She was following Itachi into the room, and Itachi eyed my adorable origami creations expressionlessly.

"Emi! Smack some sense into this shark! He doesn't think rainbow's a color."

Emi startled in alarm the second I told her to 'smack some sense' into Kisame, and she glanced warily between all three of us. Finally, her gaze settled on me, and she furrowed her eyebrows in worried confusion. "Isn't a rainbow m-made of multiple d-different c-colors? It's n-not j-just one color."

I groaned and fell back as Kisame sent me an amused and triumphant – mostly amused – smirk. "Emi, you're supposed to back me up on these things! Girl power and all that!"

Emi frowned apologetically. "I-I'm sorry, I d-didn't know that I w-was supposed t-to…"

Shrugging, I resumed my original position kneeling in front of the coffee table. "It's no big deal. I understand that your need for honesty is greater than your love for our friendship."

Eyes widening, Emi stared at me in a panic. "N-no, it's not that! I-"

Laughing, I waved my hand as if to wave away her protests. "I'm joking, I'm joking. I'm sorry, that was kind of a low blow." After straightening my shirt out, I hopped up. "So, what brings you guys up here?"

"Are we not allowed to walk around our own headquarters?" Itachi asked as he opened his ever-present book and sat down. I am proud to say that over this past month and a half, Itachi has gotten used to me enough to start speaking beyond his 'hn's and use actual, full sentences. The same could be said of Emi, but I'm prouder of my own accomplishments.

I grinned at him. "Fine, then. _Emi_, what's up? How're you doing, girl?"

"I-I'm fine…" Emi muttered, a small smile lifting the corners of her mouth. She sat down lightly at the far edge of the nearby couch. "Weren't you going to watch the Akatsuki train today?"

"Yeah, I was, but I kinda got distracted by making all these origami weasels and lost track of time. Why? Did I miss anything epic?" I cast a wide grin Itachi and Kisame's way, "Aside from the usual level of epic that usually goes on whenever a bunch of super-powerful criminal ninjas practice their fighting."

Kisame smirked, showing off his pearly-whites – or sharky-whites, I guess. "Nothing out of the ordinary, except that Deidara blew up Hidan for teasing him about Caitlin."

I rolled my eyes. "Ever since Shylah made that joke two weeks ago about Deidara liking Cat, Hidan's been making really crude jokes about them. He really needs to cut that out before Dei blows his head off and buries it somewhere. What'd he say this time, anyway?"

Kisame glanced at Emi, who was blushing up a storm. He glanced back to me meaningfully as Emi tried not to focus on what we were saying. "I think you're a little young to hear the specifics."

My grin widened teasingly. "Aw, Kisame, you _do_ care!" As Kisame narrowed his eyes at me, I continued. "About Emi! Not me. You care… about… yeah…" I trailed off as his expression turned into a glare. "Okay, I'll shut up now." The glare persisted. "Hide me!" I squeaked out as I ducked behind the couch, putting it and Itachi between Kisame and myself.

Itachi glanced back at me quickly before returning to his book. Emi laughed quietly as Kisame stopped glaring at me and fell back into the couch in between her and Itachi, making them both bounce up and down repeatedly. Kisame sent a smirk Itachi's way as the Uchiha glared at him irritably, making sure to avoid making eye contact.

After a few seconds, Itachi broke the silence. "We have a mission, Kisame. We leave tomorrow."

Kisame's smirk widened into a bloodthirsty grin. "It's about time. What kind of mission is it?"

"Another bounty."

"That seems like all we can do anymore – that and attacking other ninja teams."

I popped up from where I sat. "Is it dangerous?"

Kisame turned back to look at me. "Every ninja mission is dangerous."

"Oh." I frowned and rested my chin on the back of the couch. "Be safe, then."

He smirked. "You _do_ care – about Itachi."

* * *

Tish's P.O.V.

"No, you're fucking doing it wrong!" Hidan exclaimed, scowling at me.

My eye twitched in irritation. "Oh, I am? Guess what, dip-shit, I'm not a ninja! I don't know how to do this!"

What were we arguing about – or, more accurately, what was Hidan yelling at me for? It's simple, really – simple and stupid. You know how we're always getting into fights, right? Hidan always wins, and according to him, it's way too boring to always win so easily – notwithstanding that I always give as good as I get, within non-ninja standards. His solution for that little 'problem'? He's trying to teach me his fighting style.

Can I let you in on a little secret? His fighting style _sucks_. I've seen guys built like _tanks_ use more blocks and dodges in their fighting style than he uses. S-ranked criminal ninja my sexy ass.

"How've you survived for so long against me if you can't fight worth shit?" Hidan asked incredulously, obviously ticked off by my lack of progress.

"Maybe because your fighting style sucks!" I yelled back, throwing a punch at him. Ninja that he is, though, he didn't bother dodging it. Instead, he grabbed my fist the second it hit, before I could manage to pull it back. Whirling me around, he'd put me into a chokehold before I could even react.

"How's that for a sucky fighting style, bitch?" He asked, grinding the words out into my ear. I could practically hear his smirk in his tone. "Damn, have you gained weight?"

I dug my heel into his foot and elbowed his stomach, loosening his grip just enough so that I could kick back _right_ where the sun doesn't shine. "Hasn't anyone ever told you not to comment on a woman's weight? Dumbass…" Calling my farewell over my shoulder to where he was holding himself in pain, I started walking away. "See ya later. I'm gonna go talk to someone that I actually _like_."

"Yeah, right. You fucking want me, I know it!"

"So we can add 'delusional' to the list of things wrong with you, right next to 'dumber than a box of rocks'. Good to know."

"Hey, fuck you!"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Best time of your fucking life, trust me."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you know what you just used? Probably not, considering that you've never used it before. That lovely quality there is 'wit', and it tends to be rare – especially in people as stupid as you. Be proud; you'll most likely never be able to use it again."

"I bet if you kissed me it'd be the best damn kiss of your fucking life."

When I turned around to face him, he was smirking, and it was hard to tell if his smirk was flirtatious or predatory. "I bet if I kiss you I'd get some kind of disease. Drinking blood transmits all kinds of sexual diseases, I hope you know." Yeah, I knew that part of his 'jutsu' or whatever involved the consumption of blood. It wasn't fun to think about, and I wasn't about to kiss a guy who could turn around and act like a vampire.

If anything, his smirk widened. "Really? That's a damn shame, bitch, 'cause you don't get to choose." Before I could react – because, come _on_, he's a _fucking ninja_ -, Hidan had closed the distance and placed his lips forcefully on mine.

Okay, I'm not gonna lie – it wasn't a bad kiss. It wasn't the _best_ kiss, either, because criminal ninjas don't really get the chance to practice or anything. It was nice and I maybe kissed back because it'd been a while since I'd had a boyfriend and even _longer_ than that since I'd been kissed – don't ask, it was a weird situation.

Of course, it was _just_ a kiss. I remembered where I was and who I was kissing almost the second after I started kissing him back. Naturally, I did what any other girl would do – I knees him right in the family jewels. Maybe not _every_ girl would do that if Hidan kissed them, but damn it, I'm not here to see how many men I can romance with my sexy body! Not that I'd have any trouble with that…

As he went down for the second time, I crossed my arms and glared venomously at him. "What do you think you're doing, dumbass? In _what_ scenario playing through your stupid head was that a _good_ idea?" I whirled around to leave, only to be confronted with Deidara and Caitlin, both wearing mirroring smirks.

"And Hidan thinks _we_ kiss when no one's looking, un," Deidara mused smugly.

I scoffed. "Please. I've told him before, no man can resist my sexy body for too long without trying to jump me. I'm irresistible."

"Remind me never to fucking kiss _you_ again, bitch," Hidan ground out from his rightful place on the floor. "Shittiest kisser I've ever met."

_Oh no, he didn't!_ Uncrossing my arms, I aimed a vicious kick for his sides. As he rolled to avoid me, he had the audacity to look like it wasn't even that difficult – which made me try to kick him again. Finally, I got too frustrated to continue. "Fuck you! I'm out! Deidara, feel free to blow him to bits while you're here."

Stomping out, I did my best to ignore Deidara's and Cat's amused laughter. _Stupid Hidan thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread. Well, I'll tell you, mister, you've got another thing coming if you think you're gonna get away with pulling that crap with me! I don't take crap from no one!_

_ …That _was_ a nice kiss, though…_

* * *

Shylah's P.O.V.

"You can't be serious," I mumbled, half-pleading. Why, you ask? _Someone_ (read: Reia) had convinced Zetsu to experiment with his greenhouse garden. By experiment, I don't mean that he simply introduced an exotic plant species or two. No, she somehow managed to get his mind set on crossbreeding a plant species that actively _hunts_ humans like prey.

"I didn't _tell_ him to do it; I just mentioned that all that some of his plants needed was a taste for human flesh and they'd be just as much man-eaters as he is. How was _I_ supposed to know that he'd actually feel _encouraged_ enough to start breeding his plants specifically for the qualities that make them dangerous to humans? It's not like I _help_." At my stare, she fidgeted until she broke and told me the truth. "Okay, so maybe I helped them a _little_. What makes you think he wouldn't have come up with that on his own?"

_He didn't have anything like that in the manga series._ "I think if he was _going_ to think about it on his own, he _would have_ by now." We remained silent for a few seconds, then I smirked as I thought of our situation. "Oh, how the tables have turned, the mighty have fallen, and the shoe has switched to _my_ foot."

"Normally, I can't follow your line of thinking. The same can be said right now."

I rolled my eyes. "You're always the one lecturing me. How does it feel to be the child in this relationship now?"

Reia frowned. "If anything, you're a mildly mature child lecturing an adult who had a lapse in – It doesn't feel good at all." Her frown deepened before smoothing out into a contemplative expression. "Huh. I can see why you dislike it so much. This would get annoying after a while." Reia looked up at my smirk and lifted her chin stubbornly. "It doesn't mean you should go around stealing from people, though."

"Think of it as a good-will donation to the less fortunate – the less fortunate being us, of course."

"_Shylah…_"

"What? We _are_ less fortunate than the people we steal from. Usually. Sometimes. I can't speak for Tisha or Caitlin, but I like to think they have _some_ sense of remorse. I can't speak for myself, though, either; it all depends on how the mood strikes me at the time."

"Shylah!"

"Okay, okay, joking! Just joking, don't get your panties in a twist. Not knickers – you don't wear knickers. _Do _you wear knickers? No, that would require you to not wear a dress. You wear shorts under your dress, though, so that has to count for something. I don't think you wear heels, either, even though you're probably the shortest eighteen-year-old I've ever met."

"Shylah, why are you talking about what I do and don't wear?"

I flinched as Reia's words brought me out of my involuntary musings. "Yeah, I do that sometimes."

"I'm not sure if I should be pleased or concerned that being here has made you more talkative," Reia mused jokingly.

"Considering that the amount of talking I've been doing has a tendency to be more nonsensical than anything else, I'd say you should be worried," I pointed out, suppressing the urge to go off on another tangent.

We stood in Reia's room in silence for a few more seconds before Reia looked up at me, concerned. "You're not getting attached to this place, are you?"

"No. You?"

She frowned and blew out a sigh from her nose. "I… don't know. I still want to go home, but I don't miss it as much as I'd thought I would."

"Thinking like that's dangerous. If you start growing attached, it won't stop until you like it here just as much as home, if not more so." I glanced out of the window at the rain pouring down upon Amegakure. _If they knew exactly how violent this world is, we wouldn't be having this problem…_ "Well, see ya later. I'm gonna go… see what Mischa's doing, I guess."

I left, walking the halls at random. I didn't know where Mischa was, but if I listened hard enough I would be able to hear her if I got close enough. It was kind of sad, considering that we used to be almost inseparable and now rarely talked or did anything together. Maybe if I found her, we could draw together.

As I turned a corner, I nearly ran into Tisha as she stormed down the hall. She stopped in surprise, leaving me to dodge quickly around her.

"Hey, Shylah, wait up for a second," Tisha called to me.

_Well, I don't have anything better to do…_ "What?"

Reaching into her pockets, she fished out a small scroll before tossing it to me. "I lifted this off a guy a few weeks ago when I was… helping Tiamat buy a coffee table. I can't read Japanese, but I thought you might think it was interesting."

Opting to ignore the hesitancy in her sentence, I reached out and caught it with (in my opinion) surprisingly ample accuracy (for me). "Uh, thanks? The seal on the scroll hasn't even been opened, yet. What makes you think it's interesting, especially if you can't reach the language?"

"I don't know. How am I supposed to know what you find interesting?" Tisha sighed exasperatedly and put her hands on her hips. "Look, either keep the damn scroll or give it to someone else. I'm out."

Rolling my eyes, I stared down at the scroll and inspected it. The scroll was ornate, well taken-care of, but it also seemed several generations old. _Weird… There's some strange ink calligraphy inlaid in the patterns on the sides of the scroll. I wonder…_ I walked the few short steps to Sasori's room before knocking and entering without waiting for a response.

When I entered, Sasori turned to me, one eyebrow raised despite the fact that the rest of his face remained impassive. "You are possibly the only person in existence to disregard manners when interacting with S-ranked nuke-nin."

"Tisha, Caitlin, and my sister act the way I do more often than I do. Your argument is invalid," I quipped, walking over to his bed and gingerly avoiding sitting on the areas covered in puppet parts.

"You're the only one to act this way towards _competent_ ninja, since you seem to need me to specify."

"I don't discriminate."

"That attitude will get you killed, someday," Sasori advised as he returned to his puppet.

"Thanks for the friendly advice." I lazily tossed my most recent acquisition in the air. "Hey, do you think someone used fuinjutsu on this scroll? From what I can tell (which isn't very much), it looks pretty important."

"Where did you get that?"

"Tisha found it outside." At his incredulous stare, I continued. "After taking it from the guy she found it with, she gave it to me."

"Of course." He held out his hand in a silent request, and I complied by handing it over. "If your friend was able to take it so easily, this must not be that important. The seals, however, indicate otherwise."

"That's what _I_ thought." A pause as he glanced at me. "Well, not _exactly_ like that, since I don't know anything about fuinjutsu. But I at least thought to bring it to you."

"How did you know to bring it to me?"

I shrugged. "I hang out more with you than anyone else. Otherwise, I might've given it to Itachi or Kakuzu. Maybe Pein-sama, but he's probably busy right now. … Are you gonna open it?"

"Yes." Sasori stood and entered Hiruko, closing the protective shell over him before setting off at a surprisingly fast pace into the halls.

I followed, since he _was_ taking _my_ new scroll. _He must think it's actually booby-trapped if he's going where I think he's going. Yep, he's going to the training grounds._

When we arrived at the training grounds, Deidara and Caitlin were there already. As usual, Deidara was attempting to subtly flirt with Caitlin, and Caitlin was completely unaware of all of it. It was almost worse than those reverse-harem anime where the female protagonist gets hit on and is always really surprised when they start fighting over her. I digress – Deidara was flirting with Caitlin, and Caitlin was typically oblivious.

"Brat. Go to the other side of the training grounds, and take these two with you," Sasori ordered.

Deidara smirked. "I got here first, Danna. Maybe you should wait your turn, un."

"You know I hate waiting. Stop testing me and get moving."

Deidara and Caitlin turned to leave, and I followed after them. When Deidara winked at Caitlin, they both walked _extremely_ slowly towards the opposite end of the training grounds. After waiting for a few seconds, I remembered that Deidara was probably purposely trying to invoke Sasori's wrath and Caitlin was most likely playing along because she had yet to witness an S-ranked temper tantrum from someone _other_ than Kakuzu. Don't tell him I said that.

Heaving a sigh, I placed one hand on each of their backs and began pushing them forward with all of my strength. "Deidara, I know you think it's funny, but I'm not willing to find out whether or not Sasori would be willing to stab through me to get to you for being, in his words, a 'brat'. Now let's get going so that I can read what's in that scroll."

Rather than resist as he could probably successfully do without any effort on his part, Deidara let me push him the entire way there. "Fine, Shylah. He probably won't kill you, but if you're that worried for your life…"

"Excuse me for having a sense of self-preservation."

Caitlin snorted. "A crappy one. Hey, are you talking about the scroll Tisha found?"

"Why would a random scroll be important enough for Danna to want to check out, hm?" Deidara asked as we reached the far end of the training grounds.

We watched as Sasori inspected the scroll through Hiruko. "Someone went through a lot of effort to put all kinds of protective seals on it, I guess. He'll probably make sure it's nothing too important before giving it back to me. If it _is_ important enough for him to want to keep, it won't actually matter whether I still want it or not because I don't think I'd be able to fight him for it."

After a few more seconds, Sasori pulled out some materials and began doing… things… I couldn't tell what he was actually doing because I was too far away, but if I had to guess I'd say he was possibly trying to deconstruct the structure of the chakra-infused ink or something like that, not that I'd know because I'm not well-versed in the arts of fuinjutsu or anything. Or maybe he was consulting a book on dealing with unknown and possibly dangerous protective seals.

I could tell you all that went on in great detail while Sasori made the scroll safe to open, but I won't. Instead, I'll let you know that Deidara, Caitlin, and I watched in bored silence as Sasori fiddled with the scroll before finally opening it. I started to walk forward, but Deidara put a hand on my shoulder. I glanced back at him, and followed his gaze back to Sasori, who was finishing up making ninja hand signals to Deidara.

"What's he saying?" I asked, looking back to Deidara.

"The outer protective seal released a poisonous gas when he opened it. We have to wait over here until it dissipates, or until Sasori no danna gets tired of waiting and makes an antidote for us, yeah."

Caitlin raised an eyebrow. "His motivation will be his impatience and not his preference for keeping his partner alive?"

Deidara shrugged. "The idea is that if you're stupid enough to breathe in poisonous fumes when your partner has already warned you, you clearly don't deserve to live, un."

"That's not very nice…" Caitlin pointed out.

"That's the life of a ninja, yeah."

We barely had to wait ten seconds before Sasori took out another scroll and began making an antidote from the items within. After maybe a few more minutes, he was waving us over.

"Is it really a good idea for us to breathe this stuff in before we've had the antidote?" I asked cautiously once we'd walked over to him.

Sasori sealed all his items and put away both scrolls in the folds of his cloak before leading us out of the training grounds. "The poison is supposed to attack the chakra systems by entering the body through the lungs. I want to see how you and Caitlin react to it before I give you the antidote."

Caitlin and Deidara both made a choking noise behind us, but Deidara was the one who protested first. "Can the poison permanently damage my chakra system, un? If I can't make my art because of you, you're gonna pay, Danna!"

"I'll be doing the world a favor if I rid it of _your_ pitiful art, brat," Sasori replied as we entered the main area of the base.

"Why you-"

"Ladies, ladies, you're both beautiful in your own ways. Sasori, could you please give us the antidote, now?" I quipped, raising my hands soothingly.

"Are either of you feeling any numbness, dizziness, faintness, irritability, nausea, or muscle weakness?" Sasori questioned rather than giving us the antidote.

"Yes, yes, and yes. Give me the damn antidote, Danna, un!" Deidara replied for us.

"I'm not. Are you, Shylah?" Caitlin asked, looking to me questioningly.

"Nope, but that might just be because we're both always irritable."

Sasori relented and handed Deidara a vial connected to a needle, which Deidara then used on himself. "We may have to wait a bit longer to see any adverse reactions on your part. Come see me if you experience any unusual symptoms that would indicate the poison is affecting you. Come, Shylah, we have to discuss your scroll."

As I followed him, Caitlin protested. "What do you mean we'll have to wait? If I die, it's your fault! Shylah and I will come back and haunt you for all of eternity!" Let's ponder the unknown (on Caitlin's part) irony of the statement. Had Sasori not been killed, he very well _would have_ lived for eternity. An eternity haunted by Caitlin and me… The things we could come up with…

Caitlin's voice faded into the distance because, for some reason, she wasn't following after us in order to annoy Sasori into giving her the antidote. "Hey, Sasori? You don't think the poison's going to kill us or anything, do you?"

"The poison was designed to kill ninja by turning their own chakra systems against them. It has nothing to do, so it will most likely remain dormant until your immune system locates and destroys it. Should you end up coughing up blood as a result, let me know and I'll see what I can do for you and Caitlin."

I raised my eyebrows. "Thanks. How do you know the antidote will work for Deidara, though?"

"I'm a master of poisons as well as puppets. There are few poisons I can't find an antidote for, and even fewer that I haven't already made. Besides, if he senses something wrong with his chakra system, he will tell me. He's not _entirely_ stupid, even if he does think art is fleeting." We stopped in front of the doors to Pein's office room. "Leader-sama, I have something that may interest you."

"Come in," Pein's voice called from inside, and the doors opened almost of their own accord. Pein glanced up from his paperwork (even a kage-like figure posing as a god can't escape it) and raised one eyebrow. "What is it?"

"Shylah seems to have come across an interesting scroll," Sasori informed him, coming forward and depositing said scroll on Pein's desk. "It details plans to mimic Konoha's Academy in an attempt to increase ninja forces and become a recognized hidden village. There are also several locations listed indicating scrolls containing techniques the village was planning on teaching their students."

"What village was this?"

"The scroll gives no indication, but it does give the reason they were here. Whoever lost this scroll was sent here to spy on your village in an attempt to find both weaknesses and prominent clan secrets." _And he couldn't have let me read this, _why?

Pein briefly closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. "I know who you speak of. I was wondering if Tisha's thievery was the reason for his panic." He reopened his eyes. "I know where he is from. He has outlived his usefulness." A shadow flickered outside of the window, possibly one of his other bodies going to assassinate the man.

Exactly four-point-four seconds later, he returned his full attention back to us. "I will keep the scroll in the event that a third party comes forward with a retrieval mission for us involving its contents. You are both dismissed."

As we walked out, I couldn't help but wonder when I had qualified as one of his personnel for him to dismiss.

* * *

_What am I going to do with the scroll? Is it a future plot point, or just something that I remembered I'd left unexplained and wanted to have my own little scene for? The world may never know..._

_As far as the poison currently running through Shylah's and Caitlin's bloodstreams, it won't affect them for this series. I mostly just put it in to try and convey that, even though the Akatsuki have been growing close to them, they're still S-ranked criminals and are more concerned with, say, seeing whether or not chakra-targeting poisons will affect chakra-less individuals._

_That reminds me. Hidan and Tisha kissed. That's a thing. It's not going to lead to them having gratuitous amounts of sex with each other and then deciding that their extreme lust equates to love, in case anyone was wondering. It just kind of grabbed the keyboard from me and wrote itself._

_For anyone thinking Deidara should've been more concerned with Caitlin as opposed to himself, he may flirt with her, but that doesn't mean he likes her enough for him to be more concerned with her safety than his own. To me, that's something a person who's in love would be more likely to do - or someone who hasn't been desensitized towards another's suffering since early childhood in order to become a cold-hearted killer._

_I'm not going to bother asking a question no one will answer, so I'll just end this AN before it becomes as long as the actual chapter. Thank you for reading, and have a nice week! :3_


	17. My Phone Has Gained Sentience

_Yeah, I'm late after moving my update day back. I'm sorry! T.T_

_My Internet provider needs to get its crap together! :(_

* * *

Mischa's P.O.V.

"What are you doing?" Glancing up at the unfamiliar feminine voice, I blinked when I realized that the speaker was Konan – away from Pein. She was gazing down at my little drawings and origami, but her focus was primarily on my origami scorpions riding my fierce origami dragons. It was weird seeing her in the drab (hehe) setting of the Akatsuki living room, since to me she always seemed to look almost regal, despite the piercings.

Smiling, I held one pair of my army of duos out to her. "I started making some scorpions, but they looked lonely, so I made them some dragons to be friends with and help conquer the world! Then all the people who pour alcohol on the cute little scorpions will get eaten by the dragons, and all the dragon hunters will be poisoned by the scorpions."

The corners of Konan's lips twitched up in a small smile, and she knelt down beside me. "Do you have dragons where you come from?"

I felt my stomach sink at the thought of dragons not actually being real. "Only the enlightened know for sure, but the general consensus is that they don't exist, and never have. It's okay, though; one day I'll find them, and my sister and I will rule the world with them. That way, people won't keep dying for stupid reasons, and if we rule the world, no other countries will be there to attack us." Remembering that I was supposed to be from the same world as them, I smiled at Konan sheepishly. "Well, the world across the ocean. If you want, we can fly here once we have things settled over there and help you guys plot world domination. Then we'll all be best friends and we can have super-awesome ninjas where we live, too."

Konan raised an eyebrow. "Do you think conquering your lands will solve all of your problems, as well?"

Rubbing my chin in thought, I frowned contemplatively. "Not really. I mean, where we come from, we've already had two world wars, and the country I'm from has used nuclear bombs. Nuclear bombs are kind of like a super powered version of Deidara's clay, except that they create these _huge_ explosions that can kill millions of people. You'd think that everyone would do their best to keep it from happening again, but that was over fifty years ago and people either are starting to forget what it was like or just don't care. We might have another world war on our hands eventually, so using nukes didn't help anybody, really. I guess where I'm going with this is that you can't scare a generation into submission and expect their great grandchildren to remember the horrors with the same amount of emotion."

"I see."

"I guess it'd solve all the problems temporarily, but you can't please everyone, so we'd have a civil war on our hands eventually."

"You have an interesting view on war. Most people in the ninja world would say that war is often just, or at least permitted, because a ninja thrives on conflict. Peace means that no one needs ninja anymore."

"Dude, if war was necessary for ninja, then you'd all go to war until there were no ninja left. Don't ninjas get missions and stuff from civilians who're about as chakra-proficient as I am?"

"Yes…" Konan replied, drawing out the answer.

"Then you'll survive without war. If anything, war will be the death of ninjas, since it depletes the numbers and makes everyone lower the standards for who's qualified to actually be on active duty."

Konan's face darkened momentarily before resuming its expressionlessness. "Perhaps our world would be better without ninja."

I shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. I think that if there were no ninja, people would find other ways to have huge armies capable of killing off entire civilian populations singlehandedly. People from where I'm from don't have chakra, but like I've said, we've had plenty of normal wars and world wars."

"How can they be considered world wars if they don't involve us?"

_Crap!_ "I guess it's because… We don't _know_ about the rest of the world? It's for the known world! Yeah…" _What're you talking about? I'm the most convincing liar you've ever seen! She _totally_ believes me. Not…_ I winced at her blatant – yet somehow perfectly-concealed (don't ask how I even know) – disbelief. _I totally could've handled that better…_ "We never really covered it in our classes, and I don't think they'd bother to unless they knew they were wrong. Which we don't. Didn't. I know, but they don't. I'll just… shut up, now…"

After a brief pause, Konan slowly, hesitantly, gave me a small smile. "It's alright. I enjoy listening to you." She turned to the entryway. "You may come in, Tobi. We aren't discussing anything important."

My eyes widened – _When did _he_ get here?_ – as Tobi walked into the room, his hand rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "Tobi didn't mean to eavesdrop. Tobi just thought Konan-san and Mischa-chan might be talking about…" He trailed off before continuing in a stage whisper. "…_girl problems._"

I blinked in the ensuing silence before letting out an involuntary snort. As if a dam had been broken, I began to laugh uproariously. At their confused expressions (well, Tobi I didn't know about), I tried to tell them between gasps for breath. "I'm sorry… it's just that… Tobi's talking about _girl problems_. I didn't… know he knew about them!"

Tobi blinked. "What are girl problems? Everyone mentions them without explaining to Tobi."

I immediately sobered. _I kind of wonder if Obito seriously doesn't know about the menstrual cycle… He _has_ to know, doesn't he?_ "Um, well, Tobi, girl problems are where… Oh, hey, Sis! Tell Tobi about 'girl problems', 'cause he wants to know!"

Shylah – who had literally just entered – stopped and frowned at me. "Do you mean girl _problems_ or _girl_ problems?"

Tobi tilted his head to the side confusedly. "There's a difference?"

After glancing briefly at me, Shylah smirked a _very_ predatory smirk and turned to Tobi. "Well, you see, Tobi, when a girl reaches approximately between the ages of eleven and thirteen, her body begins going through certain changes. In order to prepare for full physical maturity, she begins to go through the process of something called the 'menstrual cycle', in which an egg, a component of conception and human life, is produced. The egg then matures until such a time as when it is ready to be fertilized. The lining of the uterus – an organ designed to house the fetus – increases in thickness. In the event that the egg(s) are _not_ fertilized, the egg is expelled and the lining of the uterus is broken down using a considerable amount of mechanical force in an often painful process mimicking the contractions one would experience during labor. As the menstrual cycle _is_ a cycle, the process repeats within the time of a little less than a month."

Tobi was silent for a few seconds, and then "Oh. OH, KAMI! I need mind soap!" Tobi yelled in a very… un-Tobi voice. _Apparently, he _didn't_ know about that…_

Shylah raised her eyebrows before addressing Konan. "One would think he would've learned that somewhere along the lines when becoming a ninja."

Slowly, Konan nodded. "I think all the official Akatsuki members know." Her face fell into a concerned frown. "Of course, you never know. It's entirely possible that some of them weren't taught that simply because it wasn't deemed necessary."

Sis grinned mischievously. "Let's see… Who wouldn't have knowledge of that if it wasn't absolutely necessary? Possibly Kisame, but I think he would've figured it out by now. Maybe Hidan or Deidara, since that doesn't really seem to pertain to them. I wonder…"

Konan sighed. "Please don't attempt to find ways to mentally scar our members. As S-ranked criminals, their sanity is already precarious enough as it is."

"As you command, Konan-san."

Konan nodded and returned her attention to me. "Would you like to make origami with me?"

I smiled. _Making origami with _the_ origami-master Konan? Count me in!_ "Sure! Do you want to use some of my paper?"

She shook her head and held out her hand. From her wrist, a perfectly square piece of delicate white origami paper removed itself and floated lightly to her hand. "I have my own supply."

"Mind if I join in on this origami-making fest?" Shylah questioned as she walked over to us. "It's been a while since the last time I made something with my little sister."

"Sure!" I chirped, holding out a slip of paper for my sister to take. When she had taken it and sat down, I looked at Konan. "What should we make?"

"Do you know how to make flowers?"

"No, but I'd like to learn if you'll teach me."

"Very well," Konan replied, positioning her paper on the coffee table. With several fluid motions, she created an intricate origami flower. Holding it up for us to see, she began to speak. "This is a bit more complicated than what I'll be teaching you, but I thought you might like to keep it as a reminder of what you could accomplish if you practice enough. Now, as for what I'll be teaching you today…"

* * *

Emi's P.O.V.

"I'm so bored without Kisame and Itachi here!" Tracey whined from behind me as she began twisting my hair into a complicated braid. "I miss my 'tachi!"

Covering my mouth with my hand, I giggled. "_Your_ Itachi? When did this happen?" I missed them as well, though. They'd been gone for the past two weeks on the same initial mission they'd been sent out on, and I was starting to worry.

"_Emi_~!" Tracey scolded lightly, tugging on my braids for emphasis. "Don't tease me when I hold your precious locks in my hands. I might have to cut your hair as short as mine." A pause as she pulled my braids back for an up do or whatever she called it. From the mirror stand Tracey had bought with her pick pocketing funds (don't tell Reia that she's still doing that), I could barely see above the tip of her chin to where her mouth was twisted into a frown and her tongue stuck out in concentration. "You have a super-weird haircut."

I frowned, one eyebrow dipping down in confusion. "I do? How so?"

"Well, the outside," Tracey began as she tugged on that part of my hair for emphasis, "is past shoulder-length; but when you lift the upper parts up, the parts underneath are cut to chin length. How's your hair even thick enough to do this with? And who cuts your hair, anyway?"

"My dad usually cuts my hair, since going to a hair salon always costs too much." My stomach sank at the thought of my dad and how he must feel to have his only daughter missing. I hadn't thought of him very often since I'd arrived, especially in the past month. _What kind of daughter does that?_

"Oh. From now on, you have to come to me for all hair cutting and trimming needs. My services cost nothing for a good friend." Tracey laughed, but it only lasted for a few seconds before trailing off. "You're worried now, huh? How do you think he's doing?"

"After Mom died, he became depressed. The only reason he was able to keep it together was because he had to take care of me. Now that I'm gone… I'd rather not think about it." Remembering that I wasn't the only one with a family to worry about, I tilted my head and looked at what little of Tracey's face I could see through the mirror. "What about your family? Do you think they're doing alright?"

"I don't think Mom has noticed. The only things she notices is whether or not she's out of alcohol," Tracey replied, her voice dipping into a bitter tone I'd never heard her use before. "Sorry, that sounded really mean. She's been through a lot – I might react the same way if someone abandoned me the way Dad abandoned Mom. Manny's probably running around like a chicken with his head cut off, trying to figure out what the hell happened to me. Tia – she's one of my aunts – probably doesn't know, since she had to go back to Spain sometime around Christmas. Manny wouldn't want to worry her, so he's probably keeping this on the D-L."

"He was the tall, blonde man who dropped you off?"

"Yep! That's him. Just don't comment on his hair; since he obviously didn't get it from Mom's side of the family, it's kind of an unpleasant reminder that our dad actually exists. He hates it." Through the mirror, Tracey's mouth twisted into a frown again. "I couldn't have any female friends in high school 'cause all they'd want to talk about was my _brother_ and how _hot_ he was with his blond hair, green eyes, and _amazing tan_. Ew. Only T and Cat didn't do that, since we've known each other for forever and we had better things to talk about."

"Oh." Vaguely, I remembered thinking that Tracey's brother had reminded me of a tanned version of an actor, but that couldn't have been right. Could it?

Abruptly, Tracey hopped up off the ground. As I rose, she placed her hands on her hips and began to crack her back to the best of her ability. "Agh, that floor was so uncomfortable. Why'd you let me talk you into it?"

I shifted nervously. "Sorry…"

Tracey tilted back until she'd made herself into a bridge on the floor – a feat of some difficulty, I'm sure, since she was so tall and reached so far off the ground. "It's fine, I was just joking. You don't have to apologize to me. Look at Shylah: she doesn't apologize to anyone, and we still love her." The corners of her lips twitched up into a grin as she straightened. "Well, some of us do. The rest, not so much. They secretly love all of us, but I don't have any concrete proof – just women's intuition."

"Sorry- I mean… I think I should begin to make lunch," I replied oh-so-smoothly, motioning towards the door that was on the other side of Tracey.

"Right away, madam," Tracey exclaimed. She turned and opened the door with a flourish, bowing me out into the hallway. "After you, my lady."

I laughed, my cheeks tinging pink in slight embarrassment as I led the way out. "Thank you, Tracey."

"No problem," Tracey chirped, closing the door after she'd followed me into the hallway. "Now, to the kitchen!" She cried, pointing dramatically down the hall before taking off at a light jog. In case you were wondering, a light jog for her is running for me.

As we made our way to the kitchen, we spotted Kisame and Itachi making their way down another hall. Tracey immediately adjusted our course to head straight towards them. "Sexy~!" She cried out, latching on to Kisame. Yeah, I thought she was going to grab Itachi, too.

Kisame looked over his shoulder at Tracey, typical smirk in place. "You shouldn't run at S-ranked nuke-nin from behind them, especially if they just got back from a mission. I can't be held responsible for how my instincts will make me react."

Tracey released Kisame to give Itachi a quick side-hug. Her expression turned into a pouting frown. "But you _didn't_ kill me, because you knew it was me. Plus, I yelled out to you. I wasn't very ninja-like then, so you can't tell me that you thought I was your enemy."

Kisame grimaced as though reliving a particularly bad memory. "Trust me, there are some ninja with impeccable skills and terrible stealth."

"Like who?"

"I try not to think about it."

"Bad memories?"

"Green spandex…"

Tracey winced while Itachi nodded almost imperceptibly in sympathy. "It's a miracle you aren't blind, I'm guessing. Talk about bad fashion sense… I'm glad you guys don't dress _too_ weirdly – or at least that you aren't a bunch of creepy, spandex-clad weirdoes. It's not fun. Trust me, I've been to a cosplay convention. What has been seen cannot be unseen." She shuddered dramatically.

Kisame nodded before glancing at me. He did a double-take when he noticed my hair. "What happened to you?"

Fidgeting, I started to redden until I was blushing like mad. "Um, Tracey d-decided to t-try experimenting w-with different hair styles for me to wear."

Tracey smiled, rocking back and forth on her heels. "She's such a good model. Shopping for her is so fun because she never complains or argues about what I pick out for her. She's not like Cat – Cat hates what I buy her."

Kisame smirked at my discomfort. "Are you going to keep it like that?"

_Well, considering that I managed to actually see it in the mirror…_ "I-I think it w-would be a bit difficult for me to do by myself. I'm not v-very good at doing fancy hairdos or p-picking out nice clothes… I'll just stick with what I h-have."

He shrugged, and both he and Itachi headed for Pein's office room. "We have to report on the success of our mission, but we'll catch up with you two later. See ya," he said, waving a hand over his shoulder. Itachi glanced back at us in his own farewell before they turned a corner and were out of sight.

After they were out of hearing range, Tracey turned to me, wiggling slightly in excitement. "They're back! This is going to be so much fun!"

"Don't we usually just watch them train or sit with them in the living room?" I questioned, unsure of why their being back was such a big deal.

"Well, _yeah_, but it gets so _boring_ around here without them around here. I need something to distract me before I go crazy and do some hardcore pranking! Actually, that sounds kind of fun, now…" Tracey put a finger to her chin before shaking her head. "Nah, not yet. It's been kind of peaceful around here while they're all distracted from pranking. Er, everyone except for Mischa, I mean…"

* * *

Caitlin's P.O.V.

For once, watching Deidara explode his little clay birds wasn't enough to hold back the tide of my boredom. At the moment, I was lounging on the hard dirt of the training grounds. Deidara was far too caught up in the glory of his artistry to pay any noticed, not that I really minded – it was his passion, and I wasn't so presumptuous as to assume that my boredom would ever qualify as a higher priority. As it was, however, I was stuck with having to mess around with my mostly useless cell phone to assuage the beast that is boredom.

About the phones – I think everyone has forgotten about theirs. Those of us who _had_ been interested by their presence were soon disappointed by the realization that we couldn't use it to contact home. Everyone had since turned off their phones – I assume – and left them to gather dust on or in our dressers. Everyone except for me, of course; I was currently fiddling with mine.

_What's the point, since I can't _do_ anything with it?_ I thought, sorely tempted to throw the stupid thing as far across the room as I could. I didn't, but I wanted to.

"Is that the thing you had when you appeared here?" Deidara asked, his voice breaking me out of my frustrated thoughts.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, it is. Friggin' useless piece of junk."

"Is it supposed to do anything, hm?"

I rolled over onto my stomach. "It's supposed to be able to contact people over long distances, but it doesn't work here. That _sucks_ because we could contact people to take us home, or we could play games to pass the time."

"You're bored, un? Do you wanna plan some pranks so we can finally pay back Mischa and Tobi for putting that toilet paper roll on my pillow?" Deidara sat beside me, using me as a backrest.

"I still can't believe you thought that was real."

"You're the one who's seen these things before, not me, yeah!" Deidara snapped, his mood immediately going sour. "It was only for a second, anyway." As you can tell, it's still a sore point for him.

"Hmmm…" I flicked through the apps on my phone, trying to come up with a good payback prank that didn't involve explosions. My finger paused on my downloaded music, and I smirked. "Wanna annoy Shylah?"

Deidara perked up and looked at me with interest. "Maybe. Do you think she's out of wherever she goes to avoid us, hm?"

"We'll just have to find out," I replied, chuckling mischievously under my breath. Deidara stood and helped me up before leading the way to the living room – the most likely location where Shylah would be. Sure enough, she was there, making origami with Konan and Mischa. _Two birds with one stone. I hope Konan doesn't hate country music…_

I opened the music app on my phone and flicked through the songs until I found a nice country song. "Hey, Shylah, I totally forgot that my phone can still play music." I pressed 'play' on one of the songs I knew would get under Shylah's skin. Sure enough, she tensed visibly and narrowed her eyes at me.

"This is a new low, even for you," Shylah muttered. "It's a _slow_ song, too. It's like slow pop with excessive amounts of twang. I can understand drawl, but I have yet to figure out the appeal of twang. Why are you doing this to me?" When I didn't reply, she reached into her pocket. "On the bright side, my phone just naturally plays louder than yours," she reasoned, pulling out her own cell phone and opening the downloaded music app. She pressed a button, and the sounds of operatic rock filled the room, drowning out my own country music. While she hummed along under her breath, Mischa happily belted out the lyrics in sync with whichever woman was singing.

Sighing, I turned away. "Well _that_ was a bust. Any ideas?"

Deidara frowned for a second before smirking. "How do you feel about flying?"

I glanced at him skeptically. "You guys have planes here?"

"What are planes, hm?" He asked, leading me outside into the cold, cruel rain that was apparently _controlled_ by Pein. Because yes, there is a god, and he wants rain 24/7, according to the people of Ame.

"I'm guessing you _don't_ have them, then. They're basically these giant, aluminum metal machines that are aerodynamic and powerful enough to fly with multiple people in them. I think some can fit over a hundred in them. I've never flown in one, but Reia has, and she says the experience depends just as much on the other flyers as it does on which company you fly with. … If you don't have planes, how can we fly? Is it part of your 'chakra' thing?"

Deidara's smirk widened. "We'll ride on my art, un," he informed me, reaching into his pouch and beginning to form another one of his creations.

"I'd rather not explode."

Deidara rolled his eyes as his clay bird hopped forth from his now-opened hands. "I won't blow it up with us _on it_. That kind of defeats the purpose of having an effective ninja technique, un. Suicide bombing is reserved as a last resort, not just for fun." _Yep, he's a terrorist – normal people don't think so nonchalantly about blowing themselves up. … Are there _any_ normal ninjas around here, even?_

Putting two fingers of his right hand in front of his face, he made the clay creation enlarge until it could safely carry two people. He hopped on before turning back around and offering me his hand. "Come on. It won't kill you, yeah."

"Fine. But if I die, I'm coming back to sue your ass."

"How would you sue me, hm?"

"I have skills, okay? What- whoah!" I yelped as we abruptly took off, clinging to Deidara for dear life. "I'm too young and beautiful to die!"

"Where did that come from?" Deidara asked, his stupid smirk mocking me with its sexiness.

_Wait, what? Man, my mind thinks weird things when I'm afraid for my life._

"If I fall, I'm totally gonna die! No joke, no lie, no kidding about it. I don't want to die."

"Calm down. You're not going to fall, un."

"You're just saying that."

"I'm not going to let you fall, okay? Just relax and enjoy the ride, yeah," Deidara placated, slowly settling down to sit on his bird, dragging me down with him. "See? It's not that bad, is it?"

Finally, I managed to calm down enough to really get a good look at my surroundings. "Yeah, it's kind of pretty." _Or it _would_ be if the sky weren't covered by clouds and the wind weren't blowing huge rain droplets in my face._ "So why don't you do this more often? It seems kind of relaxing, or at least more relaxing than hanging out in the ba- headquarters all day."

"Because rain sucks, yeah."

"Good point. Can't you just ask him to stop the rain for a little bit?"

"I would, but he needs that to protect his village and keep an eye on intruders. Usually it's not such a big deal, because I'm not always here. Recently, though, I haven't been able to practice outside because of the rain, un." Deidara sighed. "Now that Leader-sama's started sending us out, I won't have to confine myself to the limits of the underground training area, yeah."

"Sounds fun," I muttered, barely keeping the sarcasm out of my voice. _Yes, because making huge explosions is, like, the best thing ever. It _is_ pretty, though. I guess it's not too bad. The rain's just getting to me right now. Where's the sun? I need it!_ "I miss the sunshine."

Deidara smirked back at me. "Me, too. We should get back, now, though. My clay can only stay together for so long in this chakra-drenched rain without turning to mud and gunpowder, un." He directed his bird to fly us back down to the entrance. After we'd gotten off, back onto the sweet ground, the bird took off to fly a few circles in the air. It suddenly exploded, the sound and light muffled by the rainwater that had saturated it.

I turned to Deidara, a small grin making its way on to my face. "You're right; your art doesn't work well with all this rain. Makes me want to see it somewhere that'll let it really explode."

Turning to the door, Deidara grinned over his shoulder at me. "If Leader-sama lets me, maybe I'll take you with me on mine and Sasori's next mission so you can see me in action. As long as you remember to stay out of the way, you won't be in danger. It'll be fun, I promise, yeah."

"Maybe," I replied, following him into the hallway. "It sounds too dangerous for me to risk my life just to see some fireworks – even if they _are_ really awesome. Hey, I have to go put this in my room. See ya later?"

He shrugged, making his way to the stairs that led to the underground training area. "Sure. I have some training to do, anyway, un."

As I made my way to my room, I fidgeted with my phone a little more. If somehow getting a signal unlocked the key to us going home, it was worth a try, wasn't it? I mean, it's not like it wouldn't kill me-

I stopped dead in my tracks as my phone lit up and rang a little jingle, notifying me that I'd gotten a text. Glancing around to make sure that no one was nearby, I scurried to my room and closed the door behind me before shakily opening my phone. I was filled with so much nervous anticipation that I ended up fumbling with the keys for several second before I could open the message. It was a number I didn't recognize, but I didn't care.

**Hey. We still on for tonight? ;)**

…_What? Who is this _Sam?_ I don't know a Sam!_ Vaguely, I remembered a Sam in my Algebra I class, but it couldn't be that Sam, could it? While I was in the middle of debating whether or not to ask whether or not it was the Sam I really knew – er, _didn't_ know -, my phone replied on its own.

**Sorry. Apparently, I'm the only one with an immune system, so I have to stay and make sure no one dies.**

**That sucks. **

**Yeah. Usually Tracey's healthier than I am, but she's down, too.**

**Do you need us to come over and help out? I could ask my mom to make her epic chicken noodle soup. **

**Maybe. ;)**

_Uh… Am I flirting with a guy I barely know, or has my phone gained sentience?_ I quickly typed up a short **Hello?** to get the ball rolling and figure out who was using my phone to flirt with my classmates, but it wouldn't send. After mashing the 'send' button a few more times, I huffed and threw the phone onto my bed in frustration. _What good is a phone if you can only see someone else's conversations?!_

**Text me the word, and I'll be there.**

**My hero. -_-**

**You know it. :P**

_Great… My phone is flirting with a guy I barely know, and somehow he knows me well enough to be okay with asking his mom to make us soup. What the hell has been going on back home?_

* * *

Tiamat's P.O.V.

Stretching my arms above my head, I heaved an unnecessarily large sigh and leaned back in my less-than-adequately comfortable chair. _After far too long, I've _finally_ gotten this financial report organized. Ah, how long have I been here? Oh, dear, I seem to have missed dinner. A small snack should suffice, I suppose, considering that I'm only a bit puckish. Maybe some fruit from that papaya stand I always see on the way here? Yes, that sounds nice…_

As I donned my cloak, I checked the other offices to see if anyone else had lost track of time and stayed late. No one had, but they had left me a key to lock up with. There was a little note attached to it, and it read: _Kulkarni-san, we left you your own copy of the keys to the store. After all your hard work, we thought you had earned it. –Matsushita, Ken_

_How sweet of them,_ I thought distantly, my stomach growing steadily hungrier. After locking up, I hurried to the papaya stand owner. He quickly took my money before giving me my papaya, probably because of the recent increase in thievery that I'm fairly certain had something to do with Tisha. As I have no evidence, however, that remains more of a suspicion than an actual accusation.

Nonetheless, the papaya was sweet and pleasantly juicy, without an excess of fluids. I devoured it quickly and without a second thought. Apparently I was hungrier than I'd originally assumed. How that could escape my notice, I had no idea.

When I entered the headquarters, it was relatively silent. Recently, our group had become accustomed to a routine of exploring the building during the evening. It helped stave off the boredom before we had to go to sleep, at least, even if it ended up not being productive in any sense of the word. Occasionally, we would find rooms filled with old and often useless items of times past, although the curiosities were of little interest to most of us.

I made my way to the library, my most recent spot for relaxing after a tedious day of attempting to fix the mess that was Mastushita's finances. Once I'd arrived, I made my way to the back, where Kakuzu still sat, calculating the Akatsuki's budget. I chanced a peek at it, and was surprised to find that they were projections for the next few years.

"This looks well-done. I don't see a single ryo out of place," I complimented.

Kakuzu grunted. "Of course you don't. I've been doing this for longer than you've been alive."

I raised an eyebrow. "And how old do you think I am?"

"Young. Your age is difficult to pinpoint, but most likely between the ages of fifteen and twenty-five."

_He's good._ "I see. Has anything happened while I've been away?"

"I'm not in charge of keeping track of these idiots, just what they spend. They won't get a damn ryo if I have any say in it."

"Not even to buy food on the road?"

Kakuzu glanced up at me with a deadpan expression in his eyes before returning to his money. "We're criminals. If they need supplies, they can either steal them or obtain money through their own means. I'm not their parent, and even if I was I wouldn't give out money like that."

_A man after Father's own heart._ "I agree." _If only because he's not the type of person you'd want to argue with._

"You're more intelligent than you seem, then."

"Thanks, I think."

* * *

_The phone thing has some significance, I assure you. I feel like I made Cat kind of bipolar this chapter._

_OH GOSH MY FOOT FELL ASLEEP AND IS WAKING UP! THE PAIN!_

_In other news, I was half-asleep when I wrote this. I need sleep. I'm going to bed early to make sure I get more sleep._

_I'm also running out of ideas and pulling things out of the darkest pits of my butt. ...Don't ask. I _do_, however, have an idea for a random filler thing that in no way pertains to the actual plot (that I only kinda sorta have planned), just in case. If you guys want, I can write that in, or I can bust through my impending writer's block and hopefully make a half-decent chapter. The choice is yours, should you choose to respond._

_Thank you for reading, and have a nice week! :3_


	18. Unnecessary Attachment

_I'm so sorry! T.T My explanation is below._

_Please enjoy, despite the lateness._

* * *

Tracey's P.O.V.

Trying to remain inconspicuous, I faced my plate while glancing subtly at Ice out of the corners of my eyes. This day, she wouldn't escape my clutches, and I would discover her secret lair. She remained oblivious, focusing instead on her conversation with Itachi, who was acting as the perfect distraction.

That was something that kind of annoyed me, actually. It'd taken me at least a _month_ to get Itachi to open up to me this much, and literally the _quietest_ person in our group was conversing with him like they were lifelong friends. Maybe it was because they were both so silent all the time… Whatever the answer was, it was unusually irritating for me to think about.

I was brought out of my reverie when Ice muttered to Itachi, "Why does Tracey keep looking over at me like that?"

"I believe she wishes to follow you back to wherever you go to avoid everyone. They're still trying to figure out that mystery," Itachi replied, informing her _exactly_ what I was _trying_ to do.

"Itachi~!" I whined, sticking out my lower lip and fixing him with my wide, pouting eyes. "How could you do this to me?" Giving up after a few seconds, I returned my gaze to Ice accusingly. "Where do you always run off to? We can't even find you by waiting for you to leave in the morning because you somehow _always_ wake up before we do!"

"Actually, I just never return to that room. It's far too uncomfortable," Ice informed me. She smirked and leaned back against the kitchen counter, clearly enjoying my frustration. "I have to say, you rarely get genuinely frustrated with people. It's an amusing emotion to witness on you."

I stuck my tongue out at her. "Maybe if you weren't so frustrating I wouldn't get so frustrated. Seriously, though, where do you always go?"

"Where do you sleep if you don't sleep in your room?" Itachi added in, looking at Ice expressionlessly.

Ice shrugged and glanced out towards the hall at the sound of yelling voices. "My bed isn't all that comfortable, so I simply had to discover a more accommodating room."

"Hn," Itachi grunted. For a brief second, his lips twitched up in a smirk before disappearing way too quickly for it to have been real. Ice raised an eyebrow but didn't comment, instead silently taking our plates (formerly containing dango) and placing them in the sink to be washed.

"Come _on_, Ice, give a girl a break! It's not like we'll be constantly going there to bother you!"

If it was possible, Ice's smirk widened. "I'm almost tempted to tell you just to see you try it. You wouldn't get very far, trust me."

I let out a pitiful whine and rested my chin on my arms in defeat. From beside me, Itachi sighed. "When you think about it, the answer is only logical." Ice froze – hehe… - as he continued. "After all, the only rooms with comfortable beds are those occupied by the Akatsuki. Eliminate all of those whom we know Shylah either doesn't get along with or isn't close to, and only Kisame, Sasori, Konan, and myself remain. As you obviously have not been staying with either Kisame or myself, and none of your group know where Konan's room is, the only remaining person left is Sasori."

Raising an eyebrow, I shifted my gaze to Itachi. "I don't know whether I should focus more on where Ice's been staying, or on the fact that that's definitely the most I've ever heard you speak." After a few seconds of contemplation, I jumped up from my seat and pointed at Ice dramatically. "Aha! We've caught you now, Ice! You can never escape!"

Having originally startled when I jumped up, Ice quickly calmed down. "I don't think it really requires _that_ much enthusiasm, Tracey. Maybe you need a hobby to keep you occupied. As I recall, Mischa has been wanting to invite people to hers and Konan's origami lessons. You seemed to enjoy making paper weasels."

"Oh, yeah, those were fun! Why didn't anyone tell me they were offering lessons?" I asked, successfully distracted. "Have you ever been to those lessons? Are they fun?"

Ice shrugged, absentmindedly beginning to wash the dishes. "From what I remember, they were rather entertaining. Konan is a surprisingly verbose conversationalist."

"I don't know what that means, but it sounds awesome!" I exclaimed, turning to race out of the kitchen. Pausing, I looked back at Ice. "Am I forgetting something?" While Ice shook her head, I suddenly remembered what we were just talking about. "You tried to distract me with origami!"

"I can't help it if you're easily distracted," Ice defended halfheartedly, looking not sorry at all. "What's the big deal about my sleeping in Sasori's bed?"

"…"

"…That sounded wrong, I didn't mean it like that," Ice put in, but it was too late.

"Gah! You're totally sleeping with that blob guy that squidges around on the floor!" I yelled, unsure whether I should point dramatically or hide behind Itachi. "Really, Ice, of the eight of us I thought you'd be the last one to- to… And with… with _Sasori_! Oh my goodness, I knew an Akatsuki member would take one of my friends' innocence, but I didn't think it would be you!"

"As an Akatsuki member, I feel the need to point out that the only one of us even remotely interested in sexually violating any of you would be Hidan, and he gets his satisfaction via his sacrifices," Itachi put in.

"My poor, dear Ice, violated by an S-ranked criminal! Was it consensual? Do I need to get some overprotective male relatives up in here?" I pounded my right fist into the palm of my left hand. "We need to confront him!" I exclaimed before turning and running off. As I heard Ice protest, I ran back. "Where's his room, Itachi?"

"It would be detrimental to your health to tell you. You'll just have to give up on your quest to annoy ever member of the Akatsuki," Itachi pointed out, ignoring my crestfallen look. "Perhaps taking up origami lessons would be wisest in this case."

"No! We can't just ignore this!" I exclaimed, fixing him with my most pleading gaze.

"Tracey, I think you should listen to Itachi and just drop it. All you'll do is irritate him and maybe even get yourself hurt. Not to mention, I'm not looking forward to the prospect of being kicked out of his room because you had to blow this into ridiculous proportions. All that happened was that I was having difficulty sleeping, and I drifted off to sleep while I was on his bed. After that, I just decided that I wanted to stay in his room because it's apparently the only place in this entire building I can actually sleep in."

Sighing, I felt myself deflate before their very eyes. "Fine. I guess it's kind of a stupid idea to antagonize the super-powerful S-ranked missing-ninja. Then again, I've never been known for my ability to use my brain, have I?" I giggled. "I'll just stick to making origami with Mischa and leave the mischief to T and Cat."

"Yeah, probably a good idea," Ice muttered before sighing with relief. "Now that I think about it, we should make it a rule that everyone should have to consult either Itachi or myself before they want to do something mischievous."

"Yeah, because everyone is _totally_ going to remember to do that," I muttered sarcastically.

"Sarcasm does not suit you, Tracey," Itachi informed me. "You are far too honest for sarcasm to sound normal coming out of your mouth."

"Ugh, fine!" I grouched, turning away from them. "Gee, why don't I find some of my other friends so _they_ can insult me, too?"

"You know we don't mean it like that," Itachi placated. He glanced warningly to Ice, and she nodded reluctantly. "We are simply pointing out that sarcasm doesn't match your personality."

I grinned, turning back to look at them. "I know, I was just joking. I could never be mad at two of my most favorite quiet people in the world!" Without thinking, I hopped forward and gave Itachi a hug. He didn't respond for a full ten second, but just as I was about to awkwardly pull away he patted me gently on the back. When I actually did release him, I stared at the floor sheepishly. "Sorry, I forgot that it's a bad idea to randomly make physical contact with a criminal ninja."

"… It's alright. Kisame was joking when he told you that; we know you enjoy physical contact, and are fully aware whenever you are around. We would be poor ninja if we couldn't sense civilians."

Crossing my arms, I pouted. "Hey, I can be stealthy if I want to be! I just… never do."

"Perhaps you will have to show me."

"Okay! Oh, do you think you could give me some pointers, too?"

"We'll see."

* * *

Tish's P.O.V.

I sighed and looked out of the window at the rainy scenery. Reia had somehow managed to convince Emi and even _Tiamat_ to teach Mischa, Cat, Tracey, and me Japanese. They'd asked Shylah to help teach us as well, but she refused. There you have it, people – even _Tiamat_ is easier to convince than Shylah. _Damn stubborn woman._

At the moment, Emi was writing on a board they'd managed to find while Tiamat lectured us on grammar or whatever. _I can't even find anything interesting to distract myself with while they do this crap. Seriously, if I wanted to learn I would've applied for college when I graduated from high school. Oh, wait, I was supposed to start this year. Damn it, another reason to be pissed at this stupid world for taking me away from my life._

I glanced over to Tiamat when she spoke my name to find her raising an eyebrow at me. "Yo, teach, did you say something?"

"Tisha, I'm not interested in your rebellious attitude. The fact that you can't read Japanese is extremely detrimental to our continued existence here."

"What if I don't _want_ to exist here?" I asked irritably.

Cat rolled her eyes. "_No one_ wants to keep living here, but we have to stay alive if we're going to have any chance of going back home. All we have to do is learn a language as fast as we can and we'll be golden."

Mischa turned to her. "Have you ever _tried_ to learn another language before?"

Cat nodded, returning her eyes to the board. "Yeah. I can speak French pretty well, so I know that it's not the easiest thing in the world. But it's not like we can give up just because it's hard."

Tracey leaned over from her seat on the opposite side of the room to grin at us. "I still can't get over the fact that they're all so teacher-like."

I smirked. "Yeah, who would've thought? I mean, it's not like Reia lectures us on a daily basis and Tiamat has a sadistic streak a mile long. Emi looks like some kind of official student teacher or whatever. Yeah, no way I would've seen this coming." _Did I mention that I _hate_ teachers?_

"Teachers aren't all _that_ bad." How hard would it be to guess that Reia was the one defending the teachers.

"How would you know? You were homeschooled until just last year," I pointed out.

"Exactly. I've been going to formal school for a year, and I have yet to meet one teacher I don't really like," Reia informed me like it actually mattered.

"Okay, let's just get on with it," I conceded, tired of arguing with them. "I wanna get this over with as soon as possible."

* * *

Standing up from my seat, I stretched exaggeratedly. "This totally reminded me of why the final circle of Hell is probably a school. Ah, I can't wait to get my architectural engineering degree and be fucking done with school forever!"

As I spoke, Shylah was passing me by in the hallway. "I heard architecture was a career requiring a lifelong investment in learning. Y'know, new discoveries, inventions, and findings. All that good stuff that keeps people up at night trying to be the best in their career or whatever."

I glared at her. "You're one to talk, Miss Neurosurgeon."

"_Future_ neurosurgeon, I'll have you know," she replied, smirking. "Received any texts recently, by any chance?"

Scowling, I ripped my stupid phone out of my pocket. "Yeah, and it's really pissing me off. Sometimes it makes me wish I had _your_ shitty social life before I left to this world. I really want to punch fake-me in the face, because she's gotta be causing all _kinds_ of drama over there _without me_."

"If she _is_ you, does that really count?" Shylah asked, her smirk widening teasingly. "Besides that, I actually do get texts. Just not from an excessive number of people, like you seem to."

I should probably tell you how we came to the conclusion that the people texting actually _were_ us. All of the texts were written in our style, with our vocabulary, and mimicking our exact personalities. It was hard to deny that, given the situation, we most likely would've said the same things if we were actually there instead of here. Of course, this also meant that we had to endure all the irritating drama we and our friends got into without actually _being_ there. It was kind of difficult to feel the same amount of sympathy we would've otherwise shown when looking at it from an outsider's perspective.

"Whatever." I groaned when my phone blared out the ringtone that signaled I'd received yet _another_ text. "Ugh, not this shit again!" I yelled, reading through the text. "Just castrate him and be done with it! Woman, get your shit together! Maybe if you stopped going to that bar, he'd stop stalking you while you were there! Gah!"

"I only counted two swear words, and I'm not sure whether or not I should count the second one since it was the same as the first. Are you sure it's really irritating you?"

"Fuck off! This bitch keeps texting me about some guy who always flirts with her when she goes to a bar, but she never fucking _does_ anything about it! YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND, BITCH!" I yelled, preparing to send the text just as the 'other me' sent one off that said almost the exact same thing. "_Thank you_!"

Shylah sighed. "This is why I don't have friends." At my withering glare, she amended herself. "Er, this is why I don't encourage people to complain to me. It's more irritating than it's worth. On the bright side, I have music!" She exclaimed randomly. After flicking through the apps on her phone, a fast-paced rock band blared through her overpowered speakers.

"Seriously, where did you get that phone? I'm pretty sure Tiamat's phone is newer and it doesn't play music as well as your phone does."

"I'm gifted with excellent taste in electronics."

Remembering some of her past choices, I grimaced sourly. "Yeah, that's it."

"Hush, child," she muttered as she switched the song to a different rock band. "The music is in the process of soothing my soul, you have no say in the matter."

"I thought we were talking about your 'gift' for electronics," I muttered as she walked off. "Crazy bitch."

Sighing, I placed my hands on my hips and tried to figure out what to do. _I can probably track down Hidan and get some fighting lessons. He's not _total_ shit – I mean, he _is_ a ninja. But do I want to deal with his attitude or his flirting? Kind of, actually… But is it good for me to let him keep flirting with me when I'll be gone as soon as we figure out how the hell to get out of here? Does it matter, since I'm not actually leading him on and he's probably just doing it for shits and giggles? No, it doesn't. Hmm… I guess I can deal with the albino for a little bit longer._

I set off in the direction of one of his favorite prayer rooms. While I would never get used to the sight – or the smell – of drying blood and decaying flesh, it was probably more tolerable for me than others because of what I'd been exposed to in the past. Besides, I at least knew to listen at the door – knocking was as bad as barging in – to make sure no rituals were in progress. Usually Hidan only used his main sacrificing room, since it was largest, but some of his more… gruesome… rituals had to be carried out in locations further from the parts of the base that everyone else used. Trust me, those ones were better left off never knowing about.

Why did _I_ know? Hidan had described to me, in oh-so-_vivid_ detail, exactly _what_ it was he did behind closed doors when the rest of us were going about our not-so-merry days. On multiple occasions, no less. Yeah, he was an irritating mother fucker.

When I was met with only silence on the other side of the door, I opened it as quietly as I could manage. He was resting – if you could call it that – in the center of the floor, his victim only a few feet away in a mimicry of his position. The giant spear-like rod protruding from his chest was unnerving, but I focused on his face instead.

If possible, it was almost worse to look at the expression on his face. His mouth was twisted into a sick version of a smile, and I tried not to think about exactly _why_ he was… enjoying himself… so much. Yeah, _definitely_ puke-worthy.

After a few seconds, Hidan let out a satisfied sigh and pulled the rod uncaringly from his chest. "That was a good sacrifice. Jashin-sama is pleased," he muttered happily to himself. It took a few more seconds for him to notice me. "Oh, hey, bitch. Finally came to your senses about Jashin-sama, huh?"

"Yeah, right. I'm not gonna follow a god whose follower is a fucking psychopath. No thank _you_. Now, I can understand if you think it would be a good idea to have _this_ sexy piece of ass representing your god, but my hotness is reserved for the equally-sexy. Which you don't qualify as, in case you'd forgotten," I quipped, smirking and placing a hand on my hip tauntingly. What? It was fun to tease him, if a bit like taking candy from a baby.

"I'm the sexiest mother fucker you've ever seen in your life!" He exclaimed, torn between smirking at me and scowling at my comments. It made his face a pretty hilarious combination of the two.

"And hell froze over yesterday." Before he could continue the argument, I continued. "Wanna fight?"

"You want me to kick your ass _again_? It gets boring after a while, bitch," Hidan complained, rising to his feet anyway.

"Yeah, just like I get tired of being so sexy all the time," I replied, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "You forget that I have a secret weapon I never use on you."

"Because it doesn't fucking exist."

"Keep telling yourself that. Maybe I'll get bored enough to use it, and it won't be so nonexistent then."

"And hell will freeze over."

"I already used that. You're not very clever, are you?"

"Well you're not very strong, are you?"

"Today will be different!"

"Hell is still as hot as ever, bitch. Looks like I'll be winning again."

"Fuck you," I muttered, smirking. It wasn't particularly stimulating, but it _was_ pretty fun to have these little arguments with him. Too bad they'd have to end eventually.

* * *

Reia's P.O.V.

Shuffling my papers and lesson plans until they were back to their original, (anally) perfect order, I sighed. Progress in teaching the others (especially Tish and Tracey) was especially slow today. Granted, one couldn't expect a person to learn another language in the few weeks we'd been teaching them, much less be able to understand it when it was written, but it would make our jobs a lot easier. Actually, what would _really_ make our jobs easier was if Shylah deigned to help us out. I was only a month or two older than her, but sometimes it felt like there were _years_ in the gap between our ages.

From beside me, Tiamat made a small sound of irritation. "Where did they get this board? I swear, it's the dirtiest thing I've ever had the displeasure of cleaning."

Emi laughed. "It can't be _that_ bad. Here, let me help you." After a few seconds, Emi spoke up sheepishly. "Wow, you're right – this chalk isn't coming off. I wonder how long it's been since this thing was used, much less cleaned."

"How much you wanna bet it's been here since this place was built, and had never been used?" Shylah questioned casually from the doorway. She leaned against the doorframe, watching us organize the makeshift classroom through bored, heavily-lidded eyes. "How'd lessons go?"

Tiamat frowned disapprovingly. "Honestly, Shylah, you're supposed to be a genius. Where is your eloquence?"

I interrupted Shylah to answer her other question, intent on stopping the fight before it even began. "The lesson went well. We didn't make as much progress as our lessons usually do, but it was just one of those days. It would've gone better if _someone_ would've gotten off their lazy butt and helped us out, but some people just can't be bothered to help others."

Shylah nodded. "Indeed. …And how has Mischa been progressing?"

"What is this, a parent-teacher conference?" Tiamat asked exasperatedly. "If you are so concerned about your sister's progress, why don't you simply ask her yourself? Or can you not be bothered to do _that_, either?"

Shylah shrugged, her usual smirk threatening to take over her emotionless expression. "I guess I can't be bothered to ask her myself. You're here, and so am I, so I figured I'd might as well try my luck. Oh, and I'm not concerned with her progress at all. In fact, I think the fact that you're teaching her is hilarious," she added, sounding more bored than anything else.

"Um, Shylah, I w-was wondering if you'd thought of anything that could help us, m-maybe, get home sooner," Emi put in, the suddenly-tense atmosphere causing her to act more nervously than she'd been before.

"Just wait. I think that's all we _can_ do. I mean, it's not like I'm some miracle worker with a portal that allows you to travel trans-dimensionally. All we have to do is survive, anyway, and we've been able to do that just fine by going on the way we are here. There's not too much to worry about, as long as we don't leave with any of the Akatsuki on their missions for some reason."

"Why w-would ever we do that?" Emi asked worriedly.

"It was just a hypothetical situation my mind conjured as being one of few scenarios in which we'd actually have a risk of dying. Don't worry – they have no reason to take any of us anywhere, so long as we keep a spirit of comradery between the eighteen of us. Man, that's a lot of people…"

I rolled my eyes at Shylah's obvious 'small town mentality'. I couldn't remember a single time when she or her sister had ever been comfortable around large crowds. "Well, not to cut this conversation short, but I should get going."

"Another date with Zetsu?" Shylah queried, her smirk finally managing to appear on her face.

"How many times am I going to have to tell you before you get it into your head that we don't have that kind of relationship?" I replied, fighting the urge to yell at her.

"At least a dozen more," Shylah replied lazily, the smirk settling from teasing into a small, condescending smile that was _way_ too comfortable on her face.

Tiamat sighed. "Just go before Shylah riles you up enough to get an actual reaction out of you. You know as well as I that it will be a very long time before Shylah drops anything."

Nodding, I skirted around Shylah and out of the door. Ever since we'd arrived here, Shylah had become both more easygoing and more irritating. I sometimes thought it was a good thing, but other times (like right now) I had to admit that it was mostly just a bad and extremely obnoxious thing.

As far as her teasing me about Zetsu went, though, I had to admit I probably spent more time with him (when he wasn't out on spying missions) than with anyone else in the entire building. Even Mischa, who seemed to be around Tobi 24/7, would hang out with Konan to converse and make origami animals and flowers. The only one I could think of who even came close to spending this much time with an Akatsuki member was Caitlin, but even she still did things with Tish and Tracey whenever the mood struck her and didn't feel nearly the kind of attachment I felt.

I stopped in front of the door to the makeshift greenhouse and biome simulation. _Attached? I'm not attached to Zetsu or the garden, am I?_ I questioned myself, a sense of unease washing over me. _That can't be good. We're leaving here eventually – I just know it. If I feel attached to _anything_ about this world, it will just be that much harder when the time finally comes. I'm not interested in doing that to myself. _I sighed. _What's the best way to get rid of a growing sense of attachment before it becomes too strong? Of course – extended periods of time away. _The subtle feeling of loneliness the thought of avoiding the greenhouse – and Zetsu – was just further proof that I _really_ needed this break.

Just as I was going to turn away, the door opened, revealing Zetsu. "Hey, Reia. **Don't stand around outside the door, it's suspicious.** Come on, we want to show you how our newest generation of plants is doing. **It's feeding time, and you're our special guest.** Don't say it like that, or she'll think we're going to feed _her_. **We aren't?** _No!_ **Calm down, I was just joking.** And you say _I_ have a terrible sense of humor… **Hurry up, Reia, we don't want our plants to go hungry.** We're feeding them live deer to see how their hunter's instincts are developed," Zetsu's white half finished. They'd said the whole paragraph with hardly a pause in between, not giving me a chance to make an excuse and beg off. As if they knew on some subconscious level that I was planning on avoiding them, Zetsu's black half grabbed my wrist and pulled me inside the greenhouse.

_Well, that didn't work out the way I'd planned it_.

* * *

Shylah's P.o.V.

I entered the living room, ignoring Hidan and Tisha's impromptu wrestling match. Instead, I approached Itachi and stood before him, eyeing him curiously. "I have a quick question that I think you can help me with."

Itachi glanced up at me from his book before slowly putting it away, realizing that I was serious. The fact that, for the first time since I'd arrived, I was looking him in the eyes most likely gave it away. A questioning look quickly flitted across his features before they settled back into one lacking in emotion.

Taking that as my cue to proceed, I … uh… I proceeded. Because he gave me the cue, and, uh… Yeah, I'll just get on with it. "Itachi, I was wondering if we were susceptible to genjutsu since we don't have chakra. Any chance you or anyone else could possibly find out somehow?" Asking Itachi to put me in a genjutsu was both logical and incredibly stupid, given that he wielded the sharingan.

As Itachi studied me contemplatively, Kisame stopped his conversation with Emi and Tracey to look over at us. "You just need a simple genjutsu to help you figure it out, right?"

I nodded. "Since I've never had anything to do with any kind of ninja training, it would most likely be incredibly easy to put me under a genjutsu. If you can't, Itachi, could you at least tell me who I would be better off asking so that I don't have to go to every Akatsuki member just to be turned away?"

"Considering that you are still speaking to me right now, it's highly unlikely that you can be put in any kind of genjutsu," Itachi finally informed me. "I decided to cast a genjutsu while you were speaking with Kisame, but it seems not to have worked. It seems that you are immune to anything designed to attack the chakra systems."

Raising an eyebrow, I looked at both him and Kisame questioningly. "What do you mean?"

Kisame smirked predatorily. "He means that, aside from being immune to genjutsu, you're also impossible to sense because you don't have chakra networks. We heard from Sasori that you and Caitlin aren't affected by poisons that target the chakra in a ninja, and he thinks you might be immune to any poisons made here because the plants here all have at least a small amount of chakra. That doesn't mean you're immune to every technique that uses chakra, but it _does_ mean that you can't be poisoned or become sick because you don't have the chakra networks that every human being possesses."

I nodded in understanding. _It's just the way I suspected._ "That makes sense, and thanks for letting me know. I'd been wondering why none of us had gotten sick since coming here."

"Is the food here different from what you're used to?" Itachi asked, fixing me with a searching gaze.

"Hm… It doesn't magically make me feel better or anything, but I've noticed that it doesn't seem to go bad as fast as the food back home does. Other than that, it doesn't really affect me."

"Hn." Itachi nodded before returning to his book. Taking that as a dismissal, I said 'bye' to Kisame, Emi, and Tracey before leaving the living room.

_What to do? I could probably go bother Sasori, or maybe ask Caitlin if she remembers anything Nakano-san said that seemed important to our ability to leave this world. I don't really feel any need to do any of that, though… I should've asked Itachi to perform a henge just so that I'd know for sure whether or not it fell into the 'genjutsu' category. I guess I'll just have to treat it like a technique I could fall for. Y'know what? I feel like taking a walk_, I finally concluded, hurrying to my room to grab my rain cloak. Having put it on, I swept out of my bedroom with a flourish, suppressing a giggle at the feeling of my cape – cloak, I mean – billowing out behind me as I set off at a brisk pace for the entrance.

When I reached the entrance, I hurriedly put on my shoes before rushing outside and into the cool, refreshing rain. The day was chillier than it had been when I'd first randomly appeared in Sasori's room, and I drew my cloak about me before releasing it as I realized that it was still comfortably cool. _Winter is coming. Too bad Ame probably doesn't get cold enough for snow. Maybe we could go on a little journey to the Land of Iron at around Christmas time – not that anyone in the Naruto-verse celebrates Christmas. Or Halloween, for that matter. What a sad life they lead without Halloween._

I walked forward, looking around for something interesting to occupy myself with. The streets were relatively bare, save a few stragglers rushing to get home before night fell and the more unsavory elements of the city came out to play. While crime didn't run rampant in Ame (it was doubtful that Pein would allow his village to enter such a state of decline), there were a few places where people were allowed to blow off steam in the form of gambling and various forms of debauchery. None of that held any particular sway with me, but I knew enough about the mathematics involved in poker to have a bit of skill in it.

The rain was pouring down especially heavily this evening, to the point where I wondered if Pein was looking for anything in particular. Sighing, I allowed my mind to wander to random imaginings, made up stories in which I had been born in this world and managed to live long enough to be a ninja. It was weird, to be daydreaming about a world that I was currently living in. It wasn't necessarily unpleasant, but it gave me a slightly unnerving feeling to think about living a separate life that wasn't totally impossible.

After a while, I brought myself out of my own musings to stop in front of a small bookstore. The store was closed, but I could still make out the dim outlines of merchandise through the window. A few paces down the street, I stopped again, this time in front of a small café that was still open. A few seconds of internal debate later, I entered.

I hadn't been too big on cafes back in my old world. They held little interest to me, unless I wanted something to eat, but at the moment I was more concerned with the sense of familiarity this particular café gave to me. A surge of nostalgia washed over me, and I sighed as homesickness made my stomach twinge nauseously.

I didn't stay long enough to buy anything after that. While it was good that I still missed our world (it meant I wasn't growing attached to this one), I didn't like to feel emotions that made me uncomfortable. It was best to move on – or, in my case, return to the Akatsuki base.

Once inside, I took off my shoes and waltzed into Sasori's room. He was still sitting at his desk, but this time he was making a poison. With all the vials of various colors and consistencies and his plans laid out before him haphazardly, he reminded me of a mad scientist trying to discover the serum of immortality.

He glanced up at me when I came in and frowned at my soaked appearance. "I hope you don't plan on using my bed like that."

Sighing, I shifted my cloak so that it wouldn't drip onto the blankets when I sat down. "Look, Sasori, it's what you've always wanted – a wet girl willingly in your bed."

"The way your mind works is something the world has been questioning since your birth. Exactly what happened to you to make your mind the way it is?"

"The Internet, dear puppet master," I replied nonchalantly, a teasing smirk making its way onto my face. "Would you like me to show you?"

"Considering what this 'Internet' has done to you, I'd rather not be exposed to it," he replied, returning to his poisons.

"You're no fun."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that my purpose for being here was to entertain you," Sasori quipped, meeting my gaze with his own. If he wasn't an emotionless puppet, I would've thought that he'd almost grinned at me.

"That's why I'm here, actually. Entertain me!"

"I'm busy. Go play with your toys in the other room."

I smirked and purposely misconstrued the meaning of his order. "Okay," I agreed, getting up and crossing the room to the door that led to his workshop. I twisted the handle, but the door didn't open. When I turned back to Sasori, he had one hand casually extended in my direction, blue threads connecting the door to the tips of his fingers. "I can't play with the dolls if you don't let me into the room."

"They're not dolls, they're puppets designed to be used in battle. You'll hurt yourself with those." The threads of chakra switched from the door to me, and I found myself being directed back to the bed.

"Aw, you _do_ care," I cooed teasingly. Once again, I had to suppress laughter when he had me move my cloak dramatically over one shoulder so that it wouldn't wet his sheets.

"I care about my puppets, which you will ruin if you touch them when you're still covered in rain water." After a few seconds of watching me to make sure I wouldn't get back up, he returned to his poison. "If you need something to do, the book you were reading the last time you were here is still on the nightstand."

"I finished it already," I complained, falling back onto the bed. Out of nowhere, a scroll hit me in the stomach, causing me to jerk back up with surprise. "Ack!"

"Read that, then."

"So sweet," I gushed, opening the scroll.

"I just don't want to have to listen to you whining."

* * *

_Originally, I was planning on doing a double update as an apology for being late, but yesterday I had to go to the ER because of an asthma attack and I'm still feeling out of it._

**_Also, I hate to do this after having just switched around upload days and skipped a whole week, but I can't guarantee a scheduled update every week - not that I've been doing so well on that front._**_ At this rate, I'm getting kind of burned out when it comes to this story, especially since I'm not quite halfway to the end I have planned. To prevent this, I want to try writing a bit more moderately. I'm sorry to disappoint anyone._

_On the bright side, I'm not going on my Senior class trip (and the administration can screw off, 'cause it's because of my asthma), so I'll have a whole week to devote to FanFiction! Yay! I mean, the trip's not until April, but I'm also not going to be spending hours a day on fundraisers, either._

_One of my classmates was drawing a sword in Pre-Calc (class hadn't really started, yet, and our teacher is pretty laid-back), and she was having trouble with the hand guard - the trouble being that she'd forgotten one. When our Pre-Calc teacher (we'll call him Mr. Smith) pointed it out, she drew a small and unbelievably inaccurate one. Mr. Smith came over to check it out, and the first thing he said was: "It looks like a nipple." He's well over retirement age, in case you were wondering._

_If you notice any spelling or grammar errors, please let me know - I hadn't gotten around to checking it before my asthma started acting up._


	19. Conflicts

_My extended absence seems to have been just what the doctor ordered! I'm back, so please enjoy this un-proofread chapter._

* * *

Caitlin's P.o.V.

"Worst day of my life!" I groaned, rolling over in bed and trying to go back to sleep. "Just let me sleep through this whole week, and I'll be golden. As golden as the sun, or even a whole bar of gold." A wave of pain washed through my body, starting in my abdomen and reaching out to my head, feet, and hands. "Let this nightmare be over!"

There was a knocking sound from the door, and Deidara's voice drifted through. "Neko-chan, you missed breakfast, un. Are you feeling alright?"

I opened my mouth to either reassure him that I was fine or yell at him to screw off, but another bout of pain racked my body. "Oh, gosh, this fucking hurts!" I yelled instead, immediately regretting that I'd said anything.

The door crashed open to reveal Deidara, who glared into my room with a steely gaze. It would've almost been romantic, in a way, was I not lying on top of my blankets in only my underwear. When he caught sight of me, his eyes widened even as I scrambled to cover myself. "Sorry! You yelled, and I thought maybe someone was attacking you again, yeah."

Pulling my blanket further over myself, I gave Deidara my best glare. "Yeah, I'm in pain, and you're not making my situation any better. What the hell were you thinking, kicking my door in like that?"

Deidara glanced back at my door sheepishly, and I realized there were scorch marks on it. "Uh, I didn't actually kick it, un."

I let out an exasperated groan and fell back onto my bed, quickly readjusting my blanket when it threatened to slip off again. "Tiamat is going to _kill_ me if Kakuzu makes us go out and buy a new door. Do you guys have a court around here so I can sue you for the cost of my door?"

"What makes you think I'd even pay you if you sued me, hm? I'm not exactly an obedient citizen."

"You'd better pay for that, Deidara," I shot back, glaring at him over my blanket. "If you value our friendship, you'll take the fall like a gentleman."

"What about S-ranked nuke-nin screams 'gentleman' to you, hm?" Deidara replied, smirking at my agitation.

"I was less focused on the 'gentleman' part and more focused on the 'friendship' part of what I said." Pulling the corners of my mouth into a pout, I looked down mournfully at the ground. "I guess our friendship just doesn't matter that much to you."

Deidara groaned and sat beside me on my bed. "If I didn't care about our friendship, I wouldn't have blown open the door to come save you from your imaginary foes, un. Fine, I'll make sure you don't get in trouble with Kakuzu for this."

I immediately beamed at him. "My hero."

"You owe me big time, Neko, un."

"Of course," I replied before impulsively pulling him into a hug and kissing his cheek.

Deidara turned away, his cheeks a light pink color. "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with a half-naked girl kissing me on her bed, yeah."

I grinned slyly. "You know you love it."

* * *

Deidara waited outside of my door for me to dress after that. We made our way down to the training grounds, which for some reason was often left alone throughout the day except for the few hours it was reserved for training. Not that I'm complaining – something tells me that it'd be far less peaceful than it was.

…Notwithstanding the fact that Deidara always caused explosions. I can live with explosions – it's the excessive arguing and fighting that takes some getting used to.

I was so focused on my internal monologue that I didn't notice Deidara had stopped blowing up his own creations until he was standing right in front of me. "Are you feeling okay, hm?"

"Whoah!" I yelped, jumping into the air. "Don't _do_ that!"

"What, act concerned for my friend's well-being?" Deidara feigned confusion, holding back a smirk.

"You know what I mean!" I waited a few seconds for my heartbeat to calm down – which it didn't – before answering. "I feel fabulous, all things considered. Why? Do I look sick or something?"

"Or something. You haven't felt weak since you breathed in the poison, have you, hm?" Tilting his head, he began his thorough ninja-inspection that felt too uncomfortable to be used for harmless matters like checking someone's health.

"Nope. I'm still kind of mad at Sasori for totally disregarding my health, though."

Deidara shrugged. "At least he'd give you the antidote instead of watching how the poison kills you. From what I hear, that's what Orochimaru would've done, yeah."

"Oro-wha-huh?" I asked intelligently. Sometimes it was glaringly obvious that I wasn't from this world, or even this universe if Shylah was to be believed.

"Oh, right. Orochimaru is another S-ranked nuke-nin, like the rest of the Akatsuki, un. He was even a part of it at one time, but he ran away after getting into a fight with the Uchiha. It says something about you if you're too evil for the Akatsuki, yeah."

"Why'd he get into a fight with Itachi?" _Itachi seems like one of the most level-headed of the Akatsuki._

From behind me, Shylah spoke up. "Orochimaru has an unhealthy obsession with the Sharingan and the bodies of young boys and men."

"Gah!" I yelled, jumping yet again. "What is it with everyone sneaking up on me today?"

"I didn't sneak up on you, un. I approached you slowly within your line of sight."

"And I'm not _nearly_ stealthy enough to be sneaking up on anyone. You're just being oblivious and blaming your failings on all of us." Shylah walked around so that she was in front of me. "I appreciate that no one denied Orochimaru's implied pedophilia tendencies."

"He's a pedophile?!" Deidara and I exclaimed simultaneously before Deidara asked a second question. "And how would you know, hm?"

Shylah rolled her eyes. "He's not a pedophile per se, he just has a habit of saying the wrong things to the wrong people – young boys, to be specific. Not that it wouldn't surprise me if he _was_ found to be diddling all the young boys he surrounds himself with. It's all a matter of opinion, really. I mean, he's over fifty, with little interest in females aside from a few who are incredibly young."

I made a disgusted face. "Do all criminal ninjas over fifty lean towards pedophilia?"

"There aren't that many in the first place, but maybe you should ask Kakuzu, un. He's over fifty," Deidara informed me, smirking.

"Yeah, uh, no. … Hey, Shylah, why're you here?"

"Is this place suddenly off-limits, or am I interrupting something?"

"N-neither! Stop avoiding the question!" I spluttered.

"Fine, fine. I'm bored. Why couldn't you have figured that out for yourself?"

"Gee, I dunno, maybe I figured you had an actual _reason_."

"I can see I'm not appreciated here," Shylah sniffed, heading for the door. "I'll just go off to find people who don't mind my presence."

"Good luck with that, 'cause you'll need it!" I called after her. "Shylah needs a hobby."

"Do you believe that she read all the books in the library already, hm?" Deidara asked, raising an eyebrow disbelievingly.

"When she's bored, she can do strange and occasionally amazing things. She's also an incredibly fast reader, so it wouldn't surprise me. I don't know how she managed to work up the patience to sit down and read all of them, though."

"Does this mean we'll have to get her more books to keep her from annoying all of us, un?"

"She's not _that_ bad."

"She's going around irritating S-ranked nuke-nin. Even if she's not that bad, she's suicidal, yeah."

"Maybe a hobby, then. I don't think Tiamat would be willing to spend large amounts of money just to keep Shylah occupied."

We stood in relative, slightly awkward, silence, until Deidara broke it. "Wanna go flying again, hm?"

I raised an eyebrow. "What's with you and being willing to get drenched just so you can fly in the air for a few minutes?"

"The training grounds have a high enough ceiling for us to fly in here without smashing into things. We can just fly around in here." Without waiting for me, Deidara stuck his hands into his clay pouches and began forming a bird.

I sighed and crossed my arms. "Do I even have a choice in this?"

"You can have an awesome time flying in the air with me, or wait for me on the ground and be bored out of your mind, un. You decide." He released an owl-like bird, which flew around for a second before landing and growing large enough for both of us to ride it. Deidara jumped on and offered me his hand.

"Well if you're gonna be like that, I guess I can fly with you," I relented, grabbing his hand and letting him hoist me up.

"I knew you'd see it my way, yeah."

* * *

Mischa's P.o.V.

I crouched down on all fours, readying myself for my attack. My target was reading unsuspectingly in her chair, completely oblivious to my intentions. I raised my haunches like a cat, and from beside me my partner in crime copied my movements. She turned the page of her book, and it was then that I struck.

"Hiyaaa!" I let out a battle cry and pounced on Shylah, tackling her off of her chair and onto the floor. Tobi followed soon after, adding his weight to the impromptu dogpile. We giggled at our deviousness and amazing ability to catch my sister off-guard.

Shylah sighed and frowned up at me from her prone position on the floor. "What is this, the fourth time this week?"

"_No~_," I denied, trying and failing to prop myself up. Sis stared at me disbelievingly. "Okay, maybe. Probably. Yes."

"Are you two tired of my lack of reaction, yet?"

My smile drooped and I glanced back at Tobi, discouraged. "Tobi heard Shylah-chan squeak in surprise, though, so we still caught you off-guard!" Tobi announced, making me perk up at the thought that I'd actually gotten her to make a startled noise.

"Really, Tobi-san, was it necessary to encourage her?" Shylah groaned in exasperation. "Get off me, you two – it's hard to breathe." When we obliged, she added, "And I'm always top, so being bottom just goes against my code."

I wrinkled my nose. "_Ew._"

"You make jokes like that all the time."

"Yeah, but you aren't allowed to make more perverted jokes than me."

"What did Shylah-chan mean, Mischa-chan?" Tobi asked from beside me curiously. His innocence was adorable, but sometimes it was a real hassle, especially when Obito probably knew what we were talking about. Although fake-scarring him was kind of funny…

"I'll tell you when you're older, Tobi-dear," I assured him, patting his shoulder and using a pet name like I was his grandma or something. "In the meantime, I challenge you two to a poking war!" I yelled, hopping up and pointing at both of them dramatically with my left pointer finger. No, I'm not sure how I managed to point at two people with one finger.

Shylah sighed while Tobi leapt to his feet enthusiastically. "Is this really necessary, Sis? I was reading a book."

"Yes it is!"

Tobi and I waited impatiently for Shylah to get to her feet, and when she finally did she poked my stomach. "Preemptive strike!"

"No fair! That's cheating!" I whined, holding my poor, abused stomach.

"I thought you wanted a poke war."

"War has rules, y'know! Sportsmanship and stuff that you're just disregarding when you attack me out of nowhere!"

Shylah shrugged. "All's fair in the name of love and war. That's especially true in regards to war, since you're more worried about staying alive than proper etiquette. Shall we get back to our own poke war?"

"Fine," I sighed, relenting.

Immediately, the three of us began aiming pokes at the others' stomachs, arms, and shoulders. We began using furniture and passersby as shields and obstacles as the battle grew more intense. Sis and I were pretty evenly matched, even though she was more ruthless than me, and Tobi was a good enough sport to not totally own us within the first five seconds. After a while Shylah and I teamed up against Tobi (because even though he acted like a klutz, he was still a ninja), and it got even more intense because Sis and I wanted to be able to say that we beat one of the most powerful ninja in history. I mean, we wouldn't say _how_ we beat him or at what, but the general idea that we beat him was satisfactory enough.

We lost. For a few seconds it looked like we'd win, but then Tobi decided to prove that even the ditsiest S-ranked nuke-nin is _still_ an S-ranked criminal and can easily beat two civilian girls. It was fun anyway, though, and it felt good to have the first poke war since we'd arrived.

"Tobi wins!" Tobi cheered, throwing his hands into the air in triumph.

Shylah rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, carefully avoiding looking at him. "A powerful ninja beat two civilian-level girls at a war of _poking_. Yes, Tobi, this is no doubt the highlight of your ninja career." If I wasn't mistaken, she was pouting.

Tobi gazed at her for a few long seconds before resuming his hyperactive persona. "Is Shylah-chan a sore loser?" He asked, leaning towards me and stage-whispering conspiratorially.

Sis scoffed, staring at him indignantly. "Yes, I'm butt-hurt over losing a game of poke war. You caught me."

I giggled and stage-whispered back to Tobi. "She's not used to losing things. The price of being good at everything, I'm afraid."

Shylah's stare (it was a glare, really) switched to me, and she looked affronted. "I'm not good at everything, and I don't even _think_ I'm good at everything."

From the doorway, Tish's cackle sounded through the room. "Yeah, you're _shit_ at cooking."

Puffing out my cheeks, I frowned at Tish. "Language, Tish. Do you really need to swear at every other sentence?"

Tish rolled her eyes while Hidan smirked at her smugly before pointing a finger at him lazily. "You're actually thinking of this idiot tailing me like a lost puppy. I actually have a _vocabulary_ that I can use in place of my swears."

Hidan immediately rose to the bait, no one having taken enough mercy on him to tell him that she teased him on purpose. "Hey, what fucking vocabulary? You don't have shit on me and you know it, bitch."

I winced at the excessively vulgar language (not that this was him at his worst), but Tish just smirked. "I may not be a genius, but you can't hang around Tiamat and Shylah without picking _something_ up. And I don't have to swear if I don't want to, but I also think swearing is fucking fun. You, however, need to use curse words as filler to give your slow brain time to complete your sentences."

"I can stop swearing whenever the fuck I want," Hidan argued as Tish turned to leave and go about her business. He stayed there, glaring after her, for a few seconds before realizing that she actually _was_ leaving and hurrying after her to continue the argument.

I sighed. "Do they _ever_ stop?"

From beside me, Sis shrugged. "It helps relieve the sexual tension, I guess. Or build it up, I'm not sure which they're trying to accomplish."

From my other side, Tobi flailed his arms in alarm. "Shylah-chan! Why does your mind always go to such dirty places?"

"Cleaning takes too much effort, so my mind's generally dirty no matter which part of it you're in. Don't worry; the members of the Akatsuki aren't _nearly_ interested in sex enough to take advantage of the opportunity before them, and most of us generally feel too much like prisoners to willingly participate."

"Eh? 'Most'?"

Shylah glanced at me before smirking teasingly at Tobi, and I felt a sense of foreboding. "_Some_ of us have actually grown accustomed to living here and forged friendships with some of you." _Well, that wasn't so bad._ "Like my sister, for example. It probably wouldn't take much for you to coerce her, if you so chose."

"_SIS~!"_ I wailed, flailing my arms in a mimicry of Tobi's earlier actions. "You know I don't think like that!" Shylah gave me a look, and I rephrased myself. "I don't want to do _that_! It's – I – Gah! It's just not kosher."

Shylah raised an eyebrow. "First off, you _are_ allowed to say the word 'sex'. Second, did you just compare that to a type of food?"

My face flushed, and my mouth opened and closed repeatedly. Tobi nervously spoke up. "Uh, that wasn't exactly what Tobi meant. I-I was just wondering who felt like prisoners so that Tobi and Mischa-chan could help make them feel welcome."

Shylah blinked. "Oh. No one feels _that_ trapped – I just used it as a simplistic comparison in order to better narrate that the fact that we don't belong here is still at the forefront of our minds." With that, she turned dismissively towards the exit and began walking. "I didn't mean to go off on an unnecessary tangent and possibly strain your relationship with my sister. My apologies," she muttered before exiting.

We stood in uncomfortable silence after she left. Hesitantly, I took a deep breath and glanced up at him. For a brief moment, I paused nervously. The moment passed, and I voiced my question before I got too scared and backed down. "Um, will our friendship be… 'strained', as she said, because of this?" I queried, glancing briefly into the hole in his mask. There was no flash of red, but I tried not to get my hopes up that he'd respond positively.

Tobi tilted his head to the side like a bird inspecting an especially intriguing and colorful caterpillar, not sure if it would be worth it to risk poisoning and eat it. "Why would that strain our friendship, Mischa-chan?"

"I don't know."

"Neither does Tobi. Wanna go prank Deidara-sempai again?"

"You know it!"

* * *

Emi's P.o.V.

The beginnings of a smile began to pull at the corners of my mouth at the peaceful atmosphere. At the moment, the four of us (consisting of Itachi, Kisame, Tracey, and myself) were relaxing outside, the makings of an alcove serving to protect us from the constant rain. Currently, Itachi was reading, Tracey was staring at the continuous stream of texts her phone was receiving, and Kisame was just outside of the alcove, practicing against two of Itachi's clones. It was entirely possible that one of the fighting Itachis was the real one while a clone was reading, but I couldn't be sure.

As for what I was doing? To put it simply, I was watching all of them. It was less that I was fascinated by their activities (although if you ever have the chance to see a powerful ninja train, I suggest you take it), and more to distract myself from the texts my own phone was receiving. They were… less than pleasant, and I was trying to follow Shylah's advice to not give them the time of day. My cheeks tinged slightly pink when I remembered her telling me that I didn't deserve to have people harassing me.

The alcove we were currently in was seemingly unknown to the other members of the Akatsuki (Pein-sama and Konan-san excepted). According to Kisame, they'd found it when trying to avoid coming into contact with the other members a few weeks ago. Even the most mild-tempered of the Akatsuki had their limits, it seemed. After revealing its location to us, we began to come here regularly in order to avoid the commotion and chaos of the hideout.

Just as I was beginning to think that I'd heard the last of the nasty messages that regularly invaded my phone, it vibrated in my pocket. Swallowing nervously, I shakily pulled my phone out and mentally prepared myself for what I would see.

Suddenly, a hand snatched my phone away, and Kisame inspected it appraisingly. "What's this, Emi?"

My face reddened. _Don't read it!_ "I-It's a phone, Kisame-san. It c-can be used t-to send messages over l-long d-distances. May I p-please have it b-back, Kisame-san?"

He smirked down at me and did the one thing I'd been praying he _wouldn't_ do. He opened the phone. "Eh? What's this?"

I lowered my head in shame at what he was most likely reading. "A m-message…"

"What does it say?"

My head immediately jerked up and my eyes widened in surprise. "I d-don't know. May I-I see it?"

Tracey hopped up from where she was lounging on the ground. "Lemme see! I can translate it for you."

Rather than handing it to me as I asked, Kisame gave my phone to Tracey. She read through it once, her smile slipping, before reading through it several more times. Each time her eyes scrolled from the top of the screen to the bottom, she became more and more agitated, until she was scowling at the screen in a way I'd never thought possible for her.

"Tracey?" Itachi questioned from where he sat closest to the exit before rising and standing next to her. He put a hand on her shoulder, but rather than rejoice in the physical contact she shook him off and stalked to the mouth of the alcove.

"Those… those jerks!" Tracey yelled before chucking my phone as far as it could go. It had barely begun to fall to the ground before it crashed into a tree and landed in the mud in pieces. Tracey whirled around and stalked back to me, standing before me with her hands on her hips, a dangerous glint in her eyes. "How long has this been going on?"

I flinched at her glare, which immediately made her change her expression to a more encouraging one. From behind her, Kisame watched us with concern, but neither he nor Itachi seemed willing to interrupt us. "Um… Do you m-mean when w-we got here, o-or b-before that?"

"How. Long?"

"…F-five years…"

"And you never told anyone?"

"I-I asked Shylah, and she s-said to just ignore it, b-because I d-didn't deserve to h-have them saying those things t-to me. But she also said that if it c-continued, I should tell her again." Warmth rushed to my cheeks once again as the fuzzy feeling of someone caring about me entered my stomach.

"She should've told us."

"I asked her not to…"

"I'm gonna have a little chat with her." Tracey whirled around again, coming face-to-face with some seriously concerned criminals (concerned in a nonchalant way, of course). Her hand raised to scratch the back of her head sheepishly. "Sorry, guys. I'll be right back."

"I will go with you," Itachi stated, leaving no room for argument as he led the way back to the hideout. Tracey whined for a few seconds before giving in and following him away.

An awkward silence entered the alcove to replace the two who had left. I glanced around nervously while Kisame seemed content to scrutinize me for any hints as to what had just happened. "So… what did it say?"

"I-I still don't know."

"What do you think it said?"

I cringed, doing my best to avoid looking at him. _How weak I must look, compared with what he's had to deal with his entire life._ "Something… not nice."

"Oh?"

I could only nod, afraid of the judgment that would no doubt be plastered across his face if I ever looked away from my hands.

"I see. Too bad we can't go back with you when you leave, or I'd have fun shredding them to pieces." My eyes looked up to him involuntarily, and I registered that his grin held more malice than I'd ever seen before. It was gone in a flash, replaced with a calculating look that he directed at me. "Emi… Your friends aren't telling the truth about where you're from, are they?"

I froze in shock, unable to look away. _How did he find out? This is bad! I can't lie to anyone, much less him!_ "What d-do you mean?"

He sat down in front of me, smirking like a predator who had finally cornered his prey. "I don't like being lied to."

Squirming, I tried to think of something clever to make up for my nervousness and set his suspicions at ease. I came up with nothing. Sighing in defeat, I decided it was best to just give in and get it over with. "I don't like lying."

Kisame laughed in a raspy, unused chuckle, startling me yet again. "You caved in quickly."

My face reddened. "I-I'm not a ninja, a-am I?" At his smirk, I continued, despite my instincts telling me that I'd only embarrass myself further. "I… hate… lying to people I care about. I try not to do it."

"Really, now?"

I'd thought it wasn't possible, but my face managed to heat up even further. "I-I didn't m-mean it like _that_! It's j-just – y-you just – I d-don't know!" I threw my hands into the air before quickly bringing them back down to cover my face. "I'm s-sorry. Forget I said a-anything."

"Very well. If you're not telling the truth about where you come from, then where _are_ you from?" Kisame obligingly switched the subject.

"Another world…" At his incredulous stare, I hurried to explain. "Shylah thinks w-we somehow m-managed to move between d-dimensions. She doesn't know h-how it happened, j-just that we might n-not… actually be a-able t-to get back home…" I trailed off towards the end. Shylah had only told me that last bit of information, saying that I should do my best to teach the others about this world just in case we wouldn't actually be going home.

"We're stuck with the eight of you, then?"

"N-No!" I rushed to assure him, my words coming out more forcefully than I'd intended. "S-Sorry… At the m-moment, Shylah, Reia, Caitlin and I a-are also looking f-for jobs, while Tish, Tracey, and Mischa fulfill the duties assigned to us in return for our stay here. The hope is that w-we will e-earn enough money in o-order to become self-sufficient and eventually move into our own home. We r-realize that this will most l-likely take an extended amount of time, and so we didn't want to tell anyone in c-case the information made someone impatiens for u-us to leave."

"Do you still hope to go home?"

"Of c-course we do. I-It's just… With e-every week that p-passes, it b-becomes easier to r-resign myself to never going home…" _I still miss my dad, though._

Kisame remained silent, mulling over my words. "I like secrets even less than lies." By saying that, he meant that he had to tell the rest of the Akatsuki.

I lowered my head, resigned. "If you feel the need."

A few seconds of silence passed before Kisame spoke again. "You're sure you don't like me?"

* * *

Tiamat's P.o.V.

I raised an eyebrow as the door slammed open. Rushing footsteps were our only warning before Tracey burst into the room, looking more irate than I'd ever seen her before. Following her was Itachi, although he seemed far calmer than his companion.

Tracey's eyes locked on to Shylah, who was lounging on a couch and reading a book, before stalking over to her and facing her with a strained smile. "Hey, Ice! We were just hanging out with Emi when something came up, and I had a quick question."

Without looking up from her book, Shylah replied in a bland tone. "Yes?"

"Why didn't you tell any of us, or have Emi tell us? She would've listened to you."

"I'm not in the habit of breaking confidences, and any fuss you guys made would only distress her more. As it is, I told her to bring her phone to me if the harassment persists. In case you were wondering, I was planning on destroying the phone when she handed it over. I'm assuming you took matters into your own hands?"

"Yeah, I did! How long have you known about it?"

"She told me when we first started receiving texts. I would guess that she's been keeping it to herself until now, since she felt she couldn't trust her dad to handle the situation properly and has known most of us for barely over a year. Would you like to continue this conversation elsewhere, since you're determined to be so confrontational about this?"

"I think we will!" Tracey exclaimed, clearly having difficulty keeping up her indignant and angry act. Shylah rose slowly (far too slowly for Tracey, who was hopping from foot to foot while she waited), before following her out. Itachi sighed, took out a book, and sat down on the now-unoccupied couch Shylah had previously been on.

"Should I be concerned?" I queried. No matter Itachi's answer, I most likely would have remained disinterested.

"Hn," was Itachi's reply, possibly even less interested in their drama than I was.

Sighing, I rose from my seat and began walking in the direction I had seen Tracey and Shylah heading towards. While I wasn't concerned that there would be a fight (Shylah was far too lazy for that, and Tracey didn't like physical fights), I also knew that Shylah could be rather trying when the mood struck her and interrupting her while she was reading was the best way to do so. So, while a fight most likely would not happen between the two, it still had the possibility of causing unnecessary complications.

Just as I turned a corner, Shylah and Tracey came into view, walking back towards me. Tracey seemed to have calmed down, and her typical smile was slowly creeping back onto her face. Shylah, meanwhile, looked a cross between bored and irked, glancing at Tracey's smile with ire.

I raised an eyebrow. "I take it your discussion went well?"

Tracey stopped, giving me a glowing smile, while Shylah simply continued walking past me. "Yeah!" Her smile dimmed slightly, and she rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. "I guess I kind of overreacted. Thanks for not getting super-mad at me, Ice."

As Shylah turned the corner, we could hear her mutter, "Book…"

Tracey grinned once again, not at all put out by Shylah's apparent one-track mind. "I _did_ kind of take her away from her reading… oops… Well, see ya later, Tia! I'm off to bug Itachi~."

I sighed and watched Tracey skip back in the direction of the living room. Sometimes I had a tendency to worry unnecessarily, and it seemed that this was one of those times. _I think I would like to find another book to read… Maybe Kakuzu will be in the library._

Shaking my head at the thought, I walked towards the Akatsuki base's personal library. _Does it really matter whether Kakuzu is there or not? I suppose it would be possible for him to recommend a book to me. Ah, oh dear. I seem to be becoming attached to this world, and the people within it. That will have to be remedied. How shall I go about doing so?_

I opened the door to the library, my mind preoccupied with thoughts of maintaining my emotional distance from everyone I'd come into contact with since appearing in this new universe. _Maybe I should keep my distance… Would that really work, when we all live in the same building? I may have to wait until we move out, in that case. But isn't there a saying about this? 'Distance makes the heart grow fonder', or some such thing… I'd rather not take the risk._ Grabbing my head, I momentarily dropped my composure and let out a groan. "Agh! What do I do?"

"Tiamat?" An all-too-familiar voice questioned. There was no genuine concern in his tone, but I didn't expect there to be. It would be far too easy for me to despise him if there was any chance I thought he was putting on a false air of kindness. "Did you come here to read a book or debate strategy with yourself?"

I jumped nervously. _Stupid! Isn't this where he normally goes when he's not out on missions?_ "I decided to look for some interesting reading material." Just in case I had annoyed him, I bowed in apology. "I am sorry for losing my composure and disturbing you."

Something flashed in his eyes, but it was gone too quickly for me to discern. For all I knew, it could have been his temper, or even mirth (although that was highly unlikely). "You seem to have a habit of losing your composure around me."

Forcing back the heat that threatened to show itself on my face, I crossed my arms and avoided eye contact. "So kind of you to bring that up when I do not even remember what I was doing. I am eternally grateful, I assure you."

"Perhaps you should exercise some self-restraint."

"I _have_ been!" I argued, then tensed. _How easily I seem to be forgetting my upbringing. _Jeddah_ would be disappointed. _Once again I bowed, although this time in a more hurried manner. "My apologies. If an excuse would mean anything, I have been missing my parents quite a bit recently. This seems to be affecting my temper."

"I didn't expect a civilian to be able to control their emotions when under stress. You haven't exceeded my expectations." This time, I managed restraint, and kept my emotions (especially my disappointment) hidden. To my surprise, he grabbed a book from one of the higher shelves that I would have needed assistance to reach, and held the book out to me. "You have already read through the lower books in this bookcase."

I gratefully accepted the book, I found myself once again fighting back the blood that rushed to my head. "Thank you for your assistance."

Whatever Kakuzu may have been about to say was interrupted when the door to the library flew open and Tobi rushed into the library. "Kakuzu-san~!" He yelled, while behind him Mischa entered the room and immediately collapsed onto the ground.

"What, Tobi?" Where he had been (partially) polite before, Kakuzu seemed to be holding in his irritation.

"Where did Deidara-sempai go? Mischa-chan and Tobi have been looking for him all day, and we still haven't found him anywhere in the base! We even asked Neko-chan, but she hasn't seen him since this morning! Has Deidara-sempai been ninja-napped?"

From the floor, Mischa sighed. "I think Sis was right when she said he and Sasori probably went on a mission."

"Eh? But why didn't he say good-bye to Tobi, then?" Tobi asked, his voice raising to a whine as he clasped his hands together in supplication.

"Mischa is right. They left for a mission just after lunch, and aren't expected to return for at least another month. We've been losing money lazing about here, so Leader-sama is having me assign some of the mission requests that have been piling up." Kakuzu turned to me. "Which reminds me. Have you seen either Itachi or Kisame? I have a mission for them."

I nodded. "I last saw Itachi in the living room, but he could have left in the time since I was there."

"No matter. I sense his chakra, now." With that, he left.

I sighed and opened my book, taking my place in a lounge chair near the back of the library. _That conversation was short-lived. Then again, it wasn't going the way I wanted it to, so that's just as well._

* * *

_I'd like to point out that even though Tiamat thinks she can hide her emotions well (and she can, in our world), that doesn't mean she's as effective against ninja who are trained to discern these things at a glance. As it is, Kakuzu is more or less just humoring her because she's polite. And no, she doesn't 'like' him romantically, yet - even though she's no stranger to men who are over twice the age of their wives, and she doesn't know exactly _how_ old Kakuzu is, she has also spent all of her (admittedly) young life guarding herself from such emotions. It may be a while longer for her to warm up to that idea, unless I decide to be realistic and make the relationship more platonic._

_To anyone who may still be wondering, yes, Emi was bullied for the majority of her school life (and worse than just texts), and yes, that's the reason she's so shy/introverted. I don't plan to make light of the fact that she's been bullied, as I know from experience that sometimes it's not quite so easy to just ignore it. Hopefully, I'll remember to bring this back into play later._

_As for my extended absence, I plan on (hopefully) returning to my previous schedule._

_To my dear, most recent anonymous/guest reviewer: I appreciate your defense of m story, so thank you! However, it didn't affect me in any negative way, so you don't have to worry about that in the case of any other negative reviews._

_Please have an awesome week! =3_


	20. The Return of that One Kid

_And here I was thinking I'd be able to write two chapters during Thanksgiving break... Such is life._

_Not too many Akatsuki members in here T.T S-ranked nuke-nin need to eat, too! Please enjoy, anyway._

* * *

Tish's P.o.V.

I felt a sting of pain in my side and grimaced, my previously teasing grin being replaced by a snarl. _I know I said he didn't need to hold back, but damn this hurts!_ Another stab of pain, this time preceding my legs being swept out from under me, and I was on the ground. I lay there, waiting for the familiar feeling of cold metal against my neck. The feeling never came, and I opened an eye to peer up at Hidan. "What?"

"You're too fucking easy to beat. It's not as fun as it used to be," Hidan complained, bemoaning the fact that I was a normal, chakra-less human being. "I don't even know why I fucking try anymore. Come on, let's go find some other shit to do." That said, he reached out and yanked me up by my hand.

My temper flared at his easy dismissal. "I was good enough to fight yesterday, and pretty much every day before now. What's fucking changed?"

"You're _boring_, bitch."

"And you're an annoying dumbass, but I still hang out with you!"

Hidan scowled. "I said you're boring to fight. I'm not gonna stop talking to you, bitch!"

"Coulda fooled me. What'd you have in mind, then?"

He led the way through the base, taking his sweet time to reach a specific room in the labyrinth of hallways. Finally, he reached what he was looking for, and pushed open the door. Through the doorway, I caught sight of the rainy scenery of the Land of Rain, just outside of Ame. "Have you ever killed anyone?"

A familiar chill entered my stomach, and I crossed my arms. "Does it matter?"

He turned to look at me, and a slow, bloodthirsty smirk overtook his features. "You fucking have, haven't you?" When I refused to meet his gaze, he let out a crazed laugh. "What was it like? Did you get to twist a knife into his gut, watch the life leave his eyes? Fuck, I wish I could've been there to see that!" I didn't answer, and he frowned. "What? You don't actually regret it, do you?"

"No!" I snapped, finally meeting his eyes with my own. "No, that bastard got what he deserved."

Lazily, Hidan leaned against the doorway. The rain splattered on his shoulder, darkening his cloak. "So what the fuck was it like?"

I rolled my eyes. "Does it even matter?"

"Of course your first kill matters, bitch! It's the beginning!" His eyes got that crazed gleam in them again, and he held up a hand, staring at it as if he was remembering all the times it was covered in blood. "The beginning of the most fucking _amazing_ thing ever!"

"You're _insane._"

"But you love it, bitch."

"Yeah, right." At this point, I didn't even bother trying to argue with him. It was like arguing with a fanatic – which he was – and arguing with fanatics is about as productive as hitting your head against a wall. I glanced out at the countryside, then back to Hidan, who was still staring at me expectantly. "It wasn't some glorious or epic kill. I don't even really remember all the details."

His smirk returned. "Fucking start talking, then."

"You say 'fuck' too much."

"Fuck you."

"Are you fixated on that word because you can't have me?"

"I could '_have_' you if I fucking wanted, bitch. Now get your ass in gear and start fucking talking."

"Still thinking about my sexy ass, I see." I smirked as he let out a stream of decidedly more colorful curses. "Okay, okay, don't get your panties in a twist. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Well, I was in a gang when I was younger. I was too small to be much use in a fight, so the gang used me as a lookout. I was a damn _sexy_ lookout."

"If you were a little brat, you didn't qualify as sexy."

"Shut up and let me talk! I've been sexy since birth – it's a gift. Anyway, one day I got caught-"

"I fucking knew you'd make a shit lookout."

"Fuck you! I'm the sexiest lookout you'll ever see." I aimed a punch at his gut, which he didn't even bother blocking. Hiding the pain, I continued with my story. "It was a member of another gang that'd been creeping on our territory. Long story short, it turned out I was better in a fight than they thought. Got a good scar for my trouble, though."

"Let me see."

"Screw you, I'm not showing you my scars!"

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

"I thought all your scars heal."

"You've seen all my scars, so you have to fucking show me yours."

"Yeah, no."

Hidan scowled. "Well, fuck you, then. Don't bring up scars if you're not gonna show them to anyone, bitch!" With that, he stomped off and into the rain. There was an early-morning fog, and it slowly engulfed his retreating form until there was nothing to see but a dense white mist.

I scoffed. _Going off to pout, I see. _Ignoring the _small_ twinge of regret I felt at not just giving in and showing him _some_ of my scars, I returned to the depths of the Akatsuki base. Restlessly prowling the halls for something to do, I finally gave up and exited the building through the main entrance.

Since I'd managed to waste a good half-hour wandering around in a bored stupor, the fog from earlier had cleared up enough for me to see clearly. So far, the streets were almost empty, and the few people out were a combination of early workers and last night's refuse. Passing by a familiar bookstore, I realized that it was the place where Shylah worked. With a new goal in mind, I then visited the clinic Emi helped out at, the clothing store that employed Cat, and the grocery store that had hired Reia.

"Huh. Getting a job might be a good idea to pass some time. I wonder if there are any clubs to bounce…" Making my way to the shadier part of town, I couldn't help but feel as if I was being watched. It was stupid, but I couldn't shake that paranoid feeling that had engulfed my mind. While my first instinct was to confront whoever it was – if anyone was even there – I also knew that it was a bad idea considering that the person who was following me could be a ninja looking to get some information on the Akatsuki. It was weird to think that I could be considered a way to get to the criminals.

_Then again, if it was a ninja skilled enough to be going after some of the most powerful criminals in this world, I wouldn't have any idea I'm being followed. Not to mention that if it was an actual threat Pein would've sent someone out to get me. I hope…_

Making up my mind, I chose the nearest alleyway at random and went in. The shadows of the alley immediately lowered the temperature to an uncomfortable degree, and I shifted to try and keep myself both warm and still ready to defend myself. "Okay, look, whoever's following me, get the _fuck_ out here and start explaining to me _now_."

Out of the shadows, a familiar kid stepped forward. I raised an eyebrow when he bowed respectfully. "I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd be able to tell that I was following you. You're really skilled."

"And you speak pretty well for a street brat. What's up?"

The kid's face reddened in embarrassment. Now that I was looking at him, he didn't seem as on the verge of death as I remembered him being. His clothes were newer, which might've had something to do with it. "My friends and me want to pay you back for the food."

"Eh? Oh, that. Don't worry about it – we didn't need it. If that's all, I'll just get going." I turned to leave, embarrassed at the thought of being thanked.

"Wait!" He called out. When I stopped, he continued. "Can I show you my friends?"

I shrugged, not really caring one way or the other. "Sure, as long as you don't plan on mugging me or something." The kid looked so horrified at the thought of trying to steal my stuff – not that I was actually carrying any valuables – that I had to laugh. "Relax, kid. I didn't mean it. What's your name, anyway?"

"I don't have one."

"Oh. Why don't you choose a name?"

He shrugged. "I don't know too many names, 'cept for the ones other people have. I don't want _their_ names."

I nodded. "That would suck, huh? Well, my name's Tish."

"Tish…-sama."

"Isn't 'sama' another word for 'master' or 'lord'?"

The kid's face went beet-red. "Y-yes…"

"You guys don't have to call me that." _But I could get used to it, for sure._

"Here's our home, Tish-sama!" The boy exclaimed, gesturing grandly to a run-down shack on the outskirts of Ame. As he spoke, a bunch of other kids ran out of the shack. It was clear by the way they listened to him when he told them to bow to me – _That's going to take more getting used to, though._ – that the boy was both the oldest and the one in charge, even though he couldn't have been older than ten, if that.

"Do any of you have names?"

"No. We're here 'cause the orphanage's full," the first kid to run out of the shack replied.

"Huh." An idea was starting to form in my head, and I turned to the boy. "I'll be back in half an hour, tops. You don't have to wait for me, but you can if you want."

"Of course we'll wait for you, Tish-sama."

I nodded and hurried away.

* * *

Shylah's P.o.V.

I rolled over on my – er, _Sasori's_ – bed and sighed in frustration. _So… bored… Stupid mission taking forever. Yeah, you don't like making people wait, but how long have I been waiting? A month! This is so boring~!_ Sighing again, I rolled myself off the side of the bed and stared blankly at the door to the room where Sasori kept all his supplies and made his puppets. Of course, I wouldn't actually go _in_ without his permission because angering an S-ranked criminal was one of the fastest ways to die, but the curiosity and temptation were still _there_.

After however long (I wasn't sure), I exited his room and began wandering the hallways. I'd read all the books long ago, and recently finished reading through them again. Thus, my boredom was slowly seeping back into me, and I was debating on whether or not it was really worth it to buy some books for myself.

Suddenly, Tisha ran around the corner and nearly crashed into me. I'm proud to say that I managed to dodge her just in time. "Hey, Tisha. What's up?"

Tisha rested her hands on her knees and took her sweet time regaining her breath before answering me. "Do you know where Tiamat is? I need to buy some things."

"Did we run out of food?"

"No, it's for something else. Seriously, Shylah, I need to find Tiamat."

"Let's see, today is one of her days off, so she's probably off stalking Kakuzu or something. I'd suggest looking in the library first, then try the living room if you haven't been there already." Tisha nodded and took off, and I rolled my eyes. _Someone's busy this morning. How can she be functioning so early?_ Glancing at my phone, I realized that it was close to noon. _Oh._

I started towards the kitchen to get some food before stopping in my steps and turning back to look down the hallway after Tisha. _Whatever has her so worked up should be pretty interesting. Distraction imminent!_

Opening the door quietly, I was treated to the sound of Tisha yelling. No, it wasn't _actually_ a treat. "C'mon, Tia, I need some money to buy stuff! It's for a good cause, I swear!"

"What cause could be good enough for you to use up the money we've barely been able to store away? Only recently have most of us gotten jobs, and we need to save up in order to buy ourselves our own residence so that we're not always underfoot here," Tiamat reasoned, sounding as if this argument had been going on for far longer than it actually had.

When I came into view, Tiamat looked past Tisha to me. "Do you agree?"

I shrugged and sat next to Kakuzu, who was doing his best to ignore their argument. It didn't seem to be working well, because his eyelid was twitching in irritation. "I guess it depends on what she wants to use it for. There are worse people to give money. Tracey, for example."

Tisha glared at my jab at her childhood friend, but dropped it in favor of her argument. "Look, I need to buy some shit. I won't let it cost too much. Shylah can some with me to supervise so that you know it isn't anything unnecessary or whatever."

"Why do I have to go?"

Tiamat answered me instead of Tisha. "You've been wandering around the hideout like a lost puppy after you read through the library for a second time, and it can be a bit obnoxious. This would be a good distraction for you, would it not? Besides, I trust your judgment."

Crossing my arms, I frowned at them. "I guess there are worse things to do. Okay, let's get this over with." I reached out and accepted the money purse Tiamat placed in my hand. Leading the way, I walked quickly out of the base and out towards Ame's shopping districts, Tisha right on my heels.

"Thanks for agreeing to come with," Tisha muttered, sounding like she was choking on her rare show of gratitude.

I shrugged and slowed down to a meandering stroll. "Don't mention it. Seriously. So what do you need to buy, and why do you need to buy it?"

Tisha frowned at me. "You can't just let me buy it without asking?"

"Nope. I don't work like that."

"Fine. There are some orphans living in a run-down shack on the outskirts of Ame, and I want some building materials to make life there a little easier for them." Silence fell between us as I tried to process the thought of Tisha going out of her way to help people she barely knew, and she snapped at me. "There, ya happy?"

"No, but I'm also not bored anymore. I won't be able to help you with the building, and probably not even the carrying."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"I appreciate the comparison, even if it was meant as an insult. You _do_ realize that most building materials tend to be rather expensive, especially if you want them to outlast Pein-sama's rain, right? Not to mention that, while some materials may be cheaper as a result, the only ones we can work with given our limited resources would be lumber or stone."

"Get me stone building materials, and I can do a lot."

"Are you sure you don't want to be a construction worker when you get out of college?"

"Shut up!"

"Stone will be more expensive than lumber. Actually, maybe not, but you should be prepared for it to be."

Tisha stopped in front of a store that specialized in selling building materials. "I already looked into it and compared all the prices. This place sells at the lowest price without degrading the materials themselves. All you need to do is fork over the cash."

I raised my eyebrows disapprovingly at her. "Child, when one lives on a budget, one must do better than that. One must bargain as well as research."

Tisha facepalmed, her cheeks turning an almost unnoticeable pink. "Please don't."

"Hush, child. What do we need?" I (and an employee of the establishment, who had wandered over to us sometime in the middle of our conversation) followed Tisha to the building materials she preferred to work with. After Tisha specified the amount needed and the employee told us the total costs, I began my work. It wouldn't do to have such a huge chunk taken out of our savings, although even if I managed to lower the total to half price it would still make a sizeable dent. After all, I was too lazy to answer to Tiamat, and she would most likely come to me to ask about it first.

In the background, Tisha shook her head and attempted to make herself seem as inconspicuous as possible. A few other employees and customers slowed down to listen to us, but it must not have been such an uncommon sight because they kept moving soon afterwards.

Eventually, we (finally) managed to come to an agreement. While I wasn't skilled enough to reduce the price, I _did_ get a hefty chunk of it discounted. I even managed to get a free delivery, so all we had to do was specify the location and wait for their arrival.

"That was a _nightmare_," Tisha complained, eyeing me irritably.

I tossed my purse into the air a few times in triumph. "I suppose it didn't go as well as it could have. Maybe if I'd pushed it a bit more I could've gotten a better deal."

"That's not what I meant."

"Yeah. I learned from the best, though."

"Tiamat?"

"Yep!" I replied, following her to the outskirts. We paused to buy some snack foods (I actually got half-price!) on our way, since Tisha wanted to treat the orphans to some food.

Finally, we reached the home (shack) of the little urchins. They all ran out of a dilapidated structure that I wasn't sure even qualified as a shack, tumbling over each other in their excitement to reach Tisha. As one, they bowed when they reached us before straightening and eyeing me suspiciously.

One boy, possibly their leader, stepped forward. He was rather young, but could've passed for ten because of his height. His hair was long, tangled, and covered in dirt, but I could still tell that it was an icy blue color. His eyes were a glowing yellow that looked oddly intimidating in the sunken eyes of a starving kid, and his skin was pale. "Who are you?"

"A friend of mine," Tisha put in. 'Friend' was a rather strong word, but it served to make the kid back off and bow in apology. "This is Shylah. She helped me get some things, and she's gonna help me name you."

_Wait, what?_ "If you want me to. Tisha isn't good with names." In the awkward silence, I withdrew the snacks we'd bought on the way and held them out to the kids. "We brought food, if anyone's interested."

Slowly, hesitantly, as though they thought I was going to take it back any second, they came forward and grabbed the little goodies before sitting on the ground and digging in like their lives depended on it. The boy with the yellow eyes looked up at me appraisingly. "Thanks, Shylah-sama. If you wanna name us, go ahead."

I cleared my throat to cover for the awkward feeling being addressed as '-sama' gave me before studying them all. "You can be Amemura Yuudai, then." He seemed pleased with his name, so I moved on to another pale boy with wavy pinkish-red hair and dark brown eyes.

Before I could say anything, he asked, "Can I have 'Amemura' as my last name, too?" A chorus of voices from all the other kids agreed, so I nodded my head.

"Okay, you can be Amemura Hiroshi." The third kid was a very short girl with light brown skin, wavy purple hair, and purple eyes. "Amemura Kasumi." A short boy with straight yellow hair, turquoise eyes, and fair skin. "Amemura Yori." A tall boy with wavy aquamarine hair, chartreuse eyes, and dark brown skin. "Amemura Shirou." A short girl with pale skin, curly purple hair, and yellow eyes. "Amemura Chouko." A tall boy with light brown skin, curly yellow hair, and bright purple eyes. "Amemura Nobu." A short boy with pale skin, dark green hair, and dark red eyes. "Amemura Kenshou." A tall girl with light brown skin, red hair, and blue eyes. "Amemura Kotone." A tall boy with light brown skin, curly blue hair, and reddish eyes. "Amemura Ryou." A short boy with dark brown skin, dark orange hair, and dark pinkish eyes. "Amemura Haru." A short girl with azure hair, blue eyes, and medium brown skin. "Amemura Jun."

They all smiled at me like I'd actually put some thought into their names. I was pretty sure that not even the youngest amongst them was that naïve, but they seemed grateful all the same. After a few seconds of relative silence, I turned to Tisha. "What now?"

"Now we wait."

"Patience isn't one of my virtues."

"You _have_ virtues?"

* * *

Tracey's P.o.V.

Itachi and Kisame had only been gone for a week, but already I was freaking _bored_ out of my _mind_. "I need a job or a hobby or something. This sucks!"

From the couch behind me, Emi looked up from her book and gave me a sympathetic smile. "It gets kind of lonely around here without them, doesn't it?"

"And _boring_!" I yelled, stretching out on the floor and giving the ground underneath me a good kick for emphasis. "I'm so bored! Fuuu-"

A book hit me in the stomach, making me convulse in the middle of my swearing. Mischa glared down at me from her position on the comfiest chair. "It's too early in the day to start swearing like a sailor. Now give me my book back before I start throwing pillow cushions."

"Well, shit, I'll come back later," T's voice announced from the doorway. Standing there were T – of course, since I just said she was there – and Ice. For some reason, Ice looked kind of annoyed, while T seemed to be in a good mood. It was like they switched bodies or something.

"Did you guys switch bodies?" I blurted out. They all turned to stare at me like I'd turned pink, sprouted wings, and announced that Tiamat and Reia had eloped – which, funny as that sounds, probably wouldn't happen. I mean, if we could travel to a whole new world where people have superpowers, that stuff still had a _small_ chance of happening. Anyway… "What?"

T looked around at all of us. "Anyone wanna help me build a house?"

All thoughts of my unanswered question flew out of the window. "Um, _yeah_! Where do I sign up?"

Ice rolled her eyes and made a show of looking through her bag. "Hm, let's see, I'm sure I left the register in here somewhere. Gee, where _could_ it have gone? Oh, I know! This isn't an after-school club, Tracey, you don't 'sign up'." Ice finished with an eye roll as she closed her bag.

Crossing my arms, I pouted. "So mean. What're we building, T?"

"A house. I said that already," T replied with a bland tone, raising an eyebrow at me. "C'mon, I'll get you started and then we'll come back for more people."

"It would be more efficient to get everyone who wants to work _now_ rather than making the trip every time you need a new person," Ice pointed out before T obligingly ignored her. With a huff, she muttered, "Whatever. It's not like I use my logic to _help_ you or anything."

"Huh? Did you say something, Shylah?" T asked semi-innocently. It was only semi-innocent because she had a huge smirk on her face.

"Oh, no. Please, proceed as you are now. I'm sure _nothing_ will go wrong down the road." Ice turned to leave, but paused before she was totally out of sight. "Oh, and since I'm the only one with a working brain around here, I'm gonna ask Pein-sama if it's okay for us to build there. And hire a building crew, since it'll take you guys too long to do this on your own."

"I love you, Shylah~!" T called after her, somehow managing to sound extremely sarcastic.

"Kiss-ass," I snickered.

"Hey, _fuck_ you!" T growled at me.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

T rolled her eyes. "That phrase doesn't work if you use it on the same person who taught it to you. Ya can't out-sass the Queen of Sass."

"But she already left the room," Fire pointed out innocently.

"And Trace called _me_ the kiss-ass." T shook her head in disappointment before turning to leave. "C'mon, Trace, We have a lot to do if we wanna get a good head start on that building crew Shylah plans on hiring. Maybe later we can get Reia and Cat to help us out."

"Ooh, and it can be a building party! We'll have so much fun!"

"…Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Yay!" I cheered, hopping up and clapping as I followed after her.

The walk to the area T wanted to build in was faster than I'd thought it would be because T and I decided that it'd be more fun to race there. When we arrived, there were a bunch of tragically adorable kids running around some stuff that looked like it could be made into a house. They stopped what they were doing when they caught sight of us and raced over before bowing to T and then me.

"Hey, kids. This is Tracey; she's gonna actually help me get this stuff done because Shylah doesn't do physical labor."

"Okay, Tish-sama. Thanks for the help, Tracey-sama. We wanna help with whatever jobs you give us," the tallest boy among them replied. He pronounced our names with an accent that kind of reminded me of Emi's dad, but I didn't really think anything of it because it seemed like _everyone_ was speaking like that these days.

My phone chimed in my pocket and I jumped in the air. "Holy shit-ake mushrooms. Yeah. That's what I meant." I frowned as I realized my screen was telling me that I was getting a call. "That's never happened before. Here. That's never happened here. Yeah, I'm just gonna answer it."

After holding my phone to my ear, I was forced to move it away again when a loud, slurred voice screeched in my ears. I immediately hung up and grinned at T and the kids sheepishly. "Wrong number."

All the orphans were staring at me in awe. I could hear a few of their whispers, and it was pretty funny to know what they thought of my phone. "It must be what she uses to contact Pein-sama." "What did she mean by 'wrong number'?" "Maybe she can contact Kami-sama himself!" "Then who was that weird voice?"

T raised an eyebrow. "Well, if it wasn't anything important, I'm just gonna go ahead and get started. Any objections?"

Everyone was silent, and T smirked. "Good. Now, let's build this fu- funhouse!"

* * *

Reia P.o.V.

A knock sounded at my door, and I sighed. _Please don't be anything important. I just want to relax in my room and avoid all sense of attachments I'm feeling towards this world and its strange inhabitants._ The knock sounded again, louder this time. "Who is it?"

"Yo momma."

"Really, Shylah? 'Yo momma' jokes are too grade school, even for you."

"It's been a weird day," Shylah replied through the door before opening said door and waltzing into my too-small-for-company room. "I helped Tisha go shopping. As if that wasn't weird enough, she was shopping to help out a bunch of orphans and made me stick around to wait for the stuff to be delivered." Shylah, being even less motherly than Tiamat, shivered. "I had to _name_ them."

"Really?" I questioned, more out of amusement than any actual curiosity.

"Yeah. You have no idea how much restraint it took to keep me from naming one of them fellatio just because they wouldn't know what it meant."

My eyes widened in shock. "You wouldn't really name a _child_ that, would you?" _Please tell me you're joking._

"Hey, it's not my kid, so it's not like it matters that much anyway. So, how's your day been? I noticed you've been avoiding Zetsu more and more recently." Shylah switched topics faster than my dad could switch from speaking English to Dhundhari.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you have issues if you've become attached to a cannibalistic criminal in the months we've been here." I opened my mouth to protest, but shut it again. She was right, after all, even if I didn't like it. "Wow. After I warned you and everything, too?"

"Sh-shut up! After Sasori left on a mission, you've been wandering around the base in a state of constant boredom. You have no right to talk to me."

"Yeah, because I've read every book in the library and he was an interesting conversationalist. Look, I didn't come here to get into an argument with you," Shylah relented, ignoring me when I muttered, "You could've fooled me." Turning to my drawers, she dug in them (despite my protests) and fished out my rain cloak. "I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to hire some builders or contractors or both. It's not gonna take too long, so you'll be back in time to make us supper."

"Heaven forbid you have to get off your lazy butt and make something for yourself for once."

"Actually, Mischa would just make me something because she loves me. Besides, I've been on my feet almost the whole day."

I raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes, really. Are you coming, or should I just leave without you instead of wasting my time."

On the one hand, I could run into any member of the Akatsuki outside of my room (aside from Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, and Deidara); on the other, staying in my room wasn't actually accomplishing anything, and at least this way I would have something to do to keep myself occupied. "Fine. Let's get going, then."

"Kay," Shylah replied, leading me out of the Akatsuki building after I'd gotten ready. We walked in silence, me following Shylah, Shylah seeming to wander aimlessly. For a while, I thought maybe she was doing that just to get on my nerves, but half an hour had passed and we seemed no closer to arriving where we needed to be.

"Shylah?"

"Yeah?"

"You _do_ know where we're going, don't you?"

"I was waiting for you to tell me where a contractor's office is, since I've never seen one before."

"…Why didn't you ask me in the first place?" I ground out, glaring daggers into the back of her head as she continued to walk in a random direction.

Shylah shrugged, putting her hands into her pockets and pausing to look through the window of a bookstore. "Must've slipped my mind…"

"Your IQ is over 200, and it just _slipped your mind_? Come _on,_ Shylah! Get it together!" I yelled in exasperation before taking the lead and making my way to a contractor's office I passed by on my way to work. "Honestly, it's like I'm constantly surrounded by children in adults' bodies."

"Technically, this is the body of a well-developed girl in her late teens."

"You're eighteen; therefore, you qualify as an adult."

"Either way," Shylah replied noncommittally, walking beside me at a slow, steady pace that still kept up with me because of our height differences. "So how long will it be until we get there?"

"Just be patient."

Shylah sighed in frustration. "Patience is such an impractical virtue."

"It's one you'll have to exercise throughout your life, so get used to it. Now, did you actually convince Tiamat to fork over the money required for… whatever it is you want to hire a bunch of builders for?"

"Yep."

"I find that hard to believe."

"As hard to believe as Tisha taking a bunch of street urchins under her wing and going through all kinds of hassle for the express purpose of making their lives easier?" I couldn't come up with an answer, and she nodded knowingly. "I figured as much. Ah, well, you'll just have to take my word for it."

_Well, Tiamat guards our money too well for Shylah to be able to steal it from her, so she either has the money or it won't matter because we won't be able to pay the contractors to help us with whatever Shylah wants to use them to accomplish._ That in mind, I continued to lead the way, ignoring the odd feeling that I was being watched.

* * *

_Ooh, who could it be? I feel like I'm not very good at delivering on that dramatic buildup, so try not to get your hopes up too much. It's going to be an... interesting... plot to work on._

_I hope your breaks all went well, assuming you had breaks. If not... I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm tired._

_I have to take the SAT this Saturday (that is, the sixth), so wish me luck! I hope to have a chapter posted then, but it all depends on how much homework my teachers give me along with my SAT studying. I'd like to mention that my school doesn't offer SATs, so that's why I'm taking it my Senior year. My ACT score was 31, so I'm hoping that means I won't totally fail my SAT. I should probably stop typing, since this in no way pertains to my story..._

_Have a nice week (or two, depending on how long it takes me to update)!_


	21. Travels

_After an extended absence, I have arrived, months behind my goal for when I'm finishing this story. Plot device has arrived!_

* * *

Emi's P.o.V.

The past month had been hectic and filled with nigh backbreaking work. While I wasn't as physically capable as Tish or Reia, my lower center or gravity helped me out with things that gave difficulty to Tracey. Most of us pitched in to help the builders that had been hired make a small home for the children that had somehow made their way into Tish's good graces. Not that any of us were complaining – she had less time to bother us while playing den mother to twelve orphans.

_That sounded mean,_ I chastised myself mentally. While it was true that Tish's personality was exceedingly abrasive to more irritable people, such as Mischa and Shylah, I preferred to give her the benefit of a doubt. If anything, she was more a victim of circumstances. It was also best to avoid offending her.

At the moment, I was walking home from where I helped out and worked at the local clinic, as poorly-staffed as it was. The weather was, as usual, rainy, although it had lightened a fair degree to a light drizzle. That morning I'd been running late and forgotten my rain cloak _and_ the umbrella I'd bought a few weeks ago, so I was grateful for the reprieve. Unfortunately, the decreased rain meant that nearly _everyone_ was outside, taking advantage of the rare occurrence to buy perishables and even furniture without fearing that their new things would be soaked.

The crowds jostled me, and I ended up falling into a puddle on the side of the street. "Eep!" I squeaked as the muddy water splashed up to cover my face and ended up in my nose, ears, and mouth. I sputtered and crawled as far away from the pedestrians as I could.

My miserable thoughts were interrupted when I heard a soft mewing. Looking to my left, I discovered two kittens huddled together under the poor shelter of a sewer grate. As one, they gazed up at me, shaking pitifully. My heart broke for the clearly starving strays and I reached out hesitantly. "It's okay, cuties, I'm not gonna hurt you," I crooned soothingly. After some more coaxing, they crawled from their spot and into my soaked lap.

I petted them, hoping to calm them down and earn their trust enough to be able to pick them up. "Do you two want to come home with me? I bet I could find a nice saucer of milk and maybe some soft food. You look barely old enough to eat solid food, poor babies." A few minutes later I felt confident enough to gather them into my arms and continue my walk home.

_Home. When did I start thinking of that building as 'home'? My world is my home, my dad's house is my home, not this strange place where I'm living with criminals who aren't about to care for me the way a family would. Maybe I'm just calling it home because it's the closest thing to that I have here. I don't… _want…_ to think of it as my home. Do I?_

I interrupted my own thoughts as I reached the door to m- the headquarters. It didn't have the kind of door handle I could open with my feet, not that I would've been able to reach it if it did. Sighing, I glanced around before slowly leaning back, balancing on my left leg and lifting my right as high as I could reach and stretching it out-

Suddenly, the door swung open and I had to stumble out of the way to avoid being caught with my skirt-clad self in an awkward position. Standing in the door were none other than Kisame and Itachi, one looking at me with a smirk and the other with a blank, albeit mildly concerned expression.

On reflex, I straightened my back while ducking my head down and bringing my gaze to the ground. "U-um, sorry."

I winced at a sudden pressure on my head, not relaxing when I realized that a hand (most likely Kisame's) was patting my head comfortingly. "Don't worry about it, gaki. What do you have there?"

I knew he was talking about the kittens I'd found, but I hesitated in speaking. While I wouldn't have minded telling Reia or Mischa, it was nerve-wracking in its own way to admit to liking cute, fuzzy animals to people who… Who what? _It's not like they're going to benefit from making fun of me. It's okay, I can do this._ "They're k-kittens. I f-found them o-on the street. Is it okay if they s-stay w-with us?" I asked hesitantly, wanting to make sure.

"You'd have to check with Kakuzu about that, since you're technically renting from us." At seeing what little of my face that was visible fall, he added, "Just get Tiamat or Shylah to help you; they seem to have a way with him. Itachi and I are going out for some supplies. We have to travel out of Ame, so we might be out for a few weeks."

I nodded and passed through the doorway when they held the door open for me. "Thank you," I muttered, "and b-be safe."

"Never thought I'd hear anyone tell me that in _this_ lifetime," Kisame remarked with a laugh as they closed the door after me.

Glancing around nervously, I began the short trek to the corridor reserved for the eight of us in search of Tiamat. Today was Saturday, and Tiamat's day off. If I was lucky, I would be able to catch her in her room (since she wasn't in the kitchen) before she left to take stock of our food and cleaning supplies. I didn't want to approach her in the library, since that was where Kakuzu was most likely to be, and it would be better if he didn't see the kittens before I had someone as reasonable as Tiamat to help me convince him that they should stay.

As luck would have it, I caught up with Tiamat just as she was closing the door to her room. "T-Tiamat!" I exclaimed, garnering her attention.

The second she caught sight of what I was holding in my arms, she paused and looked at me strangely. "Where did you get kittens?"

"They w-were on the street, s-starving and c-covered in mud. I-I couldn't j-just leave them," I replied, hanging my head and waiting for a lecture about picking up strays.

"They're _still_ starving and covered in mud, in case you hadn't noticed. You didn't magically clean and feed them just by picking them up and taking them here." A brief pause occurred as she came closer and scanned the kittens more thoroughly. "You _do_ realize you've brought them into a den of killers, right?"

Alarmed, I pulled them closer to me. "They wouldn't kill a _kitten_, would they?"

"Hidan might. And I honestly wouldn't put it past Zetsu to eat them."

"**Eat what**?" A voice asked from behind me, causing me to whirl around in surprise. Zetsu glanced from me to my kittens, and his black half frowned in distaste. "**Not nearly enough meat on them.** He's joking. **No I'm not.** We don't eat cats; they have too much fur. _**Hairless**_** cats, on the other hand…**" Black Zetsu leered hungrily at no one in particular while White Zetsu rolled an eye. "That's not why we're here, though. Have you seen Reia? **She's been avoiding us.**"

"Avoiding you?" I inquired, momentarily forgetting my horror at the thought of them shaving and killing my poor, defenseless kittens.

Tiamat, meanwhile, raised an eyebrow. "She just got a job. Do you really think that she'd start avoiding you _now_, for absolutely no reason?"

"**Yes.** Excuse him, he's irritable. **Only because I have to deal with you all day.** Which is why we're looking for Reia – she gives us a break from each other. **How much of a break is it if we're both still stuck to each other?** Fine, then she helps us resolve our arguments. **Does she? I hadn't noticed.**" That went on for a while, in which their argument grew increasingly more heated and Tiamat and I shared wary looks.

"She works at a greenhouse in Ame. I am unaware of its exact location, but if you wish to seek it out, I hold no objections," Tiamat interjected, having grown tired of their circular arguments. "Not that I could stop you if I did," she added. "Or you could just wait here for her to get back. I could have sworn that she didn't have work today…"

Zetsu nodded. "We'll just wait. **We were going to wait anyway.** We're grateful for your input. **Not.**" We walked away to the sound of White Zetsu scolding his darker half.

"What did you want to speak with me about, Emi?" Tiamat queried politely as we made our way through the halls.

"I w-was hoping you'd be willing to c-convince Kakuzu to let us keep these kittens."

"What makes you believe I am most suited to the task?"

"Y-you, I-I mean, um…" I squirmed nervously before remembering something. "Kisame suggested that I g-get you to ask him."

"Blaming Kisame, hm?"

"It's n-not like that!" I exclaimed, then flinched back at Tiamat's surprised stare. "S-sorry…"

"Don't be, I don't mind. It is nice to see you showing a backbone. You should do it more often, as long as you remember that Tisha and Caitlin are here to back you up with their fists should you need them." The corners of her lips pulled up into a hint of a smirk as she watched my face redden. "I will help you convince Kakuzu to let you keep the cats, but are you sure you need me?"

"Y-yes, please!"

* * *

Caitlin's P.o.V.

"C'mon, Deidara, hurry up! Gah, for a ninja, you're a real slow-poke," I teased, hoping he'd get irritated enough to chase me and _hurry up_.

Instead, he remained at his own steady but incredibly _slow_ pace, smirking infuriatingly at me. "Calm down Neko-chan, yeah. You're almost as impatient as Danna." Glancing around, he made a show of stretching, purposely slowing down as he did so just to push my buttons. "As unartistic as it sounds, we don't need to hurry because it won't be going anywhere."

"One would think, judging by your artistic views, that Sasori would be the patient one and _you'd_ be the one complaining at the slow pace _you're_ setting," Shylah pointed out. She and Sasori were already several feet ahead of me because I'd stopped to urge Deidara to hurry up.

"I bet you'd be taking it nice and slow if you were walking," Deidara pointed out, referencing the fact that Shylah had somehow convinced Sasori to let her ride on his back. "You always hated physical activity back at the base, un."

"Hurry it up, brat. At the pace you're setting, Kawa no Kuni will be nothing more than ancient ruins by the time we arrive." To emphasize his point, Sasori shot a few needles _right_ past me at Deidara without looking.

Deidara dodged, losing his smirk momentarily. "Watch where you're aiming those things. We'll take longer if we have to stop because you missed me and poisoned Neko-chan, un. Do you really want that?" Nonetheless, he hurried until he'd caught up with me, took my hand, and hurried us both over to where Sasori and Shylah were continuing along the road.

Shylah glanced down at our hands, smirking slightly, and I stuck my tongue out at her. Her smirk only widened when I stiffened, having guessed correctly that one of Deidara's extra mouths had licked me. Suppressing an uncomfortable shudder, I decided to just deal with it because every other aspect of holding his hand was nice, and even the tongue was more cool than gross.

"Thanks for taking us with you," I said, smiling at my surroundings despite the rain that had picked back up shortly after our departure.

"No problem," Deidara replied easily. "We figured that as bad as it was for _us_ to be stuck in Ame for so long, it must be worse for you, un."

"How _sweet_," Shylah mocked, the sincerely fond undertone lost on no one, as slight as it was.

"I'm the most badass artist you'll ever meet. What is it with you two and using words like 'sweet' do describe me, hm?" Deidara joked, half-exasperated.

"You call yourself an artist?" Sasori scoffed.

"Neko-chan agrees with me," Deidara pointed out. I, meanwhile, was waving my arms frantically in front of my face to keep Sasori from being offended by me. When Deidara turned to glance back at me, I whipped my hands behind my back and whistled a tune innocently.

"Neither of you has any sense. She doesn't count."

"None of us has any cents; we use ryo here," Shylah pointed out.

Deidara and I stared at her with a deadpan expression. "I regret ever calling someone insane in my lifetime. I never knew how much I was exaggerating before I met you."

"You've never actually met an insane person before?" Shylah queried. "Nevermind, we _live_ with a base _full_ of insane people. Of course you have."

"You still somehow manage to take the cake."

"Should I be insulted?" Shylah asked no one in particular, casually inspecting her nails with a bored expression on her face. "Scratch that, should _Deidara_ be insulted? Or maybe Hidan? He _is_ rather psychotic. Are you saying I make him look sane?" Without waiting for me to reply, she continued. "Mission accomplished."

"You _do_ know I was joking, right?" I questioned, just to be sure.

"Well, _duh."_

Sasori's scorpion tail flicked dangerously. "Be quiet, both of you. Your incessant speech is giving me a headache."

As I wasn't suicidal, I quickly shut my mouth and made sure to keep Deidara between myself and Sasori at all times. Surprisingly, Shylah also obliged him, settling comfortably on his back and removing her hood to allow the rain that she favored so much to splash on her head.

We walked for what seemed like hours – it probably _was_ hours – before Deidara seemed to botice how tired I was getting. Actually, I wasn't _getting_ tired, I _was_ _exhausted_.

"Hold up, Danna, let's rest for a while."

"Need I remind you that this was _your_ idea?"

Shylah interrupted before their heated discussion could turn into the kind of argument old married couples had – which happened often, I assure you. "I can walk while Caitlin catches a ride on your back." When she thought Sasori was going to argue, she continued, "It would be more expedient, and you wouldn't have to wait for her to be ready to move on every few hours."

After a moment of deliberation, Sasori agreed, and Shylah and I traded places. I decided to keep an eye on her, though; her asthma was worse in humidity, and I knew for a fact that she didn't appear with her inhaler. I wasn't sure whether any of the Akatsuki members knew, but my guess was that they didn't, since Shylah wouldn't have told them even if they _did_ care.

We continued walking until sundown, and I noted that Shylah's cheeks slowly reddened as she concentrated on moving forward. "Do you wanna switch places again, Shylah?"

She glanced at me and seemed ready to protest. Deidara beat her to it. "You probably should. Now that the sun's going down, it'll be harder to see, yeah."

As we switched places, Shylah frowned at him. "And how is that going to help anything? You're trading one person tripping and falling for another."

In response, Deidara turned his back to me and crouched. "I'm going to carry her, un."

While I hesitantly obliged, Shylah rolled her eyes. "I'm insulted that you'd rather carry Caitlin than me, to the point where you actually made us switch when it would've been more prudent to simply carry me and leave Sasori to carry Caitlin."

"Maybe it's _Sasori _who wanted to carry _you_, and I was just helping him out, yeah." Deidara replied, smirking over at the two.

"Quiet, brat. Shylah, don't loosen your grip – we'll be moving quickly, now." Sasori took off, moving surprisingly quickly for a man who resembled a large, humanoid blob with a metal tail. Deidara leapt after him, and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders in surprise, hanging on for dear life.

"Don't mind him," Deidara put in, continuing their conversation. "He's shy, hm." Dodging the tail that was shot at him, he laughed once before I screamed and squeezed my arms around him even more. "Ow, Neko! It's okay, I'm not going to let Danna hurt you, yeah."

"For some reason, I'm having a hard time believing that," I muttered, trying to hide myself in his back. I ended up relaxing eventually, and even managed to doze off to the steady rhythm of running through the countryside.

(^.^)

I awoke to the sound of Shylah's muttered voice. "Why did we even walk at a civilian pace in the first place? We could've been here by sundown if we'd just let you shunshin us all the way here."

"We were trying not to attract suspicion. There have been rumors that Ame is suspected of housing one of our hideouts, and we couldn't risk being seen entering Kawa no Kuni coming from Ame," an unfamiliar voice replied. There was the sound of rustling cloth and scraping wood, then silence.

"I was awake until three in the morning because I had to hang on to _your_ cloak." She paused long enough for me to hear Sasori scoff. "You guys have a hideout in Kawa?"

"Whether or not we do, it would be idiotic to risk detection simply because you were tired," Sasori replied. Apparently, the other guy had left and couldn't reply.

"You totally do," Shylah declared after a few seconds. I would've stayed awake to listen, but my bed was too comfortable, and so I drifted off to sleep.

(^.^)

The next time I woke up, I decided to wake up fully. Apparently, sometime during the night we had arrived in a town and rented a hotel room. The sound of a shower running came from a door to the left, letting me know that Shylah was probably trying to wash off the dirt while Sasori and Deidara were out.

After a few moments of internal debate, I decided to begin stripping down like the sexy beast I am and don a towel as I waited for Shylah to get out. Normally I would've been more hesitant around anyone other than Tish and Tracey, but Shylah had a tendency to view the human body objectively and without embarrassment. She most likely wouldn't make it awkward.

What _did_ make it awkward was finding out that the person showering was Deidara, not Shylah. We stared at each other for several seconds before I shrieked and added a blanket on top of my towel.

Deidara took a second longer to recover before smirking and waltzing over to his clothes. "What's with _that_ reaction? And after we shared a bed last night, un!"

I had been making my way to the bathroom with my clothes, but now stopped dead in my tracks. "What did you do while I was asleep?!"

"Calm down, Neko-chan. Shylah didn't want to share a bed with anyone, and since there were only two, I just slept next to you, un. No funny business happened, I promise," he assured me, holding up his right hand. The mouth on his hand opened, and his tongue lolled out comically.

"Okay, I'm just going to… uh… take a shower," I replied. "Just, um, un-see the last few minutes, got it?"

"Whatever you say, yeah," he replied as I shut the door behind me.

I leaned back against the newly-shut door and sighed with frustration. _Well, that was awkward._

* * *

Tiamat's P.o.V.

Cautiously approaching the back of the library, I mentally reviewed all the arguments I had come up with in order to convince Kakuzu to allow us to keep the kittens Emi had found. It wasn't necessarily as though I were _afraid_ of him, or even nervous about my request, but I did feel a certain amount of… stress? There was an oddly anxious feeling in my gut that I would have to analyze later.

Having finally reached the seating area furthest from the exit, I took my customary seat and waited for him to finish counting his money. It didn't take long once he noticed me watching him, and he set it aside before turning his head just enough to look at me. "What?"

My arguments fled my mind and I drew a temporary blank. Casting my thoughts around frantically (_Since when did I get flustered at the thought of a debate?_), I managed to blurt out, "I was wondering if we could have two cats." Refusing to show my embarrassment, I immediately thought of several other ways I could have phrased the request in a way that would have been more convincing.

"Fine," Kakuzu replied, returning to his work.

"I assure y-" My protest died on my lips. "What?"

He returned to looking at me. "As long as the money used to take care of them is yours, you take care of them _and_ their messes, and you have no more than two, I don't really care. You get rid of them if you break even one of those rules."

"How did you know there were two?" I asked after a considerable amount of silence.

"I saw Emi carrying them while she was looking for you, most likely to ask you to convince me to let you keep them. I will inform Leader-sama, and if he objects, you can take that up with him." Kakuzu turned back to his money once again, beginning to pack it away. After a few more seconds, he stood. "What now?"

"How did you know Emi would ask _me_ for help?"

Rather than dignify that with a response, he exited, leaving me sitting on the couch. Twenty seconds later, Emi walked into view. For a second I panicked when I realized that her kittens were no longer in her arms, but then calmed down as two familiar, now clean, balls of fur hopped up next to me on the couch.

"Kakuzu d-didn't say anything when he l-left. Did it… n-not go w-well?" Emi stuttered, taking the remaining seat on the couch and petting the kittens reassuringly.

"We can keep them as long as we take care of them on our own, don't let them breed, and clean up their messes. We will have to purchase some supplies for taking care of them, but I can do that on my own. Tisha has been out all day; I was going to retrieve her soon, anyway."

"Oh," Emi muttered, now grinning from ear to ear. "I named the boy – he's the white one – Tenshi, and the girl Akuma."

"What is it Shylah always says? Something about black animals being angels and white ones being devils?"

"I-I think that's just because she dislikes the stereotype."

"She's going to be irritated when she gets back, not that I would encourage you to indulge her and change their names. I personally think that she needs to gain a bit of maturity when it comes to these things." That wasn't to say that Shylah was _selfish_, necessarily (although she could be), just that she was… pushy.

"She won't mind."

"She'll probably call you racist."

Emi giggled. "Or sexist."

"She might actually be okay on that front. Not that she really cares about either of those things as long as it isn't serious discrimination."

"She can be k-kind of offensive, t-too, can't she?" Emi pointed out hesitantly, her grin softening as she watched the two kittens playfully bat at each other with their soft paws.

"More or less," I replied, picking Tenshi up by the scruff of his neck and placing him in my lap. Immediately, he sat up and lifted his chin regally as I began to pet him. After a few seconds of silence, I sighed. "Emi, do you like it here?"

She tensed, but remained silent, focusing on the kitten that had crawled up to snuggle in her lap. Knowing that she would answer eventually, I allowed her time to gather her thoughts. "I… don't know. We're living with criminals, but even though it's obvious that they are… the way they are… They're not _nice_ – n-not in the way that m-most people would expect. They're… I d-don't know how to explain it."

"You sound confused," I pointed out, moving Tenshi onto Emi's lap. Akuma swatted at him playfully, and he pounced on her, hissing irritably.

"I am. Are you going to pick up some supplies?"

"Yes. Keep an eye on them, and make sure to introduce them to the others. Maybe get Mischa to help you interact with the Akatsuki."

Without waiting for a reply, I headed to my room to gather an appropriate amount of money and my rain cloak. The money I tucked into the safest place possible without being overtly gauche – in my boots. Once everything was in place, I exited my room, then the hideout, and wandered rather aimlessly towards the market district.

I was not acquainted with the types of stores that would house pet care products. It would have been best to ask Emi or Mischa whether they knew of any before I had left, but as it was too late, I would have to make do on my own. Surely the location of a pet supply shop would not be _too_ difficult to discover, would it?

Apparently, it would. After an hour of searching fruitlessly, I happened upon one of the children I recognized as belonging to Tish's gang of orphans. _What's his name again? Hiroshi?_

As I approached him, he glanced up from the fruit stand that he had been eyeing and caught sight of me. He paused and glanced around, as though unsure of whether or not he should make a run for it. His hesitance cost him, and I reached him before he could make his decision. "Do you know where a pet supply store would be located?"

He started and suddenly gave me a sly look. "I might. D'ya have somethin' ta jog my mem'ry?"

Drawing myself up to my full height, I eyed him in a dignified manner. "Tish would be very disappointed in you."

"Nuh-uh, she _taught_ me how ta do it!" He argued, puffing his cheeks out in defiance.

"She must have forgotten to mention that her friends are off-limits."

"Tish-sama said Neko-sama and Ti-sama are off-limits, but she didn't say nothin' 'bout you," Hiroshi returned smugly.

"How short-sighted of her," I muttered before my gaze happened upon a small shop tucked in between two larger ones. "I seem to have found one on my own. For future reference, I would have paid you without the bribery."

Leaving the urchin behind (I was affronted, but not permanently offended), I stepped into the small, albeit well-kept shop. The aisles were arranged according to pet species, with some unusual sections most likely reserved for exotic animals that had either died out in our own world or were reserved solely for this one. The section that catered to felines, while not the largest, was the best-stocked and had the most variety.

Amongst the store's supplies were items to be used specifically for raising kittens. Since I was stocking up for two kittens, my arms were soon laden with items, and I was beginning to regret not finding Tish before I made the trip to the store.

Almost as if my thoughts had conjured her, Tish stalked irritably through the doors to the pet shop, guiding Hiroshi by the scruff of his neck. I turned from placing everything on the counter just as she pushed his head down in an awkward bow aimed in my general direction. "Beg for forgiveness, brat!" She ordered, her right eye beginning to twitch violently as he struggled in her grip.

A few moments of struggle later (in which the cashier, noticing how opposite the two were in appearance, looked at me in concern), Hiroshi finally relented and sank into a more thorough bow. "Sorry I tried ta make you bribe me for directions, Ti'mat-sama. I won't do it again." He seemed finished, but Tish shook him slightly as he continued. "I offer myself as a temp'rary vassal ta take your orders as paym'nt!" He barely squeaked out before collapsing to the ground as Tish finally released him.

"…I forgive your impudence," I couldn't help but play along. "Your vassalage will be complete once you have carried as many of these bags as you can back to my… house."

Having finished my piece of the speech, I turned to the cashier and gave her the exact amount of ryo she required before handing the majority of my shopping bags to Hiroshi. Tish's smirk at not having to carry anything formed into a scowl as I gave her the remainder and held the door open for them.

The walk home was uneventful, but when I held the door open, Hiroshi hesitated and glanced between Tish and me nervously. "You may enter. We'll protect you from the monsters," I assured him seriously.

He grinned and followed me in, before long becoming comfortable enough to chatter along with stilted words and improper grammar. Surprisingly, we didn't run into any Akatsuki members as we set up the kittens' room in the corridor that had been reserved for us; neither did we meet up with any of them as Tish and I made a quick dinner for Hiroshi to take back to his surrogate family of fellow children.

It was only later that we found out from Mischa and Tobi that the only remaining Akatsuki members in the hideout were Pein, Konan, and Tobi (although technically Tobi wasn't a member). Everyone else had been sent out on missions.

* * *

Mischa's P.o.V.

I sighed. "Tobi-san, I think the prank war has officially been disbanded. Not even Neko and Deidara have been playing pranks recently." Tobi sighed forlornly in acknowledgement, and I frowned. "I can't keep a freaking war going when nobody wants to fight! It's pointless! I should've had Sis come up with prizes for whoever wins.

"What kinds of prizes?"

"I dunno! Cool prizes!" I shrugged before sighing again. "I miss Sis. She'd come up with something for me to do. I mean, it'd only be because she'd be trying to distract us from annoying her, but still! I blame Sasori and Deidara for takin her away to who knows where."

"I think they were going to Kawa no Kuni." I frowned at him as I tried to remember exactly _where_ and _what_ the Land of Rivers was. "Oh, yeah, you don't know about Kawa, do you, Mischa-chan?"

"Shylah showed me a map of this wo- this land once, but I guess I didn't pay too much attention," I replied, rubbing the back of my head sheepishly.

"Okay, that settles it!" He exclaimed, clapping his hands and leaping to his feet.

"Settles what?" I asked as he took my hand and led me to the exit.

"Field trip!" He chirped.

I stopped in my tracks, but he kept going, dragging me with him. "Hold up, I can't go out like this!" When he turned to look at me, tilting his head quizzically, I elaborated. "I mean, I don't even have a cloak, or shoes, or money, or supplies. Where are we going? How long will we be away? Why am I even worrying?"

It was Tobi's turn to rub the back of his head sheepishly. "Sorry, Mischa-chan. You go get some supplies, I'll pack them up for you. Don't worry about money."

As I turned to leave, a sudden thought occurred to me. "Are we going to be stealing stuff?"

Tobi shrugged. "Does Mischa-chan have a problem with stealing?"

"Depends on who we steal from," I replied, hurrying off to find some travel clothes, a cloak, and my boots. When I got back, Tobi took the things I didn't need to wear and sealed them into a scroll. "Cool. I suddenly wish that I had chakra. That would be _so_ useful for _so_ many things."

We stepped out of the hideout through an exit I hadn't known about. Instead of leading us to the not-so-bustling streets of Ame, we were brought to somewhere outside of there. Not a few seconds later, Tobi had grabbed me and we disappeared.

(^.^)

I'm pretty sure I passed out. Actually, I'm _certain_ that I passed out.

When I finally came to, I was lying in some soft grass, and there was the sound of distant waves in the background. Groaning, I sat up and rubbed my head. "What the heck was that?"

"Yay, Mischa-chan's awake!" Tobi cheered from somewhere behind me.

"How did you know I'd survive… whatever that was?" _That was kind of rude to use the Kamui without warning me about it. Big meany…_

Tobi was suspiciously quiet, and I turned to see him poking his pointer fingers together nervously. "Eh-heh-heh…"

"… You could've _killed_ me!" I just barely avoided screeching.

"But Mischa-chan is okay! And Tobi got you some dango and tea for when you woke up!" He placated, pulling said items out of nowhere and sitting down next to me. When I took them carefully into my hands, shaky from how close I'd come to dying, he nudged my shoulder. "I'm sorry for not taking into account your lack of chakra," he mumbled, sounding slightly less Tobi-like despite continuing to maintain that persona.

I shrugged and nudged him back. "I guess I can forgive you. For future reference, if you _do_ screw up big enough to where you feel like you need to pay me back with presents, I like chocolate. That's not an excuse to do whatever you want just because you can make it up to me later. Kudos to you for getting me sweets on your first try, though."

Tobi nodded seriously, then tensed when I leaned on his shoulder. "Hey, Tobi-san?"

"Yeah?"

"Where are we?"

"Nami no Kuni."

"Huh." _So this is what it's like in Nami? Wait, what's the timeframe in this world? Has Naruto been here already? _I barely held in a gasp. _What if he's here right now? Oh, snap!_ "So what're we doing here?"

"After the bridge to the mainland was built, a bunch of shops and stuff were built. It's a nice vacation spot, I've heard. Does Mischa-chan want to explore?" Tobi asked, tilting his head as he looked down at me.

"Oh, yes!" I shouted, quickly stuffing my face with dango, gulping down the rest of my tea, choking on both, and hopping to my feet. Turning away so he wouldn't see my beet-red face, I pointed in no particular direction. "To adventure, my dear Tobi-san! We will boldly go where no chakra-less girl has gone before!"

* * *

**_Semi-Important__ Question: _**_Does anyone want to read about the rest of Caitlin, Sasori, Shylah, and Deidara's trip or Mischa and Tobi's trip? If no one says otherwise, I'll just skip over that._

_Yo! So, the girls are FINALLY getting to travel around. If you want to see the rest of everyone's journeys, let me know - otherwise I'll just keep going with this story._

_I mentioned my goals for when this story will end. I planned for it to only last a year as far as updates and such go (it's looking like it'll take a bit longer), and exactly one year in-story. With the conclusion of this chapter, we have finished one hundred sixty-eight days. Yep. I'm actually keeping track. I either have no life or am obsessive._

_I also may have made Tobi a bit OOC, but, eh, as I've probably said before, that's just how things go with these kinds of stories._

_No phone appearances. On the bright side, two cute little kittens! Yep._

_I wasn't sure exactly _how_ I was going to end this story. I had the who, the what, the when, and the where, but not the why. I now have the why. Let me tell you, it's both fitting and impossible. Shylah's going to hate it._

_See ya, uh, eventually!_


	22. Panic!

_Yep. This is a thing._

_I'm back, bebeh. (For now)_

* * *

Shylah's P.o.V.

I woke up with a runny nose and puffy, tear-filled eyes. Last night, after arriving home from my trip (_When had I started referring to this place as home?), _I was too tired to follow Sasori all the way to his room, so I ended up sleeping in my own bed. The door had been left propped open, apparently letting in… some kind of allergen that was threatening to induce an asthma attack.

Sitting up, I yawned wheezily and hastily used the inside of my blanket to dry my eyes. Upon looking up from said blanket, I glanced back at my pillow to find the space that had been surrounding my head occupied by two kittens. "How the… Why are there _cats_ in my room? Whose _bright idea_ was it to adopt frickin' _kittens?_" Scrambling out of bed, I hastily threw on some clothes and walked quickly into the hallway. A quick look behind my shoulder showed me that the little allergen-producers were tailing me, curious kitten eyes watching my feet walk.

After a few minutes I arrived at Sasori's door and pushed it open unceremoniously. "Help me out, puppet-boy."

He glanced at me, eyes narrowed. "Shut the door. Why should I help you when you've suddenly forgotten your manners?"

"Because someone brought in some – _these_ things," I complained, nudging one of the kittens that had followed me in with my foot. "I'd rather not end up suffocating myself because these things don't know to stay away."

"What makes you think anything I make will be able to help you?" He asked, taking out a vial of blood and some other solutions nonetheless.

"It's worth a shot, isn't it?" I replied as I sat on his bed and tried to relax my breathing. "I mean, the alternative is that I most likely die from an allergy-induced asthma attack." The kittens, meanwhile, had hopped up beside me and begun kneading my legs through my pants. Their little claws pressed on the material momentarily before popping through, and I knew that within a few minutes the skin underneath would break out into an uncomfortable rash. "Really?" I muttered, brushing them off of me. "You two are little demons come to torment me, huh?"

"I could possibly be persuaded to make a suppressant, but you seem to be in a relatively stable position and I see no need to waste unnecessary time working on such things when I need to repair one of my puppets." With that, he placed the materials aside and returned to his original task of repairing his most recently-damaged puppet.

"Gee, thanks, I just _love_ feeling like I'm constantly going to die in the next hour or so," I muttered irritably. "Can't you just make an exception because you love me?"

Rather than dignify my teasing question with a response, Sasori continued to stubbornly work on his puppet. I stared at him with as much force as my gaze could muster, intent on making him uncomfortable enough to cause him to get back to helping me out. After a few seconds that were silent aside from my nearly-failing attempts at breathing, he sighed and put his puppet parts away. "Fine."

"Fine, you'll help, or fine, you're admitting that you still have a heart that is unable to resist my womanly charms and stunning good looks?" Ignoring his scoff, I relaxed and snuggled up under his blankets. "I guess it was worth it to willingly enter your bed."

"Now I know you're just using me for my expertise."

I rolled over to face him and raised an eyebrow suggestively. "Yeah, '_expertise_'. We'll go with that." Rolling back over, I encountered two obstacles of the fluffy, kitten variety. "Move over, balls of fuzzy death. I'm trying to make my last moments in this world as comfortable as possible, since Sasori is seemingly uncaring about my pitiful plight. Such a jerk," I added for his benefit, scooting the white one while the black one moved obligingly towards my feet.

"I said I was going to help you, and I am. Stop whining, it's annoying."

"Yes, dear."

Rather than acknowledge my sarcasm, he continued working on some kind of medicine. "So…" I muttered, petting the little black kitten absentmindedly. "How long until you're done?"

"Perhaps if you would stop whining and sit there like a good girl I would be finished by now."

"Not even _you_ could work _that_ fast. And I'm insulted that you would _dare_ imply that I should be _good_. Actually, I'm downright _scandalized_. In what demented alternate reality does a criminal such as yourself desire the people around him to be simpering goody-two-shoes? Excuse me, but my mind is too valuable to give up to the delusion of things like 'the greater good' and 'humanity's inner goodness'." Through with my rant, I coughed wheezily and attempted to inhale. Finding that my nonstop talking had made it extremely difficult to breathe, I began to panic, making involuntary choking noises and gasping breaths that barely admitted any oxygen.

Turning towards me, Sasori withdrew a needle from a drawer before walking over and plunging it into my leg. A few tense seconds later, my breathing calmed down and slowly returned to normal. "You idiot. What kind of person is willing to literally talk _themselves_ to death?" When I made to retort, he made a swift silencing motion with his arm. "No. Don't speak. Give yourself time to recover."

I nodded, put off by how weird I must have been acting to willingly endanger my own life by _talking_. Of all the ways to die, talking myself to death? I wasn't about that life. Death. Whatever.

"Good," he muttered under his breath, returning to his seat at his desk and working on some of that allergy medicine for me to take before things got as out of control as they just were.

Still embarrassed, I maneuvered myself under the covers so that the only visible parts of me were my eyes and a tuft of hair poking out as I watched Sasori work. The white-haired kitten suddenly hopped in front of my face and stuck his nose inside the little opening, determined to make my eyes itch and water again. With a swift flick of my fingers, he was sent reeling backwards until he almost fell off the bed. His lesson learned, he retreated out of sight, and I could hear the faint sounds of the other kitten and him getting into a playful fight. I ignored them in favor of closing my eyes and hoping for blissful sleep to come my way.

Tracey's P.o.V.

"You're back!" I squealed, doing my own little happy dance as Kisame and Itachi walked through the door, unscathed as per usual. "You'll never believe it! Ice and Neko went on a trip because Sasori and Deidara decided to take them with. They didn't bring back any souvenirs, though, which was totally mean. Fire went on a trip, too, except she went with Tobi and they're still not back, yet."

Kisame smirked. "At least wait until we're halfway through the door before talking our ears off. Don't you want to know how _our_ trip went?"

Waving my hand nonchalantly in front of my face, I followed them to the living room. "You met some baddies and kicked their asses. What's there to tell?"

Falling back onto the couch, Kisame sighed dramatically. "I miss the days when she was hanging off our every word. Don't you, Itachi?" As Itachi took his seat next to Kisame, he stopped his mock-sorrow. "Where's Emi? She's usually following after you like a lost puppy, isn't she?"

I snuggled in between the two of them, grinning in satisfaction as they obligingly made room and scooted over to their respective ends. "Well, she was allowed to adopt these two kittens that she found on the street, so she's probably being their doting mother. It's adorable watching them follow her around like, well, lost kittens. She named the black one Akuma and the white one Tenshi, in case you were wondering."

Kisame nodded indulgingly before fixing his gaze towards one of the entrances to the living room expectantly. After a few seconds, he was rewarded with the sight of a visibly-worried Emi pacing into the living room, apparently searching for something. "Looking for something, Emi?" Kisame asked, startling her out of her concerned inner musings.

"Eep!" She squeaked, whirling to face us. Her face brightened, and she walked over to us. "When d-did you g-get back?"

"A minute at most. What have you been doing while we were gone?" Kisame asked politely, even though he already knew. I don't waste time filling people in on important details.

"Um, w-well, I adopted two kittens. I-I was allowed t-to," Emi rushed, her stuttering more prevalent as she stressed out about the possibility of being reprimanded by Kisame – who, no matter what she will or won't say in opposition, matters a lot to her. "K-Kakuzu let me keep them." Her frantic expression softened into a fond smile as she spoke about her darling babies – obviously not _human_ babies, but around the same sentiment was conveyed. "I n-named the white one Tenshi, and the black one Akuma."

"Where are they?" Kisame inquired, looking around curiously.

"I-I don't know!" Emi exclaimed, a bit too quiet to be considered much of an exclamation, but it was enough to be considered one for her. She even covered her mouth and winced at us apologetically. "I've been looking for them for the past few minutes. Usually this is the time when I feed them, so they always make sure to come to me at this time of day. I'm kind of worried."

"Ice, Neko, Deidara, and Sasori all got back late last night. Maybe they were investigating the new people and got locked in a room with them," I pointed out helpfully. That didn't seem to soothe Emi's worries, though – if anything, she somehow managed to look even more stressed.

As if on cue, Ice walked grumpily into the room, a kitten under each arm. "These little furry death-traps tried to kill me this morning." When I giggled involuntarily as she placed them unceremoniously in Emi's outstretched arms, she narrowed her eyes. "I'm not even joking. Whose _bright idea_ was it to allow felines in my presence? Was it you, Tracey?" She stared at me accusingly.

"I-It was me," Emi squeaked. When Ice focused her gaze on _her_, Emi shifted the kittens into a more protective position. "I named the w-white one Tenshi and the b-black one Akuma."

_Cue comment about racism_, I thought, suppressing another giggle to keep her attention off of me.

"The white one should be named Akuma instead. He's the devil incarnate," Ice announced. "Despite trying to kill me on multiple occasions, Akuma was a little angel." As if in protest, Tenshi sneezed before hopping out of Emi's arms and twining himself between Ice's ankles. "See? He's trying to trip me!" Ice exclaimed, nudging him back towards Emi with her foot. "Welcome back, guys," she called back over her shoulder as she made a hasty escape.

"Aw, she didn't mean it, Tenshi," I cooed, reaching my hand out to pet his soft, furry head. "She's just bitter because she's more of a dog person than a cat person. She'll warm up to you eventually, I promise." Tenshi glanced from me to Itachi before walking forward and jumping on my lap. With a little encouragement in the form of some professional petting by me, he settled down and began purring. After a few seconds, I winced when he began kneading his kitten claws into my leg.

To my left, Itachi shifted subtly, startling Tenshi into hopping off of me and onto the floor. I glanced up at Emi. "He's kind of skittish, isn't he, Em?"

Emi frowned concernedly at him. "Not usually…"

"I think the eight of you are magnets for strange things," Kisame put in. "Your kittens are no exception."

"What'cha mean?" I asked, studying Tenshi and Akuma suspiciously as Emi hugged her protectively again. "They look pretty normal."

"Their actions are a bit… off," Itachi pointed out.

"I _did_ f-find them on the streets," Emi defended. "We d-don't know what their living c-conditions were like b-before now. For all we know, they could have been a-abused."

"Then I'm sure you'll give them a good home," Kisame placated, standing up and petting Akuma. Have you ever seen an extremely tall, buff man awkwardly petting a little kitten in order to appease an irate and equally tiny teenage girl? It's really funny, trust me.

The moment was soon over, and Kisame sat back down while Emi perched hesitantly on an armrest of our couch. "So what d-did you do while you were away?"

"It's a long story," Kisame began.

"Weren't you just complaining that I didn't ask about your trip?" I interrupted.

"At least _Emi_ wants to know how our trip went," Kisame retorted, smirking down at me. "Back to what I was saying. We'd just gotten out of Ame when we were confronted by a small group of bandits. They took one look at us and ran away. We had to chase after them because Ame is already under scrutiny when it comes to the Akatsuki, and being spotted just outside of the border would be problematic. Once we took care of them-"

"You killed them?" I queried, more or less numb to the idea but wanting to make sure anyway.

"Of course we killed them… Sometimes I forget that where you come from isn't as dangerous as it usually is around here."

"Some parts are," I put in, feeling defensive for no particular reason. I mean, who wants to be able to brag that their homeland has a super-high death rate?

"Did you live in those places?" Itachi queried politely.

"Not the _really_ dangerous parts. Reia went to some of those places, though."

"She seems rather trusting for someone who has been put in life-threatening situations."

"I-I think she tries not to think a-about it," Emi supplied, shifting Akuma over in order to allow Tenshi room to hop onto her lap.

Kisame nodded. "That makes sense. Now, about our mission…"

Reia's P.o.V.

Breathing deeply, I inhaled the soothing scent of an anemone. I was looking for a specific kind of flower, one that had been requested by a young woman who was planning to give the arrangement to a suitor she was too shy to confront on her own. Sure, it was odd to think that the flowers were for a girl to give to a guy, but there were stranger things and it was meant to be a form of communication that she couldn't express with words - poetry in the form of flowers.

Wading through the aisles of blossoms, I plucked a few anemone from their stand, since the others I'd been smelling previously weren't quite in full bloom. A few steps further and I had reached the bluebells I was seeking, before plucking an Erica branch from the main bush. Finally, I decided to make the message as clear as possible by grabbing some sweet pea and yellow tulips. Flower message in arms, I carried them over to a shallow pot and arranged them in a quick, nearly effortless Moribana upright style.

My employer, who insisted I call her 'Hanakotoba-san' or just 'Hana-san', waltzed over and inspected my work. She had an absentminded air about her most of the time, and was clumsy everywhere except for in her shop or her personal garden. There was something about being around flowering plants (because anything without flowers lacked the same effects) that changed Hana-san from oblivious and forgetful to alert and far more energetic.

"Good work, Reia-chan. Your Ikebana techniques have improved greatly over your employment here. Are you quite sure you want to add that _churippu_? Your message is fairly clear without it."

"Yes, Hana-san. I think it would emphasize that she doesn't reciprocate his love, and would rather he left her alone," I supplied.

She nodded as though I had given the appropriate answer to a vital quiz and began walking away. At the door, she paused like she'd just remembered something. "Oh, one of your friends is here."

"Is he?"

"He? Oh, no, not him. Would you like to keep that _churippu_ to give to him, dear? Maybe add a nice _sumire _or _shiragiku_ and a _butakusa_ or _jasumin_ to get your own point across?" She didn't wait for my answer before continuing. "No, dear, I meant a friend of the female persuasion. She had dark blonde hair, glasses, high cheekbones, a small mouth… I can tell her to go away, if you like. Otherwise, I don't mind if you take a quick break to chat with her. Let's see, I think her name was _Shaira,_ or something along those lines."

I nodded. "Thank you, Hana-san. I'll go see her if that's alright with you." Taking my leave, I went out to greet Shylah. "What's wrong? You never seemed inclined to visit anyone's workplace before now. Did something happen? Are you looking for Mischa?"

Shylah opened her mouth to reply before closing it for a brief second. "Where's my sister?"

"I think she and Tobi went on a trip of their own the same day you four left. It must've been a spur of the moment thing, because she didn't leave a note or tell us. We didn't actually find out until a week later, when Zetsu apparently tracked Tobi down and learned why he was gone. He didn't say when they'd be back, though – their goal is to visit all of the known countries on a 'field trip' to educate Mischa about all the different countries."

Shylah was silent for a moment, her normally blank face contorting into a mixture of worry and rage. "If she survives I'm going to _kill_ her!" Shylah practically shrieked in a rare display of emotion. "What was she _thinking_? I mean, she _knows_!" Here she began to pace back and forth in the street, paying no heed to the passersby who were forced to move out of her path. "She _knows_ how dangerous that is! Cavorting around with a member of the Akatsuki, much less _Tobito_."

Ignoring the odd way in which she referred to Tobi, I decided to go for pointing out the obvious. "Tobi isn't actually a member of the Akatsuki, and wouldn't that make you a hypocrite since you did the exact same thing?"

Shylah seemed to sober up, and looked around skeptically before grabbing my hand and leading me into a nearby makeshift café. It was really a tea house, but they served almost the same purpose. "Right. I forgot myself for a moment, there. Nearly… It's _different_, though. Mischa's not…" She trailed off as a waitress came over and silently gave us a small menu, then resumed as soon as she was out of earshot. "Mischa's not as level-headed as I am. Not to mention that I didn't travel the _world_ with Sasori. She's also less responsible-"

I snorted, interrupting her tirade. "I'm pretty sure you're the least responsible person I've ever met. What makes you say _she's_ less responsible than _you_?"

Her cheeks tinged pink, made even more obvious by her extreme paleness. That was also out of character, because she rarely got embarrassed or flustered. "It's not that she's _not_ responsible, it's just… y'know… She's easy to provoke, and doesn't think her actions through."

"That much is obvious. Tobi should keep her out of trouble, right?" We both lapsed into silence, most likely picturing equally concerning images of Mischa and Tobi egging each other on into greater and more elaborate versions of pranks and practical jokes. "Never mind. Still, that's not _nearly_ as bad as what you're implying. He won't let her _die_, Shylah. They're friends, as odd as that sounds."

"You say that now…" Shylah muttered, a dark look passing over her face.

By the time the waitress came back to take our orders, Shylah had regained her blank mask and was able to give her order with a toneless voice. While she ordered _kukicha_, I ordered a simple _sencha_ tea. We agreed on a combination of dried seaweed with rice crackers for a snack, although Shylah wasn't sure how to feel about eating seaweed. While we waited, I assured her that it wouldn't taste bad.

Once our orders arrived, we settled back to the topic we'd been speaking of previously. "I'm just worried about her, I guess."

"The almighty, unfeeling Shylah is worried for her little sister. How sweet," I quipped teasingly.

"Watch it," she muttered before nibbling on a bit of seaweed. "Not bad… Speaking of emotional attachments, according to Tiamat, Zetsu seems convinced that you're avoiding him. Any opinion one way or the other?"

Avoiding her gaze, I sipped my tea while I gathered my thoughts. "I'm just taking your advice," I defended lamely.

"I didn't say to _avoid_ the man… men… whatever. I just said to keep your distance." When I opened my mouth to retort, she held up her hand. "Drink your tea, Reia. You know I meant emotionally, not physically. It's just a _little_ suspicious when you randomly distance yourself from the dude you've been hanging out with since you first arrived here. Need I remind you that ninja in general, not even taking into consideration criminal ninja, tend to be excessively paranoid?"

"I know, I just thought that some distance would be good to let me gather my thoughts and be ready to face him… eventually. I _do_ miss the greenhouse."

"I'm sure he'd feel flattered knowing that the only reason you hang around him is to use his greenhouse," Shylah commented dryly. "Not like you made him believe you _actually_ care about him or anything."

"It's not like that!" I exclaimed, heat flooding my face. "I just… It's something we both did, together. It's our thing. In a way, it almost symbolizes our… friendship."

Shylah gave me a penetrating look that seemed to last for centuries. "Maybe you _do_ need a break. You're talking about your greenhouse biome – which he would've made whether you were here or not – as if it was your baby. In case you hadn't noticed, you were neither pregnant nor giving birth to a child. You shouldn't be making comparisons like that, even in reference, considering that we'll be leaving eventually.

"Yeesh, you make it sound like people just wake up and suddenly want to marry somebody."

"It doesn't work that way?"

"…For a genius, you can be rather naïve."

"Says Miss Goody-Two-Shoes."

"Am not!"

"Are, too!"

"I'm not having this argument with you right now," I muttered, placing some money on the table and getting up to leave.

"Maturity is overrated!" Shylah called after me.

Tisha's P.o.V.

Kakuzu and Hidan _still_ weren't back, yet, which was just fine by me. I didn't need either of them. I was a strong, independent female with a sexy body that would make Aphrodite jealous. Not to mention the fact that I could just bother Cat and Deidara until more appealing prey – er, _friends_ – happened along. As things were, I was joyfully playing the third wheel to the duo's little hangout session, supervising them in the name of spending more time with a childhood friend.

At the moment, Deidara and I were discovering a common interest in pyrotechnics – specifically, one particular side that Cat had a harder time sharing our… enthusiasm… for.

"What's it like to just explode someone?" I asked after Deidara demonstrated his 'art' for my benefit. I didn't see anything particularly artistic about it, but then again I didn't see any merit in painting random lines and squiggles on a piece of canvas, either. To each their own, or whatever phrase it was that people used to seem open-minded when they really just thought it was stupid but didn't feel up to arguing about opinions.

"Why do you want to know, hm?" He asked, raising his one visible eyebrow at me. Sure, it was a weird question, but you'd think he'd be happy I was taking an interest in his 'art'.

"Uh, because I _can_?" I retorted, rolling my eyes at Cat to emphasize how stupid his question was. She returned my eye roll with one of her own, more at my antics than at anything he did.

Deidara frowned momentarily before smirking in that cocky way that totally pissed me off. "It's inspiring, yeah. When you hear their screams as they realize their own mortality, it feels like at that moment they _truly_ understand the meaning of art. Of course, they don't appreciate it as much as I do, but at least they get to know the finite qualities of the universe as they go out in one glorious, artistic _bang_, un."

I was silent for a few moments, processing through his mini speech. "You sound like a raving lunatic. Have you been talking to Hidan, by any chance?"

Scoffing, Deidara turned away from me and focused on the clay his hands were shaping. "Don't mistake a zealot's psychotic rants for an artist's monologue, hm."

I met Cat's eyes and raised an eyebrow. She shrugged, mouthing that it was a sensitive topic. I smirked before addressing Deidara again. "Is this all you do? Sit here, make bombs, explode them, make more bombs, explode _them?_"

"No, I don't. I also work on jutsu, but to actually test them out I need to be out of Ame so that I don't piss off Leader-sama, hm. That reminds me, I think Sasori-danna and I have a mission to do now that we're back from getting supplies. See ya, Cat, un." With that farewell – in which he clearly left me out because I was irritating him – Deidara let loose his clay creation, blowing it up once it reached the ceiling before leaving with one of those ninja fast-step things or whatever they're called.

Cat looked over at me, her eyes clearly blaming me for Deidara's hasty departure. "Really?"

"What?"

Shylah's P.o.V. (Again) (Flashback to the Trip)

Contrary to what my sleeping habits prior to living in the Akatsuki hideout, where every moment in peace and silence was a gift I treasured while in my dreams, would tell you, I like my sleep. In fact, I can't function normally without at least my full eight hours. I get irritable, and snappy, and all my negative traits are emphasized all the more by the misanthropic feelings that seep from my very pores when I don't get enough sleep.

I'm ranting because, one hour after we arrived at the little inn on the outskirts of a relatively large village in Kawa, I have awoken. Actually, I have _been_ awakened by an irritating puppet handler who had apparently needed to get out of his protective shell in order to wake me up without being loud enough to disturb the blond and redhead on the other bed.

"What?" I grumbled, sleep limiting the volume of my voice when lack of sleep would have increased it.

"We're here to replenish our supply of weapons. Let's not waste any more time here," Sasori muttered, barely loud enough for even _my_ hearing to pick up. Sure, I didn't have the advantage of chakra, but my hearing was remarkably high.

"Can't you wake up Deidara and take him?" I half-whined, closing my eyes and letting sleep overtake me.

A whack on my head woke me up quickly, and I sat up with a start while Sasori tossed me a cold, wet cloth. "Use that to wake up if you need to. Deidara can sleep because, as ninja, our rest is more important than yours. He will protect Neko if any enemy ninja saw us when we entered Kawa."

"Why did you wake _me_ up? You're a big boy, you can take care of yourself," my wit replied for me as I gingerly pressed the cold cloth to my eyelids and the back of my neck.

"You will be carrying bags."

"My precious sleep is being missed because _you're_ too lazy to carry your own stinking bags. Great." Tossing the cloth in a random direction, I pouted at Sasori. "Why did we even walk at a civilian pace in the first place? We could've been here by sundown if you'd just shunshin-ed us all the way here."

Sasori gave me a deadpan stare before turning back to Hiruko. "We were trying not to attract suspicion. There have been rumors that Ame is suspected of housing one of our hideouts, and we couldn't risk being seen entering Kawa no Kuni coming from Ame." He entered Hiruko's protective shell, closing himself off from the outside world like an emo teenager entering his room.

"I was awake until three in the morning because I had to hang on to _your_ cloak." I paused as a curious thought hit me while Sasori scoffed at my weakness. "You guys have a hideout in Kawa?"

"Whether or not we do, it would be idiotic to risk detection simply because you were tired," Sasori replied, moving towards the door.

_As far as I'm concerned, that's an admission._ "You totally do," I chimed as I followed him out of the room, only thinking after the door was shut that Cat wouldn't appreciate waking up next to Deidara. "D'you think we should-a moved Cat to the other bed?"

"As I recall, you wanted your own bed and refused to share with her."

"Well, now that I know I won't actually be _using_ it…" I trailed off, still reluctant to give up my claim even if it made sense to do so. "We better get back when they wake up so I can see her reaction."

"We'll see."

"Dude." He didn't react. "Fine. Be that way. When do I get to eat?"

"Tell me when you're hungry."

"Deal."

While I waited for my stomach to growl in hunger, I occupied myself with studying my surroundings. When we'd arrived in Takumi, I'd been more preoccupied with my lack of sleep than the appearance of the village. From what I remembered in the anime, Takumi was originally the hub of the ninja weapons' trade, with its craftsmen far surpassing those of the other nations. Of course, that didn't last forever, and they weren't as great as they once were. As far as the actual filler plot revolving around the village, though… I couldn't exactly ask Sasori about it without garnering suspicion, and it didn't really matter all that much in the grand scheme of things.

Actually… That guy looked like one of the people who went after Gaara. Had it not happened, yet?

_That would definitely make this pre-Shippuden, maybe even pre-original series. We can't be _that_ far in the past, though, since Hidan and Deidara are part of the Akatsuki. No matter when we are, as long as we get home before the start of Shippuden we should be relatively safe. Er, as safe as we can be when living with an S-ranked criminal organization like the Akatsuki, which would be not very._

After walking for an excessively long time (having to keep pace with Sasori when he's inside Hiruko would be effective as a punishment), we stopped in front of a nondescript shop that was too plain to be anything _other_ than either a secret lair or a weapons shop for ninja. Considering that _we'd_ stopped in front of it, I was willing to bet the latter.

"Wait out here," Sasori ordered as he managed to open the door without a huge struggle to reach up that far.

"Hold up. Why do I have to wait out here? Shouldn't I stick close to you, where it's… well, not safe, but well-protected?" I complained, eyeing the surrounding area suspiciously.

"You're clearly not a ninja. Your presence would just attract unnecessary attention to us when we want none," he replied before entering the building without a single glance back to make sure I was safe.

"Jerk," I muttered, wandering slightly to look in the windows of another store. I didn't trust the windows of a shop for ninja to actually show what was on the inside. Of course, having just complained that it was unsafe for me to be wandering around Takumi alone, it had yet to occur to me that maintaining a close proximity with the shop Sasori had entered was safer than going window shopping. To be honest, I'd only brought up my safety because I wanted to go into a weapons shop and inspect all the shiny, metallic objects of death.

"It's a good thing we didn't send our genin team to Konoha for the chunin exams," a nearby man said to his friend. I perked up slightly, and, trying to be as unnoticeable as possible, sidled over to a better location for eavesdropping.

"No kidding! But it's not like they would've taken our team seriously, anyway. No one has any respect for Takumi anymore."

"Fair point. I hear their last Uchiha left them. Don't know where he went, though."

The second man scoffed. "Konoha must not be what it once was if they can't keep one entitled brat from leaving the village."

"Just think, there's a valuable bloodline running loose with no one to protect it. Think we could catch 'im? Might help us get some prestige back, or at least some of our manpower."

"Yeah, and then we'd have Konoha ready to take us all out when word gets out that some of our ninja have the Sharingan. Not worth it. We should just stick to weapons and let the other nations battle it out."

"Damn shame, though," the first man lamented as they moved from where they'd been talking and went on their way after buying something from an outdoor stall.

_Pre-Shippuden, then? In that case, we have around two years before we reach the Naruto danger zone. I don't want to be here for that long_! I raged just as my stomach began to growl. Hoping to spot Sasori magically heading towards me as though he could sense my hunger from the weapons shop, I glanced around, right hand lightly resting on my stomach as though to protect it from its own hunger pains.

My search didn't yield any hunched over criminal ninja, but instead served to show that I had no idea where I was or how to get to the weapons shop. 'Lost' was a new concept for me. Sure, I could be absentminded, but my sense of direction was usually impeccable – or, at least, not so bad that I'd ever gotten lost.

Just like that, the old anxiety came back. The people seamlessly passing around me seemed to push in on all sides, intent on overwhelming and suffocating me. My vision focused on a pinpoint directly ahead of me, and I stumbled towards it, hoping for the pressure to end without falling over and being trampled like a wounded horse in a stampede. For once in a very, very long time, my breath's shortness was caused by something other than asthma.

Like a drunkard I burst from the crowds of people, breathing harshly as I leaned against the wall to a building at the mouth of an alleyway. I wondered bleakly if this was what some varieties of genjutsu felt like before doubling over as a wave of nausea swept through me.

This… wasn't normal. Even before, my reaction wasn't ever this extreme. I had been slowly overcoming it during my time here, learning ways to cope without the pills. I risked a glance at the crowd of people, almost guiltily checking to see if anyone had seen.

I shouldn't have.

People passed me by, and my vision swam until all I could see were the glance that everyone gave me when they thought I wasn't looking.

"_There she goes again." "No wonder her mom ignores her." "Why does _she_ get praised? She's nothing special." "I bet they feel bad for her." "Another disappointment." "Another failure." "Failure." "Trash." "Worthless."_

"_Die."_

I unconsciously stumbled back, losing my footing and falling harshly on the ground. _It's true. What did I mess up this time? I got lost. I came here first, and everyone else got dragged in with me. I must've caused this. It's my fault. We're all going to die because of me._

Someone walked out of the crowd, staring me down. I couldn't take it. I couldn't take the judgment, the hatred, the _disappointment_ I saw in those eyes.

I blacked out.

* * *

_This got a little darker than I imagined this story being. Sure, I wanted to make this story reasonably realistic, but I originally hadn't planned to give Shylah this particular mental issue. I _had_ planned on giving each of my characters a phobia that would play into the story, but after Caitlin's phobia turned out not to pertain to the world of Naruto, I felt that I had to make up for it by implementing Shylah's phobia to be rather... extreme._

**_Challenge: _**_Who can name what Shylah's phobia is? My official hint is that she doesn't take criticism well._

_For anyone wondering, I will be finishing this story. It may take me years, but it will be finished if I have anything to say about it. If you have any questions about anything in the chapter, let me know._


End file.
